"Really?" I asked, trying to gain some composure.
"Yeah, especially my mom. You two are so much alike." Will folded me into his arms. "I used to love the way she'd close her eyes when she played piano blocking out the rest of the world just like you do when you dance. You feel the music in a unique way just like she did. I miss her so much." Will held me as I rested my head on his chest and let his voice lull me to a state of peace and calm. "Even if you weren't incredibly talented and incredibly beautiful, they'd still love you. Once they saw how happy you make me, they would immediately welcome you into the family."
Even though I started to feel better about what happened with his sister, I still couldn't get it out of my mind.
"What's it like to be white?" I asked, interrupting him as he was telling me more about his parents.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, are you constantly reminded that you're white or does it not even cross your mind?"
"I don't know. I never really thought about it."
"You see, I don't have that option. No matter what I do, I can't help but remember that I'm black."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"I don't know. It's just sometimes I feel like I don't know who or what I am. Even when I'm in…," I almost slipped and told him that I lived in Venton Heights, but thankfully, I caught myself and said, "…well…when I was in public school I was an outcast because I didn't like rap music or because I didn't know the latest slang. They made me feel like I wasn't black enough or something. And at Bridgeton, I can't help but stick out because I'm one of only a handful of black students there. Even as a ballerina, I don't think I'll ever be really accepted. Do you know someone actually wrote a letter to the newspaper complaining that I played Clara in The Nutcracker? It's like I'll never be white, but I'll also never be black enough to be black. I don't belong anywhere."
"I already told you. You belong with me." Will kissed the side of my head and squeezed me tightly.
We spent the rest of the evening in that rest area talking. Julia was still at home so we couldn't go there, the studio was having the floors refinished, and I still wasn't ready to take him to Venton Heights. So, we had nowhere else to go.
Chapter 17:
The Proposal
Friday morning, as soon as Will and I entered the main building of Bridgeton, there was a pronounced tension in the air. Students whispered and pointed down the hall. Even the teachers stood outside of their rooms trying to see what was happening. Will left my side for a second to ask one of his friends what was going on. Just then, I saw Colbert being escorted out of the building by two police officers. She was handcuffed! When she saw me she said, "Tell Sasha to watch her back."
What did that mean? Had Colbert been set up by the Bitch Brigade? Was Sasha next? A sense of dread ate away at my insides all day. I found Sasha and told her my fears, but she simply said, "Don't worry about it." Then she slammed her locker shut and stormed away. Something was bothering her.
Will knew I was upset and tried to make me feel better, by stuffing my locker full of white flowers and giving me a handmade card inviting me to dinner at his house that night. It didn't make me feel better, though. In fact, I felt even more nervous for some reason. Will was up to something. And it was big.
Will pulled out all the stops for dinner at his house that night. He decorated his living room and dining room with candles and played opera music in the background. He prepared bread with olive oil, lasagna, and even cannoli for dessert. It was incredibly romantic. A little too romantic, actually. I was afraid I'd missed some sort of special date for us. Were we celebrating something that I forgot?
"I have a confession to make," Will said while we were eating dessert. My heart raced. Did he cheat on me and make this fancy dinner to apologize? Maybe he was about to confess that he originally did want to use me for his Cherry Picker game? I shook the thought from my mind. I was totally overreacting. "I didn't actually make all this food," he said finally. "It came from the restaurant up the street," he added with a grin. I let out a sigh of relief.
"But there is a definite theme to the evening. Have you picked up on it yet?" he asked, smiling brightly like a child on Christmas.
I looked around and shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Well, the opera music, the food, the center piece in the shape of the leaning tower of Pisa."
"Italy?" I offered still not understanding what that had to do with anything.
"Yeah, Italy! I'm going to Italy next year. I just accepted a contract with a team in Rome. We can be together next year." Will rattled on excitedly about how we could get an apartment together in the city and have dinner together every night and make weekend trips to different European cities. He said he had never been to Europe and he looked forward to me showing him the parts I knew. I just sat there with a fake grin plastered on my face. I couldn't believe he had done this. I felt the walls of my life closing in on me. My world got smaller and smaller. I liked Will, I liked him a lot. But I didn't know if I could live with him.
"Will, I haven't been accepted to DiRisio, yet. I haven't even auditioned."
"It's just a matter of time, Babe. You'll make it. I know you will. They'll be crazy not to accept you."
"So you want us to live together in Rome?" I asked still a little stunned. I mean I hadn't even begun to think about what we would do next year. I didn't want to break up with him, but I hadn't even considered living together. I just thought we'd have a long distance relationship or something.
"I want us to do more than just live together," he said, standing and walking over to my side of the table. Then he pulled out a little black box, got down on one knee and said, "Marry me, Sonya."
"Marry you?" He nodded. My heartbeat accelerated, but it wasn't from excitement. I was scared to death. "Will, I'm only sixteen."
"You'll be seventeen in May."
"That's not the point."
"I know. I know. The point is, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm not saying we have to do it today or tomorrow, maybe not even next year. I just want you to wear this ring and know that you're mine."
"Know that I'm yours? Like you own me?"
"You know that's not what I meant." He took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto my limp finger. "It was my mother's engagement ring. It looks beautiful on you."
I couldn't breathe. I seriously thought I was going to hyperventilate. This was too much pressure. I couldn't do this. I couldn't promise myself to him and wear his dead mother's ring. I was only sixteen. We'd only known each other for a few weeks and before that he was a sex addict.
"I can't do this, Will."
"What?" He stared at me with eyes that suddenly looked sad again. He looked truly hurt by my reaction, but I had to tell him how I really felt. "But, last week in the gym, you said you wanted me to be your one and only. I thought that meant -"
"I know what I said, Will. I know. I just…I can't..." I placed my head in my hands and tried to collect my thoughts. "Will, you're a great person and I love talking to you and being with you, but…I feel like…I can't breathe…I feel like you've made me your everything. I can't…it's too much…you're suffocating me. I need some space."
Will sighed, swallowed hard and said, "Okay." He slipped the ring off my finger and placed it back in the little black box. Then he stood up and walked to his side of the table, the whole time not making eye contact with me.
"Okay? That's it?"
"You don't want to marry me. What else do you want me to say?"
"Tell me you understand why. Tell me you're not mad at me."
"I understand and I'm not mad at you." His voice was short and clipped as if holding back what he really felt or wanted to say. He was shutting down emotionally. I felt like I was killing him.
He sat back in his seat and stared at his perfectly sectioned food.
"Will, talk to me."
He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Not now
."
"Will, I'm not saying I want to break up with you I just can't agree to marry you. Not so soon."
He nodded. "I said, I understand."
I'm not sure if he did.
Moments later I sat at a bus stop crying my eyes out and rubbing the spot where Will's mother's ring once sat. I felt like the scum of the earth. No, I felt worse than scum. I felt like what scum poops out. How could I not want to marry him? Was I crazy? Wouldn't every girl in the world jump at the chance to have a guy like Will forever? But then again, maybe I wasn't the crazy one. Who in the world proposes to their sixteen year old girlfriend after only dating her for like two months? It seemed like Will was using me as the cure-all for his personal problems. I couldn't take that kind of pressure.
I was supposed to go to the studio for a class, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I would've spent the entire time thinking about Will. Ms. Alexander would've just yelled at me for not being focused. Sasha was out with Des, my mother was working. Sitting at home alone was out of the question. I didn't know where to go or what to do.
That's when I noticed a blue Audi with tinted windows pass by me for the second, maybe third time. Then it pulled right in front of the bus stop and the dark window slowly slid down. I turned away. "Are you alright?" a deep voice said.
"Fine. I'm just fine." I sniffled. The last thing I needed was for some loser to try to pick me up on the side of the street. Obviously, the man in the car didn't pick up on my dismissive tone because the car engine stopped and I heard the door open. I grabbed hold of my belongings tightly. What if he was going to mug me? Just as I was about to hop off the bench and make a run for it, I got a glimpse of David's perfect green eyes. "You're obviously not fine." He handed me a handkerchief and sat next to me. "Want to talk about it?" I shook my head, wiping my tears. "Well, I hate to see a beautiful woman cry. How about you let me try to cheer you up?" I shrugged. It was better than being alone.
David's house was almost an exact replica of Will's, big, white and fancy. It was about three blocks away in the same ritzy neighborhood where every yard was perfectly manicured and even the mailboxes looked expensive.
"I'm so happy I'm going to get to spend some time with you," David said, taking my coat and bag and placing them in the closet by the front door. "I've had my eye on you for a while." He winked at me and flashed that dashing smile that I'd coveted for over a year.
"Really?" My eyes expanded in excitement. I knew I shouldn't have been so affected by his attention but this was David Winthrop! I'd been completely in love with him for almost my entire time at Bridgeton. Old habits are very hard to break.
"Yeah. I've always thought you were cute. When Maddox swept you up I thought I'd lost my chance. But I get the feeling there's trouble in paradise."
David reached out and caressed my cheek. I had to turn away. There was no way I could look into David's eyes while thinking about Will. I'd probably hurt Will so much tonight. Just being in David's house felt like cheating. But maybe this is what Will and I needed. I couldn't promise myself to my first boyfriend. I kinda needed to see what else was out there.
David must have picked up on my anxiety. "Hey, wait a minute. I said I was going to cheer you up. Wait here," he said, jogging into another room.
Suddenly I heard music. It was the intro to "The Way You Look Tonight." Then David came up behind me, grabbed my hand, swung me around and landed me in a dip.
"Someday, when I'm awfully low," he serenaded while turning me around and around the foyer under the circular staircase. An elegant chandelier hung above our heads and for a moment, I felt giddy. I closed my eyes and was swept away by the music and David's strong dancing lead. "When the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you. And the way you look tonight." David's attempt to make me feel better did that and more. Combining dance and David's sumptuous singing voice was nothing short of magic. But then an image of Will popped into my head. Weird, creepy, intense, yet sweet and fragile Will. Will may have had his faults but he didn't deserve this kind of treatment. He didn't deserve me cheating on him.
Just when I was about to push away from David, I felt his lips on my face. I can't really say they were on my lips because they were actually on my face. They were wet and messy and everywhere. I had to hold in a laugh at how bad a kisser he was. I couldn't believe I used to dream about this moment. Will was such a better kisser. I missed Will.
"What? What's the problem?" David asked when I pulled away.
"I just had a rough night. I'm not really in the mood."
"Really?" He sounded shocked. I was kinda shocked myself. I mean, I'd had a crush on David Winthrop for over a year and now I had him and I felt nothing.
David's face changed. I thought a saw a hint of anger in his eyes. He was obviously not used to rejection. Just when he was about to say something, the doorbell rang.
While he went to answer the door, I decided it was time to leave. But that wasn't going to be easy.
"Hey, David. Is she still here?" I heard someone say. I instantly recognized the sickly sweet voice of Ashley Carter.
Oh, it was definitely time to go. I opened the front closet and grabbed my coat and bag, just as Ashley, followed by Lauren and another girl stepped through the front door.
"Are you leaving already, Sonya?" Lauren asked.
I just rolled my eyes and tried to get past them to the door, but they wouldn't let me through.
"Look, Sonya, before you go I just want to…apologize to you," Ashley said.
"Apologize?" I was slightly confused. Ashley didn't really seem like the apologizing type.
"Yeah, I'm really sorry about showing you the Cherry Picker thing. That was really bitchy of me."
"Uh-huh," I said still skeptical that this was genuine.
"I guess I was just jealous. But I'm happy for you now. I mean, Will must really love you. He told Poe that he wanted to marry you."
"Poe? Who's Poe?"
"He's my boyfriend," Lauren volunteered. "His real name's Edgar Allen. He's captain of the basketball team."
“Oh, I get it. Edgar Allen Poe. Right. Got it.” How in the world could I date a basketball player for two months and not know the captain of the team? I was so oblivious sometimes.
"So, are you going to marry him?" Ashley asked.
My heartbeat accelerated again. Not only had Will proposed to me after only a few weeks of dating, he had also told his friends. What was he thinking? He was serious about this. Really serious. What if my rejection sent him over the edge? What if he attempted suicide again because of me? This was too much. I couldn't breathe again.
"Are you okay?' David asked.
"I...I think...I'm hyperventilating."
Lauren and Ashley led me to the living room and sat me down on the couch.
"Brittany, get her something to drink," Lauren said, sitting down next to me.
Seconds later, a girl with strawberry blonde hair handed me a glass of lemonade. I recognized her from the school play a few months back where she played opposite David. I wished I could have complimented her on it, but she was actually pretty bad. I remember thinking it was a horrible casting decision.
"Was it something we said? We didn't mean to upset you," Lauren said, rubbing my back.
"It's not...your fault, Lauren. I just -"
"DeHaven." She interrupted me.
"What?"
"My name is Lauren DeHaven."
I just stared at her completely confused. What the hell was the difference? Once again, I got that creepy vibe from Lauren. Something just wasn't right about that girl.
After focusing on my breathing for a few minutes, I decided it was time to leave. I needed to get to Will. I needed to let him know that I did care about him even though I wasn't ready to marry him. I needed to make sure he was okay.
"I better go now," I said, chugging the last of the lemonade. I stood up, but then got so dizzy I had to sit back down.
"Why don't you relax for a little bit? You're up
set. You're in no condition to go home alone," Brittany said.
"Don't worry, we'll take good care of you." Ashley added with her sweet yet creepy smile.
The next thing I remember I lay on a gloriously cold bathroom floor. It felt so good to be cold I actually rubbed my face against the tile. Then someone knelt over me, lifted my head and wiped my face with a cool rag. It was Sasha.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. I tried to get up, but the room started spinning.
"Don't get up," she said in her 'you're in trouble' tone. The last time she sounded like that was when she found out I failed a Chemistry quiz.
The Queen Bee of Bridgeton Page 10