by Vance Huxley
*
The GOFS took Harold back to the forge, and right through to the big reveal. “That’s a bloody cannon!” Harold inspected what looked like a Napoleonic era cannon, the real thing, from the thickness of the metal making up the barrel. A rusted mess attached to the side of the blunt end must have been a firing mechanism. Once he’d finished laughing at Harold’s reaction, Wayland displayed three rams and sponges on sticks and wanted to know if Harold could fix it. The GOFS weren’t put off by the amount of powder a cannon would use, they had a stack of small barrels! A mixture of musket and cannon powder, according to the labels, which led to Vulcan uncovering four rusty muskets and what had to be a blunderbuss.
He picked up the blunderbuss. “Either this or the cannon will turn any mob of charging assholes into mincemeat,so we can afford to use a lot of powder. We heard you can fix muskets?” Vulcan had a challenging look about him.
“Yes, but I’ve only fixed one so far. It was in a lot better nick than those, or that cannon.” Harold wondered if Caddi knew just how much information the GOFS were getting from someone in the Hot Rods. “They’re not accurate, and bitches to aimbecause theykick. Caddi wanted his for Mack.”
“But a body does a backflip, which makes them scary.” Wayland smiled as wide as Mack had. “Or they will be once you fix them.”
Harold looked at the collection and shook his head. If the GOFS had these from the start, they’d have been asking about repairs long before now.”Where the hell did you get this lot?”
“From the Murphies. One of their men decided to jump ship,and bought his way in here with the location of an armoury.” Gofannon smirked and the otherGOFSlaughed at the next part. “When we nipped over there the Murphies never even noticed.We think they were distracted by your new girlfriend.”
“We nearly told the bloke his deal was off, becauseall the weapons are useless.” Wayland gestured to a crushed 9mm hand gun. “That’s the only modern weapon we found.We brought them anyway, mostly because Vulcan fancied owning a cannon even if it’s scrap. We reckoned the powder would make bombs. When we got back, one of our guys reckoned the Hot Rods were getting a musket fixed.That has to be you?”
“Yes, and I can probably fix some of those. If I do it’ll cost you.” Harold would charge the GOFS serious numbers of coupons regardless of what work the cannon needed. It might need a lot going by the amount of rust and crud.
“No, if you fix all of them and the cannon you’ll have those houses. You sort out our problem, including the Barbies wandering all over the place, and we sort out yours. I can easily cast a few cannon balls, or maybe a shitload of smaller lead balls so the cannon is a giant shotgun.” Wayland chuckled in anticipation. “The next time the General tries to get across the water, or if Caddi gets ambitious? Splat. I reckon an iron cannon ball will stop even an armoured truck.”
Harold agreed,the plate on his tank wouldn’t stand a chance against an ironball the same diameter as that cannon barrel. Heheaded back into the library in a daze. He soon snapped out of it when the real trading started, because most of it depended on how many of those weapons he could fix. Harold ended up with his streets, mainly because the GOFS were so keen to have the cannon. If he could fix all the weapons, Harold would also gettwo barrels of musket powder. He’d build new weapons round the old barrels for that deal. Gofannon threw in the nine mil for spares to sweeten the deal,when Harold insisted he didn’t need blades just now. By then Harold was in a daze again, because the GOFS kept toasting with rotgut.
*
The GOFS took Harold to his new border with the Barbies,so Soldier Boy could tell the guards.The Barbiechecked with Ogou to confirm their cars could come through without asking the GOFS,then switched to offering Patty a job. AsHarold left, theBarbiecommented that Soldier Boy must be getting careless. As a gang boss with only one guard he might be kidnapped, even if the bodyguard was the most dangerous sex.
When the chauffeur took them home by way of their new housing, Harold and Patty quietly discussed the state of the buildingsthey could see.Harold had remembered right, the housing would be a gold mine for Orchard Close. When they arrived back home and the chauffeur left, Patty revealed what else she’d been thinking about. The Barbie on the frontier had made a good point. With this war on and extra people arriving, and now extra territory, Harold needed two bodyguards to prove that Soldier Boy was a proper gang boss.
Harold started to argue because he hated all that posing crap, but Patty just suggested getting more opinions. She meant Tessa and Sharyn, but Harold wanted Liz, Casper and Emmy at least. Alfie and Doll came as well, and Harold thought they’d all agree he didn’t need all the gang boss rubbish. He got a shock wheneveryone agreed with Patty.He needed bodyguardswhen he wentoutside the walls.
At the beginning, the gangs had been scared off by the sniper or nasty SAS reputation. Now Orchard Close had grown from a couple of dozen people to a full enclave or gang, soone guard wasn’t enough for the boss. Especially since, as Patty pointed out,the GOFS thought she’d been there as a joke. Harold surrendered on the bodyguards, but insisted on one being a woman because half the wall guards were female. He wanted to hammer home that the women were real fighters, to keep the likes of Caddi cautious.
Some worried about women guards causing trouble, because gangsters wouldn’t rate them. Patty’s wicked smile when she listed a few possible bodyguards persuaded any doubters. As the Demon pointed out, all the gangs would get the message after the first stupid scroat bled out. She wanted the job permanently, but her squad would be keeping her occupied.
As part of the new image, Tessa tried to get Harold into a better motor. He refused, because the battered old vans and pickup worked fine. More to the point, the diesel would run out soon, so he may as well drive a useful vehicle. An SUV wouldn’t be as much use as the pickupfor scavenging or trading. Once they’d settled that, a grinning Harold told them exactly what deal he’d got. Most of them were gobsmacked about the amount and quality of the housing. Tessa looked stunned at the idea of working on a genuine cannon.
The following discussion included a lot of laughing and toasts in small beer, or fruit juice for Harold because he’d had too muchGOFS rotgut.Once Tessa recovered from the idea of working on a genuine cannon, she wanted to know if they’d all see it fire a test shot. From the enthusiasm, everyone else here and probably most of Orchard Close would want to watch.After assuring everyone he could fix all the muskets as well, so they’d get both the housing and powder, the rest left. Harold agreed with Tessa and Sharyn, the squad leaders and Liz had to be let into the secret,but not until the first new musket worked.
An hour later,aGOFS SUV pulled up by Caddi’s watchers and they were invited inside and taken away. Within five minutes a convoy rolled down the road towing the cannon behind them. The weapon needed careful manhandling through the steel girders set in the road to stop cars, then willing hands rolled it up the road and parked it at the side of Harold’s house. The GOFSwere serious about surprising Caddi, theypitched in to move a stack of salvaged timber so their artillery couldn’t be seen by visitors. The musketsand blunderbuss, and enough powder to test them all, came in as anonymous bundles and went straight to Harold’s lair. Ten minutes after the convoy left, Caddi’s spies were dropped off in their usual place. Harold doubted Caddi would send any complaints to Gofannon.
*
Fifteen minutes after the GOFS left, the bullhorn started up on the bypass. Harold sighed, checked that he had taken off any possible weapon, and walked to the edge of the zone. He twirled as instructed, and since he had no jacket the bullhorn invited him up to the guard post.
“Hello Sarge.”
“Hello Soldier Boy, or should it be General with your own artillery.” No hint of humour showed in Sarge’s face or tone.
“It doesn’t work.” Sarge’s face didn’t alter. “It’s not a rifle?”
That brought a faint lip twitch. “It’s not exactly a pistol either. What’s its range?”
“About three feet, as far as a cannon ball will roll if it falls out the end because it doesn’t work.” Harold glanced back towards the cannon. “That is a very heavy blowgun, in a really fancy shape. Get your binoculars on the firing mechanism.”
“A touch-hole? You’ll drill that clear in ten seconds.”
“The hole isn’t in the top so I doubt that would help, and there’s some rusted junk over whatever hole there is. I reckon it used to be flintlock or caplock.” Harold laughed at the unconvinced look on the sergeant’s face. “If I fired that at one of your armoured vehicles, even if the driver stayed still long enough for me to hit it, the ball would only scratch the paintwork. Then he’d run over the cannon, and me.”
“Don’t point it this way. I’m serious, because the barrel length means some sergeants wouldn’t worry about technicalities.” The sergeant frowned, lifting his binoculars to take a closer look. “Why do you want it?”
“I don’t. It came in trade. We’ll clean it up and flog it to some idiot gangster to put outside his front gate. He’ll think he’s Napoleon.”
Sarge lowered his binoculars, pinning Harold with his glare. “Fair enough, butif anything resembling a firing mechanism appears on that thing, the RAF will drop by. Do we understand each other?”
“Perfectly. If you don’t mind, I’d like to clean the crap off, including the crud on the side. I want to polish the barrelinside and out so it looks shiny and pretty. And expensive?” Harold hid a sigh of relief when Sarge nodded. At least he could makethe cannonlook like he’d spent a lot of time on it, though now he’d have to work out a firing mechanism that could be fitted after the GOFS collected it. As he walked back down Haroldmulled over ways to do so, coming up with a couple of possibilities.
Before he started on the cannon, Harold shouldfinish building a musket. He’d just been given four more examples to help him, five if the blunderbuss mechanism worked the same way.They were badly rusted examples, but Liz couldreplace everything except the barrels and those would clean up.Before he could finish his experiment and build one from scratch, Harold needed tube for barrels. That meant tempting the Geeks. Hopefully Lizhad repaired the damaged machetes from Caddi, or could give him a timetable.
*
Harold tried the forge door, but Liz still kept it barred. “I’ll huff and puff?”
Liz opened up with a huge grin. “Not with your extra woman to de-puff you. The heavily armed one you take with you in case you feel lonely?” Harold laughed because Liz knew better. “Your turn first. What do you want?”
Harold hopped up to sit on the bench. “I need those damaged machetes modified as soon as possible. Not specifically, but I need themachetes the Demons have now. I can sell them once you finish their new sabres.”
Liz smirked, not what Harold expected. “Is that all? Do you know Ant? Anthony,actually,but for some reason he prefers Ant.”
“Came in from the Murphies a while back, end of April or beginning of May?”
“That’s the boy. It took him a month or two to realise how we work here, then he came to see me. Not for my body, but because of my skills.” Liz preened, then reached down and picked up an object about three feet long. “He had a couple of very interesting ideas, and one ended up as this.” She handed it over.
Harold took hold of the rubber grip on the end of the shaft and swung it experimentally, then started to smile and looked round. “Can I bash something?”
Liz pointed at a chunk of splintered timber against one wall. “There.”
Harold looked the weapon over before he swung. The club head looked like a giant iron egg with ridges, whilethe shaft had been wrapped in wire to make it harder for a machete to damage it. Harold swung and the thump and splintering as it struck impressed him. “The balance is perfect. What is it supposed to be apart from scary?”
“That is a mace such as ye olde knights used for battering men covered in steel, so it should go straight through those shields the scroats use.” Patty picked up a second and swung it. “I swing hammers for a living, so of course the thing is balanced. How much is it worth?”
“More to the point, what does it cost?”
“A shaft the same diameter as a sledgehammer shaft, or maybe a lump hammer for a lighter version. I have to shape the hammer head and weld the ribs on,then I harden the lot. I can only use hammer heads because I can’t cast metal to get different sized holes, not yet.” Liz looked a bit more uncertain. “Can we sell them for enough coupons to be worthwhile, or for more hammer heads and shafts? I might be able to adapt a big axe head?”
Harold grinned and opened his arms, then folded them. “I’d hug you, but you’re in the forge and all sweaty and sooty and you wouldn’t stop there.”
“Then I’d shoot myself for letting a wimp ravage my fair body. I’ll settle for that big grin.” Liz’s grin had to be bigger. “Now I’m not sure I dare show you the rest.” She picked up an iron bar, then tapped a knife blade against it so it rang. “Remember this?”
“Yes.”
Liz picked up another knife and did the same, and the clear sound rang out again. Harold wasn’t paying attention to the sound. “What on earth is that? Did you leave a randy sword and an amorous knife in here overnight?” He looked harder. “Maybe in a threesome with an axe?”
Patty twirled with the weapon, dancing half a dozen steps to silent music. Harold smiled, because when Liz did that she’d usually just had her sooty fix. The smith was completely blown away by that bit of steel. “Ant mentioned short stabbing swords for close work, but I went a bit further. This, philistine, is a perfect fusion of heavy metal blacksmithing and artwork. I call it a Rambo, because nobody will want royalties so I can.” When she handed it over,Harold could see where the name came from.
“Did you ever see a real version?” Harold had seen pictures and various survival knives, but this looked more like Rambo’s big rough cousin.
“No, those were illegal. This is designed for a woman to use as a short sword or an axe, or just to slice up her steak.” A wicked smile lit up Liz’s face.”Ooh, will your other woman want one?”
Harold inspected the Rambo. Theknife blade,sixteen or seventeen inches long,widened to three inches before tapering again over the last quarter. Liz had sharpened one edge, andthe reverse curve back from the point. He thought Mercedes would love one. “Probably.”
When Haroldran a thumb over the big,rounded, chequered boss on the handle, Liz chuckled. “I might not fight but I’ve seen you maniacs practice, and how you use the boss on that stick. If you’re using that knife and bring your fist down to hammer on some scroat’s head?”Harold carefully put the knife down on the bench, thenwithout warning he lunged forward, picked Liz off her feet in a bear hug and swung her round. He plonked her back on her feet and sat on the bench again, laughing out loud at her expression.Liz recovered enough to speak. “Risky. If I didn’t have standards and iron self-control? You like it?”
“How many can you make?”
Her face fell and she glanced over to one corner, and a long piece of plate. “Not many because I’ve only got one trailer spring left. It’s them or sabres and Wamil knives, those Katari things. I can make sabres out of the better quality machetes, but my tempering using anything else is still a bit hit and miss.” She cheered up as she pointed at the knife. “That’s one of my better efforts.I made it from a bit of leaf spring that had lost its temper in a fire.”
“But I’ll get you oodles of charcoal when I trade maces and Rambos, so you can perfect your tempering this time.” Harold left Liz singing loudly,hammering away to something by Hells Fayre that his eardrums refused to recognise as words or music. Once he could hear normal speech, Harold went to the canteen to find a Geek, to pass on another message about trading. More Geeks had started visiting again through the summer, the numbers cautiously increasing when people stopped blaming them for Hawkins stitching Harold over loot.Their welcome had cooled again, after Orchard Close learnedthat some Geeks held parties that included ga
ng rape,so it took a couple of days for Harold to find a messenger.
*
The reply the next day, suggesting as soon as possible, didn’t mention the two-car escort waiting for Harold at the Geek border. That came as a surprise, because the Geeks didn’t usually bother to escort him through their territory. The puzzle grew when Harold arrived at the meeting place, the wrecked Burger King.The Geek negotiator usually walked the two hundred yards from their compound, but today Marconi came ina big shiny SUV. Harold parked up in the usual place and walked the last hundred yards with his two bodyguards. He stopped short when two more guards got out of the SUV,giving Marconi four. “Too many, Marconi.” Casper raised his shotgun, not quite aiming it, while Ru centred her crossbow on one bodyguard.
The Geek manager hesitated, then two men climbed back into the vehicle and drove about halfway back to the compound. Harold couldn’t see why the Geeks were so on edge, so he carried on to the Burger King. Once inside, he sat in the centre opposite Marconi, as usual,while Casper sat at one side with Ru leaning against the table. Marconi’s guards sat the opposite side of the leaf-strewn dining area, definitely on edge. They only unwound their crossbows after Casper took the shells out of his shotgun.”What’s the problem?”
Marconi hesitated, then scowled before answering. “Remember when those two women ran towards you, a couple of weeks back?”
“Don’t start. Two of your women were allegedly stolen by a bunch of scroats. Just afterwards a rifleman tried to kill me, using a woman as a decoy. They’d got a second woman for another try, both of them caught running from the Murphies. A couple of your men met both the lasses, after we killed the sniper and his happy band.” Harold curled his lip and sneered. “Maybe you should have killed whoever stole your women? Stole them because one of your men mentioned how the guards died.The women didn’t run to us or anyone else.”
Now Marconi looked embarrassed. “Yeah, all right. It’s just that you’ve got a lot of new women over there and we’ve misplaced some.” Marconi glanced at Ru, then away when she glared.