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And he was the same way. His hands moved from my soccer shorts to pull at my jersey. He untucked it, only to slide his fingers along the bare skin of my waist and then up higher, just under my sports bra. They lingered there for a few moments, sliding along the seam. My mind swam with the will power to slow down, but he was stoking a need so hot and powerful that all rational thinking had fled leaving me a melting puddle.
Finally, he seemed to grasp some control of his wandering hands, because they slammed back down on my naked waist and he squeezed me until it was almost too much.
Almost, but not quite.
And instead of feeling afraid, all I felt was his strong, urgent need to hold on to me, to possess me in some way, as the rest of his life slipped out of his control.
He spun us around and my back slammed into the metal of my mom’s car. The movement knocked the wind out of me, but he swallowed my gasp as he continued to own my mouth with his. Then as if a switch had been flipped, he slowed our kiss down and began pressing the sweetest kisses everywhere but my mouth. He trailed seductive, wet kisses along my jaw, up to my earlobe and then down the column of my neck. His breathing was ragged and heaving and his huge body pressed intimately against mine so that all I could feel was him- all I knew was him.
He was my only plane of existence and my only reality.
And when he paused and I inhaled him into my lungs, I knew I was the same for him.
“You’re my anchor, Stella. How can I live without you?” he breathed raggedly against the hollow of my throat. “I need you with me. Or I will die. ”
I trembled at the force of my emotions. He meant that in the most literal sense and my entire soul ached with the hard truth of our situation.
My arms circled his neck and I pulled him to me in a tight embrace. He wrapped his muscled arms around my waist and held me just as securely. He buried his face in my neck, breathing in my sweat from the game, and the crisp wind scent from running around outside. I inhaled him- the delicious scent that was Seth and the aura of Light that he would never lose- no matter how dark his life became.
“You have me,” I swore and I meant it. “You have me. ”
He tightened his impossible hold and I struggled to breathe- but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered were our beating hearts pressed against each other, our souls intertwined in the metaphysical place surrounding our bodies and our hands clutching at an emotion so palpable and defining that our entire lives would be changed after this moment.
I loved him.
I finally loved him and he was taken from me.
“Stay with me,” I whispered, begged, pleaded. “Don’t leave me. Stay with me. ”
“I have to leave you. ” His voice was a shadow of himself, desperately harsh and pained. “But I will come back to you. I will always come back to you. ” He lifted his head and pressed his forehead against mine. His lightless eyes glimmered with unshed tears; seeing him so close to losing it was my ultimate undoing.
I hiccupped a sob and pressed my lips against his, frantic to stay in this moment forever, to feel him forever.
He immediately reacted, pulling me into his overwhelming need. My lips were bruised and swollen from his insistent kisses, and I was gasping for air, but whatever space remained between us was too much. His mouth became almost punishing as he devoured mine.
Our hands were grasping, clutching, desperate for the touch and feel of each other.
This wasn’t a kiss, it was a love letter. This was our manifesto.
My skin was a beacon of light in the darkness that surrounded us, but his only let off the Darkness that at one time would have shone as radiantly as the sun. He was now my opposite, my enemy.
But he was also my Seth.
And I loved him.
There was probably never a choice for me but to love him, but to be his. I had taken too long to come to my epiphany and now he was gone from me.
But I needed to tell him anyway.
“Seth,” I gasped when he moved back to my neck. “I-“
“Well, isn’t this cozy?” Seven giggled from behind Seth.
He immediately stopped whatever delicious thing his tongue was doing to me and stood up. His arms braced him on the car behind me. And even though he separated our bodies, he didn’t make an attempt to move away from me. His gaze caught mine and his eyes were as soulless as his contract made him.
Immediately I was anxious for this confrontation to be over.
And once again I was caught without a sword.
Damn it.
Well, they were in the car, under the driver’s seat. But a lot of good they did me now.
“Sister,” Seth greeted tersely. He held my gaze for a moment longer and then stood up. He pressed a chaste kiss against my lips, surprising me, and then backed away.
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding and stood up straight. I adjusted my clothes that had gotten a little disheveled during our make out, and ripped out my hair tie to redo my hair. Half of my head was soaked with sweat, so it was easy to smooth back and knot in a messy bun on top of my head.
“I hope I’m not interrupting something…. . scandalous. ” Seven walked over to her brother and trailed her fingers along his shoulder, stopping at the edge and brushing something invisible off his white oxford.
Seth smirked in my direction. He was completely transformed now that Seven had arrived. Gone was the haunted, desperate man and in his place was a stranger. He even dressed differently. He was clean and polished in a white button up dress shirt and gray trousers. He looked like a man, not a seventeen year old boy. His face was hard, his expression unforgiving.
And he shocked the hell out of me when he answered his sister. “You are. We were definitely on our way to scandalous. ”
“We were just kissing,” I heard myself whisper.
Seven and Seth laughed like they knew a secret I didn’t and I immediately felt stupid for even replying. This was not the Seth that had snuck away to kiss me.
But then Seven’s attention was distracted and she turned away from me; the laughter abruptly stopped. I looked up at Seth, wondering if he would at least look apologetic, but his eyes were unchanging and the same damn smirk tilted his lips.
“Jude, stop skulking in the shadows,” Seven scolded.
Sure enough Jude walked into sight with a somewhat embarrassed expression on his face. He didn’t seem ready to meet my gaze either. But to be fair, I was actually trying to make his head explode using my nonexistent telepathic powers.
“Hey there, Jude,” I said evenly. “Just out showing your school pride?” I waved a hand at the quiet stadium.
“Definitely,” he half chuckled. Finally he met my eyes but instead of seeing the same sheepish expression, his eyes were hard and his jaw clenched tightly. “Go Raiders. ”
I was actually surprised he knew our mascot.
“What are you doing here, Seven?” Seth cut in, sounding annoyed.
“Came to fetch you,” she turned back to Seth and smiled charmingly. She looked more like a child than ever in a ruffled party dress that poofed out at her hips and ended mid-thigh. She was wearing five-inch Mary Janes and her hair was in a high ponytail. She looked nice too, but in a stripper playing out a fetish fantasy kind of way. I just did not understand her.
“So why is he here?” Seth gestured at Jude.
“You’re trading places, baby brother,” she smiled at him haughtily. “We don’t want anything to happen to your precious Star. Jude’s going to make sure she gets home alright. ” She brushed her hand across his chest this time, swiping away more invisible dirt. He seemed to soften under her touch.
Seth snorted and then met me with those cold eyes again.
“I can get myself home,” I said calmly. “I don’t need Jude’s help. ” I shot a nasty look his way before returning to hold Seth’s stare.
“We’re not going to risk
it,” Seven chided me playfully. “You do know what’s at stake, don’t you? If something were to happen to you?”
“I’ve been informed,” I growled, refusing to let go of Seth’s gaze.
“Then you know how much we value your life…. . for now. ” I heard the unmistakable smile in her voice and had the strongest urge to slap it right off her face; but I repressed it.
Because I was a better person.
And because there were more of them than me.
I finally ripped my gaze away from Seth and met Seven’s vacant stare, forcing her to focus on me. “I cannot wait to kill you,” I hissed at her.
She took three steps forward until we were only a foot apart and promised, “The feeling is so mutual. One day, Starling, I will tear the skin off your pretty face and feed it to the vultures. ”
I stopped myself from shuddering and answered her threat, “I’m not interested in playing games, Seven. All I want for you is my sharp sword right across your throat. That will be more than enough for me. ”
She looked just seconds from following through with her promise before Seth caught her around the waist and dragged her back.
“Alright, Sev,” Seth murmured soothingly. “She’s not worth losing Aliah over, is she?” Seven whimpered and then went limp in Seth’s arms. “You’ll have your day, soon. Just not today, Ok?”
“Ok,” Seven relented sounding one part gleeful and one part disappointed.
Seth set her down and took her hand. He started leading her away from me, back into the obscure night beyond my line of sight when suddenly, he turned around and threatened me in a low voice, “You’re mine, Stella. Do not confuse my absence for freedom. ”
This time a shiver rippled through me before I could suppress it. What did he mean by that? Was soulless Seth also a controlling psychopath? Or was that a cryptic message I was somehow supposed to understand?
I didn’t know. And my head hurt trying to dissect it or process this night.
Gone was my post-victory glow and in its place was a cold confusion that rattled my bones.
“Well, he’s lost his mind,” Jude laughed. He was watching the place where Seth and Seven disappeared.
I wondered if that was true.
“You’re not riding home with me,” I said coldly. I pulled out my keys and opened my driver’s side door.
“I have to go home with you. Please tell me you’re finally understanding what’s at stake. ”
“I understand that the Counterpart I used to know has lost his soul, possibly his mind and is someone I don’t recognize now. I understand that I’m under the protection of a contract that is trying to do more than keep me from getting hurt; it’s trying to control me. And I understand that you’re perfectly capable of flying, and therefore, can keep an eye on me from almost anywhere but in a confined space with me. So back off, Jude. I’ve had a very confusing night and I do not have the patience for you. ”
“So mouthy,” he chuckled. “It’s alright. I can arrange my own transportation. ” He lifted his arm and waved his keys around. A car honked in the background and I realized he had driven here too.
He was never planning on riding home with me- as in the same car as me.
I felt guilty for one second before my anger flared again. He was still my enemy. He was still the bad guy. He was still part of the attempt to control and manipulate me.
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