by Lila Felix
“What’s up, you two,” I asked them.
“Tell him, Owen. If you don’t, I will.”
“Tell me what?” Owen put his plate down. It must be serious if Owen was forgoing chewing to tell me something.
“I was at the bank this morning, depositing my check and I swear I saw Journey in the bank. Her hair was red though. But all those freckles, it had to be her. She must’ve dyed her hair. I wasn’t gonna tell you but Nellie wouldn’t let me keep it to myself.” He directed the last part of his sentence towards his wife but I cared nothing about their little feud.
And I had the opposite reaction I thought I would. I thought I would be happy she was in town, excited to see her. But I wasn’t. I was scared of her and some part of me was severely pissed off. I’d gone through the hardest time of my life, my mother committing suicide, the drinking and drugging; not to mention I had a kid and she’d never even tried to get in contact with me. And she knew, her mother was at the funeral. And I regretted the years I spent burning and pining for her. I resented her. It didn’t stop the love I still had for her from hammering against the walls I’d so furiously built. I cemented in new bricks and it pounded harder in my core. After all the turmoil, I still loved her.
“Well,” I schooled my face and attempted to play it cool, “There’s one way to find out.”
I got on my cell and called the Holt residence.
“Holt residence,” she answered. I’d recognize that snooty assed, country club tone anywhere.
“Mrs. Holt, this is Nixon Black. I was wondering if Journey is in town.”
She scoffed, “No, she is not. She is pursuing her collegiate career. I’m very busy Nixon, goodbye.”
Then she hung up on me—I’m sure her nose was in the air and all. She had always hated me.
“Her mom says she’s not in town—end of story. Anyway, she always dyed her hair brown. She hated the red.”
They shared a look and Owen opened his mouth to say something else, but then closed it. Owen helped me straighten myself out after all the crap. I loved Mad and he was my best friend but Owen understood the tirade.
“Who hates their red hair, Daddy?” I swore that kid had impeccable timing. She always saved me from myself, even before she was born, she made me a better man.
“Some crazy lady,” I answered as I scooped her up and sat her on the counter in front of me. “The real question is; who’s ready for chocolate chunk brownies?”
Chapter 5
Journey
He wore glasses on the weekends.
I woke up late the next day, hung over from my Nixon binge. I made myself a bowl of grits and looked around the studio apartment.
The last few years, I had been alone. I hadn’t dated anyone since Justin. I didn’t want to. And as soon as I moved home, my parents kicked me out, pissed off and disappointed that I’d flaked out on college. It was right after catching Justin cheating, that I realized my feelings for Nixon. And then I dismissed them as nothing more than the loss of my friend when I needed him. And I always ran to him after a breakup—always. And he let me—always. I guess I knew, somewhere in the back of my head, his feelings for me were more than friends. What a dumbass I’d been.
I called my friend Silver and she met me at a local coffee shop. Silver was the only friend I had left in town. The others were off living their lives. And Silver knew everything. We hadn’t been that close in high school and that was because I had been so catty and jealous, always kept the girlfriends at arm’s length, scared they were after my man.
Silver was mild mannered and sweet. The best thing about her—she forgave me for who I used to be. She asked me about my new job and I told her all about the kids and how they were scheduled. I told her about Scout and how much she reminded me of myself when I was little.
She attended Loyola, studying to be a teacher. I was just happy to make rent every month. We were quiet for a moment and I knew what was coming next.
She met my eyes before asking me, “You haven’t tried to get in touch with Nixon?”
I almost broke out into tears just hearing someone else speak his name. It killed me to hear it out loud. I would give up the rest of my time on this Earth for one day with him. And I was a chicken shit for not telling him I was back in town and for never telling him that I loved him. But my mother told me when I came home that he was involved with a girl and she was having his baby. He was obviously happy and I would never be a homewrecker.
“No. I just can’t. He has a wife and a kid. I won’t do that to him.”
She nodded and took another sip of her coffee.
“Are you sure he’s married?” She asked me.
“No, but he’s got a kid with another woman. And my mom said they were together. I just can’t”
We sat in silence for a few more minutes before she checked her watch. “I’ve got to go. I’m meeting a study group in thirty minutes.” She got up and I waved to her. She stopped before getting to the door and turned around. She approached me again and bent down to speak privately to me.
“One of these days you’re gonna forgive yourself. And if that boy loved you like you say he loved you, then it’s worth it to find out if he’s taken. I remember your mom, she was never fond of Nixon. What if she’s being less than truthful?”
She pulled back and looked me in the eye and I nodded slightly to her, she was right. My mom hated Nixon and I never knew why. And I wouldn’t ever put it past her to lie to me. She was a professional at that. It was all part of keeping up appearances.
I went home and did some laundry and thought more about getting in touch with him. She was right. It was time for me to find out whether or not he was married. I had to know.
Chapter 6
Nixon
On a camping trip, an owl screeched in the night and before I knew it she was all the way inside of my sleeping bag—her boyfriend was still snoring in the other tent.
“You gotta watch out for number 37,called Sarracuda, she’s a real ball buster. And number 21, Punk Bruiser, she will knee cap you, I swear. I kid you not Nixon, if you let them beat my ass, yours will be next.”
I rolled my eyes and finished lacing my skates, making sure they were tight. How I ever got myself into this, I would never know. And now I had the job of making sure all of my cousins’ wives were not killed on the track. I was no regular zebra.
“Yes, I get it. You’ve called me three times warning me about them. Give it a damned rest Nellie. Besides, I have to be impartial. I’ll call you out too if you play dirty. Watch your ass and watch your derby wife’s ass.”
“Dude, really, I practice rollygamy. I’ve got several wives to watch.”
“Hellie, don’t test my patience today. I’ve been at the zoo with a three year old since seven a.m.”
I’d gotten over my nerves about these things a long time ago. I treated it like a job, plus if I screwed up, there were three burly cousins ready to hog tie me and beat me senseless.
“Ok, ok, sorry. I’m just nervous, that’s all.” She puffed her cheeks out, letting some fear go.
I looked over to see Storey carrying Scout around the track getting high fives from everyone. She had her own team t-shirt just like the other girls, except hers said Head Fearleader on the back. She sucked up all the cheers and smiles like a pro. I watched as Storey brought her back to Aunt Sylvia. Now that she was safe, it was time to start the hell raising.
The girls took their warm up laps while I stretched. I’d already taken my warm up laps after I helped the other stripes tape down the boundaries and set up the bleachers. I checked with the NSO’s to make sure we were all on the same page and called in the other refs for a pep talk before the bout. I thought about when Nellie and Reed first wrangled me into becoming a ref. I could barely make one lap on the track without busting my ass and I looked more like an umpire on crack than zebra when practicing my hand signals.
The bout started on time and five minutes in Sarracuda had taken out an NSO. Seri
ously, taking out another skater was a given but these were Non Skating Officials, what did they ever do to her? Another ref slapped her in the sin bin before I had the chance. Reed was on fire in that bout. She was nickel and diming the other team to death. She tended to play that game when the other team was especially violent. She’d break through the pack, scoring four or five points and then end the jam before anyone could get hurt. It always worked but it pissed off Nellie and Storey to no end. They wanted some action.
Hellie’s team was winning and towards the end of the bout, things got sticky. The Sarracuda girl took out Hellie’s bench manager while she was directing traffic. Then Hellie took revenge and clocked her right in her nose. There was blood everywhere. I had to expel her from the game. She flipped me off but took her lap of dishonor anyway.
But what I didn’t know was that Sarracuda’s reign of terror had just begun. Storey was apparently next on her list. She tripped her and butt blocked Mad’s pixie sized wife—just stayed all over her so she could barely skate.
Hellie, with her skates now off and her potty mouth on shouted, “Clothesline her ass Storey! Take the damned penalty!”
That brought out a protest from Maddox who didn’t want his wife hurt either.
“Can it Hellie, you got booted.”
I removed my attention from the Black family riot going on in the stands, it happened every single time. The jam started and I glanced over to see Storey, short as a stack of pancakes but determined as a swarm of bees. She was going to make trouble. She waited until the hellraiser got close to her. I thought she would take her out right there but she surprised me. She followed the girl around the track, letting Sarracuda’s momentum build. She let her escalate in speed before she made her move. I saw it coming a mile away but it was too late, I couldn’t do anything about it. Storey rushed behind her and pushed her with all her might until Sarracuda was bent in half, plastered onto the railguard. I threw Storey out, but it was all over. The bout was done and Storey curtsied to me and then flipped the girl off when she finally recovered.
I helped the NSOs pick up and get the place clean after the bout while everyone else sold t-shirts and signed pictures. I looked over every once in a while to make sure Scout was ok, that her hand was firmly attached to a family member. She was being chauffeured around by Falcon, glued to his hip.
After everything died down, I hugged Scout about eighty times and then again when I got her bag from the truck. I missed the heck out of her even when she spent the night at someone’s house. It was crazy. And I’m sure I was supposed to do something interesting like go to a movie that wasn’t rated G or listen to music that screamed the F word but it was no fun alone.
I went home and I swore I’d checked the back seat and looked in the rear view mirror probably a hundred times checking on a non-present Scout. It was so damned quiet without her even though when she was around I swore she talked incessantly. And too much time alone, in the quiet, gave me ample opportunity to think about the things that plagued me.
I walked around the apartment in my boxers, one plus about Scout being gone. I kinda got into a very dramatic movie and then chuckled at myself as I realized I was watching a Lifetime movie. If Mad knew, he’d give me hell for sure.
I went to bed after half wishing I could pick up a drink just to calm my nerves and let me sleep a full night. But that faithful day when I found out Brandy was pregnant with Scout, I’d given it all up.
I would never forget when she gave birth to Scout. She didn’t even look at her. She held my baby girl in her womb for nine months, the most precious baby in the world and she wouldn’t even look at her. I stupidly thought I’d prepared for the event. Aunt Sylvia, Nellie, Reed and Storey had gone shopping with me and made sure I had a stocked nursery. I’d gone through parenting classes for Christ’s sake. But nothing prepared me for Scout, soft and warm, looking at me with more love than I thought possible. I barely coped while the nurses poked and prodded her, claiming their tests were necessary. A nurse nearly got knocked out. Most people lived under the assumption that sex made a boy become a man, but when I walked with her tiny hand in mine, I was a better man.
And trust me, I’d been a shithead before her.
I woke up a little after three a.m. panting, reaching out for something. I knew what I reached for, but was unwilling to think it. It made me admit how pathetic I actually was.
I grabbed my glasses off the nightstand and finagled them on and went for a glass of water. I filled the glass with cold tap water and powered it down in one gulp. And then I just stood there, hunched over the kitchen sink looking at my reflection in the window.
I let myself admit it there because the acknowledgement made me feel less insane. Even with all the people around me who loved me and my daughter, there was only one person who my heart sought. There was only one presence who would ever be able to fill the space beside me and be the calm to the tempest in my soul. I’d been able to think of naught else since Friday night when Owen said he’d seen her. And I couldn’t help but remember that Mrs. Holt always disliked me and wondered if she’d really tell me if Journey was in town. But what was I gonna do—run around New Orleans looking for her? I thought not.
The next day, I got my girl back, crabby as usual after staying up all night with her Honey. She whined and fussed all day and then after taking an hour nap in the afternoon was back to her regular happy self. I made sure her uniforms were hung up and ready in the closet and checked to see if anything in her folder needed to be signed.
“I hope I get to see that lady tomorrow.” She said as she constructed a building with Lincoln Logs.
“What lady,” I asked while assembling her lunch for the next day.
“The one with the hair like mine. I heard her tell my teacher that I was brilliant.” She whispered the last part. The kid’s ego was the size of Asia, but she’d earned most of it. She was brilliant, but we tried to keep her grounded.
“What’s her name, huh?” I leaned over and thumped one of her Lincoln Logs.
She put her hands in the air and threw her head back, exasperated, “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’ve only seen her one freakin’ day!”
“Hey! Words, young lady.”
She sombered, “Sorry, Daddy. It wasn’t a bad word.”
Smart-mouthed little shit. “No, but it wasn’t a lady-like word either.”
I heard her mumble, “Aunt Nellie says it.”
“Aunt Nellie isn’t my daughter, is she?” I countered.
“No, Sir.”
“Ok, what do you want for dinner?”
“Grilled cheese,” she told me, still in a tiff about being reprimanded.
“Wanna come help me?” She loved to cook, so I knew her mood would change.
“Yes.” She came around the counter after unbuckling her belt and climbed up her ever present step stool.
“Daddy?” She asked while she pulled out slices of bread.
“Yes, Button?”
“How come you don’t have a wife?”
Chapter 7
Storey
He was fiercely protective.
I’d noticed it before but I really needed to say something to Maddox. I thought maybe it was coincidence or happenstance but it was no longer something I could ignore, especially with Scout around.
Simon always drove a maxed out ’73 Camaro and I would know the sound of the rumble from that car from another car any day. I’d seen it when I went to school on Mondays and frankly I’d brushed it off. But on Tuesday when I went to pick up Scout from school the car was across the street. And her in danger wasn’t something I was gonna screw around with.
I cried as silently as I could on the way home with Scout’s CD playing as loud as we both could stand it.
I got home and distracted myself playing with Scout in the backyard. Mad arrived home from work at the same time Nixon arrived to pick up Scout and I was scared to death that Nixon wouldn’t let me pick her up from school anymore. And I
loved that kid. I asked them both to come into the kitchen and they knew something was up.
Mad held my hand and I told them I thought I’d seen Simon several times and today across the street from Scout’s school. Nixon bowed up, stiff as a board and looked over at Scout, sitting on the couch reading a book on the Leap Frog tablet I’d bought her.
“I’m sorry, Nixon, I’d never do anything to put her in harm’s way.”
He put an arm around my shoulders, “No, of course you wouldn’t.” He looked over to Mad who had become very intense, very fast.
“How long,” those were the only words Maddox uttered.
“I saw his car at school twice last week and then I saw it today, like I said, across from the school.”
Maddox looked to Nixon and they made some kind of silent pact. “I hate to ask you,” Nixon said.
I hated when those two started speaking in boy tongue.
“Of course I would, you’re family. We’ll all pitch in, but not the girls.”
Nixon nodded, “No, not even Aunt Sylvia.”
“Let me call Falcon and Rex.”
I stamped my foot and shrugged off Nixon’s arm. “What the hell is going on!” I demanded more than asked.
“From now on, we’re gonna take care of bringing and picking up Scout from school. And Mad is probably going to insist that he bring you to school from now on. He’s protecting you. It’s what we do.”
“But you’re still gonna let me keep her, right?” The tears welled up in my eyes, “She’s like my kid, Nixon.”
He replaced his arm around me and pulled me against his chest. “Hey, no, that kid loves you to no end. I would never keep her from you. Nothing changes around here except for who picks her up. That’s all. Anyway, can you imagine the hell I’d have to pay, trying to keep her away from her Honey?”
I slapped at his chest and laughed. He would have hell to pay. “Ok, I just needed to hear that.”