Reagan tilted her head. “You let me down with Randi Wells.” Her words were not accusatory, just matter-of-fact. “Here . . . here was where you were loyal.”
“No. I knew what God wanted of us, yet that night—” Luke looked straight to her soul—“I allowed things to get out of hand. I let you down, and I’ve never . . .” His emotions got the better of him, and he hesitated, waiting for the strength to continue. “I’ve never asked for your forgiveness about that.”
Reagan’s expression changed, and the hurt in her eyes became so raw it was painful to look at her. She settled back into her seat and folded her arms tight across her chest, her attention once more on the apartment. “I don’t like to think about it.”
“Me neither.” Luke was making progress, but he still had so much more to say. “But the fact is, I blew it that night. I loved you and I wanted to spend my life with you, but I acted outside God’s plan for both of us, and because of that I let you down.”
Her eyes grew distant, and tears spilled onto her cheeks.
“I’m sorry that this is taking you back. But if we don’t go to the past, I don’t think we’ll find any way to keep things together for the future.” He leaned over and lightly brushed the tears off her cheeks. “Please, Reagan . . . I have more to say.”
She sniffed, and when she turned to him, she looked like a brokenhearted little girl. “I’m listening.”
Luke remembered his father’s words. “Moral failure always comes with a price. Until I take responsibility and go back and deal with that part of my past, there can never be real growth. Not for me or for us.”
She gazed at him, fresh tears in her eyes. “You don’t have to say this.”
“Yes, I do.” He reached for her hand again, and though she didn’t pull away, he felt her stiffen beneath his touch. Help me, God. Open her heart so she can hear what I’m trying to say. “Reagan, please . . . listen to me.”
A quiet sob shook her. She leaned her head back against the seat. “Go on.”
“My actions that night caused you a great deal of loss, and I’m not sure I’ve ever acknowledged that.” Luke remembered running up her apartment stairs that Tuesday, September 11, knowing that the Twin Towers had collapsed and that her father had most likely been buried in the rubble. The pain of the memory sliced through him like a knife. “Because of me, you missed out on the last conversation you would’ve ever had with your dad. You had to go home believing you’d let your dad down, when he had thought the world of you. He had admired you for taking a stand on purity and for keeping the promise to wait until you were married, and all of a sudden because of me you had to accept that you’d broken that promise.”
Reagan sniffed three times and brought her free hand to her face. “You didn’t let my dad down. I did that. You . . . you can’t take all the responsibility.”
His heart hurt for her, but he needed her to understand. “That isn’t true. It was my job to care for you and treasure you. But that night . . . that night I wasn’t thinking about you or what was best for you or the fact that you were a precious gift from God. I was thinking about myself.”
“Luke . . .”
“There’s more.” He swallowed hard. He’d never meant any words more than these. “You went back home, and in the process of having our son, you lost the ability to have more children. You lost your self-respect before your family and your church friends, and you lost your freedom. You lost the girl you’d been because in such a short time you had to become a mother.”
Reagan lowered her hand. Her tears came harder now, as maybe the sum of all he was saying was finally hitting her.
“I’m responsible for all of those losses. Every consequence that came from my own moral failure.” Luke let his forehead rest against hers. “And until now . . . until now I’ve never asked for your forgiveness.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Please, Reagan, I beg you. Forgive me for failing you that way. I’m so sorry.”
For a few seconds she remained unmoving, and he wondered if maybe she was going to refuse him. But then he felt her break, felt her arms come up slowly around his neck and her body surrender against his. “If only . . . I would’ve answered the phone.”
In that instant Luke knew that Ashley and his father were right. This was where the problem between them had started, and it was where they needed to begin if they were going to work things out. He ran his hand along her back, holding her, clinging to her. “It was my fault. Forgive me.” He pressed his face against hers. “I’ve failed you so many times, but from this moment on I promise I’ll never fail you again. I love you.”
Reagan wiped her cheeks and looked at him. “I believe you. I really do.” A series of deep sobs shook her shoulders, but she didn’t break eye contact. “I forgive you. But . . . but will you forgive me too?” She breathed out slowly. “Forgive me for all you lost because of that night?”
“Baby, of course I forgive you.” He put his hands on either side of her face. “And thank you for coming here today, for listening to me.”
“We need to get counseling.”
His heart soared. “Definitely.”
“Because I love you too. I don’t want to lose us.”
Her eyes were red and swollen, but in them Luke saw true forgiveness and hope, the redemption they’d both been unable to find before today. Suddenly Luke knew that after today they would never talk about leaving again, that they would get counseling and find again the faith that once bound them. They would tend to the behavior issues of their kids and build a life together day by day. Luke was certain because now he saw in Reagan the tenderness and presence of the Holy Spirit and something else, something he hadn’t known if he’d ever see in her eyes again.
He saw the girl he’d first fallen in love with.
The entire Flanigan family was invited to the wedding, and Bailey was told she could bring Tim as her date. She was in his passenger seat as they followed her parents’ Suburban to Clear Creek Community Church, and though Tim was singing along to the radio and making casual conversation with her, Bailey was quiet.
Weddings had a way of making her think about the future.
She stared out the window at the trees that lined the boulevard, trees that had been barren and snow-covered what felt like a few days ago. Now that she had graduated, she had a better understanding of what her parents had always told her about time. Basically that she shouldn’t blink, because the seasons had a way of running into each other, faster and faster all the time.
“What are you thinking about?” Tim turned the radio down and smiled at her.
“Nothing.” Bailey kept her tone casual, her smile easy. Her thoughts were still trying to line up in order, so there really wasn’t anything to share with Tim. Not yet, anyway. “Just life and how quickly it goes.”
“Like the fact that you’re all grown up and graduated?”
“Yeah . . . I guess.” She turned the radio back up. Her graduation party had been small but wonderful. A few friends from school and a houseful of CKT kids. Her parents had given her a memory book with photos from her life and school days, and her mom had put together a movie on her MacBook. The combination of the photos and video and the music her mother chose made it a tearjerker. Bailey would treasure it always.
Tim was once again involved in the song on the radio, focused on following her parents. Bailey glanced at him, and again she wondered if five years from now the trip to the church would be theirs. Was that the way God was leading her? She leaned against the car door and straightened her navy blue skirt. Since prom her friendship with Tim had been moving right along. He hadn’t kissed her again, but she was glad. She wasn’t ready for something serious, and no matter how they felt about each other, she had the feeling he wasn’t either.
They arrived at the church, and Tim parked next to her parents. She was glad for Mr. Baxter, glad he’d found someone to love after all the years of missing his first wife. Her parents said the wedding would be simple, certainly not like
Katy and Dayne’s wedding.
Tim’s eyes looked warm and kind as he walked beside her, and halfway to the door of the church he took hold of her hand. Her brothers were behind them, and she knew she’d hear about it later, but she didn’t care.
Inside, Bailey saw the Baxter family gathered on the right side of the church. Katy and Dayne were cuddled up close to each other, and Bailey smiled at the picture they made together. That’s what she wanted. Someone who would love her as much as Dayne Matthews loved Katy, a guy who would fly across the country for a few minutes with her. Someone willing to let God lead in every aspect of their relationship.
They found their seats and the guests grew quiet as the music began, something traditional played by the organist at the front of the church. Pastor Mark Atteberry stood near the center aisle just below the altar, with Mr. Baxter next to him. Bailey wasn’t sure, but it looked like Mr. Baxter’s eyes were a little wet. Then all his grown kids joined him. Bailey glanced at the single-page program and read their names—Dayne, Brooke, Kari, Ashley, Erin, and Luke. She looked up. Their stories weren’t entirely clear to her, but she knew they’d been through a lot together. They were a beautiful family.
Bailey let the music fill her heart, and for a few seconds she closed her eyes. What would her siblings look like years from now all grown up and dressed in fancy suits? What would her mother wear, and how would her dad handle giving her away? Most of all, who would be waiting for her at the front of a church someday?
Without meaning for it to happen, her mind turned to Cody. He was in Washington now, recuperating. His mother hadn’t given them many details, and neither had Cody. But he must be doing pretty well because he was writing again—twice, anyway. His letters weren’t long like before, and he didn’t talk about his feelings much. Almost as if he wanted to create distance between the two of them. In his first letter he thanked her and her family for praying and said he hoped to be back in Bloomington around the first of July. He also said that he’d changed his mind about moving to the West Coast, and he was going to live with a few of his friends from the Clear Creek football team. The good guys who would never consider partying.
Okay, great that he had a plan, but Bailey wondered why he wasn’t coming back to live with them, and she asked as much in her first letter to him once she had his new address. His response had hurt, though she wasn’t sure she understood exactly why. He wrote that he needed to make his own way in life, just like she needed to make hers. “You’re grown up now, Bailey. You need the freedom to live your life and fall in love without me hanging around in the background.”
Beside her, Tim ran his thumb along the side of her hand and smiled at her.
She returned his smile just as the music changed. But as they stood and faced the center and as Ms. Denning made her way down the aisle, Bailey couldn’t shake the thought of Cody. He wanted only to be her friend, and Bailey was sure that’s where things would stay. Besides, maybe the war had changed him. It did that to a lot of guys. At least that’s what she’d read.
But as much as she cared for Tim and as great as it felt to know he had feelings for her, she had to be honest about one thing. When she asked herself who would be waiting for her at the front of a church someday, Tim’s face wasn’t the one that came to mind, no matter how crazy that was. Rather, the image that filled her heart in that moment was one that belonged to a dark-haired football player. The face of Cody Coleman, who maybe still meant a lot more to her than she was willing to admit.
Even to herself.
Like her sisters, Ashley wore a deep brown satin dress that fell softly to well below her knees. Hers had to be specially made to accommodate her growing stomach, and now, standing in front of their family and friends, Ashley made sure to bend her knees just a little so she wouldn’t pass out. She’d been having false contractions all day, probably because of the emotion of the day, having Tommy and Malin at the house until lunchtime, then hearing from Luke and Reagan that they’d reached a breakthrough and that now they were committed to making their marriage work.
All that and now this.
She drew a slow breath and steadied herself. On either side were her siblings and to her far right was her dad, looking handsome and far younger than his sixty-some years. They were all here, all six of them and their families, and Ashley couldn’t help but think that very soon they would all be together for more than special occasions and the once-in-a-while Christmas.
Erin and Sam and their girls had flown in for the wedding and to close on a house they’d found back in December. It was a two-story in a newer development, not far from Ashley and Landon, which meant that she and Erin could meet often at the local park and begin to make up for so many years apart. For that matter, they could meet with Kari and Katy, Reagan and Brooke too. All of them were raising kids, needing the friendship and camaraderie of each other.
The music switched to a wedding march, and Ashley willed herself to exhale. This was it . . . the moment she’d been unable to fathom for such a long time. For an instant she felt a hint of anger or maybe just an intense sadness. If only her mother hadn’t gotten sick again . . .
But just as quickly the moment passed, and Ashley watched as Elaine came into view. She wore a short-sleeved off-white silk dress that came nearly to her ankles. Her grayish blonde hair was styled in a way that flattered her face, and in her hands was a bouquet of white roses cut from her mother’s flower garden.
At first Ashley hadn’t agreed with the idea. But her father had explained it. “Your mother wrote me a letter giving me her blessing about this day, as if she somehow knew my life might include the chance to love again. The roses are one way to acknowledge that your mother—her love for both me and Elaine—is very much a part of this new life we’re beginning together.”
And so each of the girls held a single rose from their mother’s garden.
Ashley stared at the roses and then lifted her eyes to Elaine’s. As she did, Elaine looked straight at her, and even from halfway down the aisle, Ashley felt her love as clearly as if she’d shouted it for all their guests to hear. All at once Ashley relaxed. Thank You, God. Thank You for Elaine and thank You for letting my dad find love again.
She looked away, turning her attention to her father. He was smiling, bursting with joy, even as tears gathered in his eyes. Ashley felt her own eyes grow damp, and then once more her gaze fell on the white roses in Elaine’s hands. Her mother wasn’t really gone. She would stay in their hearts always, and when her name came up in conversation, Elaine would join them in talking about her. That her dad would fall in love with someone so kind and dear, someone who had been a friend of her mother’s . . . Ashley could ask for nothing more.
Elaine reached the front of the aisle, and her kids took their places on her other side.
Pastor Atteberry looked first at Ashley’s father, then at Elaine. “This is not the kind of wedding that comes along every day. And I am in a very unique position. For I knew each of you when your first spouses were still alive.” He paused and looked at their dad. “I watched you honor your wife, John, loving her through health and in the end through great sickness.” He turned to Elaine. “And I watched you love and respect your husband until he drew his final breath. I know that if you’d had your way, neither of you would be standing here now. God’s plans don’t always match ours. But God does promise that those who love Him will have life to the full—now and forever.” His smile filled his face. “John . . . Elaine . . . I believe this marriage is God’s way of giving you life to the full even after all you’ve separately lost.”
Around the church, several people dabbed their eyes, and next to her Ashley felt Kari do the same thing. Ashley had figured she would weep through the entire ceremony, weighed down by memories of her mother and unsure about what this next stage in their life as a family would look like.
But instead she felt the peace and certainty that Pastor Mark was right. They had loved much and they had lost, but they were Baxters
and they stuck together even in the darkest times. Over the years, their family had always come out with more love on the other side of whatever trial they’d faced. Their father’s marriage to Elaine was further proof of that fact. Today wasn’t about losing the past or jeopardizing the future; it was about overcoming sorrow with triumphant joy.
She blinked back happy tears as the ceremony wound down, as Pastor Mark led them through the exchange of vows and rings, and as he introduced them to the congregation. Their story was still being written, and as her dad and Elaine walked up the aisle toward their new lives, Ashley rejoiced in all the next chapter would bring.
Because that’s what Baxters did.
Katy had slight contractions all through the wedding, but afterward she compared notes with Ashley. False contractions, Ashley had told her. Braxton Hicks, nothing more.
Now Katy and Dayne pulled into the garage at the lakeside house for the reception, and her heart raced as she scanned the list of last-minute details. “You talked to Tim’s mother about starting the coffee?”
“Yes.” Dayne grinned. “And about putting the sherbet in the punch and about warming up the quiche in the oven and about breathing every so often.”
She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. “Seriously . . . that was her car in the driveway, right? Hers and Lori Farley’s?”
“They’re here and they know exactly what to do.” He touched his lips to hers, and his kiss gave her a welcome distraction. He breathed the next words against her skin. “Everything’s going to be fine. It’s just a dinner reception.”
“I know.” She exhaled and put her hand on her round stomach. “I’m giving myself false contractions worrying about it.”
Dayne straightened and stared at her, fear gathering in his eyes. “False? How do you know?”
Sunset: 4 (Sunrise) Page 23