“Look, I get it Anna. I do. But at the same time, I see where he's coming from. He moved to Chicago for you. He's building a house for the two of you to live. He's giving you everything girl. You just have to be brave enough to take it.” She says, leaning back in her chair.
“Could you?” I ask, hitting her with a stern look.
“Could I what?” She seems confused by my question.
“Could you just put your entire life in the hands of another person and trust that they will never hurt you, never leave you? Could you do it?” I ask, knowing that if anyone understands me like this, it's Lo. Because at the end of the day, we are very much alike in this regard.
“I like to think so.” She shrugs. “But I don't have a gorgeous rich man begging me to let him take care of me either, now do I?” She cocks her head to the side and pins her blue eyes right on me.
“He fired me Lo.” I say, still not able to wrap my head around it. “What do I do with that? Crawl back to him and make him believe that I will just bend over and let him call the shots for me? It wasn't his decision to make. He used his position at the club to get what he wanted personally and that doesn't sit well with me.”
“Look. I've got you. No matter what. You are my girl. But I'm gonna call bullshit on this one because I know you and I know the root of your real problem. Control. I get it. But Anna, you've chosen not to live without him which means you are going to have to learn a little give and take. Love is not always a walk in the park.” She laughs lightly to herself.
“And you know this because of all the times you have been in love?” I lash out, immediately regretting my words the moment they leave my lips.
“Fair enough.” She holds her hands up in front of herself. “But just because I don't do the whole love thing.” She curls her nose at the thought, which causes a light laugh to break free of my lips. “It doesn't mean that I can't recognize something real when it's staring me in the face. Bentley is real Anna. You know that as well as I do. You are the only thing standing in your way. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be semi-pissed off at him for firing you, that was kind of a dick move. But I am saying you should cut the guy some slack. And for goodness sakes, call him already.” She smiles, taking a sip of her coffee.
“I guess.” I shrug, knowing how right she is and yet, still not wanting to give her the satisfaction of saying so.
“I gotta get going. You want me to walk you back?” She asks, throwing her purse over her shoulder.
“It's across the street.” I laugh, looking out the window to where the studio sits.
“Good point.” Lo laughs, leaning down to give me a brief hug. “Hang in there girl. Things will work out, you'll see.” She says, spinning on her heel and heading towards the door.
I watch her cross the distance of the small coffee shop and push her way out onto the sidewalk until she disappears around the corner. Letting out a long sigh, I pull my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and pull up my messages screen, clicking on the mountain of messages Bentley has sent me over the past couple of days.
We need to talk. I'm at the studio.
I press send and then lock the phone, stuffing it back into my pocket as I stand and make my way towards the exit. I catch sight of Patty coming outside just as I am crossing the street. Quickening my strides, I call out to get her attention, wanting her to know that I am here.
She looks up the moment she registers my voice but then something happens. Something that I can't quite process. It's like time instantly slows down. One minute she's opening her mouth to speak, the next, all the color drains from her face and her eyes roll backwards. I reach her just in time to take the force of her fall onto me, which knocks me backwards onto the sidewalk.
I hit my elbow against the concrete on a hard thud but manage to keep Patty's head from hitting the ground. Pushing up, I gently lay her flat on the sidewalk, my panicked voice the only thing I seem to be able to hear.
“Patty. Patty.” I call, shaking her gently trying to force her awake. “Patty.” My voice becomes more panicked with each moment that passes.
A few people stop to offer help and one even calls 911 but I still can't seem to grasp anything that is going on. “Patty please wake up.” I plead, hoping that maybe my voice will pull her to consciousness. But nothing works.
“What happened?” I hear Lisa, one of the dance instructors, as she drops down beside me, her voice as panicked as I feel.
“I don't know. She just fainted.” I manage to get out just as an ambulance pulls up next to the curb. Stepping to the side, I allow the paramedics to check her vitals and get her onto the stretcher.
“I'm coming with her.” I say, just as they load her into the back.
“Are you family?” The younger man asks, seeming prepared to tell me no.
“She's my mom.” I choke, panic closing off my throat.
“Come on.” He says, nodding his head for me to get in.
“Can you close up?” I turn back to Lisa just before climbing into the back of the ambulance.
“Absolutely.” She says without hesitation. “Call me as soon as you know something.”
“I will.” I manage to get out just moments before the paramedic closes the back door, cutting off my ability to see her any longer.
The ride over is a blur. The paramedics check her blood pressure and other various things but nothing seems real. Like my mind is operating in some alternate reality where it can't process anything that is going on around me.
I manage to hold myself together as the nurses and doctors roll her back into an exam room seconds after arriving at the hospital. I am forced to wait in a sterile waiting area not knowing what is going on or how serious it may be. A throbbing in my arm pulls my attention to the elbow I fell on. Peeling off my jacket, the moment the material pulls away from my flesh, I cringe, realizing almost immediately that I definitely did something to it.
My elbow is swollen to about three times its normal size and has already turned a deep purple color that extends a couple of inches down my forearm. Collapsing down into one of the stiff waiting room chairs, I try to focus on my own physical pain and not worry too much about Patty and what is going on right now.
I try to stay calm and reassure myself that there's nothing to worry about. Maybe she just hadn't eaten anything today and her blood sugar was really low. Maybe she's having a reaction to a medication. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. But no matter how much time I spend with the maybes, deep down I just have this really bad feeling. One of those feelings you get when you know that your life is about to change. The kind the settles into the pit of your stomach and burrows deep inside of you, refusing to go away without making itself known.
Chapter Ten
It feels like it's been forever. Why hasn't anyone come out and told me something? What is going on back there? I drop my head into my hands, trying to ignore the sickening feeling working its way through my stomach and the pain throbbing through my arm causing the entire side of my body to ache.
“Anna?” I hear Bentley's voice and glance up to see him rushing towards me.
“Bentley.” I choke out, standing just as he reaches me and pulls me into his arms. Words cannot describe how good it feels to have him here with me.
No matter what is going on between us or how angry I am at him for firing me, at the end of the day he is the only person that can calm me. In one touch, I immediately feel better. Like he has the ability to center me no matter how wildly I am spinning out of control.
“I got your message so I went to the studio. Lisa told me what happened. Do you know anything yet?” He asks, pulling back slightly to look down at me.
“Not yet.” I manage to get out, allowing him to guide me back down into my seat as he settles into the one next to mine and pulls me into his side. I cringe slightly when his hand hits my elbow, pulling his attention to my injury.
“What happened?” He asks, leaning forward to get a good look at my swollen discolored arm.
“Have you had someone look at it?” He asks, reaching out to gently turn my arm towards him so that he can get a better look.
“No.” I admit. Honestly, with everything going on with Patty, a silly elbow injury is the least of my concerns.
“Anna.” Bentley scolds, releasing my arm so that I can relax it back down to my side. “You really need to get that checked out. It looks pretty bad.”
“It's fine.” I say, shaking my head.
“Anna.” Bentley starts again.
“I said it's fine.” I say, a little more aggressive than I really intended to. “I'm sorry.” I immediately start to apologize but then fall silent when a middle aged doctor wearing light blue scrubs approaches where we are sitting.
“Ms. Blake?” The sandy haired doctor asks, looking to the chart in his hands and then back up to meet my gaze.
“Yes.” I manage to get out through the lump that has suddenly lodged itself in the center of my throat.
“I'm Dr. Murphy.” He reaches his hand out and lightly shakes mine before releasing it and taking a seat in the chair caddy corner from me. Turning inwards, he looks down at the chart again before looking back up at me. “Ms. Wade has not regained consciousness yet, but fortunately she did not sustain any injury in the fall.”
“Can I see her?” I ask, having the overwhelming urge to be with her.
“Shorty. But first, I need to discuss a few things with you.” He says, flipping a couple pages through the chart. “Tell me Ms. Blake.” He pauses.
“Please, call me Anna.”
“Anna.” He nods. “Tell me Anna. How much do you know about Ms. Wade's condition?” He asks, pausing.
“Her condition?” I question, not trying to hide my confusion. “I don't know what you're talking about.” I admit, jumping slightly when Bentley's hand rests gently on my leg.
“Ms. Wade has a massive Glioblastoma. Has she not discussed any of this with you?” He cocks his head to the side and looks at me curiously.
“A what?” I breathe, not able to fight past the confusion that suddenly seems to be clouding every aspect of this conversation.
“Glioblastoma.” He repeats. “It's a type of cancerous brain tumor.”
“Brain tumor?” The words fall from my mouth and suddenly I feel like a thousand pounds is crushing down on my chest making it difficult to breath. “I don't.... I don't understand.”
“Has she not discussed any of this with you?” He asks, waiting until I shake my head before continuing. “Ms. Wade was diagnosed with a massive Glioblastoma five months ago.”
“Why haven't you done surgery?” I ask, not even sure that I understand exactly what he is saying.
“Given the size and location of the tumor, it is inoperable. Unfortunately at this point, we have done everything we can for her.”
“But what about other treatments? Radiation? Chemo? There must be something you can do.” I insist.
“We could have tried radiation and chemotherapy upon diagnosis but it would have only bought her a few months at most and would have severely affected her quality of life. She decided very early on that she did not want the treatment. We did a new round of scans today which revealed that the tumor has nearly doubled in size since her last exam. Given the fact that she passed out, I would say that the size of the tumor is now affecting other areas of her brain. These tumors are very aggressive and can grow rapidly. Originally we thought she would have a little more time given how early we found it, but that no longer appears to be the case. As medical Power of Attorney, you need to make sure you are aware of all of the options available should Ms. Wade not be able to make the decision for herself.”
“I don't.... I don't understand. Are you saying she's not going to wake up?” I ask, my voice trembling slightly.
“I am confident that she will regain consciousness. However, today was only the beginning of what is to come. Before too long she won't be able to function without assistance. Her ability to walk, talk, care for herself; these are all things that she will suffer as a result of the tumor.”
“So you're saying..... She's going to die?” I ask, fighting back the lump of emotion that works its way into my throat.
“Not today but yes, she is dying.” He says, shaking his head.
“How long?” I choke, feeling like I have suddenly stepped into some alternate universe.
“It's hard to say exactly. Six weeks, maybe a little more.” He says apologetically.
“Six weeks......” The words come out barely above a whisper as I struggle to grasp everything that is being said.
“There is nothing more we can do for her except to make her as comfortable as possible. I recommend admitting her until we can decide on the best course of action. She is likely to need around the clock care going forward. I am surprised that she has been able to function so long without it. Most patients with cancer as aggressive as hers, typically show signs much earlier. Has she had any other fainting spells that you are aware of?”
I shake my head, not able to form even one word in this moment. Bentley's grip on my leg tightens and I know that he is trying to remind me that he is here, that everything is going to be okay. Only it's not going to be okay. Nothing about this is okay.
“I'm so sorry about this.” The doctor says, pushing into a stand. “I will have a nurse come get you once we have Ms. Wade admitted and taken to her room. I will stop by and speak directly to the both of you once she regains consciousness and we can collectively decide how to proceed from there.” He says, nodding at me and then Bentley before turning on his heel and walking away.
I watch him cross the sterile room and turn left, disappearing from view within a matter of seconds, but I can't pull my eyes away from where he just exited. Nothing about this makes sense. Patty was fine. She's been fine. How can she be dying?
“Anna.” Bentley's voice cuts into my fog as his arm comes down over my shoulder and my body is shifted into his chest. Wrapping both arms around me, he holds me tightly against him but nothing, not even Bentley Reed himself, can make this okay.
I feel numb. Like I am in some weird dream state and I just need someone to wake me up already. I close my eyes tightly, willing it to be so. I need this to be a dream. I need this to not be real. Someone please tell me this isn't real.
“Anna.” Bentley says again as I start to pull out of his embrace.
“I can't do this.” I stutter out, jumping to my feet. “I can't.” I say, taking a step backwards when he stands too.
“Anna, I know this is a lot to take in but.....” He starts but I cut him off.
“A lot to take in?” I question, my voice bordering on a yell. “A lot to take in?” I repeat again, not sure how to calm the ferocious storm that seems to be waging deep inside of my very soul. “She's dying Bentley.” I can feel the tears fall down my cheeks but I don't care enough to wipe them away.
“I know.” He says, taking a step towards me.
“Don't.” I spit, taking a step backwards. “Don't try to make this better. You can't make this better. She's dying Bentley. She's dying and she didn't even tell me.” I choke out the last part, emotion thick in my voice.
“She was trying to protect you.” He says, holding his hands out in front of himself.
“Protect me?” I look at him for a long moment, contemplating the meaning behind the statement. Because how do you really protect someone from this? “How could she not tell me? She's dying. There is nothing to protect me from. She should have told me. Given me more time with her. Instead she kept it from me. I've been so lost in my own world that I didn't even see it for myself.”
“You can't blame yourself for this.” He starts, taking a step towards me but then stopping the moment he registers my face.
&nb
sp; “Yes I can.” I spit. “I should have been with her. Had I been there, had I spent more time with her, I would have seen this coming. I would have known something was wrong. Instead, I was off with you. New York. Seattle. I let you sweep me into a world that I don't belong in and now I am losing the only family I have left and because of you, I missed out on her last few months.” I bite, knowing as soon as the words leave my mouth how ridiculous they are.
I know this isn't his fault. He didn't make me do anything. He didn't keep me from visiting Patty. But taking the guilt I feel and turning it into anger towards him somehow makes the emotion a little easier to swallow.
“Anna.” Bentley pleads, trying to reason with me. “Don't do this. Patty chose to keep this to herself. No matter what her reasoning, it was her decision. No one is to blame here.”
“I need you to leave.” I say, taking another step towards the door.
“What?” He hits me with a confused look and I also don't miss the hurt in his eyes either.
“I need you to go. I need to be with Patty..... Alone.” I say, his face a blur through my tear filled eyes.
“Anna.” He starts but then immediately stops when my voice comes out wild and uncontrolled.
“Now Bentley. I need you to leave NOW!” I spin towards the door and take off down the hallway. I hear his voice come from behind me but I don't stop.
Pushing my way through a double set of doors, I keep moving, not sure where I am or where I will end up but just needing to keep moving. It isn't until I reach the end of a hallway with no where else to go that my emotions seem to catch up with me.
Pushing my back against the wall, I slide onto the floor and pull my knees to my chest. There is no one around. The lights are dim and the only sound is a distant buzzing from a nearby vending machine. Dropping my head down, I let out the sob that has been building since the moment the doctor said brain tumor.
I cry hard. So hard in fact that my ears are deaf to anything but the sound of my own sobs. My body is numb to anything but the trembling of my hands as I clench my knees. My eyes are blinded behind a sea of tears that seem to be on constant repeat.
You and I Forever Page 7