by Love Belvin
I chuckled, eyes rolling to the ceiling at that. “I doubt if he cares either way. Like I said, I’m not foolish. I have no expectations of him.”
Her hand squeezed over mine. “You’re not foolish because you’re not me. Make it work for your child. Even it takes him longer than what’s mature: if he wants in, don’t deny him. It’s a pain I’ll take to my grave, honey.”
After longs seconds of energy exchange, the tears followed. I had no idea she’d be so receptive. My plan was to do as Pastor Carmichael prescribed: “Go, declare the demons of your bloodline vanished. Clear your heart of hurt and plant the seeds of healthy development for your unborn child.”
At best, I thought I’d say my piece, leave, and feel like a fool on my drive back. But something more was set up here before I arrived. There was a spirit of reconciliation at work for my mother and me. And I realized I needed it more than I wanted to admit.
~Twenty
I trailed behind Coach Brooks as she led me out of the common area where everyone was kicking back at the end of another long, grueling day in the sun. We turned down too many halls and passed through too many doorways to know where the hell I was. If I was back at home or maybe if this was just a couple of months ago when I first met her, I’d think this could be a set up. But Brooks had been cool with me. She’d been a necessary pain in my ass and that had been proven on the field.
Plus, checking her out from behind, it was clear something was off about her. I peeped it a little early on in training camp but tonight she seemed…feminine. Usually, she wore a bun or some type of braids and sometimes covered her head with a Kings baseball cap. Tonight her hair was long—and real—down her back and over her shoulder as her head tilted to the side. But Brooks was militant about her appearance. She wasn’t…girlie like she looked now. Shit. I wasn’t mad; we were all tired with just two more days of camp to go.
Finally, she stopped at a door and swung it open. I stood in the doorway and saw Nate standing to his feet. Panic ran through me at first, and I stepped inside. This couldn’t be good. Why the hell was Richardson here? I hadn’t called him. My eyes went to Coach Brooks, who was closing the door with her eyes hung low.
“Hey, man.” He smiled with a confused expression.
“How you?” my tone was dry and I was more confused than he was.
“I’m good.” He lowered himself to the chair I’d found him in. “Have a seat.” When I did, and looked at him like he was crazy, Nate asked, “Everything okay up here?”
I dropped my face. “You heard different?”
Nate chuckled, scratching his chin with his thumbnail. He looked tired, too. It was after eight at night, on a campus in the woods. He probably was exhausted as fuck, coming all the way up here for what?
“You tell me. How’s it been out there?”
I shrugged. “I put in work. It’s what I do.” My hand swung back to the door. “Only thing’s different is that broad. My mother-coach ain’t been herself,” I joked with honesty. “I ‘on’t think I like that shit.” I shook my head. “But, the fuck I know what to do with a female coach who got the blues? I can’t take her to a tits and ass bar to get her right.”
Nate laughed. He knew the politics between Brooks and me. He knew just about everything concerning me and this team.
“That’s funny ‘cause she says the same thing about you. Y’all out here syncing moods like when roommates sync menstrual cycles?”
I chuckled at that, swiping my nose. Nate knew the journey it had been, me and Brooks getting on the same page these past couple of months. Like I said, he knew everything.
Slowing his laughter, Nate pushed, “What’s up, man? I heard your focus has been the sharpest they’ve seen; numbers are impressive, plays have improved compared to minicamp.”
I flicked my wrists, palms toward the ceiling. “Then why is my DPS all the way out here in dirt county?”
“Because I got word your performance has been on autopilot.”
“The hell that mean?”
He sat up, putting his elbows on his knees. “It means your light has been out, bruh.”
I spit a laugh. “Those good reports don’t sound like a vacant house.”
“But they sound like a dark, sunken place.”
Shit just got real…
My eyes rolled away and found interest at tip of the armrest of my chair. For a while, I scratched into the material there, not knowing what to say. Talking shit came easy to me. Sharing pain wasn’t.
“Rut…” he almost sang, trying to loosen me up.
I shook my head, not wanting to get into this.
I could hear him take a deep breath. “You’re here. You made it. Camp’ll be over in a couple of days and your performance has secured your seat on the roster. All the bullshit with Brooks and the other doubting coaches has been put to bed. You did it.”
My eyes finally swung over to him and I nodded. He was right. I got my shit together. Even Grant was feeling uneasy next to me out there practicing. I’d been killing his numbers.
“I—I…” I cleared my throat. “I fuckin’ did.”
“Then what the fuck can possibly be the problem?” his tone was more dramatic than I’d ever seen of Nate.
He wanted me to be real. I knew this was just business. I was just one of many of his clients on the team. And even though he came with the bad along with the good since I met him, Nate seemed like a real one. Shit. He was a man—older than me—and had seen a lot. Had been through a lot, probably, too.
“How old were you the first time you nutted in some pussy?”
I could tell that caught him off guard. Nate sat back, pulled his ankle over his knee, put his hand over his mouth, and looked at me.
He tossed his wrist. “Seventeen.”
“You caught feelings for her?”
“Not at all.”
“How ‘bout the first time you went raw and bust in a girl? You caught feelings then?”
“College. And hell yes!” He laughed.
“You know I ain’t never catch feelings behind no ass? The closest I got was my high school girl—shit, my first and last girlfriend—Kim Hawkins. She was crazy as shit, but she was all about me. Loyal. Straight the fuck up, without no games.” I nodded, twisting my lips. “But you know when I did catch feelings in some ass?”
He frowned with suspicion. Even my DPS didn’t believe I was capable. “When?”
“When I got into the league.” His face went even tighter. “You know when I made my first baby?”
“When?”
“After I signed my first multi-million-dollar endorsement deal…preseason.” I felt weak, coping to that bullshit.
Nate sat up in his seat and twisted his neck. “Come again?”
I took a deep breath, rubbing my forehead. I couldn’t believe the words leaving my mouth were about me. This shit didn’t seem real. Parker did. But a fucking baby?
I looked at Nate again and nodded.
“Emily Erceg?” one brow went into the air.
“Nigga, I’mma Five Percenter. I may have agreed to the propaganda to get this paper, but I ain’t never running up in that pussy. And if I did, it wouldn’t have been raw.”
“Then who?”
We spoke at the same time, “Parker.”
“Parker Grayson?” Nate referred to her whole government.
I guess that was how he knew her from temping in the front office.
“Shit,” he whispered, looking toward the floor.
“Try ‘fuck.’” That’s the one I’d been going with. “Fuckin’ stupid. A fuckin’ shame. Fuckin’ got me here—well, not exactly.” Like a fucking idiot, I knock her up without intercourse. “But you get the picture.”
Nate straightened his spine in his seat and scratched his brow. “And that’s had you stressed all camp,” he spoke mostly to himself. “When did you find out?”
“The night before I reported in.”
He nodded.
“And Parker…?”
“Ain’t got shit to lose in this. In fact, I gave her one. She’s been wanting a baby.”
“Parker? I didn’t take her for gamer. I’ve known her for like six years. My father and The Boulder are—”
“I know!” I groaned, not wanting to hear Wright’s fucking name. I could choke that nigga. Wished he was well so he could “see” me. The fuck was he thinking? His kids put her out. Parker didn’t deserve that shit. “And nah. Even though I thought she was gaming me for the first few minutes after finding out, I remembered shawtie don’t even want a man. She just want a kid.”
And I was the dumb fucker who supplied it.
“Everybody got what they wanted from me, but I never received shit in return. And what made this situation more hurtful is that I lost a friend.” My body jerked in the air, arms stretched and head bobbed. “I ‘on’t even do female friends, Richardson. How the fuck did the game fold on me like this?”
“Because you ‘did’ a friend, I’m guessing.”
“Not exactly how it went down, but it’s still fucked up. I mean…” I rubbed the tip of my nose with the back of my index finger as I thought. “I want kids, but maybe after I retire. You remember that article StentRo did for Sports Illustrated after he had lil’ Jordan? He said he thought he’d be the type of father rolling into his kids’ high school graduation in a damn wheelchair.” I slapped the arm of my chair. “Man, that was my fuckin’ hashtag. Wheelchair goals!”
I couldn’t even laugh at my stupid ass. Nate didn’t either. He just pouted his lips as he nodded. It was a thing he did that made me believe he was “with” me and not against me like everybody else.
“I know it sounds fucked up, I’m keeping it a brick here…”
“I get it.”
Huhn?
“Get what?”
“I get the kid thing. That isn’t everyone’s…hashtag goals. I’ve never wanted kids and still don’t. It’s never been appealing to me.” He scoffed. “I’ve lost a few, holding tight to that conviction. My father won’t be made a grandparent from these loins.” He shrugged. “Maybe he’ll be lucky to get a step-grandchild from me, but that’s the best I can do for him.”
“Damn!” I breathed, chuckling.
Nate raised his shoulders and hands. “You ain’t the only one capable of keeping it trill. It’s my truth, so I get a man wanting to be reserved about planting seeds in a world of reckless shooters. But I also get adapting to the shit life doles out. A man in your position can’t just fuck up on the field: You can do it off the field, too. And I don’t mean just having a baby unexpectedly. I’ve seen decent women turn into vengeful, scorned nightmares all because of the first two…three decisions the man made after finding out about conception. Be careful. Your actions and words over the next two years will set the tone. Your response could bring you good or do you harm.”
I nodded, lost in his mouthful. I couldn’t stunt on Parker. No matter how fucked up this situation was, I couldn’t make myself believe she was on some bullshit. Her character was built different. She was the most selfless person I met in my life. My grandmother wasn’t as generous as that girl.
“Anything I can do help with this?” I shook my head. “I don’t think anyone knows about it. She’s been in the office every day lately. I thought that was strange.” My eyes rolled up to Nate. “Wonder what’s this going to mean for The Boulder’s care.”
I could give a shit about Wright’s care but was too damn exhausted to go there. Plus, it was obvious Nate didn’t know they put her out on her ass. That shit still fucked with me.
“You cool with his son?”
Nate’s eyes shot over to me. “Which one?”
“Either one of them?”
“I can’t stand James. Jerry moved away, so I don’t see him often. He’s an asshole. Sherry…gets around.” He snickered. “She likes to hide behind that idyllic lifestyle of going to school, marrying her college sweetheart, and having three point five kids, but locker room gossip is worse than a fucking beauty shop. She done scratched too many of my players to count. She got a thing for rookies, especially.”
I snorted. “Yeah. So I’ve heard.”
I stood from my seat. “I’m out, god.” I stretched my arms and throbbing ass legs. “Gotta early start tomorrow.”
Nate was out of his seat to give me dap. “Rut, if you keep shit like this to yourself again, I’m gonna have to recommend your ass stay in therapy a little while longer.”
“Fuck you,” I whined like a kid as I walked to the door.
I rang the doorbell and waited. It was after eight at night and mostly dark out. From the bevel glass on the set of doors, I could see the place was just as empty as the last time I’d been here. It was dark inside, the only light I could see was from the kitchen in the back of the house. I didn’t even see her coming until she was damn near in my face. I stood straight as she opened the door.
She pulled it back and I stepped in.
“Hey.” Why was I so damn nervous all of a sudden?
“Hey,” she whispered with tight eyes.
“You were sleep?”
Parker rubbed her eyes. “I guess I was. I told myself it was close to time to expect you… I guess sleep crept up on me.” She giggled quietly.
I could smell the citrusy scent from her hair and body. She looked like the same old Parker to me. She wore tight biker shorts that were hiked up her toned thighs and baby doll shirt. She didn’t look pregnant at all. This seemed to be the girl I trusted and could laugh with. But I knew. I knew behind that loose T-shirt was an unwanted truth.
I trained my eyes away from her, looking around the tall naked walls. “You like it?”
“It’s beautiful.” She took a deep breath, looking up and around, too. “Still confused about the place, but it’s gorgeous nonetheless.”
I chuckled at her formal tone. “Let’s start off with it’s a house.”
Parker made an expression of shock, her hands going to her face. “Shocker!” she whispered.
I shook my head. “Somebody I know couldn’t maintain the mortgage on it and needed extra cash, so I took it off his hands.”
“And so timely…” She was reaching.
“I made the offer that morning Wright’s daughter showed to the house. I even threw in an extra hun’ned K to expedite the deal. I didn’t think it would happen as fast as I needed it to, but…” I looked behind me at the living room I remembered leading to a sunroom and family room.
“You needed it?” her chirp brought my attention back to her.
“I did.” I nodded, eyes up on the balcony. “For a friend.”
“So you bought this house for me?”
I shrugged, lifting my lips. “It felt like the right thing to do.”
“And storming out the night we learned I’m pregnant felt the same?” her tone was deceptively sweet.
I closed my eyes, not ready to take that on. I knew we had to at some point, but I didn’t know how.
“That wasn’t my finest hour. I was caught off guard and angry.”
“And yet you allowed me to stay here for a little while?”
“Nah.” I shook my head, still looking around. “This is yours. That’s what the paperwork was about. I hear you haven’t signed it, though.”
“I haven’t spoken to you to know what your plans were. You’ve been like God, making things happen without your physical form.”
“Because I’ve been working.”
“And so has your phone.” She put her fist over her mouth and shifted away. “I don’t want to fight.”
Shit. I didn’t either. It was late, I was tired. After leaving camp, I drove straight down to Love Is Action in New York City and sat through a long ass image spin meeting with my PR people. Elle cut into my ass something fierce all afternoon about the Brielle concert pictures and how me cheating on Emily was now a ‘thing’ that wouldn’t go away unless Emily and I broke up or I cut Parker off. After I told her why Parker wouldn’t disappear, s
hit hit the fan. It was fucking draining.
I scratched my head. “Me either. I came up here to check up on you.” I swung my hand toward the living room. “See if we can get you some furniture and shit.”
“I don’t need your little endorsement money. You’ve spent enough of it on this house I’m not sure how long I’ll be in.”
My head swung back. “What’s so fuckin’ lil’ about my endorsement checks? Something I didn’t use to buy this shit. And where the hell you going if you don’t stay here?”
Parker cut me the first nasty eye since I walked through the door. “I have options, Rut. They may not be as lavish as the sixty-five hundred square feet custom designed house, but no matter where I go, I’ll be fine.”
“The fuck you mean, ‘where you go’? Why you saying it like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m not fuckin’ trying here!” I didn’t mean to yell.
But she was pissing me the fuck off. Why was she being mean?
“Trying?” She switched weight from one hip to the other. “You don’t get to throw tantrums and expect for people be okay with it until you’ve calmed down. And you shouldn’t expect for me to be okay with that.”
“It caught me off guard! Gooooddamn. I’m not perfect, Parker!”
“And you’re not a child either. You shouldn’t act like one. In the real world, Rut, adults don’t get the opportunity to have emotional meltdowns when life turns shitty for them!” My eyes went wild. “They don’t get to fall to the floor, cry, and lay blame elsewhere. In the real world, you just have to brave through the bad shit and hold out for a new fucking day!” She screamed to the point of her neck bulging. I never heard her use so many cuss words.