“You know, when I was out there in the hurricane trying to get to Max and I was terrified, but then I remembered something someone very important once told me. Something I’d forgotten in the haze,” I say, looking up into his eyes.
“What was it?”
I squeeze his hand. “Stop being alive, and start living. Your words. It was your voice pushing me on when the other voice was trying to pull me down. Somewhere in between the time I jumped in the water and the time I reached Max, I realized that things happen. Hurricanes happen. Tragedies happen. I made a promise to myself that when it was all over and Max was safe that I would fight against the voice and do everything I could in order to not spend my time worrying about when the other shoe is going to drop. I have to live instead of being afraid of the things life could bring.” I sigh. “I mean, it was easier said than done. It wasn’t like I magically thought I would be better and poof it happened. The fading hormones and antidepressants have played a big part in that.”
The day after I gave birth, the roads were cleared and King was able to take me and Polly to the hospital to make sure there were no post-birth complications. That’s when I met Ruby, the nurse who listened to me as I cried and broke down and told my life story. She’s also the one who pulled a doctor into my room from the hallway and forced him to write me a prescription for antidepressants right then and there.
I look to King who doesn’t appear as surprised as I thought he would be.
He smiles at my confused expression. “Pup, I know. I talked to the nurse at the hospital. She told me everything. Well, I made her tell me everything. Told her I would show up every day if she didn’t.”
“You did?” I raise my eyebrows. I shouldn’t be surprised
“Of course, I fucking did. Why do you think I’ve been giving you so much space? Why I haven’t been asking you if you’re okay? She told me not to and that you’d talk when you’re ready and I shouldn’t push you.”
“And you listened?”
“It wasn’t fucking easy,” he admits. “But you’re so brave. Admitting you needed help and getting it. My only problem was admitting that I can’t always be the one who will be able to help you, and that just don’t sit right with me. But I realized that I could help you, by sending Ruby to your room.”
“You know Ruby? That traitor.”
“I know everyone in this town, Pup. You should know this by now. I was locked up with her brother. She used to sneak us in these little turkey pot pies.” He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my fingers. “I don’t know what she said to you, but I’m glad she helped you.”
I trace my fingers over the scar lining his eyebrow. “Me, too. She said what I have is long-term postpartum depression, exasperated by pregnancy hormones. I always thought that postpartum was something that went away after you had a baby, but she said it’s different in all women and can sometimes last for years. They may need to tweak them as time goes on but right now, I feel…a lot better. And when Ruby told me her own story of how she went through the same thing, I felt, I don’t know, less alone.”
“Pup, you’re never in this alone.”
The cringe of guilt rears its ugly head. “I wanted to tell you. I did. I tried to, several times. But I didn’t understand what was going on myself, and the thought of coming to tell you that I feel sad or off felt silly and selfish.”
“Selfish is the furthest thing you could ever be. And there’s nothing you can’t tell me, but I understand why you didn’t. I don’t like it, but I understand it.” He presses his forehead against mine, and I inhale the smell of soap and the faint trace of cigarettes. “Make me a promise. In the future when you ain’t feeling right, even if you can’t explain it or understand why, just tell me something’s not right. I won’t try, and fix it. I’ll just be here for you. I am here for you. Always.”
“When did you become so wise?” I ask with a sniffle as my chest swells and the love I feel for King spills from my eye.
King wipes the tear with his thumb and sucks it into his mouth. “When Preppy rose from the dead.”
I scrunch my nose. “Huh?”
He chuckles. “Nothing, I’ll explain it to you later. Better, yet, I’ll let Preppy ramble on about it.”
“There is one more thing I have to tell you,” I admit, biting my lower lip.
“Tell me anything,” he says.
I lick my bottom lip and watch as King’s eyes follow the movements of my tongue. “When I went for my follow up appointment today, the doctor gave me another prescription. One you don’t know about.”
He stills. “For what?”
I put my arms around his neck and pull him closer. “For you. It’s been six weeks.”
Kings eyes darken, his lids hooded. “Now that’s one I can help you fill.”
The anticipation heats the air between us. King stands and lifts me into his arms.
“You don’t have to carry me!” I squeal.
His voice is low and dark, full of raw desire and emotion. “I carried you back then. I carry you now. I’ll carry you. Always.”
Chapter 9
Ray
There have been so many moments when I’ve not felt good enough or strong enough over the past few months, but being with King, like this, is a reminder of clarity. Of what matters.
Of us.
King kisses me passionately, a slow burn that builds into an inferno with one swipe of his tongue against mine. When he pulls back, it’s only so he can navigate the stairs, taking two at a time until we’re alone in the new addition of the house. It’s dark and empty, but I see more clearly than ever before.
I see King.
I’m nervous, although I know I shouldn’t be. It’s been a while, but there’s no doubt what I want, and what I want is him. All of him. Forever.
Now.
“I ache for you, Pup. Now, more than ever.” He stalks over to me. The muscles of his strong thighs flexing beneath his tight jeans. “Did you know that? Do you know what you fucking do to me?”
I shake my head. My legs tremble.
“Well, now, you do,” he says. He’s standing right in front of me, not touching me. “What do you want, Pup?”
I don’t hesitate, my words come out breathless. “You. I want you.”
He groans and wraps his large hand around my throat, firm and strong. A possessive warning of what’s to come.
My body shudders, and my pulse quickens.
King walks me backward until I collide with the wall. “Is this what you want, Pup?” His other hand rises on my outer thigh, lighting a fire on my skin. He pushes up my dress, exposing my damp panties.
“Yes,” I breathe.
King lifts me from the wall and turns me around, pulling me down on the floor, and I fall gracelessly onto the carpet.
Desire is the yearning to erase all distance. That’s exactly what I want. To erase the distance between myself and King. Both the distance in my head and the three feet or so between us right now.
He hovers over me and pops the button on my shorts, slowly unzipping them. I lift my hips eagerly.
King shakes his head. “Patience, Pup. I’m taking my time with you tonight.” He pulls my shorts down my legs, and he wasn’t kidding. He is taking his time. His fingers drag against the bare skin of my thighs, and I’m awash in sensation and need that’s sending blood racing through my ears like heavy rain on pavement.
He tosses my shorts to the floor and grabs my knees, spreading my legs wide to accommodate his large body between them. He licks me over my panties, and I convulse at the contact.
He chuckles low in his throat, and I arch my back. Why isn’t he in more of a rush? I don’t know how much of this I can take, I think as he makes another swipe at my clit with his talented tongue.
He removes my panties, and now, I’m left only in his shirt, naked from the waist down.
If the sensation of his tongue against my panties made me jump, the feeling of it against my clit with no barrier between makes m
e practically leap off the bed with every muscle and nerve in my body reacting to the shock of pleasure I’m now feeling everywhere.
“I’ve missed this beautiful pussy,” he growls, lightly scraping his teeth over my inner thigh. For a moment, he lingers there, just staring. I try to close my thighs, thinking something is wrong or that it doesn’t look the way it used to, but his head is in the way, and all I manage to do is clamp my legs around his ears.
He pushes my knees wide once more and holds me there. “Pup,” he warns. King flattens his tongue and licks me from ass to clit, sucking on it lightly before releasing it. “I’ve waited a long, fucking time to see this beautiful body of yours again, and I plan on spending my sweet time appreciating every fucking part of you and getting reacquainted. You’re the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, and so is every part of you.” He rises to his knees and takes my hand, guiding it to where his erection is straining behind his jeans. “I’ve never been so damn hard in my life. It’s all for you. Always for you.”
I gasp. I know it’s been a while, but somehow, he seems even larger than he had before.
He lowers himself back down over my body. “No more hiding from me,” he says. “Not now. Not ever. Are we clear?”
I nod because I can’t find the words. Not just because he’s hooked a finger inside of me while circling my clit with his tongue but because I don’t know what to say that can make him understand how much his words mean to me. I know he loves me. I know I’m beautiful. I know what amazing things my body has created and been through. I’ve known all along. I just haven’t been able to connect my brain and my heart and get them on the same page, but that’s exactly what King is doing. Connecting the two once more.
And for the first time in a while, I believe him. I feel beautiful. I feel wanted. And I WANT.
Oh, fuck, do I want.
King growls into my pussy as I feel a flush of wetness release with my increased desire. “That’s it, Pup. You’re so fucking wet for me. So fucking ready.”
“So take me,” I pant. “Now.”
He shakes his head. The stubble on his face adding a new feeling of sensation, adding to the growing ache in my body. “Not yet. Not until you come.”
He inserts another finger, and my eyes roll back in my head as he pulls out and pushes back in with a rhythm that has me riding both his fingers and his face as he relentlessly sucks, licks, nips at my clit and the outer folds. He removes his fingers and lightly pinches the outer folds of my pussy together, putting pressure on my clit. He massages them together with my poor sensitive clit within then covers it with his mouth, and my head falls back on the pillow. My back arches, and he pushes his tongue right into the spot I need it one last time.
I swear I go fucking blind from the pleasure of it all. From him.
I’m not in the room anymore or on the floor. I’m on another planet where I’m floating above myself, watching the sexiest scene I’ve ever laid eyes on unfold beneath me. King between my legs. King bringing me pleasure. King making me come until I’m sure I’m blacking out.
When I come to, King is between my legs with the thick head of his hot throbbing erection prodding at the entrance to my soaking, wet pussy. He grabs his shaft and rubs the head through my wetness, and I groan, the need building even faster this time. My lower stomach is tight and so is every nerve ending working overtime to hold my body together and keep it from exploding from sheer fucking pleasure.
“So wet for me. You want this cock?” he asks, kissing me on the lips. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth then releases it, searching my eyes for the answer.
I smile up at him. “Fuck, yeah, I do,” I whisper.
He repositions himself at my entrance, and with a flex of his hips, he’s inside me. Deep. Stretching. Filling. “So fucking tight,” he groans.
It is tight because I wince when the bite of pain becomes almost too much.
King stills. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s just been a while,” I explain.
“I can stop,” he says, pulling back slightly.
I dig my nails into his shoulders. “No, you fucking won’t,” I hear myself growl. “I just need a second.”
King chuckles. “There’s my girl.”
I flex my hips to test my readiness, and he hisses between his teeth. I feel strong, powerful for being able to elicit that kind of reaction from him. “I’m good,” I tell him. The truth is that I’m more than good. I’m fucking great. His cock is touching every part of my fucking pussy that needs to be touched, and it’s happening all at once. I’m so incredibly full of him, but all I can think is that I want more. So much more. Of this. Of him.
Of us.
King kisses my neck and works his lips up to my jaw, still not moving. “Fuck. I hate that you’re not comfortable, but holy fucking shit, you’re so tight, you’re choking my cock.”
“I can stop,” I repeat his words, cocking an eyebrow up at him.
Now, it’s his turn to use my words against me. “No, you fucking won’t,” he says with a smirk.
I flex my hips again, and his eyes darken. He begins to move in and out. Each movement eliciting a gasp or moan from either of us. I lift my hips, and he thrusts faster and faster. I keep up the best I can. He’s not just fucking me. We’re fucking each other.
It’s like when fire and ice collide. A bomb of feelings. Opposites coming together in an explosion of the senses. All I can feel, smell, taste, is him. All around me. Inside me. He’s everywhere. My body. My heart.
“I’m close. So fucking. close,” I manage to cry out.
“I know. I can fucking feel it,” King replies, the chords of his neck strained. The muscles of his chest and abs flexing as he thrusts into me over and over again.
My breasts feel heavy, and my skin is on fire. The sound of our bodies slapping together and the smell of sweat and sex is too fucking much. My pussy clamps down around his cock. I convulse, squeezing him with all I have as I come even harder than I had the first time, my vision turning to static and my body lost to the pleasure and feeling and sensations of King. I’m still coming, awash in a wave of a next level orgasm when he places a hand other underneath me, lifting my hips. The other finds its way around my throat. He leaves it there as I feel his cock swell within me, growing even harder until a few wild and lust crazed thrusts later he’s groaning my name. My fingers dig into his ass, and he stills as he comes deep within me. “Fuck, Pup. Oh, fuuuuccck,” he cries, as he rides my pussy until his own orgasm ebbs and we’re left in a pile of sweat and heavy breathing beside each other on the bed.
“I fucking missed that,” I say, still trying to catch my breath.
He grabs my chin and forces me to face him. His green eyes staring into mine with a possessive ferocity that I feel in my already heaving chest.
“I fucking missed you. All of you. Not just this.” His voice grows quiet. I’m feeling every emotion possible for this man, but the loudest of the emotions screaming from within my heart is love.
Always love.
“You scared me for a while there. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. Not ever. This is too important. We are too important.”
I nod. “I didn’t want you to think I was weak,” I finally admit.
He cradles me in his arms. “Weak? Because you’re going through a rough patch? You think what you did by saving Max was weak? You think delivering your own kid is weak? You think by trying to be the hero in our everyday lives while walking around with this internal burden is weak? Pup, you’re the strongest fucking person I know. We’re in this life together.”
I nod and allow him to press me into his chest where my tears soak his already damp skin. “Together,” I repeat.
“When you’re feeling weak, I’ll be strong for you. If you can’t see, I’ll be your eyes. If you can’t hear, I’ll guide you. We’re only weak when we’re not a team. Together? We’re un-fucking-stoppable.”
My heart constricts in my chest. “You take my breath away
.”
King holds my gaze. “You are my fucking breath.”
Chapter 10
Ray
Although King and I are legally married and bonded to each other in every way, today is our wedding day.
It will be a simple affair that will take place in a field on the farm where Nine and Preppy operate their weed business. Twinkling lights and picnic tables. A no-frills affair followed by a party with friends, family, and a buffet catered by Billy’s Crab Shack.
I watch the scenery of Logan’s Beach pass by through the window from the backseat of Preppy’s Cadillac. He insisted that he and Dre drive me to the wedding, and I couldn’t deny him when he seemed so honored to be the one to bring me to King on our wedding day.
I smooth out my dress and pull it out from where it’s trapped between the back of my legs and the seat to avoid wrinkles. I dress to avoid it wrinkling. It’s not white but blush. No lace or beading for me, just spaghetti straps with a low V in the front, then straight all the way to the floor. I loved it the second I saw it and knew it was what I wanted to marry King in. My platinum hair is straight and parted down the middle with a crown of small flowers that match the color of my dress. The only sparkle is the rose gold leaves surrounding the flowers. Dre did my makeup, and although it’s heavier than I normally wear, especially around my eyes, it’s still me, just a dolled-up version.
Preppy pokes his head between the front seats and smiles. “You ready for today, kid?”
“Been ready,” I reply.
He winks and cuts the engine.
He opens the door for Dre, then runs back around the car to open my door. He’s wearing a tan colored tux with a blush pink bow-tie, and I realize why he insisted on seeing my dress the day I bought it.
Preppy offers one arm to Dre and one to me. He leads me around the small one-story office building, and when we round the corner, I stop and unhook my arm from Preppy’s to cover my mouth with my hand.
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