“Liam, Shayne and I were just saying we need to organize a night out. Why don’t you come with us? It won’t be awkward for Shayne that way, because my boyfriend Trent will be with us.” I see Shayne’s face go a bright red. Crimson is more an accurate term. I don’t want to embarrass her, but they’ve been dancing around each other since the first day I started, and probably before that.
“Yeah.” He turns to me smiling, “I like that idea. I’d love to go.”
“Love to fucking go where?” Trent’s deep voice says from somewhere behind me. I turn to see Trent charging toward us. Anger rolling off him, waves of fury so clear on his face. “I said where are you taking my girl, fucker?” He lands a punch in Liam’s face.
“Trent!” I scream and try to pull him back. But Trent brings his fist back, and lays into him again. This time knocking Liam back on the ground. “Trent!” I scream again and lunge at him to pull him off Liam. Trent turns, and in his fit of absolute fury, slaps me hard across my face.
I stumble back barely able to keep my balance. The slap itself stings across my cheek, but the shock of it has thrown me off balance.
“Oh my God, Lily,” Trent says as he gets up off Liam and rushes over to me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing, please forgive me. I’m sorry.”
“He and Shayne like each other, I was trying to get the four of us to go out together.” I clutch the side of my face as Trent tries to console me, holding me close to his chest.
“I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry.” He kisses the top of my head. “But it looked like he was hitting on you, and you were just letting it happen.”
“I wasn’t, I promise.”
“Okay, I know that now. But next time, don’t talk to men the way you were talking to him. You were leaning in toward him, you looked like you were hanging on every word he was saying.”
I was? I thought I was just sitting normally, talking normally. “I’m sorry, I’ll make sure I’m more aware of that.”
“That’s okay. Just don’t do it again, alright?” he says as his hands travel up and down my back and he leans in to rest his chin on the top of my head.
“Shayne and I need to get back to work. Will you think about us going out with Liam?”
“I’ll consider it.” He moves me away and kisses my cheek, which feels like it’s on fire. He then goes over to Liam, offers him his hand and apologizes. I’m so glad he recognizes he was in the wrong and is saying he’s sorry.
“We gotta go,” Shayne says, and side-steps Trent. Her eyes keep focus on him as she’s coming toward me.
“I’ll pick you up after work,” Trent says and stays back to talk to Liam.
“What the hell just happened?” Shayne whispers while we walk quickly toward the store.
“He thought Liam was trying to hit on me, that’s all.”
“Did you see how he flew at Liam? He went crazy.”
“I know, but I was leading Liam on, too. The way I was flirting with him.”
“What? Are you serious? You weren’t leading him on or flirting with him!”
“Yeah, I was. Trent said he got mad because he thought Liam was flirting, and the way I was sitting and listening to Liam, made him think I was into him.”
“Lily?” Shayne stops walking and turns so we’re facing each other. “I was right there. You were not doing that. If I thought you were I would’ve said something. But you weren’t flirting with him any more than he was flirting with you.”
“I just have to watch myself, because it upset Trent. That’s why he hit him, because of me.”
Shayne draws her eyebrows in together and shakes her head. “It’s not my business Lily, but you better be careful of Trent. What he did back there? That’s not right. Not right at all.” She points toward the park where Trent punched Liam. “And, he hit you.”
“That was an accident, he didn’t mean to. He said he was sorry.”
“You’re a good person. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
I smile at her, because I know she wants what’s best for me, but I do need to watch how I interact with people, too. “Okay.” I take a deep breath, “Come on, let’s go back to work before Stacey docks our pay.”
Trent stands from the bed and puts his jeans on. He’s been really quiet lately, and I’m not sure what’s happening. Maybe it’s because we leave for college in five days, maybe it’s because I’ve been working a lot at the store. I’ve been picking up as many shifts as I can, and I haven’t been able to spend much time with him.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” I say, trying to break the tension in the room.
“What? We just had sex, what else do you want?”
I didn’t want to have sex; it’s always him who instigates it. “Um, I was thinking maybe I can get my permit and you can teach me to drive. What do you think?”
He’s putting his t-shirt back on and once it’s over his head, he comes and sits beside me on the bed. “Why do you need to learn to drive? I take you wherever you need.”
“What if you can’t take me one day because you’re not with me?”
“Where would I be, Lily? You’re everything to me. If you and I ever broke up, life wouldn’t be worth living.”
“I’m not saying anything about breaking up, just…you know…what if you’re out and I need to go somewhere?”
“Where would you need to go without me?”
“I’d like to get a job when we move. And what if you’re in class and I need to get to work?”
“Our apartment is really close to campus, and the bus comes right outside our door. If you need to go to work you can go by bus. Or you can find a job close to the apartment and walk. You’ve put on some weight around your hips, and it doesn’t look like the dieting is working, so maybe walking will do you good.” He leans in and kisses the tip of my nose. “Go take a shower. You smell like a well-used whore, and unless we’re going out somewhere, I don’t like you smelling like that around my parents.”
“Okay,” I say as I dress in an oversized t-shirt and slip some yoga pants on. He’s right, I do smell like him, and I don’t like anyone knowing that Trent and I are having sex, let alone his mom. I’m so embarrassed when Trent talks to his dad so openly about what I do with him. But I suppose, this is what a normal family does. They talk candidly about everything, with no secrets.
Once I’ve showered, I get dressed and go out to find where Mrs. Hackly is. She hasn’t changed much since I’ve moved in, and Mr. Hackly tends to ignore me, only saying things in passing to me. He’s cordial, but there’s never really any conversation.
“Stacey called, said there’s a shift available if you want it,” Mr. Hackly says.
“Yeah that’ll be good. Thank you, I’ll ask Trent if he can take me.”
“I’ll take you, I have a few things to get from there,” Mr. Hackly replies.
“Thank you,” I answer, and go to find Trent to tell him I’ll be working.
He’s up in his room, he’s lying on his bed talking in a hushed voice on the phone. “Yeah, I’ll see you later,” he says louder when he sees me walk in the room. “Hey, babe. You alright?”
“Stacey called, said there’s a shift available. Is it okay if I go?”
Trent jumps off the bed quite enthusiastically. “Yeah, of course. Good idea. I’ll call Jason back and let him know I’ll go out tonight then. If you want to get ready I’ll take you in.”
“Your dad said he can take me.”
“Even better. Have a good night at work, text me what time you’re finishing and I’ll be there to pick you up,” he says as he leads me out of his room and closes the door, before I can say anything.
I go downstairs to my room, put on my uniform and go find Mr. Hackly. “I’m ready, sir,” I say, once I find him in the family room on his tablet.
“Go wait in the car, I’ll be there in a moment.”
“I’ll just ask Mrs. Hackly if there’s anything she needs, then I’ll go wait in the car.” I haven’t seen
her today, I heard her in the kitchen and when I went to see if she needed help, she was already gone.
“She’s laying down; she has a headache. You can go to the car.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and thumbs through it.
“Yes, sir.” I take myself outside and wait in the car until Mr. Hackly comes. I’m not left waiting long, but when he gets in the car he’s wearing cologne. “Thank you for taking me.”
“That’s fine, Lily.” The rest of the ride is quiet. Mr. Hackly barely speaks to me as it is, so it’s no surprise when he puts the music on and doesn’t look once at me.
When we get to the store, I jump out, thank Mr. Hackly again and go put my bag away. But first I need to find Stacey and ask her what time I’m finishing, so I can let Trent know. I go up to her office and she’s not there, I go down on the floor and ask the girls working, but no one’s seen her. I’ve been here for ten minutes already and I can’t find her, so I decide to duck to the ladies room before my shift starts and I’ll ask Stacey when I’m on my break.
I go into the bathroom and pull my pants down to sit on the toilet when I hear murmuring. The sound is very familiar. Someone’s having sex in the cubicle at the end of the stall. Gross. I quickly finish and pull my pants up when I hear Stacey say, “Shhh, someone’s in here.”
The response from the other person is, “Then you best be fucking quiet, whore.” And the voice is one I know all too well. He brought me here.
I don’t even wash my hands, I just flush the toilet and run as fast as I can, fleeing what I just heard. I duck into the men’s room to wash my hands in there. No one else is in here, so I put my ear to the door and wait until I can’t hear anything.
Creaking the door open, I look down the hall and notice it’s completely isolated. I run down to the front and ask what register I’m going to be on. As soon as I’m ready, my conveyor belt is already laden with a customer’s groceries and another two are waiting in line.
The shift is going by quickly, but my head is swimming with what I heard in the bathroom. I have to keep this to myself until I speak to Trent, because I don’t know what to do. The queue at my register is three deep, and all the other registers are the same. Tonight’s really busy and it doesn’t seem to ease up. But Mr. Hackly’s gruff voice as he was having sex just won’t leave my mind.
“You okay there, Lily?” I look up to see Mr. Hackly standing in front of me. I startle at his presence and I can’t help but look down, embarrassed and unsure of where to look.
“Yes, Sir,” I say as I scan the items he has. Milk, bread, coffee cream, deodorant, and a few other things.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“No, Sir. We’re just busy tonight.”
“I see,” he says as he looks around at the other busy registers. “As long as you’re alright, Lily.”
“Yes, Sir.” I finish scanning the last item and say, “That’ll be forty-eight dollars and six cents, sir.” Mr. Hackly takes a fifty out of his wallet and hands it to me. But instead of passing it over, he grips my hand tightly in his, squeezing. “Sir?” I look at him and silently plead to let my hand go. What he’s doing is aggressive, almost like he’s warning me.
“I’ll see you when you get back to my home, Lily. Keep the change.” He picks his bag up and walks out of the store not once looking at me. This time, he’s saying he can kick me out in a heartbeat.
What do I do?
Sometimes it’s better to stay with the devil you know, instead of risking it all on the devil you don’t know. Isn’t it?
But I’m really confused about what to do. If I tell Trent, he’ll tell Mr. Hackly and then I might get in trouble. What do I do?
Just before my break, Stacey comes out to the floor and I get her attention to come talk to me. I have to pretend I don’t know what happened in the bathroom, but I’m not sure I can look her in the eyes either.
“What do you need?” she asks curtly.
“What time will I finish, so I can let Trent know?”
“At midnight.”
“Thank you,” I say, and continue on with my work.
But Stacey doesn’t leave. She waits until I finish serving the customer I’m on, then she comes behind the register to stand beside me. “Do you like working here, Lily?” she asks, her voice very low.
“Yes, ma’am.” I start to scan the next set of groceries, and Stacey stays beside me.
“Good. Would you like a job here when you return for vacation?”
“Very much, ma’am.”
“Then remember I have the power to give you work, or toss your ugly ass out.” She, like Mr. Hackly, is warning me.
“Yes, ma’am,” I say as I keep my head down and avoid looking at her. I don’t want to meet her eyes, because I don’t want her to know it was me in the bathroom while they….well, while they had sex. “I understand.” I keep working, waiting for her overwhelmingly aggressive presence to leave.
“Good then. We won’t have a problem.” Out of the corner of my eye I see her leave. Her heels clack against the concrete flooring, and I can hear the sound get smaller and smaller.
When I finish with the last of my customers before my break, I close off my register and go to the staff room to get my purse and to call Trent. I walk out and go toward the deli so I can get something to eat while I dial Trent’s number.
“Shhh, it’s herrrrr,” I hear a woman slur in the background.
“Hey, babe. How’s work?” Trent says, but he sounds intoxicated, too.
“Good. Um, I finish at midnight.”
“Yeeeeeaaaaahh, about that, babe. You’ll have to catch a bus home.” I hear some people laughing in the background. “Achuly, you best walk ‘cause you’re looking real fat. I feeeeeeeeel like I’m fucking a piiiig.” There’s a huge uproar of laughter from whoever he’s with.
“It’ll be midnight, Trent. I don’t want to walk back on my own. I’ll get a cab.”
“Noooo you fucking won’t. I’m not letting you spend myyyyyy money on cabs. You can walk, you faaaaat coooow.” Then there’s mooing noises in the background.
“Um, okay. I’ll walk. Bye, Trent.” I won’t walk, it’s too late for me to walk back on my own. I don’t hear anything from Trent before I hang up. I go into the deli and one of the young men who works here is serving, and there’s another man who’s standing in front of me waiting to be served.
I stand and wait, and think about how I’m going to get home. “Usual, Max?” the guy serving asks the gentleman, who’s now moved to the serving counter.
“Y-y-yes, p-p-please,” he says with a stutter.
I can’t see his face, but he’s tall and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. “Working late tonight are you?”
“Y-yep. Anoth-another nigh-night at the ho-ho-hospital.”
“Hope it’s not too busy for you.”
The guy chuckles and says, “Wh-when isn’t it bu-busy?”
“Yeah.” He looks down at the roll he’s making ‘Max’ then looks back up to him. “Juice, too?”
“Y-yes, p-please.” I notice his stutter is fairly bad, but the more the guy talks to him, the more at ease he gets and the more the stutter lessens.
“Here you go. Have a good night, Max.”
Max pays and takes his food. As he’s about to walk out, a young lady goes to push the door to come in. Max opens the door, and stands to the side to let her enter first. “Ma’am,” he says and tips his chin. He looks over to me, and I’m speechless and breathless. He’s beautiful. Like one of those perfect statues from ancient times. I can’t help but keep looking at him as he holds the door open for the young woman. He winks at me, then turns back to her.
I watch as she enters, smiles at him and comes to stand behind me.
I’ve never seen that happen before. A gentleman. A real life gentleman.
“How can I help you?” the guy calls to me, breaking the spell I’m under watching Max walk away.
“Um…” I lose my words for a fleeting s
econd, “Can I have a salad please?” I turn to look out the front window, but Max is gone. Like a dream, a beautiful fantasy, he’s left as if he were never real to begin with.
With my dinner of a salad, I hope soon this extra weight will drop off me. I don’t want to be fat and ugly anymore. I can’t help being unattractive, but being fat I can certainly do something about. I take my dinner back to the staff breakroom and sit in it on my own, picking at the green leaves.
Before my break, I was overwhelmed remembering the sounds while I was in the bathroom, now though, all I can think about is the man I saw in the deli. Such a simple gesture, holding the door open for someone else. It’s playing on my mind, and I can’t let it go. One day, I hope to be treated the same way.
I check the time and see I’ve got to get back on the register. I have four more hours left of the night before I can go home.
The four hours fly by and before I know it, it’s the end of my shift. I close my register out and go get my bag. Taking my phone out, I figure I’ll try Trent once more in case he can pick me up. The phone rings out and goes to voicemail. I try once again, and the second call goes to voicemail, too. I sling my bag over my shoulder, and walk out through the front of the store. As I walk out the front door, I see Liam parking his car and coming toward the store. “Hey,” he says as he stops to talk to me.
“You’re in here late, what’s going on?”
“Shayne wants candy. So being the good boyfriend I am, I volunteered to bring her some.” Liam and Shayne found their groove last week, and since then they’ve been together virtually every spare moment. She’s still trying to organize the four of us to go out, but Trent hasn’t said we can go yet.
I smile at Liam; he really is a good guy. “That’s really nice of you.”
“What are you doing out so late? Did you finish a shift?”
“Yeah, there was one on offer so I took it. I need all the cash I can get before I go to college.”
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