“Well that’s good.”
Trent dials someone, and holds a finger up to me as he starts talking into his phone. “Hi, it’s me.” He listens for a few seconds. “Yeah, I can’t. Maybe on the weekend.” He listens again. “Okay, bye.”
“Who was that?” I ask.
“Someone from work wants me to help ‘em move. No big deal, I said I couldn’t.”
“Who’s ‘them’?”
“You don’t know them, so don’t worry about it. Anyway, you’ll come home tomorrow, just don’t freak out because of the blood in the kitchen.”
“Didn’t you clean it up?”
“I’m not a fucking cleaner, Lily. These hands are precious. I’m going to be a surgeon one day. Speaking of which, you still have that assignment to do. Do you want me to go get the work and you can do in here tonight?” he asks me in the most serious of tones.
“I can’t do your work for you, Trent. You need to do it, so you learn.”
Trent’s jaw tightens and he stands from his chair. “I gotta go, babe. I’ll be back tomorrow to pick you up.”
“Wait,” I call to him as he disappears out the door. “Where are you going?” I ask no one, because he’s already gone.
I sit in my room, my cold, isolated room, feeling more alone and lonely than I’ve ever felt before.
The only thing to keep me wondering is the fact Max has been here. A plethora of thoughts whiz around in my mind. But the biggest one, and the one I can’t seem to find an answer to is…why?
“You ready to go home, babe?” Trent asks as he walks ahead of me carrying the small bag he brought me, which contains a change of clothes and clean underwear.
Once I’m in the car and we’re heading toward home, I relay to Trent what the police said when they stopped in this morning. “They asked me if I remember anything from the attack.”
“What did you say?” he asks. And I notice he decreases the speed of the car.
“I told them the truth; I told them I can’t remember.”
“Come on, Lily. I told you what happened. You should’ve just told them what I said.”
“I won’t lie to them, Trent. I can’t remember what happened.” I shake my head in disbelief at myself.
“You should just believe me. It’s how I said. Anyway…” he pauses talking and takes three deep breaths. “Anyway, what are you cooking for dinner? I’ve had to live on take-out and I’m ready for a home-cooked meal.”
“I’m not well enough to cook yet. Can’t we just get pizza? And besides, I need to rest, the doctor said so and I have to go back next week to see him.”
“He’s an idiot, I already told you that. I’ll look after you, it’s the least I can do since I am your husband.”
I turn in my seat to face him. There’s something which has been playing on my mind, and it’s always there, trying to push forward. And left lingering, it’s manifesting into more. “Trent,” I start saying.
“Yeah.”
“How do you feel?” I ask, hoping he understands what I’m asking.
“Good. Why?”
“I mean, how do you feel about the situation? You said you came home and found me in the kitchen. Did you panic or were you worried?”
“Oh babe, you’re really going to ask me such lame questions? I don’t feel anything, as soon as I saw you and I checked out your vitals, I knew you were going to be fine.”
“Is that the reason you were barely at the hospital?”
“These questions are bullshit, Lily. I have work, you know that. Just because you got a small cut on your head, my work doesn’t stop. For God’s sake, Lily! You can be so selfish sometimes.” He looks coldly out the window. “Christ,” he mumbles to himself.
I do what I always do, I remain quiet for the rest of the trip back to the apartment.
Trent parks in our allocated spot and gets out. He takes the steps two at a time until he reaches our apartment. “Hurry up,” he yells out. “Don’t forget your bag.”
I go to the trunk of the car and take my bag out, then go up the steps to our small apartment, where the door is opened and Trent’s already inside watching TV. I look at the door, and see it’s been replaced and try to think back to the day of my attack.
Looking down at my feet, I notice new sandals Trent must have bought for me to wear home and absent mindedly, I look around the room. Again, something’s not quite right but I can’t quite place what it is that’s wrong.
“Babe, get me a soda,” Trent says, as he flips through the channels of the TV.
I drop my bag beside the door and close it, locking it and double checking I’ve locked it. My mind is spinning and I can’t help but think if there was a break in, why aren’t I frightened to be back here? And what did they take? It’s just not adding up.
Walking over to the fridge, I stand in front of it and see the dent in the freezer door. There’s dried blood splattered on it, and suddenly a snippet of what happened pops into my mind. Shoes. Something happened with shoes.
I go into our bedroom, get my diary from my hiding spot and flick through the minimal entries, but there’s nothing about shoes in it.
My mind is hazy, like a jigsaw puzzle with all the pieces spread across the floor. I can see all the pieces, but they’re not in order. I need to sift through them and put them together creating a perfect picture.
“Get me my drink,” Trent hollers.
I tuck my diary into the back pocket of my jeans and pull my sweater down over it, because I need to read it properly to see if there’s anything in there to give me the vital clue to help me piece the puzzle together.
I go back to the fridge and open the door, bending to get a soda from the bottom shelf. As I squat to get the drink, I see a tiny love heart cut out of paper on the floor.
Picking the heart up, I carry it, along with the soda, over to Trent. “What’s that?” Trent asks, as I hand him his drink.
“I’m not sure,” I say, as I turn the love heart over in my hand.
Trent peers over the top of my hand, his eyes widen and he snatches the heart right out of my hand.
At Trent’s reaction to the heart, memories of everything that happened on the day I was beaten flood me. “IT WAS YOU!” I scream as I back away from him. My body’s trembling from fear and my heart races as I remember every single moment, every blow of Trent trying to kill me. I feel as if I’m being pounded by tsunami waves of shock, fiercely trying to submerge me and keep me under.
“It was an accident,” Trent yells at me as he stands and takes a step toward me. His hands curl into fists and his face is turning red.
“Don’t touch me.” My back touches the door, and I turn the handle to make my escape.
Trent’s entire frame changes. He straightens his shoulders, his mouth turns up into a snide, evil smirk and his eyes narrow at me. Every hair on my body stands to attention, and goosebumps suddenly rise, as my body recognizes evil.
“And where the hell do you think you’re going to go? You’re the stupidest, fucking ugliest person I’ve ever known, Lily. You have no friends, I made sure I separated you from the one you did have. You have no family, and you have nowhere to go. And let me tell you something else, you now have no job, either. I told that Dale prick, the one who’s always trying to give you confidence and boost you up, I told him you’ve been stealing money from there for years. I convinced him not to press charges against you, but you know what that means, babe?” I shake my head, unable to comprehend what he’s saying. “It means I fucking own you.” He steps closer to me and grabs my upper arm and squeezes, reminding me I’m his, silently telling me he can do whatever he wants with me.
It’s this moment, this one situation, when I finally realize if I stay, the next time I won’t go to the hospital, it will be to the county morgue instead.
No more.
“Let me go,” I say as I grind my teeth together. “You have no more power over me.”
Trent throws his head back and laughs as he tightens
his grip further on my arm. “You stupid girl,” he huffs as he lowers his voice and brings his face so his nose is almost touching mine.
“No more, Trent. I’m going to walk out this door and you’re never going to come anywhere near me again.” I straighten my back and square my shoulders.
Trent’s features flinch, a small tremor beneath his right eye as he considers my words and his lip curls up in disgust. “I can take your life, Lily and no one will ever know or care.”
“I’ve been keeping a diary.” I won’t tell him it’s on me or he’ll take it and then he’ll kill me. “It’s in my locker at work. You may have gotten me fired, but if they open my locker, they’ll find it.”
“You’re bluffing. You’re not smart enough to do something so devious.”
“Are you really going to risk everything over whether or not I have a diary?”
“You stupid bitch. I will get you.”
“Then do it now, because if I walk out that door and you come after me, I’ll tell the police what you did to me.” I shrug out of the grip he has on me. Of course, with his size he can easily overpower me, but the worry etched deep on his face is enough to tell me he’s considering the severity of my words. “Kill me now Trent, or let me go.”
Trent takes a step back, his shoulders slumping slightly forward. “You walk out this door, and you’ll never come back again.” I turn the latch on the door, unlocking it. “I swear to God, you leave and we’re over.”
“Your future as a doctor is now in my hands. Just leave me alone. Don’t ever come near me again.”
I open the door. “Don’t you fucking go!” he orders me. I step through the door and turn to look at him over my shoulder. “Get your God damned stupid, ugly ass back here.” He points to the spot in front of him. “NOW!” he shouts.
I walk out.
Down the steps.
And I start toward…I don’t know what. But it’s got to be better than this.
I hear Trent scream, “Lily!”
I’m not anyone’s punching bag anymore.
I walk into the store with nothing but the clothes on my back, and the sandals on my feet. And most important, my freedom.
Shivering, I head toward the back where I know Dale will be. I try my code to open the door, but it’s not working. I head to the front and find Vivian, the shift supervisor. “Vivian, is Dale here?” I ask as her eyes land on me and take in my appearance.
“Oh my God, Lily, are you okay?” she asks.
I can feel my teeth chattering from the freezing cold. “I’m cold,” I answer, as I try and wrap my arms around my body. It’s about thirteen degrees outside and all I’m wearing is jeans, sandals, and a light sweater. “Is Dale here?”
“Here you go.” Vivian grabs her jacket from behind the counter, and slings it over my shoulders. “I’ll call Dale down.” She picks up the phone, and turns her back to me talking quietly into it. A few seconds pass, and she turns to me and says, “He’s coming down.”
“Thank y-you,” I stutter from the cold. Now I’ve stopped walking, the cold has hit me, and hit me hard.
“Lily,” Dale says from behind me. “Jesus. Come upstairs.” He waits for me to go first, and he follows. When we get to the door, he puts his code in, and I go up the stairs to his office. He comes in, closes the door and grabs his coat from the coat stand, and throws it over Vivian’s jacket. He then goes back to the coat stand to get his scarf, wrapping it around my neck. “What the hell is going on?” he finally asks when he sits at his desk. “Sit,” he offers, as he gestures toward a chair.
I take my diary out from my waist band, and place it on his desk as I sit. I breathe in deeply and try to regulate my body to get warm. “S-sorry. I’m r-really cold.”
“I’ll make you a hot cup of coffee. Just wait.” Suddenly he leaps up, and runs toward the staff room. He’s so fast I don’t even have time to tell him I don’t like coffee. But if it’s hot, and it’ll warm me up, then I’m going to accept it.
A few minutes pass, and he brings in two coffees. “Thank you,” I say, as he places one in front of me. I wrap both my hands around the coffee, and the cup is so warm, it stings against my frozen digits. But my hands warm quickly, and I no longer find it uncomfortable. “Thank you for agreeing to see me,” I say, once I’ve sipped some of the coffee.
Dale’s eyes have stayed on me. He’s regarding me closely and evaluating my appearance. “What’s been happening with you, Lily? I have to say, when Trent called me and told me someone broke into your apartment and you’d been hurt, I was shocked. But the biggest shock was when he said you’ve been stealing money from here. I terminated you and thought you’d never show your face around here again.”
I half smile, more at the irony than the actual act. Trent wanted me isolated from everyone, and he was successful at convincing a man I’ve worked alongside for years I was a thief. “I’ve never stolen anything, from anyone,” I begin to say.
“I don’t understand. The Lily I know would never do those things he said you’d done, but he was very convincing. I couldn’t risk having you here and impacting the store any further. Not you, per se, but more what trouble Trent could stir up. I’m still conflicted and trying to gather my thoughts on what’s going on. But I’m willing to hear you out, and your story about what exactly has gone on.” He takes a sip of his coffee. The one thing about Dale, he’s always been fair in the way he conducts himself.
Dale is an older gentleman, maybe in his late fifties, but incredibly patient and the fairest person I know. His hair is thinning and he’s quite round and cuddly. He always speaks so highly about his wife and two older daughters. And everyone, including myself, has a lot of respect for him.
“Did Trent tell you I was in the hospital?”
Dale’s eyes widen and he presses his lips together. “No, he didn’t. Why were you in the hospital?” he asks.
“I was beaten,” I say in the smallest of voices. I don’t say it with conviction or anger. I simply say it with no feeling. Because the only feeling I can show, and I’m trying to hold onto it, is embarrassment.
“What?” he says in a whisper. “Beaten? What happened?” He’s trying to remain impassive, but the way his jaw has tightened and his eyes have darkened, I can tell he must be thinking I deserved it.
“By…” My gosh, this is hard to say. “By…” I start again, trying to say Trent’s name, but I can’t. The humiliation coursing through me is preventing me from saying his name. “By…” I burst into tears. I can’t handle this. I’m not strong enough to tell him, I can’t be…anything.
I’m so weak, so stupid for even trying to make a change in my life. I’m nothing; I’m of no significance to anyone. I’m a waste of air and shouldn’t be alive.
“I’m sorry. I should go,” I say through the thick, strangled sobs. I stand to my feet and so does Dale.
“You’re not going anywhere, Lily. You’ll sit down and tell me what the hell is going on.” He rounds the table and engulfs me in a hug. It’s the first time in years when I’ve needed human contact, I’ve gotten it. He doesn’t suffocate me or drown me in his body, he’s just holding onto me, offering comfort.
I bawl into his chest, my arms tighten around him and I’m left a mess. “I’m sorry,” I keep repeating into Dale’s chest. My sobs eventually dwindle into small hiccups and I finally calm down.
“Tell me what’s been happening,” he probes gently. He’s still holding me. It’s not sexual or sleazy, it’s like a father would hold his daughter when she cries because her first love has broken her heart. He’s a gentleman, and a truly beautiful soul. “It’s okay, Lily. In my office, here at work, it’s safe. No one can hurt you here.” His tone is low and soothing, and I know he means the words he’s speaking.
I let go of my shame, and open my mouth. No, that’s not right, I’m not letting go of my shame, I’m still holding onto that, but I’m risking the consequences by telling Dale what’s been happening. I unwrap my arms from Dale, and s
tep back, giving us some space and room. I look up into his aging eyes, and notice for the first time the wrinkles and dark bags under them. “It’s okay,” he says again and leans back against his desk.
“Trent beat me.”
Dale’s eyes widen and he contorts his mouth, clearly chewing on the inside of his cheek. His hands tighten around the desk and his chest puffs out. “Tell me what happened, Lily.”
I spend the next half hour telling him about the most recent incident which landed me in the hospital, including what happened when we got home a few hours ago. Dale’s been sitting on the edge of his desk, not moving or saying anything. But his face gives everything away, the way his left eye flinches, and his arms strain below his button-up shirt is enough for me to see the anger building up inside of him.
“Please don’t be mad with me,” I say when his jaw tightens and his face morphs into anger.
“With you? Christ, Lily, I’m nowhere near angry with you. I’m mad at myself for being duped by such a heathen and manipulator.”
“You’re not mad with me?” I ask, surprised.
“No.” He takes a deep breath and asks, “Where will you be staying?”
“I was going to ask if I could use the phone, so I can call my friend Shayne.”
“Of course, and if he can’t accommodate you, I have a guest room you’ll be comfortable in.”
I smile at his offer of hospitality, and truthfully, I’m somewhat shocked he’d be willing to accept me into his home. “Shayne’s a girl, and my best friend from years ago. You don’t have to put yourself out. I’m sure there is a shelter close by I could stay in if Shayne can’t help.”
“You’re not staying at a shelter. End of story. Now, when you left, you left like this?” he asks as he gestures toward my body.
“Just me and my diary, nothing else.”
“I’ll organize another uniform for you, and here, take my credit card and go buy some warm clothes.” He takes his wallet out, and offers me his card. But I don’t take it.
“No need, I just need to go to the bank. He’d been controlling our finances, and we have over eighty thousand in the bank. I just need some ID to go and get some money out. But I don’t have any, I’ve left everything back at the apartment.”
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