Ugly

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Do you like it?” The look on his face is priceless. I wonder if kids look like this when they give their moms necklaces made out of pasta.

  “You’re so cheeky,” I say. Inside is a gift certificate for five ice skating lessons. “Really, cheeky,” I add. “Thank you.” I hug him, too.

  “Merry Christmas, Lily.” He kisses the top of my head.

  “Merry Christmas, Max.”

  This last week has been a complete whirlwind. I gave Shayne and Liam their present and told them to open it Christmas morning, and she called me screaming, saying they can’t wait to use their present. I bought them a four-day vacation to Disneyland, staying at the Disneyland Hotel. They got me an iPad, and said it was for me to read all my books on. Already on it was a copy of Arthur Miller’s, The Crucible. When Max left late on Christmas night, I got into the bath and took my new iPad with me, and I read The Crucible. It was a perfect day.

  I also had an extra driving lesson¸ and the instructor thinks I’ll be ready within a week or two to go for my test. So, I’ve increased the lessons to twice a week because I’m anxious to get my license and not rely on others any more. It’s been something I’ve always wanted, but never been allowed to have.

  I’ve had another appointment with Katherine, and this hour and a half turned into two hours. I walked out emotionally drained again, and completely exhausted from it. But there was one thing she said to me, and it’s been monopolizing my thoughts. I was describing to her how the beatings only happened when I couldn’t make Trent happy, and she stopped me from saying anything more.

  She looked at me in all her seriousness, and said to me, “Stop right there, Lily. Before you go on to say another word, you need to be made aware of something. Something most survivors of domestic abuse take a while to fully comprehend.”

  “What’s that?” I asked as I sat on her sofa and watched her curiously.

  “You are not responsible for his behavior.”

  Those simple words caused an icy chill to goosebump my entire body. From the tips of my toes, to the top of my head, an avalanche of emotions prickled my skin. I couldn’t respond, I couldn’t say a word because at the time her sentence made no sense at all, yet also struck me as to how accurate those words were.

  When I was finally able to speak, the only thing I was able to whisper was, “I’m not responsible for his behavior.”

  Katherine’s face remained passive as she regarded me, and my reaction to those all-important words. It took me a good portion of the two hours to wrap my head all the way around what Katherine had said, and still, today, on New Year’s Eve, I’m rocked at how significant her words actually are.

  As I sit in my room on my computer, an email comes through for me. It’s my very first paid proofreading job, and she wishes me a Happy New Year and tells me her second book will be written by end of January and can she book me in now? She also says in her email, she made top 100 on Amazon, and she’s been asked to go to an author signing in Texas mid-next year.

  Quickly, I type out my congratulations, tell her I can do her book and send her an invoice for half. Since I started proofreading, I’ve managed to line up nine books in total, and I’m completely overwhelmed by the positive responses I’ve been receiving from the authors.

  I close my laptop and start getting ready, Shayne and Liam have a few friends coming over for New Year’s Eve. Max will be joining us, too. I change into the new blue dress I bought, and put on my black boots. I apply some very simple make-up and straighten my hair.

  Going out, I find Liam and Shayne both in the kitchen getting some finger food ready for the guests. “Do you guys need help?” I ask.

  “Sure do. Take those corn chips and put them in those bowls.” She points to the counter and I see the chips and bowls sitting there. “We’re making buffalo wings, so they should be ready soon. And we’ve ordered two six-foot subs Liam is going to go pick up soon. Oh, and there’s drinks in the fridge out in the garage, can you go get them and stack them in this fridge? We also have wine, and champagne. Um…” she stops talking, and looks around the kitchen as if she’s forgetting something.

  “Everything will be great, Shayne,” Liam says as he leans over and gives Shayne a kiss. “Another year, baby. Maybe this year?” He waggles his eyebrows and I know exactly what he’s asking.

  I turn away, giving them some privacy as I empty the chips into bowls. The doorbell rings and I go to answer it. “Hello,” Max says standing at the door. “Wow, I’m sorry, Lily, but you’re br-br-breathtaking.” It’s the first time in a while I notice his stutter. He must truly be nervous if I even notice it.

  “Thank you, Max. May I take your coat?” His hair has got snowflakes in it, and he shakes it off before he comes in.

  He hands me his coat, and kisses me on the cheek. He’s also holding a bottle of champagne, and by looks of the brand, it’s expensive. “For us to enjoy at the stroke of midnight,” he says and hands me the bottle.

  “Shayne and Liam are in the kitchen.” I lead him toward the kitchen.

  “Max, it’s good to see you. I’m just on my way out to pick up a couple of subs I’ve ordered,” Liam says and shakes Max’s hand.

  Once Max and Liam have shaken hands, Max goes around to Shayne and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll come with you,” Max says to Liam, who’s grabbing his car keys. “We can take my car.”

  “Here.” I quickly duck into my room to get my wallet and come out with a fifty and hand it to Max.

  He looks at the bill, chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m not taking that,” he says, so surely.

  “Here,” I hand the money to Liam.

  He too shakes his head. “If he’s not taking it, neither am I.” He points to Max, then adds, “Come on, before they decide we need to buy anything else.”

  “Hats. Don’t forget the hats,” Shayne yells to the boys.

  “Hats, got it.” I then hear Liam whisper, “Quick let’s get out of here before she has us buying the entire store.”

  I stay in the kitchen and Shayne and I continue getting everything prepared. “You know,” she says as she checks the wings. “He really is nothing like Trent. I have to say, I had my reservations about him, but I like him. He’s one of the few I’d say is good people. And regardless of whatever is going to happen with you two, I think you need to have him in your life.”

  “He is a good person, and he doesn’t push anything on me at all. He’s just so easy to talk to.”

  “How you understand his stutter is beyond me. Even with him saying to Liam he’ll go with him to pick up the subs, I had to really listen to decipher the words.”

  “I don’t hear it. To me he’s just Max, perfect as he is.”

  “Awwww, Lily has a crush.” She throws a corn chip at me.

  “I do not,” I respond.

  “It’s okay if you do, it’s even understandable. No one’s going to judge you for it. Max is really a good guy. Just make sure you take enough time for yourself, to discover what it really is you want.”

  “Speaking of which.” This is hard, Shayne and Liam have done so much for me, but I have to do it. “Around February or March, I want to find an apartment on my own.”

  “What?” Shayne shrieks. “You can’t.”

  “You yourself said to discover what I really want, and I can’t do that here. I’m not saying you’re restricting me, because you’re not. But you and Liam need your alone time, and sooner or later you’ll want to start a family, which means I’ll need to leave. And besides, I lived the first seventeen years of my life with a man who abused me, and the next seven I lived with the devil. I need time to find me.”

  “Can you afford it, what with your car payments?”

  “I’ve got eight proofreading jobs lined up, and I’m constantly getting more requests. And don’t forget, I got that raise at work when they made me Peter’s personal assistant. I can’t afford it yet, because I’m literally starting my life from scratch, but I’m hoping by March I shoul
d be able to buy a couple of pieces of furniture.”

  “Who needs furniture?” Liam asks as he comes in, followed by Max carrying a couple of bags each.

  “Lily is going to move out.”

  “What? No. She can’t.” Liam turns to me. “You can’t.”

  I open my mouth to say something, but Shayne goes to Liam, touches his arm and says softly, “It’s time.”

  Liam looks to me, then to Shayne, then back to me. But Max interrupts and says, “Is that a wise move?”

  “I’ll move into a building that’s safe.”

  “Hmmm,” he mumbles, puts the bags down, and walks out of the kitchen.

  I look to Shayne, who lifts her shoulders and Liam says, “Go talk to him.”

  Walking out, I go to find Max standing in the family room with his back to me. “Hey, are you okay?”

  “Can we go somewhere to talk please?”

  “Sure, we can go to my room.” I lead him to my bedroom and once inside, I close the door. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m worried, Lily. You’ve only just left your husband…”

  “Nearly two months ago,” I interrupt him to say.

  “I understand, but you don’t know what he may do. I’d just feel better if you stayed here with Shayne and Liam. At least I’d know you always have someone near in case anything happens.”

  I sit on my bed, and just stare at him. “I can’t not do things because I’m afraid of Trent. Because if being afraid stops me, I’ll never leave this room.”

  “I understand, really I do. But I think it’s too early for you to move out on your own.”

  “I’m ready to heal, Max. To find out what I like about myself. And I can’t do that if I always have someone hanging around me. I’m not saying I don’t want Shayne, Liam or even you in my life, I’m just saying I need to figure things out for myself. I’ll be thirty before I know it and I won’t have any life experience, outside of being under someone else’s control.”

  Max sits beside me and huffs. He runs his hand over his chin, then through his hair all while not looking at me. “Then I have a solution to this, where you can have your independence and freedom, and I know you’ll be safe and I won’t worry.”

  “What’s that?” God, please don’t suggest I move in with you, because that’s the same as staying here.

  “I own an apartment building. It’s in the best part of town, it’s totally secure, and all the apartments have their own alarm systems. You can rent one of those from me, and in exchange, you’ll have your own place and I’ll know you’re safe.”

  “You own an apartment building?”

  “I own several.” The look on my face must scream, ‘What the hell?’ because he chuckles at me. “I never told you what my biological father did before he passed away.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “He owned the third largest advertising firm in America.”

  “He did?”

  “Yes, and when he passed away, he left me everything. Including the advertising firm, which is now the second largest in America. He also left me several, six to be exact, apartment complexes scattered through America, one of which is here.”

  “You never told me.” Wow. “Did you not tell me because you think I may have come after your money?” I ask.

  “I need to watch who I tell, because unfortunately, there are plenty of people ready to swoop in and ask for money. But no, that’s not the reason. I never said anything, because it never really came up. And I knew you’d never be my friend just because of my money.”’

  “You’re so normal though. You don’t even drive a fancy car.”

  Max roars out a huge belly laugh and he throws his head back while he clutches his chest. “Normal.”

  “Wait, why aren’t you working at the advertising company?”

  “Dad had me working there for a few years, but I was never comfortable. My stutter made it difficult for people to understand me, and they made fun of me. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t bother me, but I prefer the easy life. I don’t need to walk out of there stressed and have people make fun of me. I took on the job at the hospital, because it really makes me happy when I drop food off to someone, and they look at me with such thanks. They may say it; they may not. But when I’m ‘Max the food guy,’ I’m satisfied and happy. It also gives me a chance to see who needs help and I give it to them.”

  “Like when you sat with me?”

  “No, you’re the first person I ever sat with. You just drew me in, and held me captive.” My lips involuntarily turn up at his kind words. “I’ve helped a lady whose house was in foreclosure, her husband had run off with a younger woman, and she was going through chemo. I had her mortgage paid two years in advance, and all her medical costs paid.”

  “You did that? What did she say?”

  “I don’t tell the people I help, I simply help.”

  “People? As in you’ve done this before?”

  “And since.”

  “What?” I move my body and sit on the bed in a way where one leg is slightly hitched, not too high, because I am wearing a dress. “Who else?”

  “I once helped a young girl, well her parents. They came in, distressed because she wasn’t breathing, but their medical insurance had stopped because he’d lost his job. The girl ended up needing an operation to correct a heart defect her parents didn’t know about. The operation alone would’ve bankrupted them and left them on the street. I paid for it.”

  “You’re a saint,” I blurt.

  “No, I’m not a saint, but I have more money coming in than going out. I want for nothing, so I give where I can.”

  “Wow. Speaking of giving I still have my bonus money from work, I wanted to donate it to a local refuge for women, who’ve escaped from domestic violence.” I get up, go to my bag and get the envelope.

  “How much is it? I’ll match it.”

  “I don’t know,” I answer.

  “How can you not know how much is in it? Did you open it?”

  I flop the envelope down next to Max’s leg and sit beside him again. “No, I didn’t.”

  “How about this, I will not only match it, I’ll double what’s in that envelope, and we’ll go down to the closest domestic violence shelter and give it to them, now.”

  “But, Shayne and Liam have people coming over soon.”

  “What’s more important to you, Lily?”

  He’s right, I’ve held onto it for far too long. “Deal,” I say as I hold my hand out to him to shake it.

  “Let’s see what’s in the envelope.” He picks it up and hands it to me. “Wait, before you open it, what do you think is in there?”

  “I don’t know, really. I thought the fact they financed my car was my bonus. I’m really not expecting much. I know the highest bonus was five thousand and it scaled down from there.”

  “What was the lowest?”

  “The cashiers. They received a hundred dollars each.”

  “Okay, so it’s somewhere between one hundred, and five thousand.”

  “It won’t be five thousand. No way.”

  “Open it.”

  I tear the envelope open, and there’s a wad of one hundred dollar bills. We start counting it. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, at one thousand, I look up at Max. I keep counting, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen and the final one hundred dollar bill, makes two thousand. “Oh my God,” I say, clearly unable to say more.

  “Not bad work, Snowflake.” I look up at him and he winks. “I have to go home and get the money, because I think I only have a few hundred on me. I’ll be back, and then we can go.”

  “Wait,” I say as we stand together. “I can come with you.”

  “I don’t want you uncomfortable, I can come back to pick you up.”

  “You slept on the sofa, and you were a perfect gentleman, I’m sure.”

  “Okay let’s go.”

  I go out to Shayne and tel
l her what we’re doing, she gives me a kiss and tells me to be back soon because Michaela will be here and wants to meet me.

  Max and I go to his apartment, and when he pulls up outside, I instantly recognize it as the building he was describing earlier. “This is where you live?”

  “Yeah, come on. I’ll show you my place.” He rounds the car, and opens the door for me, then with his hand to the small of my back, he leads me up to the entry, which is manned by a young man with a hat and a suit.

  “Good evening, Mr. Sterling. Ma’am.” He tips his hat to me, and opens the door.

  “Charlie,” Max says, and nods.

  We walk into the grand foyer, and there’s a security guard sitting behind a concierge desk, looking down at something. But he stands the moment Max and I approach him. It feels so opulent and sinfully decadent. There are large gray tiles on the floor, and the entire lobby is so lavish with its deep green and red hues. “Mr. Sterling, on the way up?” the security guard says as he removes a small plastic card and waves it over a black box near the elevator.

  “We are, but we’ll be down in a few minutes.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  The elevator doors open, and I’m taken back by the crisp and clean lines of the elevator. I look around in total disbelief. “I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s just so…” I lose the word I want to say. I shake my head, trying to understand it all. “Overwhelming.”

  The elevator travels to the top, and it opens up to a sunken family room, the size of Shayne and Liam’s house. There are floor to ceiling windows completely overlooking the city. As if I’ve been hit by a tractor beam, I float over to the window. “Oh my God,” I say, as I look over the entire city. “Why did your mom and dad never work out?”

  “What’s that?” Max yells from…somewhere inside this palace.

  “Why did your mom and dad never work out?”

  “I used to wonder the same thing,” he says as he comes to stand beside me, looking out over the city. “It took me a long time, a long time to work out that some people just aren’t meant to be together. Mom and Dad were so different. But it wasn’t until just before Dad died, he told me the truth, he never knew I existed, until the courts located him and told him he had a son.”