I sank down into the couch and buried my face under the covers. I felt a hand—Henry’s perhaps—rub my back briefly, and then they were gone, and I was alone again.
***
I woke up with a start, unsure of my surroundings, but when Mary and Henry’s living room came into view, I dropped back down into the covers and willed it all to be a bad dream—the world’s worst dream. I turned over and checked my phone. It was mid-afternoon, and I felt thoroughly groggy. I didn’t have any missed calls or texts from Alec.
I got off of the couch and made my way to the kitchen and the bedroom. They were empty. Mary and Henry weren’t here. In a way, I was sort of relieved. I needed some time alone to think about everything.
I found my suitcase propped up in the living room, and I rummaged around for my toiletries. I went to go turn on the shower, and I got a glimpse of the guest room. My heart stopped. The last time I was here, there had been a bed, a couple of nightstands, and a dresser—your typical guest room.
Now though, a small crib stood alone in the corner. I put my hand over my mouth as realization hit me. Mary was pregnant! I thought back to the night before, and it all clicked. Mary was gluten-intolerant, so she never drank beer and instead always opted for wine or cider. Last night she had… seltzer. She had blamed heartburn, but I knew the real reason now. I smiled. At least there was one good thing going for someone.
I showered quickly and changed into travel clothes—leggings and a loose shirt. I had no reason to stay now. Not when it was still so raw and painful. Clearly, Alec didn’t want me, and as hard as that was to accept, I had to accept it. He’d wanted me gone, and I took that as a very clear message. He wasn’t being blackmailed. He wanted Natasha, not me. I was not going to be degraded anymore. I was not going to be humiliated anymore in front of my friends.
I sat down and grabbed Mary’s laptop, logging in to the KLM airlines website. I was supposed to be flying back to Los Angeles with Alec in a week, but now I would be going home alone, permanently this time. I bought a last-minute ticket for tonight—a red eye. It was direct. I called Amara, hoping she would be awake. It was morning in Los Angeles.
“Charlotte?” she grumbled. “Everything OK?”
“Ummm…” I bit my lip to keep from crying. “No.”
I heard Sam’s muffled voice and movement.
“What happened?”
“I’m coming home,” I said glumly. “Alone. For good this time.”
“No! But I thought everything was going great?”
I explained everything as briefly as possible, giving her the shortened version: he’d chosen Natasha and he wanted me gone. I couldn’t bear to think about it any longer.
“Look, Mar, it’s still so raw… I can’t really talk about it. I get into Los Angeles tomorrow morning at nine. Will you pick me up?”
“Of course. I’ll be there.”
I thanked her and hung up, cupping my mouth with my hand to muffle my crying. I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I had to be strong. I had to get away from this place.
Just then, Henry walked in, carrying some grocery bags.
“Hungry?” he asked as he walked into the kitchen.
“Not really. I could go for some coffee though,” I added, trying to look on the bright side.
I couldn’t think of a single positive thing about this situation. The only thing that came remotely close was that I would be avoiding the hassle of visa paperwork, but even that had seemed exciting yesterday, like I was solidifying my life here or something. Now… now I was just going home.
“Sure,” he said, speedily fixing me a cup of coffee. “How’re ya feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” I said, smiling sarcastically. The smile dropped when Henry glared at me.
“It’s OK to be sad, Charlotte. Hell, I’m sad for you. What Alec did…” he shook his head. “Let’s just say, he’ll be getting an ass-kicking.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do.” He handed me a cup of black coffee and came to put his arm around me. “We’re on your side, you know.”
“Th—thanks,” I stuttered, unsure of what to say. I had thought that when your friends chose your side, you were supposed to be happy. But in this case, I wasn’t happy or glad that they’d chosen me. It mad me sad. It made me angry. They’d known Alec for years, and he’d betrayed them, too.
“He’s still not picking up his phone,” Mary sang as she walked into the kitchen. She halted when she saw me. “Sorry, I thought you were asleep,” she confessed, hiding her phone from my view.
“You don’t have to tiptoe around me,” I said, walking over to her and giving her a big hug. “Besides, I’m leaving tonight.”
“You can’t!” she said, pulling away quickly. “What if… what if this is all a misunderstanding?”
“This is different.”
“Don’t you want to talk to him?”
I stood up straight. I’d been thinking about this. Did I want to talk to him?
“No. He doesn’t deserve any more of my time. I told him I was leaving. He watched me go, and then he left me, crumpled and unconscious in the parking lot of the police station. His words were semi-convincing, but his actions were irrefutable. I hope him and Natasha are very happy together,” I sputtered. I saw Mary look at Henry pleadingly. “I don’t have the energy to deal with this,” I said honestly. “I don’t have time to question why this happened, or why Alec did it. Right now, all I want is to leave here, because every damn second is a reminder of what I can’t have. What could’ve been,” I whispered, sipping my coffee slowly.
“OK,” Mary agreed, shrugging her shoulders in defeat. “If that’s what you want. When does your flight leave?”
“Ten forty-five.”
“I’ll drive you to the Parc to say goodbye.” She glanced at Henry, silently telling him to come with us. It was miraculous to watch these two. They were the perfect couple.
“Oh, and congratulations,” I added, as we walked to the car. She whipped around and looked at me with a confused expression. “Oh please, it’s pretty obvious,” I smiled. “It’s OK. I’m really happy for you,” I said gently, placing my hand on her stomach and giving her another hug before getting into the front seat.
“I… I was going to wait to tell you,” she said shyly. “Especially after everything last night—”
“Stop,” I demanded, turning around to face her as Henry chuckled next to me in the driver’s seat. “I couldn’t be happier, Mary.” I reached for her hand and she smiled back at me. “It gives me an excuse to visit,” I shrugged. I would not let Alec tear me away from my friends.
“We’re pretty excited,” Henry spoke, looking at me with a nervous smile.
“It’s exciting,” I agreed. “When are you due?”
“July fourth,” Mary squeaked, and she looked so content sitting there, rubbing her nonexistent belly. “I wish… I wish you were staying,” she admitted, looking at me sadly.
“Me too,” I whispered back.
We drove the rest of the way in silence, and I held Mary’s hand the entire way. I wanted her to know that I was nothing but happy for her, and my circumstances would not mar my delight.
As we pulled up, the towering house glittering with Christmas lights, I was reminded of my first time pulling up to this very place, and how beautiful everything had looked. Before, the forest had been lush and green, ample and fertile because of the summer humidity. Now, though still beautiful in its own way, the trees were bare, and white dust covered the ground. Even though everything was dead, it was still magical and peaceful here. White lights twinkled as they danced across the walls, and I felt myself get emotional. This is where it had happened. This is where I’d fallen in love, changed my life, and now… this would forever be the place where I’d gotten my heart broken.
I saw Helen run out of the house in anticipation. I had a feeling she’d been waiting for me all day. I jumped out of the car and ran to her, like a daughter ru
nning to her mother. Sometimes I wished Helen were my mother.
“Oh honey,” she said gently as I collapsed, sobbing, into her.
“He… he… left… me…” I choked in between wails, as tears cascaded down my cheeks.
“He left you?” George stood there, his arms crossed, looking at me incredulously. “That’s bull-honkey,” he added, shaking his head.
Helen stroked my hair as Henry and Mary filled them in. They both stared at me silently, waiting for me to say something. I brushed my hand across my cheeks to dry them.
“So I’m leaving,” I concluded, pointing to Mary and Henry’s car. “Which reminds me,” I said, running back to the car to grab the key. “I need to turn in my rental car. Maybe… maybe it makes sense to do this alone,” I added, looking at Henry. “Maybe I should drive myself,” I suggested. “That way, you guys don’t have to deal with it.”
“Whatever you want to do,” Henry answered.
Katie and Theo came out of the house and wandered over to us. I smiled at Katie, hoping I would not have to relay the story again.
“Charlotte? What happened? Where’s Alec?”
“With Natasha,” I said, trying to keep from crying. “They’re… they’re in love, I guess,” I squeaked, clamping my hand over my mouth. Katie rushed over and held me as Mary and Henry transmitted the story yet again.
“That’s fucked up,” Theo said, looking disgusted. “I mean, I only met the guy once, and he seemed alright… You think you know someone, and then boom, they’re back with their ex…”
Katie shook her head vehemently, trying to shush him.
“Theo,” she warned. “Not a good time.”
“Well,” Helen breathed exasperatedly, “Alec will be finding himself out of a job whenever he’s back from gallivanting around with that… hussy.”
“Yes. Consider it done,” George added. “We’ve known Alec for almost nine years. He has never done anything to make me doubt his character, but now… I feel as though we’ve all been led astray.”
“Yes,” Helen agreed. “I guess you never really know a person until…” she trailed off, but I knew what she was referring to. “Charlotte is family now.”
I wanted to feel something as everyone clustered around me and embraced me in a group hug, but I felt nothing. I wanted to feel gratification at the notion that Alec would have nothing after this, but I found no gratification. I wanted to feel something, but instead I felt numb and deflated. I should have been happy that karma was taking care of itself, but instead I felt totally empty.
“I should get going,” I lied. I needed time to think, and I just wanted to be alone. It was barely six o’clock, and dusk was descending upon the grounds.
“Are you sure you don’t need a ride?” Mary pleaded.
“Yes, I’ll be fine, thank you.” I hugged her lightly, and placed my hand on her stomach. “I’m so, so happy for you guys.”
I went over to Henry and he grabbed me into a tight bear hug.
“You’ll always be my favorite, Charlotte. You’re like a sister to me. Let me know if you need anything. Mary and I are here for you. We’re all on your side.”
“Yes, your side,” Katie agreed, coming over to hug me goodbye. “I’ll miss you.”
Theo was next, and even though it was only my second time meeting him, he hugged me tightly, wishing me good luck. I liked him. He was good for Katie.
Helen came over as I walked to the Mini Cooper. When I’d rented it, I had had such high hopes and, for a few days, those hopes had turned in to a dream come true. But now it was back to reality—back to life without Alec.
“I’ll be OK,” I whispered into Helen’s ear as she hugged me.
“I know you will.” She pulled back and brushed her hand over my cheek. “Call us when you get back,” she instructed maternally.
“Goodbye, Charlotte,” George said as he pulled me in to a tight embrace. “I’m sorry it happened this way. You deserve better than this. Be happy.”
I smiled and brushed a tear off of my cheek as Henry loaded my suitcase into the car. As I waved goodbye, everyone stood on the front steps and waved back, and I was reminded of the last time I had said goodbye. Except this time, Alec was not among the people saying goodbye.
I got into the car quickly, knowing that I was about to lose it. I pasted on a smile as I backed out, waving one last time before pulling onto the main road. When I knew I was a good distance away from the house, I pulled off the road and reached into my purse for my cell phone. I’d been thinking about what I wanted to say to Alec all day, and I had it all planned out in my head. I found the crumpled piece of paper in my purse—the one with Alec’s number. I’d scribbled it onto the same piece of torn paper as Natasha’s number. How fitting.
I dialed and waited for the machine. I highly doubted he would pick up. He was done with me, after all. It rang four times before hitting his voicemail. All of a sudden, his voice came into my ear.
“Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of Alec Baxter. I’m not available right now, but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”
There was a long beep, but by then I had lost my train of thought. I hadn’t been expecting to hear his voice—it had startled me. I thought for sure that he would’ve had a generic voicemail message. I cleared my throat and began, trying to think of everything I wanted to say to him.
“It’s me,” I started, hating how weak my voice sounded. “Charlotte. You know, your girlfriend. I just wanted to call before I shut my phone off. I’m leaving tonight and this time, I’m not coming back. I loved you, Alec. How could you do this to me? You humiliated me.” My voice was getting stronger and stronger as I gave voice to all the things he hadn't given me the chance to say to his face. “One minute we were having a great night with our friends, talking about the house we were going to rent together, and the next, you’re leaving me for the wife you’d forgotten to tell me about—the wife I thought you’d already divorced. My mistake,” I snipped, hoping my voice sounded as confident to him as it now did to me. You can do this, I told myself silently. I took a deep breath before continuing.
“What we had was real. It will always be real to me. You sure fooled me. I don’t know what happened in the police station to make you change your mind, but I’m done, for good, so don’t ever call me or try to contact me again. I swear to you—I don’t ever want to talk to you again. I don’t feel sad that you gave up on me. I feel sad for you, because you gave up on someone who would’ve never given up on you. The only thing left to do is forgive and forget. I want to forgive you and I want to forget you. Goodbye, Alec.”
I pressed the red button to end the call, feeling a little bit better.
It’s hard to forget someone who you’d imagined spending forever with, but as I pulled back on to the road towards the airport, I knew I was doing the right thing. As much as I loved Alec, he obviously wasn’t the guy for me. Sometimes you have to give up on people—not because you don’t care, but because they don’t. Not anymore.
Lainey was wrong, I thought. Lainey lied.
Lainey was full of shit.
I pulled into the rental car company, already tired and ready for a long plane ride so that I could sleep and forget real life. I knew I was feeling really bad when I realized I was hoping for a bad dream, because the bad dreams would be better than what I was feeling at the moment.
I was three hours early, so I went to the one bar and ordered a cocktail, not caring if I got drunk, not caring what happened to me.
I chatted with a few strangers here and there, mostly businessmen off to London or Dublin. I wished I’d chosen to go straight to Dublin, or London, instead of Wales. That way, I would’ve never met Alec. Life would be much simpler now, and I wouldn’t be drowning my sorrows in glass after glass of wine.
I could go to Dublin or London now, I thought pessimistically. But before I could do anything stupid, like run away (which I had a habit of doing), they called my flight. We were boarding. I chug
ged the rest of my glass of wine;much to my detriment, because I felt instantly nauseous. I stumbled off of the bar stool and dragged my luggage to the gate.
I tried to forget that I wasn’t supposed to be here yet. I wasn’t supposed to be alone and sad. I wasn’t supposed to be spending Christmas in Los Angeles. I was supposed to be with Alec. I was supposed to be laughing with him, excited for him to meet Amara, my parents… excited to show him California and Oregon. I was supposed be here with him in seven days, joking with him about joining the mile-high club. He would’ve dared me to do it. I would’ve smacked him playfully, and then I would’ve kissed him on the cheek…
I closed my eyes painfully, trying to block the tears that were threatening to break free. I stood in line and waited for them to call my section. I glanced around casually. I wasn’t expecting Alec to be here, but a very small part of me hoped my voicemail had worked. A very small part of me hoped he would still choose me while he still had the chance. I looked behind me. Nothing. He wasn’t here. I walked onto the plane knowing the chances of us ever being together had dropped to zero. The minute I got to L.A. I was done. Forever. But he wasn’t here.
My heart broke all over again.
Get a grip, Charlotte, I chastised. He didn’t choose you. He chose her. Get to your seat, drink a lot of wine, and FORGET HIM.
I had a window seat, and my row remained unoccupied as more and more people boarded. At least it would be nice to be alone. A few stragglers got on at the last minute, but by that time my head was already spinning with a hangover. I closed my eyes and turned towards the window. Please don’t sit here. Please don’t sit here. I pulled my legs into my chest and turned away from the aisle.
“Excuse me, Miss?” I turned quickly, and the flight attendant was gesturing to my lap. “Are you buckled?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
“Great.”
She continued checking passengers’ seatbelts, running her hand along the overhead bin as she scanned. I turned back to the window and pressed my forehead against the cool plastic. I saw a flurry of movement out of the corner of my eyes, but by that point, I was so tired, so tired… I felt someone sit in the aisle seat in my row, and I rolled my eyes behind my closed lids. Seriously? I didn’t have the energy to open my eyes, let alone look at the late arriver. Whoever it was smelled nice.
The Redemption (Charlotte Bloom Book 2) Page 17