Oh, I’d see Drew again. And it would feel like salt being poured into a gaping, raw wound.
“I think my situation is a little different.” I pointed out.
In his lap, Romeo began twisting the wedding ring adorning his finger. “Why’s that? ‘Cause you love a dude and not a woman? Man, have you met women? They’re borderline impossible to deal with half the time.”
I snorted. I learned it from his wife.
The humor left his voice when he spoke again. “I know something about loving someone you aren’t supposed to. Someone no one thinks you should.”
I looked up.
“I also know something about the person you love becoming a target for hate because you love them.”
I was already reeling, but Romeo pushed me off kilter. Never had I thought about his love story with Rimmel like that before. I guess I never really saw it from his point of view. All I ever really saw was the way they were together, how obvious it was they belonged together.
Made me feel kind of dumb for not seeing it sooner. After all, I had a front row seat to everything they’d been through.
“That was different, though.” I disagreed, even though I saw his point. What was between him and Rim was nothing like what was between me and Drew.
“Why?”
I faltered a little. “Because Zach was crazy. Like seriously mental.”
He nodded. “Yeah, he was. But hate doesn’t care. Hate can turn anyone a little mental.”
“Like Con.” I surmised.
Romeo shook his head. “I’m not talking about that pecker head.”
I grinned because that’s exactly what Con was. A little pecker head.
“I’m talking about anyone who hates on people who are gay. Who loves someone of the same sex. Those people might not be quite as unstable as Zach, but they’re just as dangerous. Anyone who uses the fact that a person loves another person as some kind of weapon or reason to be a douche bag isn’t right in the head.”
“So you get why I broke it off,” I said, thinking about what he just said. Feeling his words down to my core.
All this time I’d been so focused on telling myself it was wrong to love Drew because he was a man. It wasn’t wrong to love Drew.
What was wrong was the way some people saw that love.
As a perversion. As a twist of the devil.
“Yeah, I get it.” Romeo replied. “But you’re wrong.”
My body jerked. “What?”
Romeo sat forward, his back no longer against the headboard. His waist twisted around and one hand landed on my bare shoulder. “I’ll never turn my back on you. You’re my family. No matter what.”
That meant so much to me. More than I could probably ever put into words.
It made this even harder.
Because not only was I breaking up with Drew, but in a way, the rest of my family.
It was my worst fear.
It was the reason I hadn’t wanted to tell Drew how I felt in the first place. I had been scared I would not only lose my best friend, but my family.
When Drew validated everything I felt for him, when he basically returned my feelings, I’d been so goddamned relieved because if he had rejected me, I would have had to walk away.
Away from him.
Away from Romeo, Braeden, Rimmel and Ivy.
That’s what I had to do now.
I was the one choosing this. I was the one who didn’t live here.
I couldn’t be here, not right now anyway. I couldn’t see Drew day in and day out and not be with him the way I wanted.
I couldn’t watch him date again…
Searing pain cut through my chest. I wrapped my arms over my middle, trying to hold myself together.
There would come a time when Drew would date. A woman? Another man?
It didn’t matter.
It wouldn’t be me.
“You break anything besides the ribs?” Romeo asked, his voice concerned.
My heart. I shook my head.
“You don’t turn your back on love.” He went on without missing a beat. “Love isn’t easy, not for anyone, but you don’t push it away. You hold even tighter.”
“There’s always going to be a Zach for us,” I told him. “More than one. I’m trying to protect him. I’m trying to protect his career.”
“It’s hard to protect someone when you aren’t around.”
There was a final note to his words.
Like someone who just gave the be-all, end-all closing argument and dropped the mic.
“Maybe my absence is all the protection Drew needs,” I whispered.
“I think you know better than that,” Romeo said. “But after a night like tonight, you’re allowed to waver.”
“I’m glad I have your permission,” I said kind of surly.
My body hurt, my head hurt, and my swollen eye felt like the skin around it was stretched so tight it might burst.
“Just remember, all flags tremble in the wind, but they still keep flying.”
I thought about making a crack about how he sounded like Dr. Phil or some shit, but I couldn’t. Because in that moment, he was a voice of reason. He was like my deepest conscience speaking up after I told it to shut up too many times.
“So you really knew about us for months?” I asked, thinking of what he’d said earlier.
He grinned. “Dude, I had you guys pegged almost from day one.”
“How?” I wondered.
“The way you watched each other when you thought no one else was looking. I thought maybe you two were going to finally figure it out at Christmas. Man, the way he watched you that night with Nova sleeping on your chest,” Romeo mused. Then he seemed to snap out of the memory. “When nothing happened, I started to think maybe I was wrong.”
He’d been watching me that night at the cabin? My limbs tingled a little just hearing it. I loved knowing I affected Drew in the ways he affected me.
“Is that why you’ve been riding me so hard about family lately?” I demanded.
He laughed low. “Yeah. I could feel you pulling back. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Why didn’t you just say something?”
“Because you can’t tell someone they’re in love with someone else. They have to figure it out on their own. Besides, I figured if I came right out and said it, one of you would run scared.”
“Like I am now.” My voice was grim.
“You aren’t running. You’re proceeding with caution.” I opened my mouth to object, but he held up a hand. “Take a couple days. Let some of this sink in. You might feel different when half your face isn’t swollen.”
There was some noise out in the hall, and then Braeden walked in. “Mom’s here.” He stopped in his tracks and looked at us on the bed. “Get your own man, Trent. Rome’s mine.”
Romeo cackled, and I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Rimmel announced, appearing from behind B and smacking him in the middle. He rubbed at the area and scowled as she kept moving.
Romeo stood as she climbed onto the bed and wrapped an arm around my neck, gingerly pressing close. Her dark hair was up in some wild bun with strands sticking out and tickling my face. I wrapped one arm around her to return the hug.
“I love you,” she whispered in my ear. “Those guys better pray they never meet me in a dark alley.”
I chuckled as she pulled back so our eyes could meet (well, her eyes met my one good one).
“Seriously.” She nodded sagely. “I’m a real badass.”
I adjusted the black-framed glasses perched on her nose and smiled. “Toughest one in the house.”
Her eyes suddenly filled, and it was like another kick in my gut. I couldn’t take many more kicks tonight. “What’s up?”
“Promise me something.”
I leaned my head back against the headboard. “Okay,”
“Promise you won’t just leave. You’re my family. I don’t like to lose my family.”
Well, damn. The guilt trip was strong with this one. What made it worse was she had truth to back it up. Rimmel had lost a lot in her life already, and I truly believed the tears threatening were because she was worried she might lose more.
It hit me right in the feels.
I honestly didn’t know everyone in this house cared about me as much as I did them.
Too bad it took so much to make me see.
“You and me are always gonna be family.” I held up my pinky.
She laughed.
“C’mon, man!” B exclaimed. “It’s one thing to be gay, but pinky swearing is for chicks!”
“You do it, too,” Ivy said, stepping through the doorway. “So don’t be acting like you don’t.”
“Burned,” Rome sang.
“Aww, baby, why you gotta do me like that?”
I laughed and hooked my pinky around Rimmel’s.
“C’mon, Smalls.” Romeo wrapped one arm around her middle and lifted her off the bed. “Trent needs to get looked at.”
“See you in the morning.” She gave me a little wave.
I frowned. I wasn’t going to be here in the morning.
Romeo seemed to read my thoughts, because he stopped and turned, moving like his wife weighed nothing at all. “Family meeting first thing.”
God. What the hell was it with him and family meetings?
I think we pretty much just said it all.
“Just ‘cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want to keep talking about my feelings,” I said.
Out in the hall, I heard a very familiar laugh. I closed my eyes because the sound pierced my soul.
He was so close.
Yet so far away.
Romeo and Rimmel left the room, and B followed. Ivy pointed her finger at me, stern. “No more yelling and no more holes in the wall. I just got Nova back to sleep.”
I swore beneath my breath. “I’m sorry, Ives. I didn’t mean to wake the baby.”
“You can pay me back by letting Braeden’s mom look at you.”
I groaned.
“And hey?” Ivy said from the doorway. “The next time you want to get in a fight, maybe just don’t.”
I smiled. It reminded me of the time last spring break when a bottle cap sliced her foot open and I’d said something similar.
Caroline Walker, B’s mom and a professional nurse, passed Ivy on her way in. The thought of all her poking and prodding was enough to make me shrink against the pillows and pull the blankets up a little higher.
Well, that and the fact I was in my damn boxers.
“I told them not to call you.”
She glanced at me and frowned. “Well, from the looks of you, it’s good they did.”
A small kit in her hand hit the table beside the bed, and she clicked on the overhead light to go with the lamps already on in the room.
“I’m really not—” I started, but the words died on my tongue. All my attention went to the doorway where Drew hovered.
He acted like he wanted to come in, but at the same time, he didn’t. I knew the feeling.
I sat up a little so I could glance around to see his bandaged hand. I was glad it was taken care of. His eyes swept my face like they were hungry for a glimpse of me. A stark note of worry floated in the blue of his gaze.
I leaned back against the headboard and looked back at Caroline. “Thanks for coming.”
I felt rather than saw Drew relax. Just knowing I was going to let her look at my injuries made him feel better.
It was all I needed to submit.
Caroline picked up the no-longer-cold cold-pack and carried it over to where Drew watched. “Would you mind getting him another one?”
“Sure.”
Before he left, I felt his eyes again. I looked up, unable to ignore the silent call.
It was hard to remember all the reasons I broke it off with him when he looked at me like this. It was hard to justify my reasons.
It was definitely hard to love someone.
But with Drew, it was impossible to stop.
Drew
Never in a million years.
That’s how often I thought life would lead me here.
Since the minute I was conceived, my life was planned out for me. Hell, it might as well have been back in the day when parents arranged their children’s lives before they were even grown based on land agreements, family obligations, and money.
Even though I never really fought the ideals my parents upheld, I never really liked them either. Even so, if asked what I actually wanted from my life, my answer wouldn’t have resembled this.
However.
Even admitting life was nothing like I ever planned or thought I wanted…
I learned something tonight.
I learned why I never really fought what my parents always pushed me toward. Up until now, there was never anything I cared enough about to fight for.
Then I met Trent.
I fell in love with my best friend.
It’s a good damn thing I was a fighter.
I’d fight for him.
I’d fight for me.
I’d fight for us.
Downstairs, I tossed the now-warm cold-pack and reached into the freezer for an icepack. It would probably stay cooler longer. I didn’t mind coming down and changing them out as often as needed, but every time I did that, I had to walk out of the room.
As angry with Trent as I was right now for breaking things off between us and with the guys who jumped him, anger wasn’t all I felt. My insides were rattled.
Worried.
Scared.
I could literally feel some of my joints vibrating beneath my skin. It left me slightly unsteady, off balance. It was sort of like chugging a giant Slurpee and chasing it with a king-size candy bar. But instead of a sugar rush, I was having an emotional rush. My body was buzzed, reacting physically to all the angst of tonight.
I wanted to be with Trent, to be able to look at him whenever I needed to reassure myself he was here and okay. I wanted the constant reassurance he wasn’t gone from my life, that we were still tethered together despite what he declared.
A guy knew he loved someone when all he could think about was being in the same room with them, even knowing they didn’t want him there.
He wants you there, my subconscious whispered. Trent might say he didn’t, but I knew different. I saw it in his eyes when I stood in the doorway of the room. I felt it deep inside.
“How’s the hand?” Ivy asked, stepping into the kitchen.
“It’s fine,” I replied, pulling out a towel to wrap around the icepack. The scrapes and cuts from putting my hand through the wall were the last thing on my mind. “Thanks for bandaging me up.”
“You’re gonna fight for him, right?”
I followed the abrupt change in conversation with ease and abandoned the task in front of me. My gaze swung around to pin my sister with a steady look. “You think I wouldn’t?”
Her elbows were resting on the island and her chin was in her hands. Perched on the top of her head was a high ponytail that was slightly crooked, and rogue strands of blond hair framed her face. “I think I want you to know I want you to.”
I felt my lips curve up into a half smile. “Well, if you want me to.”
My attempt to somehow lighten this entire night, my thoughts, this conversation was not received.
“It’s been really hard for you, huh?” She straightened from the counter and stepped forward, toward me.
I’d been silent a long time. Never spoke about what I was and wasn’t feeling. Never let on that maybe I was struggling with feelings no one else knew about.
Except, according to the fam, everyone knew.
Everyone saw the invisible pull between T and me. They felt the ripples in the air between us.
All this time, I’d felt alone; I had no one to talk to.
I wasn’t alone. Neither was Trent.
I shrugged. “It’s been hard, but it’s also been really
easy.”
“Love is easy and hard at the same time,” Ivy mused.
I nodded. Love was a conundrum, a paradox. Loving Trent was incredibly easy. I did it without thought, without effort. But everything that came with those automatic feelings—that’s where the effort came in.
“You’re really okay with this?” I asked. My sister had already given T and me her blessing. But maybe I needed some reassurance.
“With you being in love? I’m more than okay with it.”
I pursed my lips and gave her a look. While I appreciated her pragmatic view, I didn’t want it right then. I wanted a real conversation.
She made a rude sound and hopped up on the island to sit. “I was surprised when I first noticed the way your relationship with him developed. But the more I thought of it, the more I watched you both, it seemed so obvious.”
I started to say something, but she held up her hand and gave me a be quiet look. “The right kind of love is supposed to bring out the best in people. It adds to your life, fills in all those gaps you didn’t even realize were there. Trent does that for you, doesn’t he?” She tilted her head to the side and watched me.
I nodded slow, realizing T did exactly that.
“Then it doesn’t matter who you found it with. It doesn’t matter he doesn’t have boobs.”
I laughed out loud.
She giggled, then turned serious again. “You found something some people wait their entire life for. I’d much rather you be happy and so in love with a man than have some mediocre relationship with a woman.”
“Not everyone is going to see it that way.”
“Are you worried about everyone or someone more specific?”
I glanced away, back down to the ice lying in front of me. My sister knew me well. “I don’t want to tell him.”
“We have great parents. They’d do anything for us, but they were always so strict,” Ivy replied. “I think you felt their pressure more than me and Camden. You’ve been living up to Dad’s ideals for a long time, Drew. I don’t think I quite understood what it was like for you until you moved here.”
“It wasn’t terrible,” I told her, but I couldn’t disagree entirely.
#Rev (GearShark #2) Page 2