"I don't want to be her father," he said bluntly.
She hated herself for the disappointment his words evoked. "Then we're in agreement," she said, forcing her voice to remain even. "You don't want to be part of Jenny's life and I don't want you to be."
"You have it all figured out, don't you? Blow my life out of the water and leave me behind, wondering what in hell happened."
"I didn't want you to know about her. This wasn't supposed to happen."
"None of this was supposed to happen." He'd wanted to get her out of his system. See her one more time and put the past to rest. He hadn't expected to want her the way he did. He hadn't expected that sleeping with her again would make his desire for her grow stronger. Yeah, he knew all about things that weren't supposed to happen.
"Just go," she said, a quaver in her voice. "Go wherever it is you were going to go and forget we even exist. We've been doing fine up until now without you."
"You're living in a rundown bungalow in a lousy neighborhood. Your clothes are out of style and you're driving a car that's older than our kid. You're drowning, Megan, and I'm the only one who can help you."
"We don't need your help."
"Give me a day with her and you won't see me again." He'd care for Jenny's financial needs and leave the emotional ones to Megan.
"Over my dead body."
"I'm her father," he said, the words sounding as strange as they felt. "One day out of six years isn't a lot to ask for."
"No."
"I can force the issue."
"You wouldn't dare."
"You know damn well there's nothing I wouldn't do."
"Are you threatening me?"
"I don't make threats, Meggie. I get what I want without them."
"She's mine," Megan said, her voice fierce, "and there's nothing you can do to change that."
"One day," he repeated. "Tomorrow. And you can be with her."
"We have plans for tomorrow," Megan said. "I'm taking Stace and Jenny to the mall for a puppet show. Maybe the day after tomorrow."
"I'm leaving tomorrow night."
Her relief was palpable. "Then the next time you're in town."
"That won't be for at least a year. I'm sailing out of Lahaina next month."
"Australia?" she whispered.
He nodded. His dream was finally within reach. He'd expected it to feel a hell of a lot better than it did.
An odd expression flickered across her face but vanished before he could put a name to it. "Jenny has her heart set on the puppet show," Megan said. "She wouldn't understand."
He thought of his own childhood where disappointment had been the air he breathed. "Then I'll go to the bloody puppet show with you."
"You'll hate it."
"You're probably right."
"She doesn't like you very much."
"I know," he said grimly. "I don't like her very much either."
All in all, they were off to a bloody awful start.
Chapter Nine
"I think he's cu-uu-ute," said Stace as Megan tried to wrestle her into her pajamas later that evening. Of course she was talking about Jake.
Jenny, already clad in her Little Mermaid nightshirt, turned a somersault on her bed. "I think he's dumb."
Megan fastened the last button on Stace's pajama top.
"We don't call people dumb, Jenny."
"He's pretty," Stace said dreamily, obviously in the throes of a major crush. "He could be a movie star."
Jenny aimed a withering glance in her friend's direction then looked at Megan. "Can we have pecan pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?"
"If Ingrid has pecans in the kitchen."
"My mommy always has pecans," Stace said. "She keeps 'em in the pantry in a big red jar."
"Then it's pecan pancakes tomorrow morning." Megan ruffled Stace's blond curls. "But now it's time for the two of you to go to bed."
"Can't I stay up late tonight?" Jenny asked. "It's my birthday."
"You've had a big day, sweetheart," said Megan, enveloping her daughter in a hug. "I really think you should get some sleep."
Jenny's lower lip quivered. "But it's my birthday."
"I could tell you a story," Megan volunteered. "But only if you two get into bed."
The two little girls scrambled beneath the covers of their respective beds.
"Cinderella," said Jenny. "Just like you told it last night."
"Hooray!" Stace piped up. "Cinderella and the handsome prince from Austria."
Megan didn't bother to correct her. She launched into a rollicking version of Cinderella complete with music and sound effects. The girls were enraptured. She followed up Cinderella with an abbreviated Sleeping Beauty then declared story time officially over for the night.
"You'll see a better version of Sleeping Beauty tomorrow at the mall," she said, giving each little girl a kiss.
"Do you think my mommy will have the baby tonight?" Stace asked as Megan was about to switch off the light.
"Yes, honey, I do. I think by the time you wake up in the morning you'll have a beautiful little brother or sister of your very own."
Miguel had called right around dinner time to speak to Stace and to let Megan know that Ingrid was heading into the home stretch.
"Aunt Meg." Stace tugged at Megan's sleeve. "Can Jenny have a baby brother?"
Megan looked from Stace to her daughter. "Not right now," she said. "I'd like to be married before I have another baby."
"You don't have to be married," Jenny piped up.
"I know that, Jenny."
"You could go to the store and get one," Stace chimed in. "My Aunt Lisa did that."
"No, silly," said Jenny. "Not a store. It's a squirm bank."
"I think it's time we turned out the lights," said Megan, feeling faint. "Now sleep well."
They knew so much--yet they knew nothing at all. And it would be another twenty years before they even realized it.
With a sigh, she headed toward the kitchen to finish cleaning up. The melancholy mood that had begun with Jake's appearance at their daughter's birthday party still persisted. Ingrid and Miguel were about to welcome a new member into their family while Megan felt as if she were running in place. Her past, her present, and her future had unexpectedly converged and she found herself at the crossroads without a compass.
But not without memories.
#
The nurse looked up from the sheaf of papers. "Are you sure you don't want to call someone?" Her expression was kind. "First labor can take a long time. You might like the company."
Megan shook her head. "Thank you, no. I'll be fine."
The nurse looked dubious. "There must be someone," she persisted. "I know you're not one of our Lamaze patients but still...."
Megan smiled but remained silent. I have no one, she thought as an attendant wheeled her to her hospital room. There isn't one person on earth I can call to help me.
For weeks she'd found herself thinking about Jake, dreaming about the man who was her baby's father. Ridiculous, elaborate dreams--fantasies, really--where he would show up on her doorstep and sweep her up into his strong arms where she would be safe and protected. "I love you, Meggie," he said in her dreams, "and I'll love our child more than life itself."
"Fool," she whispered.
"Did you say something?" asked the attendant.
"No," said Megan, blinking away sudden tears.
Everywhere she looked she saw expectant mothers surrounded by an army of family and friends. Proud husbands, nervous mothers and fathers, friends there to lend support and celebrate a brand new life. It seemed so little to ask, to have someone with her to share the most important day of her life.
Jake, she thought. Before today is over you'll be a father.
"Do you need help changing into a gown?" the attendant asked.
Megan shook her head. "I can manage."
The attendant nodded. "Someone will be in shortly to examine you." The woman disappeared in a flurry of
disinfectant and laundry bleach and that odd smell that belonged to a hospital alone.
From somewhere she heard the sound of laughter and a soft rush of footsteps past her door. She stiffened as a contraction came and went, stronger and more powerful than the one before. She rubbed her belly, feeling more alone and frightened than she had at any other time in her life.
"I'm going to do right by you," she whispered to the child eager to be born. "You'll always have me to rely on."
#
The experience had been terrifying and wondrous and all things in between and Megan would have given anything for the comfort of having someone who loved her help her through it. When they'd placed Jenny in her arms for the first time, she'd been overwhelmed by a sense of loss so profound that it took her breath away. Jake should have been there with them and he would have been if she hadn't been so eager to run back to the comfort of her father's house.
For all she knew Ingrid was giving birth at this very moment. Miguel would be there by her side, holding her hand, calming her fears, there to share the triumphant joy of hearing their child's first cry. How would it feel to share the good times and the bad with someone who would love Jenny as much as Megan did and be there to protect her if Megan could not?
"A dream," she said out loud, trying to shake off the persistent mood. She had a healthy, happy child and that should be enough for any woman. Dreaming about what could have been was an exercise in futility. If she'd learned anything on the Sea Goddess, she'd learned that.
The warmth of his hands against her body...the smell of his skin...the realization that she would never feel so female, so loved if she lived to be one thousand....
Her thoughts skidded to a halt. Love had nothing to do with what they'd shared. Sensuality, yes. Raw sex, absolutely. But love? Love was for the girl she'd left behind years ago, the one who believed in happy endings and real life heroes. Love, in its purest form, was what she felt for Jenny. She and Jake wouldn't know love if they fell over it...or into it.
Love was what Miguel and Ingrid felt for each other. That willingness to be there during the bad times and not run away in search of sunnier climes the way she herself had done at the first sign of difficulty. Sometimes it was hard to be around Miguel and Ingrid and not feel a sharp stab of envy that what they had in abundance had been denied to her. And Jenny felt it too. She'd seen her little girl's face when Jenny came home from Stace's house after Megan's weekend on the Sea Goddess. Jenny's talk had been filled with baby brothers and daddies who told bedtime stories and knew how to saddle a horse. Megan's heart had ached at the longing in her little girl's voice. How could she explain to Jenny that sometimes even a daddy could break your heart in two?
He doesn't want to be your father, sweetheart, she thought, resting her head on the smooth surface of the table top. If she'd been expecting an argument on that count, Jake had surprised her. Tomorrow he would spend the day with Jenny and tomorrow night he would walk out of their lives for good.
"You should be happy," Megan said aloud in the silent kitchen. "This is exactly what you wanted."
So why was she crying?
#
It occurred to Jake around midnight that the thing to do was abandon ship. He'd been trying to nap on a couch in the Tropicale office but each time he closed his eyes all he could see was that little red-haired girl barreling toward him like an avenging angel.
Leave my mommy alone!
He sat up in the darkened office and dragged a weary hand through his hair. Maybe the little sheila was right. Maybe the best thing he could do was leave them both alone. His rental car was parked downstairs. All he had to do was grab his briefcase and head out to Miami International and board the first plane to Hawaii. This time tomorrow he could be on his boat, alone the way he'd planned it, and today would be just another memory.
#
"Jake." Megan's voice was low, unbearably sexy. "Someone might see us."
"We're alone, Meggie. There's no one around for miles." Just the sea and the stars and the endless night.
The sailboat rose and fell with the movement of the ocean, urging them closer.
"This isn't our boat," she persisted. "What if someone finds out?"
"Nobody will find out. We'll be back at the marina before anyone knows it's missing." He'd been desperate to get her out of their tiny, sweltering apartment. Desperate to provide a touch of the luxury she'd known with her father.
He moved between her thighs. She moaned as he found her with his hand. "Open for me, Meggie," he said. He needed to lose himself in her softness and heat, feel the way her body tightened around him, hear the sounds she made in the back of her throat when she came.
He needed to believe this wasn't the beginning of the end....
#
Three days later Megan was gone.
He stared out the office window at the lights of Miami twinkling below. Nothing about that night had been careful or considered. He'd taken her with a fierce hunger that scared them both. She'd responded in kind, drawing him more deeply inside her body until neither one knew where the other began.
Was that the night Jennifer had been conceived? Created out of desire and love and the absolute certainty that what they had together would never be enough to see them through.
He looked at the telephone. One call was all it would take. He could have a plane waiting for him at the airport and be gone before daybreak. There was nothing for him here. Not really. Megan had made it perfectly clear that there was no room for him in her life. And he wasn't convinced there should be room for him in their daughter's. He'd see to it that they never wanted for anything.
But dawn found him watching the sunrise over the water.
And at ten o'clock he climbed into his car and started the engine.
Traffic was light as he cut across the city toward the house where Megan was staying. How did she feel spending the night in luxury when her own place was just a step above an army barracks? Did it even matter to her anymore?
Nothing about her life was the way he thought it would be.
He signaled a turn into the subdivision where her partner lived. He should have left well enough alone, kept his memories where they belonged, buried in a far corner of his mind. They were supposed to have great sex, burn away the past, then say goodbye forever. Neat. Clean. Permanent. He hadn't expected to care.
He pulled into the driveway next to a beat-up Ford he now knew to be Megan's. Hard to imagine her without the fiery little red Porsche that had been her trademark.
Hell, he thought, as he headed up the walkway toward the front door. That was just one of a hundred things that had changed in the past six years.
"I have a brand new baby brother!" The little blond girl with the big blue eyes greeted him as she swung open the door. She was so sweet, so cute, so uncomplicated--everything he'd expected a little girl to be. "His name is Charlie and he weighs ten pounds."
Jake winced. "Ten pounds?"
The little girl nodded, her blond curls bouncing. "My daddy says he's a bowling ball in diapers."
He had to laugh. "I think I'd like your daddy."
"You would like him, Jake." Megan's low voice drifted toward him. "Miguel's a yacht builder."
He looked past Stace to see Megan standing in the archway to the foyer. She wore white pants and a silky pale gold sweater that skimmed her breasts and hips. Her auburn hair was piled loosely on top of her head, anchored with a tortoise shell pin. She walked toward him, that swaying womanly walk that had always brought him instantly to life.
"Where is she?" he asked.
"In the backyard. She wanted to pick some flowers to take to Ingrid and the baby after the puppet show."
"Won't they wilt?"
"I tried to tell her," Megan said, "but she has her own ideas."
Genetics, he thought. Stubborn genes on both sides of the family. Poor little sheila didn't stand a chance.
#
It took a good ten minutes to get Jenny and
Stace strapped into the back seat of Jake's shiny black Jaguar. They were in a giggly mood, acting about as silly as it was possible for two six year old girls to act.
"You have thirty seconds to calm down and get those seatbelts fastened," Megan warned. "Otherwise you can forget about the puppet show."
They managed to stop giggling long enough to obey Megan but the laughter started up again as soon as the car was moving.
It was business as usual for Megan. Jake, however, kept glancing at them through the rearview mirror, a puzzled expression on his face.
"This comes with the territory," Megan said. "Little kids laugh a lot."
He glanced at her and her heart turned over at the surprising look of vulnerability in his eyes. There was something different about him today. Yesterday's anger was gone and in its place was a bittersweet sense of finality that was almost enough to crumble her defenses.
"I think the little ankle-biters are laughing at me."
"They're not laughing at you."
"How do you know?" He glanced in the mirror once again. "I heard the word 'kangaroo.'"
"Oh, Jake!" She started to laugh herself. "That doesn't mean anything."
"I don't know." He didn't sound convinced. "There's something going on back there."
"Of course there's something going on back there. There always is when you're with kids. You'll get used to it."
Her words hung in the air between them. He wasn't going to be around long enough to get used to it. By this time tomorrow he'd be back on another of his yachts, smiling at the pretty women and counting up his profits, while Megan and Jenny went on with their lives as if he'd never existed.
#
Jake stared at the swarm of kids tearing around the center court of the mall. He'd never seen so many children in one place in his life. Hundreds of them, all different ages and colors and personalities, with just one goal in mind: to drive their parents crazy.
Her Bad Boy Billionaire Lover (Billionaire Lovers) Page 13