by Auryn Hadley
"Thanks, guys," Sal told them. "I'm trying, but this is why Blaec paired me with Cyno."
"Why?" Lorenz asked.
Sal chuckled and squeezed Rax forward. "So we could fuck each other's brains out and both live through it. He's a berserker, too. So are the grauori."
Not the same, Murah said. Maast takes our fears and enhances our senses, but it doesn't drive us like it does the iliri.
"How do you know?" Kolt asked.
Murah looked up, letting his tongue fall to the side to show his amusement. I was at the first battle of Anglia when Rragri brought the Kaisae and Ahnor to our minds. None of us feel like that.
"Iliri have always been more impulsive than grauori," Sal told him. "We're more violent, they're more stealthy. It kinda applies to everything about us."
Being away from the humans helped more than Sal wanted to admit. The scent of Kolt behind her teased at her mind but didn't drive her to distraction. She managed to keep her wits about her until well after the sun was down and Rais called a halt.
Kolt slipped down Rax's hip and reached up, pulling Sal into his arms. "How are you?" he asked, his face so close to hers.
She offered him her mind in answer. He took it, gasping at the strength of her need, his hand tightening on her arm. "Damn it, Sal. How do - " he paused, turning to see Blaz walking toward them.
Blaz moved to the saddle, loosening Rax's girth. "Can he handle you?" he asked under his breath, his words for Sal.
"I won't kill him."
Blaz nodded. He pulled the saddle from his horse's back and rested it against his hip. "They all know, Sal. None of us will judge you."
"She's so close to home," Kolt said.
Blaz shrugged, chuckling softly. "A day is a long ass time. If she's resisting this because of us, she needs to know there's no need. We've always known you're not human, Sal. We don't expect you to be."
"Is it that, babe, or something else?"
Sal relaxed her neck and let her head fall against Kolt's chest. "I don't know. I can't think straight with them around."
"Blaec wouldn't care," Blaz told her. "You know that better than I do. Nor Cyno."
She shook her head. "I know."
"Zep?" Kolt asked.
She lifted her head and met his eyes. "You."
Blaz laughed, smothering it quickly. "That's my cue to leave." He grabbed something from his pack and handed it to Kolt. "Next rise over. I'll tell the men to stay away. You two sort out whatever shit this is, and keep her from eating us."
Blaz led Rax away, stepping unevenly with the saddle against his hip, leaving Sal alone with Kolt. A rolled blanket was in his hand, the gift from Blaz, and he waved it at her. "So, explain that to me? What do you mean I'm the thing stopping you?"
"I'm supposed to be stronger than this, but I'm not." Sal turned away, but he held her. "I just need some maerte."
"Unless you want to eat the 112th, you're screwed. " His fingers slid along the back of her neck, deep into her hair, as his mind brushed through hers. "I just don't know if I can help you."
"Then I need sleep," she snarled, but her thoughts clung to his.
He chuckled, tilting her face up to his. "Bullshit, but if that's how you want to play this, I'll stay up with you all night."
"Why?"
"Because every man has a dream, and mine is to make up for my mistakes." He paused, searching her eyes. "And if you want more than that, I'll do my best, but I'm not him."
"You're nothing like Blaec," she grumbled, trying to pull away.
His grip prevented that. "I meant your officer. I'm not a hero. I'm not a young boy too stupid to know what to do with a Kaisae." Then he leaned closer, breathing deeply. "But I love wildflowers."
"I won't pay you back by forcing myself on you."
He pulled her against him, his voice a growl. "If you want me, Sal, then I'm yours. If you want to make this go away, I'm yours. If you want me to be someone else, then I'm the wrong fucking man for the job. You have to take me as I am, because I'm sick and tired of pretending."
She bit her lower lip, her teeth drawing blood. Slowly she looked up at him. "Kolt?"
"Yeah, babe?"
"Why?" Her eyes searched his. "You don't really want me, but you'll do anything I ask."
He grabbed the back of her head and forced her mouth to his, his teeth slicing the edge of her tongue before he bit at her lips, kissing away the blood. He growled, the rumble passing from his chest to hers, and refused to release her until she stopped fighting him. When she sighed, he pulled back.
"Why do you even care?" he asked. Sal started to look down, but he stopped her, holding her face to his. "You know I'll fall into your bed. Why would you think I'm willing to do that?"
"Maast," she breathed. "You feel it through me. Without the maast, you have no interest. I don't want to take advantage of you."
"Oh Sal," he breathed, kissing her again. This time, his lips were gentle, but his hands were hard. "I swear to you, you are not taking advantage of me."
"But you don't want me." She lifted her chin, daring him to deny it. "You're loyal, to a fault, and you can feel the maast inside me. That doesn't mean you want this."
"I swore I'd take care of you."
She nodded. "And I will not take that for granted. I can hold out, but you have to stop kissing me."
"Is it Jase and Zep?" he asked. "Are they telling you not to do this?"
She shook her head. "No. They're worried about me. Jase thinks you're what I need."
"And Zep?"
She tried to look down again, but he refused to allow her eyes to fall. With a sigh, she looked into his. "Zep wants me to come home."
"Me, too." He smiled as he leaned to her again, kissing her cheek. "Body and mind, Sal. I want to get all of you back to the men who really love you."
"And I don't want to lay with a man out of duty." She tilted her head away from his lips. "It's no different than Merriton, except the other way around. I just need to be alone."
Kolt pulled her hips against him, proving his desire was very real. "You don't need to be alone. I'm strong enough to take you, Sal."
"And I'm strong enough to resist you." Her lip lifted slightly. "I told you, I have no interest in laying with a man that does not want me."
"Oh, I want you," he whispered. "I'm just not willing to sell my soul to you."
"I don't want your soul."
He nodded. "I think you have enough of those already."
"What do you want?" she asked, leaning into him, her resolve weakening.
He kissed her again, hard, like an iliri. "I want to feel you in my arms, with your mind twined so deep into mine I can't tell us apart." He took a long breath, looking up at the sky. "I just want to make you happy, Sal."
This time she kissed him, tangling her fingers in his hair. "Make it stop, Kolt. Show me what it feels like to be taken care of."
Chapter 41
He ducked low and lifted her over his shoulder, then carried her over the hill, out of sight of their camp. Sal didn't try to struggle. She knew she couldn't beat his strength and liked how it made her feel. She wasn't in control. For the first time in years, someone else was willing to take charge, and she let him.
The sounds of the humans faded and the night sky enveloped them. Kolt finally set her down, tossing the blanket away and spinning her in his arms. Sal tried to face him, but he held her, her back to his chest, and drug his mouth against the edge of her ear.
"I can feel what you want," he whispered, pulling her ass hard against his pelvis. "I can hurt you, Sal, and you're begging me to."
She moaned, grinding her hips against the ridge in his pants. "You can't hurt me, Kolt. I'm not human."
"No," he purred, "you're definitely not."
"Make me feel it," she begged.
He lowered his mouth to her neck, kissing gently, and she tried to pull away. Then he bit down, sharp points piercing her flesh, his erection throbbing between the crush of their bodies when s
he whimpered in pleasure. The tip of his tongue traced the blood across the wound, and Sal pulled again. This time, he laughed softly before he bit, his teeth pinning the tendon at the back of her neck, making her press into him.
Lifting his mouth from her body, he asked, "Like that, do ya?"
"Yes," she breathed.
He ran his mouth up the length of her jaw, to her ear, and nipped gently, the thin skin too delicate for the abuse she wanted. "I like how you whimper under my teeth, begging for me. You want to submit, don't you?"
"No," Sal breathed.
He shoved her into the grass, dropping to his knees behind her before he caught her again. With a strong arm around her shoulders and neck, he pulled her to his chest. "Don't lie to me, Sal. I can feel you in my head. You want to submit to me."
"Yes," she moaned. "But I want you to make me."
"Then that's what I'll do."
His teeth found the other side of her neck, sinking deep, and his hands moved to her waist, unbuckling her belt, fumbling with the laces of her pants. She tried to help, but he growled a warning, shoving her arms away. As soon as her pants were loose enough, he pushed them to her knees and pulled his teeth from her skin, his arm returning to hold her against him, never letting her go.
"You're such a little thing." His free hand caressed her bare ass. "Just like I imagined." Fingers slipped between her legs, sliding over her ass to the wetness beyond, teasing the sensitive skin there. "And you want me so damned bad."
She groaned and tried to thrust herself onto his hand, but he held her. Instead, she reached behind her, grabbing him through the fabric. Running her hands down his length, she felt his hips press into her.
His mouth grabbed her, this time on her shoulder, and his frantic hands worked free the laces of his breeches. She could hear the cloth against his skin, but his teeth held her still. Her hands wrestled with his, seeking bare flesh. When she found it, he thrust into her palms, extracting his teeth from her skin. "Harder," he demanded, and her fingers tightened around his shaft.
Kolt sucked in a breath, releasing her from his control as he leaned into her touch. Sal pressed back, pinning her hands between their bodies, stroking him slowly. He clung to her, grasping her shoulders, as his mind begged her to abuse him. Each time her hands slid down his length, his fingers tightened, begging for more. She felt him, thick and solid, swelling in her grip as his awe filled her mind.
Without warning he shoved her forward, forcing her to release him. Sal tried to lift away from the ground, but he held her down with her face against the dirt. Kolt's strong hand wrapped around the base of his dick, his eyes on her ass. Slowly he leaned forward, sliding across her, sending shivers down her spine as he teased her. Then he paused, looking into her eyes before he thrust, impaling himself in her.
Sal groaned, pressing herself onto him. With both hands on her hips, he pushed her away before yanking her back, his fingers bruising her skin as he filled her completely. She lost herself in the pleasure he created, closing her eyes so nothing could distract her, clenching her teeth to keep her cries to herself.
For just a moment, nothing else existed. All of her pain and memories faded beneath her primal need, and she let them, banishing them before the reality of what she was. Right now, she needed to forget, and Kolt was begging her to. She just had to let go, but it was so hard, so far outside what she knew. He just rammed her harder, growling when she refused to call out.
Each thrust pressed her further into the ground until his body covered hers. One elbow held him off the dirt as his hand slid forward until their fingers twined together. She felt his mouth brush against her neck as he rocked, his body shielding her from the world.
"Scream for me," he growled softly. "I want you to come so hard you can't stop it. I want you to stop thinking about anything but me."
As the words passed his lips, he dropped the last of his mental walls, his emotions hitting her like a wave. Fear, desire, and awe mingled with the pleasure he felt seeing her beneath him. The sensation was too much. Sal gasped as he moved inside her, feeling how she teased him, feeling his need to please her. Feeling his need to possess her completely. Feeling how good he felt with her.
She moaned, her mind begging him to move faster and he complied, struggling not to lose control. She could feel the orgasm building but didn't know if it was hers or his, and didn't care. She gave herself to it, writhing at the pleasure, losing her need to kill in her need for him. She wanted him to be strong so she didn't have to. She wanted him to take care of her. She wanted everything he was giving her, and the pleasure built higher.
His incisors grazed gently against her neck. "Always," he swore, then buried his teeth deep in her flesh and shoved into her one last time.
Sal's eyes flew open, and she cried out, her voice knowing no words as her body tensed around him. She gasped, her hips tight against his pelvis, Kolt's breathing heavy against her skin. As the spasms of pleasure subsided, she melted into the ground with a smile on her lips.
"Never," he panted, "think I wouldn't want that."
With one last kiss on her neck, he pulled away, sliding out of her gently. He didn't bother to lace his pants before falling beside her, sucking in long breaths of air, then chuckled.
Sal pushed herself to her knees to pull her pants back up. "What?"
He held up the rolled blanket. "Oops."
"It's not too late," she told him.
Kolt turned his head to her and smiled. With a nod, he sat up and flared the blanket against the ground, shifting to lay on it, then he patted the spot beside him. "Don't tell me you don't cuddle."
Sal moved to his side but lay on her back long enough to lace her pants. "I wouldn't. I won't lie to you."
"Not intentionally," he corrected.
She turned and lay her head on his shoulder, smiling when he wrapped an arm around her. "No, not intentionally."
"So I get to be a sap for a bit after that, right?" He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.
"Yeah," she agreed, snuggling deeper into his arms.
"K. Because..." He swallowed and took a breath. "Sal, you're not alone, babe. I'll be as strong as you need me to. You won't break my heart or hurt my feelings. My place is to take care of you, body and mind."
"Why?" she asked him again.
"I have no fucking idea. You keep asking that, and I don't have an answer to give you." He tilted her chin up. "Never thought I'd be sticking my dick in you, but I've always known that I need to make sure you're ok."
"I don't understand."
He smiled. "I'm sure. You're a Kaisae. You don't get this like we do. I figure it's like how you feel that you need to save the iliri from Terric. You don't know why, you just know you should, right?"
She nodded. "Yeah, but I think that's kinda selfish. I mean, I don't want to be the only one anymore."
"Same thing, then. I want to be here because I don't want to know a world without iliri. You, my Kaisae, embody us. You are what makes us different."
"I'm just a soldier," she protested.
"I know." His hands held her tightly. "You're just the best damned soldier the world has seen, because we need you to be. You're the mead to our honey."
Sal chuckled. "That's a really bad metaphor."
He laughed and nodded. "Ok, it really was. Sal, stop worrying about me. There's nothing sinister here. I'm just a really good friend who wants to keep you happy. I sure won't say no if that means I get laid to do it, ok?"
She shrugged. "So why the six-year dry spell?"
Kolt groaned and looked away. "After my wife had our boy, she turned into a real bitch. I don't mean the iliri kind either. I couldn't do anything to make her happy. I mean, I didn't change Las's diaper right, or I should have made something else for dinner, or her favorite, I shouldn't spend so much time with my unit."
"Thought you were only with them for work?"
He nodded. "Pretty much. After a couple of years of that, I started hanging out with them ou
tside of missions, which is why I was always in that damned bar in Fort Landing. Trying to avoid her, basically. If Las wasn't awake, I tried not to be home."
"Why didn't you divorce her?"
Kolt shrugged. "Las needed his amma, and I hoped that being a human's wife, she'd get to live to be an old woman. That's why I'm not so crushed about her death. I miss my boy, though."
"I can tell." She pressed her head against his chest. "He sounds like a good kid."
"You'd make a good amma." He laughed at the shock on her face. "You would. Imagine how proud Las would be to tell the other kids that his amma was the Kaisae of all iliri. Bet you'd even give him reasons to brag."
"And he'd have sisters with fur." Sal poked him in the ribs. "You get a tattoo and Las can call me amma."
"Deal." Kolt tugged her across his chest and hugged her tightly. "One last kiss, then I should take you back."
Sal leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, her tongue tracing the edge of his mouth. Kolt sucked in a breath and rolled into her, guiding her onto her back. He devoured her mouth, making pleased noises when she nipped at his lips. That one last kiss became two, then more, and soon they were both breathing heavier.
"Damn," he whispered. "Thought I'd already cured your maast."
Sal pushed his shirt aside, her eyes on his smooth shoulder. "You did."
He turned to look at her hand. "Sal…"
"She was a fool. Your wife. I would have put my claim all over you."
For a moment, he said nothing. Then, "I won't stop you."
She ran her hand over the dense muscle again. "Why not?"
"Because from the moment I first saw you, you changed my life. I'm not your mate, but I'm still yours in my own way." He leaned closer, sliding his mouth up to her ear. "Even if that meant staying away."
That was all she needed. Sal bit, sinking her teeth into the flesh along the side of his neck. Then again, just where it met his shoulder. Each time, he sighed, a hint of a moan coming out with it, but before she could bite a third time, he pulled away.
"Unless you want another round, you'd better stop," he teased. "And I think your excuse is gone."