by Vanessa Kier
Which left her terrified that even if Kai Paterson returned with the microchip containing Dr. Nevsky’s notes, it might be too late for Rafe.
It would be better to be dead than subject to Kaufmann’s experiments, wouldn’t you say?
She gritted her teeth and pushed Ryker’s comment to the back of her mind where it belonged. As long as Rafe was alive, she’d cling to the hope that she could find a way to return him to the man he’d once been.
She refused to accept anything else.
The sob that had been sitting hot and heavy in Gabby’s throat broke free, echoing through the empty observation room. She pushed the back of her hand against her mouth, trying to muffle it. Ryker had warned her what to expect, but still, it was so much harder to watch Rafe than she’d thought.
Impossible to think only like a doctor instead of a woman. A lover.
She bit her lip. One night. That’s all they’d had together, but it had been enough. Her heart belonged to Rafe.
The man in the cell below only vaguely resembled the man she’d fallen in love with. He had the same dark hair and eyes, but steroids had added layers of bulky muscle to his previously lean frame.
Gone were Rafe’s amusement and love of life. Instead, this Rafe was constantly angry. In pain. His keen intelligence had dimmed until his eyes held only an animal’s cunning. For Rafe, the world had narrowed to survival, with his mind the equivalent of an ape’s.
Pain wrapped around her heart and squeezed. The world darkened momentarily and she staggered, feeling another piece of her soul shatter. She raised a hand palm out and caught herself against the window.
Rafe must have heard the impact, for he stopped his pacing and looked up. Even though she knew he couldn’t see through the special glass, she shivered under the hatred in his glare. Her stomach rolled over and Gabby was profoundly grateful that she hadn’t eaten anything that day. Vomiting all over the floor when she wasn’t even supposed to be here would be a perfectly horrible way to end the day.
But she’d had to see for herself how far down the scale he’d progressed. She’d needed to reassure herself that he was indeed only at Level 3, not 4 or 5. The drugs her team had created didn’t work on the other levels, only Level 3.
She was just grateful Nate Ngoro had still been Level 3 when he’d arrived at the SSU. Between him and the others, her team had samples from Levels 3, 4 and 5, giving them crucial data. Today they’d been notified that Kai Paterson had succeeded in retrieving Nevsky’s microchip. With those notes added to her own data, she felt certain, given enough time, they could heal Rafe and return him to the man he once was.
The key element, of course, was time. She touched her forehead to the cool glass. Please, let us succeed.
As her stomach settled and she met Rafe’s eyes again through the glass, she came to the realization that this wasn’t enough. She couldn’t simply stand up here watching Rafe as if she were just one more scientist studying him.
This was the man she’d made passionate love to. Who had touched a part of her soul that no other man had even recognized. She loved him. Had worried over him from the moment he left her bed.
She owed him so much more than just working to find a cure. He needed human contact.
Since he’d been brought in three days ago, Rafe had supposedly calmed down slightly. Enough that Niko had been allowed a face-to-face session with Rafe. They’d brought the brothers together in a small holding room yesterday afternoon, and Rafe had nearly broken his restraints in an attempt to kill Niko. Then, once Niko was gone, Rafe had beat his head against the wall, crying.
Several other visitors had been brought to see Rafe over the next few days, but none of them had been allowed in the same room with him. They’d all appeared on the other side of reinforced glass.
And Rafe had responded in exactly the same way.
Gabby didn’t even want to imagine the type of pain Kaufmann had inflicted in order to turn Rafe against his brother and best friend. She rubbed her arms to ward off a sudden chill. Had Kaufmann known about Rafe’s connection to her? Even if he’d tortured Rafe and his teammates, would Kaufmann have asked the right questions to learn about her relationship with Rafe? Possible, but unlikely.
A slow bud of hope unfurled inside her. What if she was the one person in his life Rafe hadn’t been brainwashed against? The one person he wouldn’t attack?
Still…the scientist in her warned that she had to be practical.
Was she willing to risk her life on a slim possibility? Yes. Would the rest of the team allow her to risk her safety? She shook her head, knowing all too well that Kai would be the most opposed to putting her in danger. But the despair lurking behind Rafe’s eyes broke her heart.
She had to find a way to get closer to him. She wanted Rafe to see her. To hear her. Even if it was through the barrier of a window, she needed to let him know he wasn’t alone.
The next day, Gabby asked the head of Rafe’s psychotherapy team for permission to communicate with him through the two-way observation glass.
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Winthrop said in his haughty voice. “But I cannot authorize that. It takes Andros hours to calm down after his rages and then more hours to earn back his trust again.”
Knowing she wouldn’t find any sympathy from the man, Gabby had pleaded with one of the other doctors on the psychiatric team. “Please, just show him my photo. All the other people he’s been faced with from his past have been male. Maybe he won’t react so aggressively toward a female.” Even though Dr. Kaufmann had employed several women at his lab, Gabby had sensed a degree of chauvinism. It was likely Kaufmann never considered brainwashing Rafe against the females in his life.
“Think of what it would mean if Rafe doesn’t have a violent reaction to me,” Gabby had added. “I could help him in a way no one else can.”
The woman had given Gabby a look that bordered on pity, but nodded her head in agreement. “If he has an extended period of calm, we might consider showing him your photo.”
Two days later, the psychotherapy team showed Rafe Gabby’s picture, while Gabby watched through a one-way observation window with her fingers crossed. But when Rafe saw her picture, he growled and snapped at the photo. Shouted “Bad woman. Kill.”
Gabby hadn’t been able to control her flinch, even though Rafe hadn’t posed a physical danger to her. The therapist had tried to calm Rafe down, but left when it became clear he was ignoring her. Despite the disappointment swamping her, Gabby had continued to watch Rafe as her mind had tried to come to terms with the fact that he’d been programmed to kill her.
After a few minutes alone, Rafe’s expression had turned from aggression to confusion. Then he’d grimaced in pain, put his hands to his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He’d started rocking back and forth, mouthing “No. No.”
Gabby’s eyes had filled with tears and the weight of Rafe’s pain had threatened to crush her heart until she couldn’t breathe. It had taken fifteen minutes before Rafe had calmed down, but Gabby had hovered on the verge of tears for hours afterward.
The incident had only made Gabby more determined than ever to help Rafe. She examined his blood samples, looking for any nuances that would help her fine-tune the drug formula and stop his deterioration.
Because Kai Paterson had done some marginal work on the original formula while undercover at Dr. Nevsky’s lab, he’d been made co-team leader with her. Kai took charge of reviewing the data the tech team painstakingly retrieved from the encoded microchip and helping Gabby incorporate the data into her research.
A week after Rafe had reacted so aggressively to her picture, Gabby’s team administered the adjusted formula to him. Finally, they saw the results they’d been hoping for. They were ninety-nine percent certain they’d managed to at least temporarily halt his slide toward Level 4.
In fact, Gabby believed Rafe’s intelligence had improved slightly. He appeared more alert when performing the tasks his cognitive therapists requested of him. Two days
ago, Rafe had been shown Gabby’s photo again. His only reaction had been a clenched jaw and hands that opened and closed into fists.
Yesterday, the curtain had been pulled back on the special observation window, allowing Rafe to see Gabby. He’d started, then stared at her with narrowed eyes. The medical team’s sensors had reported accelerated breathing, but after a few minutes of intense scrutiny, Rafe had turned his back and walked away, leaving Gabby strangely bereft. Yet more determined than ever to be allowed into Rafe’s room with him. To be the one friendly face among the strangers treating him.
Mindful of her safety, Gabby had waited with barely leashed impatience as she repeated the through-the-glass encounter several times a day for three days. Until finally the psychiatric team agreed that it appeared safe for Gabby to attempt a face-to-face meeting.
Gabby took a deep breath. Today it was time to show Rafe know he wasn’t alone.
“Are you sure about this, Gabby?” Kai asked. “Rafe may have regained enough cognition to be playing dumb in hopes of luring you inside.”
“I’m sure.” She patted the oversized pocket of her cardigan. “I’ve got the tranquilizer gun and the security team will be right outside in case something goes wrong. But the majority of his psychiatric team agrees that he’s starved for contact with a human being who is not part of his medical team.” Just thinking about how long it had been since Rafe had a normal, casual relationship with another person made Gabby’s voice wobble on the verge of tears. Rafe had been such a gregarious man before his capture. She imagined the social isolation was as much a punishment as the physical torture he’d endured.
She firmed her voice, refusing to let her emotions make her appear weak to Kai. That was the surest way to have him ask Ryker to pull her off the project for lack of objectivity. And she needed to do this.
“He needs a friend. Hopefully, he’s calmed down enough that he’ll remember the positive time he spent with me, rather than the punishment Kaufmann inflicted on him. If I’m right, my scent should help break through any lingering conditioning.” She’d overdosed herself with the cherry vanilla body lotion she’d been wearing the night they made love.
As they reached the door to Rafe’s room, her heart fluttered in her throat. She’d insisted on seeing Rafe here, in the environment that was becoming his home, instead of in the more sterile holding room where he’d met Niko. And she’d chosen the middle of the night so his biorhythm would be slower.
God, she was scared. What if Rafe ignored her? That would almost be worse than if he attacked her.
“Ready? Keep your hand on the tranquilizer gun. There was a mild sedative in his dinner, so he should remain calm. There’s also a restraint tying Rafe’s leg to the bed, so keep at the distance we discussed and he won’t be able to reach you. We’ll be standing right outside. If we see or hear anything that indicates you’re being threatened, we’re pulling you out.” Kai had four security guards with him, all armed with tranquilizer guns and restraints.
Gabby nodded. “I’m ready.”
One of the security guards opened the door and let Gabby inside.
The chime at the entrance to his room woke Rafe from a deep sleep.
Danger!
Rafe bolted from his bed and looked around wildly. His heart beat triple time as he tried to locate the threat he’d been expecting for days.
He checked the room once. Twice.
No one was there. The drapes were closed against the window. Everything appeared as he’d left it before sleep claimed him.
The lights overhead turned on, momentarily blinding him and sending him into a panic as he sensed someone enter the room. He held himself still, trembling on the edge of panic and aggression, while his eyes adjusted to the light.
A woman stood with her back pressed against the door, one hand in the pocket of her blue sweater. She stared at him with uncertainty. “Hi, Rafe.”
He flinched. Her voice was soft, familiar. It filled him with a need to get closer. To hear her speak again. He stepped forward, his heart beating too fast.
“Do you remember me?” she asked.
His eyes flew to her face. Memory stirred. Her face… Yes. He remembered her face. Her smile.
Pain lanced through his head. “If you ever meet this woman, kill her,” the Voice ordered, showing Rafe a photograph. “She is a traitor to this lab. If she catches you the pain will be unimaginable. To survive, you must kill her.”
Rafe trembled. The people holding him in this new location had told him the woman was not his enemy. She was a friend. The new white coats had also shown him her photograph, watching for his reaction.
Friend. Enemy. He hadn’t known what to believe. So he’d forced himself to stay still, which seemed to please the white coats.
The next day the woman had appeared at his window. Again he’d heard the Voice in his head. “Kill her.” But the new white coats were trying to help Rafe and they insisted the woman was a friend. He’d struggled to find the truth, but the pain in his head had been too much. The need to kill had started to grow. Yet the woman had been on the other side of the glass, out of his immediate reach. Instead of breaking the glass and attacking her, which might make these white coats abandon their gentler ways and hurt him, Rafe had turned his back and walked away.
But now she was here. And there were no white coats in the room. The voice inside his head telling him she was a friend became drowned out by the Voice. “Kill her!”
Rafe lunged toward the woman. The strap that had been fastened around his ankle broke with the force of his movement.
With her back already to the door, there was nowhere for the woman to hide. No chance she could escape him. He saw her hand start to pull something out of her pocket, but he slammed his body against hers, trapping her hand where it was.
Snarling, he wrapped his fingers around her neck and squeezed.
That’s right, the Voice whispered.
The woman’s squeak of alarm turned into a choked-off gasp. Her fingers clawed at his hands. Her hazel eyes widened in fear, but there was something else there, too. Something that made him hesitate and lessen the pressure.
“Rafe, please don’t kill me,” she gasped. “I’m Gabby. Remember? You helped me escape from Kaufmann. We m-made l-love the night before you left.” Her eyes pleaded with him to remember. To have mercy.
Rafe shook his head. Those eyes. They…shouldn’t…fear him. There was something wrong with her being afraid. It brought the memory of frightened eyes. Of him putting his arms around her to soothe away her tears.
“Rafe, I won’t hurt you,” she whispered. “I’m your friend. Your…lover.”
Kill her, the Voice said inside his head. She’s lying. Just as she lied to you before. She told you to obey Kaufmann and the pain would go away. It got worse, instead. Punish her. She’ll bring pain. Spill her blood onto your hands. Then you’ll be safe.
Rafe’s fingers tightened again on her throat.
Tears leaked out of her eyes, wetting his hands. “I won’t ever hurt you,” the woman repeated. “I love you.”
Love. He knew what that word meant. Agony. Electric shock. Cold so pervasive he couldn’t think. Painful convulsions.
Yes, the men in white coats had taught him all about love.
The woman went slack in his hands. He continued to squeeze, waiting for the life to drain, when a scent barreled through his rage.
He paused. Sniffed. Moved his nose to the neck of the woman.
The scent was on her skin. He inhaled deeply and felt the red haze of rage recede, replaced by a curious calm that somehow silenced the voices. Instead, he heard soft laughter. Breathless moans of excitement. A sigh of bone-deep satisfaction.
The Voice tried to drown out the memories, making Rafe’s head ache. But when he inhaled again, drawing the scent into his body, the voices went away.
Pain lanced through his head, followed by a strange sense of peace. This woman was important to him. Good. The Voice was wrong. Killing
her would be wrong. He was supposed to protect her.
The new white coats were right. This woman was a friend.
He released her neck and lifted her limp body into his arms, tucking her face up near his shoulder and lowering his head slightly so he was closer to the special scent.
He carried her to his bed and set her gently on top of the covers.
The door at his back burst open. Pinpricks of pain blossomed along his back and upper thighs. He roared and turned around.
Soldiers rushed into the room. He knew what to do with soldiers.
Take them down.
He lunged toward them so fast, he saw surprise in their eyes. He grabbed the nearest man by his throat and flung him against the wall. Took down the next two. Felt more pinpricks of pain and looked down to see darts sticking out of his chest.
“We’ve got her.”
“Get her out of here.”
A man hurried to the door, the woman in his arms.
“No. Mine!” Rafe bellowed, trying to reach him. The woman was his to protect. But there were three men in his way. By the time he fought his way closer to the door, the man carrying the woman had disappeared.
Rafe lost it. He grabbed a chair and swung it into the men blocking him, then threw the chair against the large window. He overturned his bed and shoved it at the next wave of men, knocking them all down.
“Someone fucking restrain him, already!”
“What the hell do you expect us to do? The drugs aren’t working. And Christ, he’s strong as Superman even with the damn sedative in his supper. No wonder the restraint holding him to the bed failed.”
He fought, but the drugs slowed him down.
Rafe kicked one of the men so he fell against the leader. They collapsed to the floor. Rafe raced toward the door. He needed to find the woman. To make sure she was okay. But three steps from the door he staggered, then fell to his knees as the drugs took effect.
“No!” he protested. He struggled back to his feet, but gravity slammed him face down on the floor.