Just Add Heat

by Genevieve Jourdin

  “Wow. Seven missed texts and four missed calls from Cheryl. What in the world could be so important?”

  I opened my texts and felt my body chill as her texts got increasingly more urgent.

  OMG! I think there’s a problem with your site.

  Call me as soon as you get this!

  Pull down your new video!!

  Call me NOW!!

  Where are you?—EMERGENCY

  Check your site—hurry!!

  You posted a PORN of yourselves on your website!!!!

  I pulled up the site and clicked on the most recent update, Hot Cross Buns. We had set two new segments to post automatically while we celebrated our first anniversary in Napa Valley, Hot Cross Buns and Ultimate Mac and Cheese. Unfortunately, what opened was the sex tape we had made after coming home from Cheryl and Paulo’s Halloween party. We had been a little tipsy, so filming ourselves had seemed like a good idea at the time. I saw myself doing a drunken striptease while wearing my Princess Leia buns as Carter lounged on the bed wearing nothing but his Jedi belt and a lecherous smile.

  “Nooooooo! Carter, we posted our porno on the website!” I could barely get the words out because I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate. Carter screeched to a stop on the shoulder of the road and grabbed the phone out of my now numb fingers.

  “Fuck! Why didn’t I double check?” He started punching something into the phone while I let the magnitude of this horror sink in. What if it got linked to YouTube? How could I ever show my face again? I had just sent porn to at least six thousand people, not to mention the number of visitors that just happen upon my site by chance while looking for a recipe. I dug out my Xanax and popped one. A few seconds later I shook out another and chewed them both, bitter taste be damned.

  “How did it get on our uploads? Were we hacked?” It seemed like the only reasonable explanation.

  “No, I named our Halloween tape Hot Buns because you looked so sexy in them. I didn’t know then that you were going to do a segment on hot cross buns. I just didn’t pay enough attention when I was getting everything ready for our trip. I’m so sorry, babe.” He wasn’t looking at me but at the screen. “It’s pretty damn sexy, though.”

  “Are you kidding me right now? Pull it down before it goes viral!” I couldn’t believe he was being such a man. Couldn’t he see the big picture?

  He had the grace to flush. “Right.” He typed in a few more things before handing back the phone. “It won’t let me log on to the site from the phone; I need to get to the computer.” He peeled out and off of the shoulder of the road and sped the six miles back to the Black Dog Winery, while I sat in a semi-shocked stupor, remembering all of the dirty things I had done for the camera. I had another chilling thought.

  “What if your mom sees this? Oh god, I’ll never be able to look her in the eye again.”

  “I’m more concerned about the fact that we sent out an adult video without a warning. We could be in a lot of trouble. There are going to be some complaints.” Crap. I hadn’t even thought of the legal repercussions. They might shut my site down. My vision started to flicker as I let this new information filter in. My dreams of a cooking empire were over. Just when I thought I was home free, with my cookbook out, selling better than expected, and the site getting almost a million hits a month. Why couldn’t things ever go smoothly for an extended period? It seemed like there was always something that had to go wrong.

  I jolted when the car came to a stop and Carter threw open the car door before hopping out and taking off for our room. I grabbed my stuff out of the back seat and followed at a more leisurely pace. There wasn’t anything I could do about it; I let Carter handle the computer stuff.

  “Is everything all right, Mrs. Ross? Your husband just came running by.” Suzy at the desk was eyeballing me curiously.

  “He has an emergency at work.” I smiled weakly and continued up to our room. When I opened the door Carter was already at the computer and typing furiously. A few seconds later he looked up.”

  “I pulled it off of the site, but I can’t do anything about the people who already opened their emails. There’s already over fifty comments and they aren’t flattering.”

  I took offense at that. Carter and I made a pretty hot couple. We knew what we were doing in bed and we looked good doing it. “What do they say?” I waited a moment but he didn’t answer me.

  “You had better look for yourself.” He scooted over and patted the bed as my phone rang in my hand. Cheryl.

  “Hello?”

  “Omigod. Did you get my messages? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all morning.”

  “Yeah. We were on a balloon ride and we left our phones in the car. I’m freaking out, but he’s already pulled the video.”

  “Thank goodness. Mom called and told me to check my email. I think one of her friends saw it and told her about it.”

  My worst fears were being realized. Not only had Sharon seen our sex tape, but so did any number of people we know.

  “Don’t tell me anymore, Cheryl, I can’t take it. Carter thinks we might get in trouble for sending out an adult movie without a warning. My career is over. I’ll never be able to face people again.”

  “It’ll be okay, Juss. Think of what a sex tape did for all those celebrities. They became way more popular than before. Heck, it pretty much made them household names.”

  “They weren’t doing an almost family friendly cooking show! Children watch my program.”

  “Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that. That’s actually pretty bad.”

  “No duh. I’m ruined.” I threw myself back onto the bed and closed my eyes. “You didn’t watch it did you?”

  “Well, let’s just say it was nothing I haven’t seen before.” I cringed at the reminder.

  “I’ll talk to you later, okay? This is just too much to take in right now and it’s my anniversary.”

  “Oh yeah. Happy Anniversary!” She sounded so excited that the last few minutes of my life might never have happened. “What are you guys planning for tonight?”

  “We’re going to have dinner delivered to our terrace, and I’m glad we already booked room service. I just don’t think I can face anyone right now.”

  “There’s nothing more you can do about it now, so try to have a good rest of your day. Tell Carter I said hi. Love you.”

  “Love you too. I’ll call you tomorrow. Thanks for letting us know what was going on.”

  We hung up and I looked over at Carter. “She thinks it will make me famous.” He set the computer on the night stand and flopped down onto his back beside me.

  “It’s my fault. I’ll take the blame. I should have been more thorough, but I was excited to get out of town. I’ve sent out an apology to all of our subscribers, I just hope it’s enough to tamp down the outrage. I’m sure you’re going to lose a few followers, but you’ll probably gain a few more, too. I don’t want to think about it right now. I look ridiculous in that footage.”

  I didn’t know how I was going to put it out of my mind, but I was determined to try if only to make our anniversary special. “You and your Princess Leia fetish. Now I don’t think I want to pull out the buns.”

  “You brought ‘em?” He perked up immediately. Pervert.

  “Yeah, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to wear them without thinking about broadcasting my naked butt to anyone with an internet connection.”

  “I like your naked butt. Anyway, we’ll find out what the fallout of our movie is soon enough. I think you should go put on your buns and take off everything else. We’ve got some Anniversary Sex that needs to commence.”

  “You know what? You’re right. And the Xanax has kicked in, so you’re in luck.” I leaned over him and gave him a kiss. Tomorrow I might be infamous, but I was going to make our anniversary unforgettable.

  Bonus Read

  A Peek Into the Mind of Carter Ross

  Love at First Sight

  “Carter, hurry up and take out the tra
sh. I’m trying to get this kitchen cleared up before Cheryl and her friend get here.”

  “I’m coming. Just a minute.” I had to yell through the bathroom door because I was still fixing my hair. Nothing I did could tame the wild mess that grew out of my head. I didn’t understand it. Neither of my parents was cursed with this shaggy black mane. I had let Cheryl experiment with her straightening iron last summer and although I liked the results it just seemed a little bit too gay to do to myself every morning before school. I ran my fingers through it one more time before giving up and I smiled at myself with an open mouth. I had just gotten my braces off last week and I still liked to check myself out without seeing shiny metal.

  I walked down the stairs in no hurry. It wasn’t that I was lazy or anything, but Mom was racing around like Cheryl was bringing Princess Diana over or something. I didn’t get the big deal. It wasn’t as if Cheryl lived across the country and only came home for holidays. She lived in the dorms at UT. We saw her all the time. Too much if you asked me. I was finally in high school and I liked being the only kid in the house. For the first time in my life I didn’t have to fight anyone over the Fruity Pebbles and make do with the crappy bran cereal my parents ate or try to get to the Oreos before Cheryl commandeered them to eat in her bedroom with her pack of friends.

  I entered the kitchen and saw my mother at the stove stirring a huge pot of something. It didn’t smell too bad, so that was a good sign. I walked over to peer over her shoulder and repressed a shudder. Whatever it was didn’t look very appetizing.

  “What’s that?” I tried to swallow my disappointment at the fact my mother was cooking which automatically ruled out pizza.

  “Chili. The watery mess in the pot was supposed to be chili?

  “Mmm.” I loved my mother with all my heart, but she just could not cook. I figured the nicest thing to say was nothing so I just moved along and grabbed the bag of garbage and carried it outside to the can. I had just closed the lid when Cheryl’s Jetta came barreling up the driveway. She screeched to a stop and jumped out.

  “Hey Carter, did ya miss me?”

  “I just saw you last weekend. I haven’t even had a chance to yet.” Actually, I did kinda miss her. It was still a little bit strange not to be able to walk across the hall and talk to her if I wanted to. We had always been close and the fact that she was four years older than me meant that we were too far apart in age to get into all of the normal sibling arguments. She came up to me and gave my arm a squeeze. I looked over to her car as I saw the passenger door open.

  “Justine, this is my brother Carter.” The girl getting out of the car looked over the roof at us and it felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. I met the eyes of the hottest girl I had ever seen.

  “Hi Carter. Cheryl has told me all about you.” Her voice. Holy crap it was sexy.

  I wanted to tell her hello, but my mouth refused to work. I ended up nodding at her stupidly before turning on my heel and walking back into the house. I realized I probably seemed rude, but this was the first time I had ever come face to face with such a gorgeous woman. I opened the back door and walked quickly past my mom.

  “Cheryl is here,” I managed to say as I made my way back to the stairs and to the sanctuary of my bedroom. When I got there I flopped down on my bed cursing myself for being such a pussy. What the hell is wrong with me that I couldn’t even talk to a hot girl? I had to snap out of it immediately and try to reclaim some coolness. I was in high school now; I couldn’t let myself look like a fool.

  I stood back up and walked over to my closet. The first order of business was to change out of my sweats and into something that made me look more mature. I pulled out some jeans and a blue sweater. I kicked off my sneakers and sweats and hastily pulled on my jeans. I left my tee shirt on and put the sweater on over it. It didn’t hurt to bulk up a little bit. I pulled my sneakers back on because I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard and I tried to smooth down my hair. I was going to go back down and impress…shoot, I don’t remember what Cheryl called her. Damn it. Now I was going to look stupid if I asked her name. I shook my head and started back down to the kitchen. I could hear the females talking so I straightened up before walking into the room.

  “There you are. Are you okay sweetie? Cheryl said you were acting strange outside.” I gave Cheryl a glare before answering.

  “I’m fine. I just remembered something and I had to take care of it before I forgot.” Whew. My voice had recovered and I sounded coherent. Cheryl looked me over and raised her brow. I should have realized she would notice that I changed clothes. Luckily she didn’t say anything out loud, though.

  “Well, I hope everybody is hungry. Justine, I made chili in honor of your visit.” Justine, her name is Justine. Thanks mom.

  “I certainly am. Thank you for going to all this trouble for me, Sharon.” Justine was the only one of us to express her feelings of hunger. Cheryl and I knew mom’s cooking for what it was. Practically inedible. Mom pulled some bowls down from the cabinet and started doling out portions.

  “Not much for me, Mom. I’m not that hungry.” I was starving but I would come back later and make a sandwich or something. I wasn’t going to sit here and try to choke down the “chili” in front of Cheryl’s friend. I wanted to look smooth in front of her and there was no way to do that while eating mom’s cooking.

  “Me either. I didn’t know you were cooking and I ate some Twinkies before we left.” Cheryl knew the drill, too. Poor Justine was going to be taken off guard by mom’s food.

  We all sat down at the kitchen table and I took the opportunity to grab a handful of shredded cheese to dilute the chili taste. When I looked down at my bowl it was easily two thirds cheese. Perfect.

  I was trying to watch Justine out of the corner of my eye. She was so pretty that it was making me act unnaturally.

  “So Carter, what grade are you in?” Oh no, she was talking to me directly. I tried to look nonchalant as I met her eyes.

  “I’m a freshman.” I thought that sounded better than saying ninth grade.

  She smiled at me and I could feel myself blushing. Geez, this had never happened with Cheryl’s other friends. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true, Heather was pretty hot, but she didn’t have anything on Justine. She was like a goddess.

  “So Justine, what’s your major?” My mom stepped into the breach left by my embarrassed silence.

  “English. I want to write but I didn’t want to go into Journalism. I really wanted to go to cooking school but my mother insisted that I go to a “real” school.” She made air quotes around the word real and rolled her eyes, so I figured she didn’t agree with her mother’s assessment of her educational choices.

  “Well, I’m glad you came to UT, otherwise I wouldn’t have met you.” Cheryl piped in while stirring her bowl. No one but Mom had taken a bite yet. Maybe Cheryl had alerted Justine in advance. I hoped so; it didn’t seem fair to make a guest eat this food without forewarning.

  Justine smiled and took a bite. She kept smiling as she chewed her mouthful. I looked at Cheryl and she winked at me. Good, that meant Justine knew what was up and was being polite. It made her that much cooler to me.

  We sat there chatting and “eating” for about half an hour more before I got up. It was almost time for me to go to my friend Jeff’s house. Crud. It had seemed like a good idea to make plans to be out of the house tonight when Cheryl said she was bringing a friend, but now I was mad at myself. I wished I could make up a reason to stay home but his mom was taking us to a movie.

  “Well, I have to go. Mom, can I have some money for a movie?” It sucked that I had to ask my mother for cash in front of Justine, but I didn’t have anything left after I spent my money on my new telescope. I was actually kicking myself about that purchase since I lived in Austin and the sky was drowned out by all of the light.

  “You can grab a twenty out of my purse. Do you want me to drive you?” God, this was getting worse by the minute. Now mom was poi
nting out that I was too young to drive. I needed to get out of here before I looked like even more of a kid to Justine.

  “Nah, I’m good.” I walked over to mom’s purse and grabbed out a twenty dollar bill before stuffing it in my front pocket.

  “Bye Carter, see you later.” Cheryl got up to hug me so I hugged her back.

  “It was nice meeting you, Carter.” Justine’s smooth voice made my name sound like a caress. I think I’m in love.

  “You too. Bye Mom.” I walked out the back door and into the garage to get my bike. I hopped on and took off to ride the four blocks to Jeff’s house. I had just met my dream girl. I just hoped Cheryl would stay friends with her so that I would have a chance to get to know her better. Next time I would be ready with some intelligent conversation and possibly some witty banter. As I got closer to Jeff’s house I peddled faster; I could hardly wait to tell him about Justine.

  Tonight Was the Night

  Ten years later

  Tonight was the night. I was going to ask Justine out. On a date. My palms started sweating as I waited for her web page to upload. I needed to remind her to upgrade her DSL speed; this slow shit was irritating. Okay, focus man. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves but it didn’t work. I was a nervous wreck and I felt like I was sixteen and asking Rachelle Browne to go to the movies on my first real date after I got my driver’s license. No, scratch that, this was much harder than when I was a teenager. I liked Justine way back then, when she was so far out of my league as a junior in college, that I would never have dared to ask her out. I really didn’t know how I was going to have the cojones to go through with it tonight, though I felt under pressure since her website was finished and with it my reason for coming over here and helping her.