‘Norah was my sister, Joy, not my wife, and I’m not so sure she didn’t know. Let’s just say if she did, she didn’t think it was her place to say anything to me about it.’
‘I was eighteen when I married Bill, young, naive and prepared to ignore his philandering because I didn’t know how else to deal with it. It was what women of my generation were taught to do. All that advice from my mother and grandmother, “Don’t rock the boat, dear. Confront him and he might walk out and where would that leave you? You have a daughter to think of. Police officer’s a nice, steady job, the rent gets paid, you’ll have a pension. And when all’s said and done, every man does it. It’s only natural. They’re wanderers by instinct. It’s not where they go, but who they come home to at night that matters. What do you care? If he’s bothering someone else it means he’s putting less on you.” As if sex was some great miserable chore like the weekly wash, inflicted by men on their reluctant wives.’
Taking his lighter from his pocket, Roy leaned forward and lit Joy’s cigarette. ‘Brian Powell isn’t Bill, Joy.’
‘No, but he’s a good-looking boy. Tall, dark and too handsome for any girlfriend’s good.’
‘It still doesn’t follow that he’d be unfaithful if he and your Judy got together.’
‘No, it doesn’t because I intend to put a stop to it before it starts.’
‘If that’s what you were trying to do, you went the wrong way about it. You brought your Judy up to be independent like you. And you can’t blame her now for thinking for herself, or being headstrong when she believes she’s in the right.’
‘I can’t, can I.’ She smiled wryly as she inhaled.
‘That explains why you said what you did to Brian and Judy earlier, but it still doesn’t explain why you’ve never married me. Or do you think I’m a policeman of the same ilk as Bill, a woman on every shift and two on every beat?’
Is that what they used to say about him?’
‘It was a long time ago, Joy.’
‘It was, wasn’t it,’ she murmured, as though they were talking about someone else. ‘And no, I never thought that about you, Roy. You’re honest and very different from Bill. If you weren’t I would never have allowed you into my bed.’
‘I wanted much more than just to climb into bed with you from the beginning, Joy.’
‘I know.’
‘I love you. I thought you loved me.’
‘I do.’
‘Then prove it by marrying me.’
‘I only wish I could.’ Her hand shook as she drew heavily on her cigarette. ‘But I’m married to Bill.’
‘He’s dead.’
‘He’s alive and well, working for the Metropolitan Police and living in Balham with a barmaid.’
‘Martin looked at us in a funny way.’
‘Marty looks at everyone in a funny way,’ Jack dismissed, as he locked Helen’s basement door behind him and joined her in the front room.
‘I think he suspects there’s something going on between us.’
‘What if he does? There’s nothing he can do about it other than give me a bollocking.’
‘He could tell my mother.’
‘He’s hardly likely to do that when it will get me into as much trouble as you. He may not like what we’re doing, but I am still his brother.’
Helen switched on the light. It wasn’t dark outside, but she had kept the curtains in the front room permanently closed since she had cleaned the room, using the excuse that she didn’t want the furniture to fade when her father had commented. Her mother – she crossed her fingers as she thought of her – hadn’t even bothered to walk down the stairs to see what she’d done.
‘You have no idea what it was like for me this afternoon being that’ – he clicked his fingers – ‘close to you and not able to touch you the way I wanted.’ Grabbing her by the waist, Jack lifted her off her feet as he kissed her.
‘You said you were going to get something.’
‘I have.’ He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a sliver of foil.
‘Can I see it?’
‘You can put it on me if you like. Bloke I got that off in work said his girl always does it for him.’ He slid his hand down the crotch of her pedal pushers. ‘You didn’t waste any time in changing.’
‘You wanted me to keep my black dress on?’
‘I prefer you in dresses to trousers.’
‘Only so you can put your hand up my skirt like you did this afternoon when we were sitting round your kitchen table.’
‘No one saw.’ Unbuttoning the waistband of her trousers, he slid down the side zip. ‘One who undresses’ first is the winner and I’ve given you a head start.’
‘What’s the prize?’ She pulled her sweater over her head.
‘Guess.’
‘Why did you tell people Bill had died, Joy?’
‘Because I couldn’t bear for everyone to know that he had abandoned me – and Judy. I couldn’t have put up with the gossip, the humiliation, the pitying looks and all that hypocritical sympathy from women who’d feel superior because their husbands came home at night.’
‘I would have thought you’d have got your fair share of all that when you announced his death.’
‘It was a different kind of sympathy. A widow is respectable ...’
‘And a divorcee is not. I take it you haven’t divorced him?’
‘If I had it would have been in the papers. Judy would have had to grow up knowing that her father didn’t want to live with us.’
‘And letting her think he was dead was so much better?’
‘It gave me my self-respect and her a dead hero for a father.’
‘And a life built on lies.’
‘You don’t understand what it’s like for a woman to be left to bring up a child on her own.’
‘All I understand is that you think more of other people’s opinions than you do of Judy or me.’
‘That’s not true. I did what I did for Judy – and you.’
‘No you didn’t. If you’d thought of us you would have divorced Bill years ago when I first asked you to marry me and we would have had ten years together as a family.’ He left his chair.
‘Where are you going?’
‘Just going. Goodbye, Joy.’ Taking his helmet from the table, he walked out of the door.
‘Back to work tomorrow and I can’t say I’ll be sorry to go. This last week’s been unreal.’ Jack reached down alongside the sofa and rummaged in his trouser pocket for his cigarettes. Taking two, he lit them, passing one to Helen.
‘I wish I worked on a building site.’
‘You,’ he mocked, ‘you wouldn’t last five minutes. It’s hard, rough work, using your muscles from morning till night.’
‘Anything would be better than endless filing and coffee-making, and putting up with sneaky old grubby eyes trying to look up my skirt every time I bend over.’
‘What is a “sneaky old grubby eyes” when it’s at home?’ He laughed.
‘It’s what Judy calls dirty old men.’
‘You have one in your office?’
‘Mr Thomas, the senior partner. He’s horrible, no one likes him. He shouts all the time and when he doesn’t shout, he’s all sly looks and touchy feely.’
‘He touches you, you let me know and I’ll punch out his lights. Like that other smarmy bugger who tried to grope you.’ Turning and leaning on his elbow, Jack slid his hand over her naked breast.
‘If you did, the police would lock you up and throw away the key,’ she whispered, squirming as he fondled her nipple. ‘Mr Thomas is a solicitor.’
‘So what?’
‘He’s an important man.’
‘I think I’ve proved you’re worth a bit of trouble.’
‘Jack.’ Clamping her free hand over his, she imprisoned his legs between hers. ‘I never thought it would be like this.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like, feeling that this is the best thing in the world and
something I’ve been waiting all my life to happen. Like, wanting to tell you absolutely everything about myself and wanting to know everything there is to know about you. Like, not caring that I’m naked with you, and wanting to be with you every minute of every day and falling asleep next to you every night.’
‘If we got our own place, all our life outside work could be like this.’
‘Our own place – Jack ...’
‘There are rooms to rent.’
‘Not for people our age. You haven’t even done your National Service.’
‘Don’t remind me.’
‘Helen, Helen, you down here?’ Joe’s shout was followed by a banging on the door that connected to the rest of the house.
‘Oh, God! That’s Joe, quick.’
‘You’ve locked the door?’ Jack grabbed his trousers.
‘Yes,’ she hissed, picking up her pedal pushers from the floor and thrusting a leg into them.
‘Then it’s all right.’
‘Not if he doesn’t find me in the next few minutes. Here.’ Bundling up the rest of Jack’s clothes she threw them at him. ‘Quick, get dressed and out of here. I’ll tell him I was at the bottom of the garden.’ Pulling her sweater over her head, she grabbed her plimsolls and ran to the connecting door.
‘You’re wobbling.’
She looked down. ‘It’s that obvious I’m not wearing underclothes?’
‘Normally you’re strapped in like a jelly in a mould.’
‘Thank you very much.’
‘Helen ...’
‘Coming, Joe.’ Taking her time over unlocking the door, she glanced back before opening it. Jack was nowhere to be seen; she only hoped he was already lying low in the garden.
‘Didn’t you hear me shouting?’
‘I was at the bottom of the garden.’
‘Doing what?’ he asked suspiciously.
‘Talking to Katie.’
He looked around the door and down the empty passage. ‘Dad wants us upstairs.’
‘I’ll come with you now.’
‘The back door locked?’
‘Yes.’
‘I know what you’re like, I’d better check.’
‘There’s no need.’
‘I know what a scatterbrain you are.’
‘I said there’s no need!’ She reached the door to her sitting room just before he did. As he threw it open, she breathed a sigh of relief. Jack had tidied everything away; the throws had been straightened on the sofa, and one of the chairs.
‘It smells of cigarette smoke in here.’ Joe walked in and turned to see Jack standing behind the door, mercifully fully dressed but to Helen’s mortification holding her panties and corset.
‘My, Katie, you have changed,’ Joe said flatly.
‘You won’t tell Mam, will you?’ Helen asked Joe anxiously, as he embarked on a staring match with Jack.
‘There’s no time to talk about this now, Helen.’ Joe was very glad there wasn’t. Jack was what was known in Swansea terms as a ‘hard nut’ and from the glint in his eye Joe suspected he’d have little compunction about using his superior strength, even against his girlfriend’s brother – that’s if Helen was Jack’s girlfriend and not just casual recreation.
‘I’m not leading your sister on.’ Jack scowled, as if he’d read Joe’s mind.
‘I didn’t think you were,’ Joe replied, desperately trying not to look at what Jack was holding.
‘I’m serious about her.’
Helen snatched her corset and pants from Jack, and stuffed them under the nearest cushion.
‘I’m glad to hear it.’
Jack squared up to Joe. ‘I suppose you think I’m not good enough for her.’
‘I have other things on my mind right now, Jack, and so will Helen in a few minutes.’
‘Like what?’ Jack demanded belligerently.
Joe looked at Helen, not Jack, as he broke the news.
‘Our mother’s just walked out on us.’
‘So what’s going to happen now, Dad?’ Helen asked anxiously.
‘Nothing that should affect either of you, apart from your mother’s absence, and you can see her whenever it’s convenient, in your grandmother’s house, here or in her own place, if she gets one. She told me she’ll telephone both of you. If she wants you to live with her I’d like you to feel free to make up your own minds. It’s not your or Joe’s fault that I can’t get on with her.’
‘Can we carry on living here if we want to?’
‘I have no intention of moving and there’ll be a home here for both of you for as long as you want it.’
‘I want to stay,’ Helen announced decisively, not only thinking of herself and her father but her proximity to Jack.
‘Joe?’ John turned to his son who had remained disturbingly silent throughout the watered-down explanations of ‘differences of opinion’ he’d given Helen for Esme’s sudden departure.
‘It doesn’t really affect me that much, Dad. I’ve only one more year in university before I’ll be off, making my own way.’
‘But you’ll still live here with us, won’t you?’ Helen asked, more concerned at the prospect of Joe leaving the family circle than her mother.
‘No, I won’t.’ Joe decided that as he’d told his father and Lily about his job he might as well tell his sister. ‘I’ve been offered a position – conditional on my getting a degree – at the BBC in Cardiff, and there’s something else.’ Joe glanced uneasily at Helen.
‘Joe ...’
‘Let Joe finish what he wants to say, Helen, then it will be your turn.’
‘I asked Lily to marry me this afternoon and she said yes.’
‘Congratulations.’ Leaving his chair, John shook his son’s hand: ‘I couldn’t be more pleased. She’s a nice girl and she’ll make you a good wife.’
‘And me a great sister-in-law.’ Helen kissed Joe’s cheek out of sheer relief that he hadn’t mentioned Jack’s presence in the basement.
‘Lily wants to keep our engagement quiet until she’s had a chance to talk to her uncle which, given the funeral today, probably won’t be for a while.’
‘Roy’s a sensible chap. She’ll find a way to tell him soon and when she does I don’t doubt he’ll be as pleased as I am about it.’
‘Mum won’t be,’ Helen said without thinking.
‘The best advice I can give both of you is, it’s your life, live it the way you want, because if you try to please everyone you’ll end up pleasing no one, least of all yourselves.’ After delivering the platitude, John went to the cocktail cabinet. ‘How about drinks all round to celebrate? Helen?’
‘Sherry, please.’ She would have preferred gin but she was wary of her father’s reaction if he discovered she’d developed a taste for it.
‘Joe?’
‘I’ll have a whisky, Dad.’
John opened the cabinet, but before he could lift out the sherry and glasses ‘Strangers in Paradise’ tinkle-plonked into the atmosphere. Helen looked across at Joe and they both burst out laughing.
‘If either of you can disable this damned music box, please do so.’
‘What’s it worth, Dad?’ Helen asked.
‘Five pounds,’ John answered recklessly.
‘I’ll nip down the basement. I found a hammer there when I cleared it.’
‘And I flew to Cyprus on a green flying pig but it was very noisy. All that squeaking and honking.’
‘Pardon?’ Judy narrowed her eyes as she looked at Brian.
‘Hello, how are you? I’m Brian Powell, remember me? I invited you out this evening. I’m so glad I’ve finally caught your attention. Would you like another coffee?’
‘No, thank you.’ Judy pursed her lips to show her disapproval of his bad joke.
‘Would you like me to take you home?’
Judy checked her watch. ‘Not until half past ten.’
‘Which gives us another hour. I repeat my question, would you like another coffee?’
‘No, let’s get out of here.’
Judy was outside, pacing the length of the Mumbles shopping centre before Brian had time to pick up his coat, let alone pay the bill.
‘Where to now?’ he asked as he joined her.
‘Anywhere.’
‘It’s too dark and cold for a walk along the beach, it’s too late for the pictures and that, unless I’m very much mistaken, leaves the café you’ve just walked out of.’
‘There’s always a pub.’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because it will give your mother yet another reason to dislike me.’
‘Who cares whether she likes you or not?’
‘I do,’ he said firmly.
‘I’m being difficult, aren’t I?’ she asked, challenging him to say otherwise.
He smiled tactfully. ‘I take it you’re not used to quarrelling with your mother.’
‘She’s never been unreasonable before. It’s always been us against the world and now all of a sudden she’s laying down the law like Ernie Clay ...’
‘That’s a bit harsh,’ he remonstrated. ‘She’s not thumping the life out of you, only concerned that you’re taking up with the wrong sort of boy.’
‘You agree you’re the wrong sort?’
‘I’m wonderful, but as she doesn’t know me yet she might not realise it.’
‘Don’t you dare take her side.’
He held up his hands as though to ward off a blow. ‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m in a foul mood.’
‘You mean you’re not normally all sweetness and light?’
‘Beast.’
‘At least I got a smile, then, and contrary to expectations it didn’t crack your face. I could invite you back to our basement. It’s not salubrious, but we have tea and chocolate biscuits if Jack hasn’t eaten them all. And before you think your mother was right, and all policemen want to do is have their evil way with young girls, Martin will be there. He was staying in to study tonight.’
Swansea Girls Page 33