Quickly now. Sun and Dad head for horses. I and Mother mine walking out where my sling-swing so wet and broken. There is the sumac, no leaves on a tree. So wet dripping. All is dripping wet. Snow wet on a my shoes.
“Hur’m up, Strider,” hearing Strider and seeing horse and Sun Run riding high. Looking like a warrior boy and war-pony.
“Sing me a war song, you, Sun!” I saying loud in a mist of quiet.
“Shhh! Hush!” Mama saying, hiss and soft voice.
“You shoo, Mama, shush, yourself!”
“Arilla, you’ll wake the —” Mama turning, climb on up a ride on Strider. Getting behind the Sun and holding on tight.
“Here come Dad, better than you two and old Strider!” Rushing Dad. And gentle him, he swinging arm down. Scooping me up high. And I like a bird sitting high on a sumac. Sitting on a saddle in front of Dad and the new Jeremiah.
“I wanna holding the reins, Dad, please?”
“Hold the top of my hands, Arilla.”
So holding, just the finger my tips touching the reins.
“Horsing not so bad with you,” telling Dad.
And we ride. Not so bad up high with him. Through the wet all down the road. We picking our way. Catching up alongside with Strider. Eyeing them.
“Wanna sing a song?”
Nobody talking and laughing. Nobody want to say nothing in a so strange quiet. I don’t see why.
Leaving a road behind. Into crossing country land. First around Cliffville, quiet around houses. Some smoke coming from some roofs.
Dad saying, “People waking. We are late.”
Jeremiah faster. Riding up and up in hills. Many trees wet and no leaves. Dripping everywhere and on a my head. Feet getting chilly. And wish I could be sleeping. Faster now, Jeremiah, in the snow melting. Maybe we gonna slip down.
“Dad? Taking care now.”
We loping so fast and afraid we gonna fall all down in the wet and mud.
We climb and climb. “See the stream, Dad?” With snow in the weeds. With black water and running along the grasses of snow melting.
“Rememory, see, Dad? Where first I meet old James. Where I’m stinging, right over there.”
“Not so long ago, either,” Father saying. “The summer comes and goes. A man enters, bringing a lifetime of riches. Goes, leaving you poorer.”
“Why, Dad? That old James have to travel so far and much. Rememory, I been walking and running with James False Face. And now he too sick all the time.”
“Don’t talk. I’ll sing you a song.”
“You will, for sure? Thanks, Dad.”
“Oh, James was always so right about you.”
“So what right about me?”
“It was a young woman who talked stories to the tribe and make the first chiefs.”
“So saying?”
“So saying, maybe you will be the one to talk stories again.”
“And so saying, making chiefs again?”
“No, it’s just a dream. But when James tells it! Maybe only to save the words in a memory pouch. Now and then, take out the words and cause us to be strong and not afraid.”
“And so saying. Being Talking Story given in a pouch from old James,” I say.
Father singing.
“So saying, enter the teepee, bad luck, stand outside.
Enter the life-giving way.
On this sad-luck day, stay within.”
Leaning around, me. Look up, seeing Dad. Touching a face so cold and cold breath blowing. Patting Father mine and turning back to picking our way, many black trees and no leaves. Wind coming and many mists blowing. Mists as one mist falling on us, making us slow. Jeremiah picking our way.
Mama and Jack-Run on Strider in a mist. In a mist Strider carrying them going in so much white, like a cave-place. Seeing them go in mist and we going in. I think never coming out. Then see Strider come out, picking along, and we coming out and going through a cave-mist. Quiet, and no wind again. Everything fall on us white and stripes of trees. In and out. In and out so wet and, oh, so quiet.
So sudden, James-Face saying, Fear not the mistai derived from the dead. They are making dark noises in deep places. They are the small noises of the woods, which tug at your leggings and whistle in the brush. Be not afraid of the mistai.
I saying to Dad, “Old James-Face. He talking to me all the time now in a woods. Telling me like always. You think he be getting well this misty morning?”
Dad holding me tight and tighter. Stiffen, breathing hard, tighten reins. Jeremiah faster now.
“You listen to me, Arilla.” He whispering down in a my ear. “We get there, and you say nothing about talking now to James. Stand quiet and not near a thing … maybe will be there. A thing … you stay away from It and do not look at It more than once. Twice, at most. You be silent — you understand that?”
“I know standing quiet,” saying. “You going tie me to a tree?”
“Be still, we are coming closer.”
And coming closer a long time with sounding in a woods. And a long time, distant sound come closer. Noise, sounding so high song. Noise coming, crying. Meeting us — is it a mistai?
My day of dying is come, and gone. All things come and go in a circle.
James? You going show me along the water this springtime. Never seeing with you the water when grass beginning jump up.
Jeremiah coming on Strider fast. Stopping fast in a clearing where the small house facing us. James and Shy Woman house. I don’t see James. Just a Shy Woman. Enormity woman looking big and wide. Walks around and around the long blue bundle roped and lashed. She seeing us. Stop the noise singing cry and stop the circling.
“What took you so long!” she saying.
“Oh, my lord,” Mama whispering, “look what she’s done …”
Jack Sun turning, touching Mama, making her quiet.
“I couldn’t stand it,” saying Enormity. “Thought I’d go crazy in that house with It for two nights.” She crying, saying, “I’m not a believer, you know I’m not a believer! But he would want it this way, and his finest clothing.”
“They won’t box him that way,” Sun saying. “They’ll have to undo …”
All a once he stop talking.
Dad talking low, “You, Sun!”
She, Enormity, not hearing a thing. No seeing me; she not speaking to me.
So saying Enormity, “You know I’m not a believer, but I swear to you, all yesterday and last night. All he taught me for years and years came down upon my head. I swear to you, I know his spirit walks around me and all around the house. You must remove It to beneath the ground, or he will not leave. He cannot go on his way!”
“Hurry,” Mother saying low. “She’s losing her mind. Let’s get it over with.”
We staying on horses. Dad jumping down so easy and no sound to it. He going up to where blue bundle all lying down. Where Shy Woman Enormity woman standing on a side. Dad standing on a side by her side. We sitting horses watching it all. Dad on a side to us, side to little house facing us.
Dad so standing. And so saying.
“Dear James! Old James! Standing here in the circle the woman makes. It is the circle of the teepee, but there is no longer a teepee. Nothing can be saved that no longer exists. It is gone and forever, as you have gone, and forever.”
“No!” Sun-Run have to say, but saying no more.
“Oh, James! There are no words to give thanks to you for all you have done. So many warm days riding with you and my little daughter. It was not only having someone with great knowledge with us. It was having you with us, and there has been no one like you with us. It was the truth you said to me: ‘Great Wolf, you are two warring men. You must become one.’
“And it was truth you said to me: ‘Great Wolf, can you live being one of us and Moqtai-viho, a black white-man, as well?’ You said, ‘Don’t be insulted by that description, for when the old tribes first saw the dark-skins, they had only the white-skins for comparison. But what man can walk
on four legs?’
“Oh, James! I have decided I can live as one only. I will hope that my children will live as one only. We will leave here, as the mother of mine wishes, to become Americans. I don’t think it will work. And we will probably always remain separate. But I will go as one man; we will live as one people. Release the child from the Talking Story. For without your support of day-today learning, she will never remember who you wished her to be, anyway. Why make a war within her?
“Goodbye, James! Never after this time will I make the signs: Go in a circle. Go in peace.”
James saying, Come along now, follow my shade and we will live in a new place and have a good time.
“I hear you, old James!” I saying.
Enormity come peering at me in a mist, and coming closer. Me to smile with some surprising. Enormity seeing me and clap her face and covering mouth.
“Back! Back!” She backing up Jeremiah, going into trees. Father comes beside me, climbing up and taking reins.
She yelling, “The danger of it — and you brought her here? Don’t you know he will want her with him?”
Come along now!
Me climbing down the saddle, trying to. Dad holding me tight.
“Let me down, I want to be walking with old James!”
“Get her away!” Enormity saying.
Mama quickly coming and taking me down. Holding me tight, walking back away. I feeling tired and sick all a sudden. “Let me go!” But she grabbing and pulling. Screaming, me, and hitting.
“No you don’t, Mother!”
Freeing me away from her, too. Running to shadows by little house and never even making it.
Tripping, falling over long bundle all blueing in the way. Hands and knees hurting on a ground. For sure, taking a look at bundle so long and such a blue. For sure and seeing. Way deep down, a knowing all suddenly. A deep knowing so heavy and such a deep sad in me and wishing for to go away.
Enormity yelling, “Get her away from It!”
“I’ll get her,” Jack Sun saying. Jumping from Strider and hurrying, coming fast.
Wordkeeper?
Listen, a long bundle saying my secret name.
“Get her away!”
Wordkeeper!
“Hearing you, too,” I saying.
We will offer the first pipe to Heammawihio, who long ago left this earth to live in the sky. We will have a good time. Come.
So blueing bundle and so deep sad in me. Wanting to lie there. And smelling It so new and almost making me feeling more sick with Its new and wetness. And so still, and nevermore moving.
“I tell you, It will make her sicken and die!”
Jack Sun grabbing me up where I just want to lie.
Shaking and cold, I am. Leggings wet and mud, shivering in a my arms.
He grabbing me up, handing to Mother. Holding me, Mother, in a her arms.
“Get her away from here!” Shy Enormity loud saying.
“Oh, will you shut up, Susanne, please?” Mama saying, not mean, and softly. She carrying me and into house of Shy Woman and James False Face … Once.
“Don’t take her in there, get her away!” Woman pulling at Mama. Mama pushing at Woman. Never seeing Shy Woman with so big eyes black. Mother going in with me and slamming a door. Mama pushing on inside door, holding Shy Enormity out.
Looking in a room. Rememory. I looking and smelling smells. Rememory a good kind of time not so long gone, too.
“See his coat hanging in a corner?” I saying to Mama. “See him, moccasin so soft he making all the time? See? This is the place. This is the place of James-Once.”
Mother carry me to low bed and laying me down. She holding hand over mouth and swallow hard. Gagging, stand there, looking around and swallow again.
“You understand, then.” At last she saying something.
“For sure. This is the place.” Lying there, me, in a warm place. Why I have to be shaking so?
Mama covering me. “This is the place you love so much?” she saying. “This place has never had a window open. I’ve got to get a window open and get some air in.”
“Don’t do it,” I saying. “Warm all around, but me being so cold, Mama.”
“Let me get those leggings off,” she saying.
“Making so more cold, don’t do it.”
“Arilla, the leggings are wet. Your feet are all soaking with mud. You’re getting dirt over everything. I’m taking them off.”
She taking them off, too, and no kind of kicking to stop her. Too tired for any more kicking today. Feeling so deep and sad.
“Not so good feeling, Mama.”
“Baby, you’re not sick.”
“Yes.”
“You are tired from the long ride. And you got chilled. Maybe you’ll catch a little cold. But you’re a strong baby.”
“No.”
“Now hear me! You are not going to be sick just because she says you will be.”
I am not. But so saying, I am sick. Way deep and heavy. So sad and sad. Being sick with it.
Then. Coming in a door quiet. And with caring coming is my friend of a friend, Enormity.
“Old Shy Woman,” I saying so soft, hardly a sound to make. And she looking at me once only and holding herself there so still, right with Mother.
“All that out there,” she saying to Mama. She not so tall but being round. Liking her so short and round. Holding hands together way down on her dress.
“I’m sorry about that.” She rubbing one arm with one hand. Looking Mother and then away. All the time, trying too hard speaking. “I don’t know what got into me like that …”
“You don’t even have to think about it,” Mama saying, kind and caring. “You sit down and rest awhile.”
Still standing, Woman holding hands down her dress. “He, James, was so sick so long. Had to do all his chores plus my own. There were people always wanting him with work for him to do. But he wouldn’t let me tell them he was sick and going to get well soon. He made me stay here and not tell a soul. All the same, I was afraid to leave him.”
“Here,” Mama saying. She pushing Woman down sitting at the table. Like the table. Rememory, James-Once so sitting with a pipe and smoking, talking stories.
Mama taking bowls and filling from pot cooking on a stove. A bowl on a table for Woman. A bowl Mama holding next to me.
“Have this. Arilla? It will make you feel better.”
Looking and smelling. But feeling like being close to a wall. So turning, no soup now. Wall resting, tired feeling, so sick.
“He gets to coughing,” Shy Woman saying, so sudden. Voice so shaking. “And I know I better go get someone. I get all ready. But he stops coughing and he says no, let it come to pass.”
“Come now, Susanne,” Mama saying. “Eat the soup. You’ll need it. There’s so much to do and such a long trip ahead.”
“Yes.” Shy Woman. “Box him and take him back home. Have a ceremony.”
Mama being so nice patting her and Mama never even wanting to come.
“But I do run out,” Shy Woman saying. “Thinking he’s asleep, I run out to get somebody. Going on the horse all the way on the hill behind us. Haven’t ridden by myself in a long time.”
Mama sighing: Shut up, shut up, Susanne, but she saying nothing. Getting a hand under a my head and making me slurrping some soup all hot and down my throat. Not too bad. I eat it.
“There. Good,” Mama saying.
“Oh, I can ride a horse,” Susanne saying. “The second thing they teach you is to ride, even when you don’t have a horse. On a reservation, someplace, somewhere, you learn, knowing someday you will need a-ride.”
Mama saying, “What is the first? The first thing you learn?”
Round woman look at Mama. Slowly shake and smile. Looking away off above a stove.
“The first thing,” so far away, Woman saying, “you learn you don’t grow up. You don’t grow thin or fat, or tall or old. You grow hungry.”
So saying, nothing shy about it.
Changing woman hard all a sudden. Looking Mama hard and staring cold. “But you don’t know about things like that, do you?” Woman saying.
“You know better than that,” Mama saying.
“Not feeling so good,” I saying to Mama. She putting bowl down so much care. She pats and rubbing me. Sitting next to me right on a bed. And curling up around her back.
Shy Woman, “They don’t take from you every growing thing and leave only hunger. They don’t take the land. Take the wheat, the fire and smoke, the children and chiefs. They don’t destroy you completely.”
Mama saying, “No, we had a breathing time.”
Changing woman only smile.
“We weren’t expected to survive the cold,” Mama saying. “We were to die out in the cold north. But we learned how to use the time, and the cold.”
“And so,” changing woman. “You sound much like Hōhé woman. Assiniboin woman, now.”
Quickly, Mama rising. Hair smoothing into place. Shivering, looking around.
“Talking like this,” Mama saying. “I never do. It’s this place! I’m sorry, I don’t know much about your … your people.”
“No,” changing woman hard. “You still don’t. You don’t want to.”
Mama saying nothing, looking around. Sitting down again. Patting me.
“Well,” Woman saying. “It won’t matter now. James is gone and everything is over. I did ride the horse to get help, I want you to know that.”
“Of course. We know you did everything you could.” Mama.
“I didn’t just let him die.”
“Of course, we know that.”
“I come back here. I was gone so long, rigor mortis had set in.”
“Susanne.”
“He was over there, trying to get his moccasins on. Wonder where he thought he was going. Sitting there, knee bent and with a moccasin half on. His two fingers in the back, pulling on the moccasin. That’s the way he went. And I found him just like that. All stiff. I have to get a sledge hammer and break —”
“Susanne!”
Shiver all over me.
Mama walking away to the door. Looking through a window and staring. Watching something.
Changing Enormity go standing and watching.
“Mama? What you all seeing? Come on, sitting down again.”
She giving a glance. “You just stay there and rest,” she telling me. And she not coming to sit.
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