That garnered a genuine smile from LJ. But the moment was cut short by the arrow heading straight toward me, piercing the night air like a small aircraft. I ducked and threw up my hand, as a reflex more than a defensive action. I extended my arm and flung the arrow like a hot potato in the direction from which it had come. Someone in the distance yelped.
LJ hopped down from her horse. Caius flew up into a tree before he motioned to Arcturus that he saw, straight ahead and to his right, two attackers waiting in tall bushes.
“Grace, Caius and I will take care of this. Find shelter on the ground; they won’t be expecting that. Take the Fallen with you. She’ll draw them in with her scent. We’ll keep you safe.”
I was all too happy to comply. To my surprise, LJ was two steps ahead of me on her way out of there. She’d had no intention of fighting.
Arcturus and Caius took flight, circling the humans, sweeping them up into a whirlwind of twigs, leaves, and dirt. A rather large fellow cloaked in black broke free.
“I’ll take the big one, Arcturus.” Caius circled the strange man, who wore a cross around his neck and held an open vial of liquid he insisted on shaking in Caius’s direction.
When Caius suddenly dropped down to the ground shrouded in light and fire, the man covered his eyes and raised his cross, screaming, “You devil. I shall not be fooled by your false light. I command you to obey.”
But Caius walked to the man, ripped the cross from him and threw it on the ground beside him. The man fell to his knees in front of the angel. Caius pulled the man upright. “Worship not the trinkets of silver and gold.”
The man beheld Caius. “Brother, please forgive me. I am a servant in the fight against evil.”
Caius grabbed the feeble man by the neck and said, “I am not your brother, and this is not your fight. Go. Leave this place and never return, or I shall rip the very soul you’ve sold from your body!”
I exhaled the air I’d been holding. I’d never seen Caius like that.
Arcturus joined Caius in the clearing, and the man ran away upon seeing the strange angel.
“Did you see the look on that guy’s face?” Arcturus laughed, jabbing Caius in his ribs and demonstrating a kung fu move. “I thought he was gonna pee his pants, as the humans say,” Arcturus joked.
“Oh man, I would have loved to have seen that,” Caius chimed in.
“I gather you took care of the others?”
“Piece of pie!” Arcturus replied.
Please give us a few minutes, maybe exercise the horses, I directed Arcturus telepathically as he and Caius approached. They immediately busied themselves about thirty feet away with sword fighting. I could have sworn I had seen Jet Li perform some of those same moves in Fearless.
“Thanks for your help back there. It means a lot that you would defend one of us.” LJ seemed to choose her words carefully, but one thing seemed clear. She had a “you and us” mentality despite the fact that we are both angels. I watched her as she sat cross-legged in a clearing and sipped what seemed like hot tea. I just stood staring, not sure what else to do.
“You don’t have to be here. You must know that. The fact that you are here says a lot.” She paused, I assumed for effect. She seemed to take great pleasure in having a captive audience in me, my cherubs, the horses, and whoever else was within an earshot of our conversation.
She knew full well that if Gavin were home, I would be with him and as far away from her as possible. “I get that you think you’re in love with him,” she continued, rolling her eyes at that last jab she’d heard in my thoughts. “Is it true that you haven’t even read your book yet?” She seemed to be feeling me out, angling even.
I had no idea what or how much she knew about me. Clearly she knew enough. “Praefatio? No. I haven’t read the whole thing yet.”
“That’s pretty sad, don’t you think? That you let other people tell you who you are?” She stared at me like I was a freak and sipped. She hadn’t blinked once the entire time. I must have blinked at least three hundred times since we started talking, just to avoid looking at her. She was perfectly gorgeous and completely self-righteous.
I moved to sit directly across from her, doing my best to get on equal footing—at least in theory. Despite my rank, she clearly had an advantage over me.
LJ scooped dirt from the ground, rubbed it in her hands together three times, and threw it back down, and it started a fire. “I don’t want to argue with you, Grace. Just trying to figure out what everyone sees in you, that’s all.” She sipped her tea as if she had no worries whatsoever. And then I remembered her scurrying out the door after Tyler’s chastening. What made her tick?
“I’ve been dragged into this thing, and everyone wants it to mean something to me and to be honest, it really doesn’t. I have no stake other than the feelings I have for Gavin and for my brother. At every turn, someone with their own agenda is trying to influence me, trying to make me see their version. And I have to ask myself exactly why that is. Why is it that everyone who supposedly cares so much about me has never actually sat me down and asked me how I feel or what I want? Why? Because they are too afraid that I will find out what no one really wants me to know. But I will find out, eventually. And when I do, I will do what is best for me. Not Gavin, not Remi, not Michael, but me.” I paused for a second and thought about her original question and decided to answer it. “And you know what? You think I’m dumb for letting others tell me who I am? How dumb is it to read a book to find out who you are? I’d rather live my life and let my choices define me!” Booyah!
I’d finally said it. All of it. Well, almost all of it. It was as close to what I’d kept bottled up for the past few days as there was. And maybe LJ wasn’t the ideal person to share that with, but I knew she’d give it to me straight.
She held her cup in her hand as if it warmed her, then arched an eyebrow before placing it on the ground beside her. I must have looked at her crooked because she responded with yet another eye roll.
“I don’t discount how difficult this must be for you,” was all she gave me. She pulled her knees into her chest and sighed deeply. I wanted to ask her about the humans she’d spent time with, but then I thought better of it—in case that time was short-lived and not all that pleasant for them.
LJ turned to face me. The medium brown of her skin was lit perfectly by the fire in front of her.
“How did the humans know we were here?” I asked, changing the subject. She was making me uncomfortable, first friendly, then implying that I was feeling sorry for myself.
“They find their life’s purpose in trying to destroy us. They believe their God calls them to destroy us. Apparently their God has no regard for the life he created, or maybe their God has given them special consideration as judge and jury. Who knows? Or, maybe, they simply like hunting a higher life form and are bored with deer and fowl.”
Horror clouded my eyes. “How could someone do that?”
“Oh give me a break, Grace. Humans have been killing one another since they were created for the right to go to heaven, land, women, money, sex, food.” She was right again.
“But how did they get onto the property?” It made no sense to me.
Her entire expression changed. She moved in close, and her eyes became wide, excited even. I recognized the smirk on her face as one I’d seen a million times on high school girls who gossiped about cute boys at school.
“My guess is Lex. He tends to have free rein around here.” She sighed again.
“Who’s Lex?”
LJ continued, “Lex? Aside from being Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. My guess is he’s after something, or someone.” She paused as if I was supposed to know what she was talking about. I picked up fragments from her mind. He was pretty hot. A slave trader. An angel who traded other angels into slavery. Sounded like a real jerk. A really hot jerk.
“He sells other angels into slavery?” My mind was blown.
“Like humans never sold one another in slavery?” LJ watch
ed me gulp down my reply. Then, as if my mind hadn’t already been blown, she laid it on me. “You should ask Cerin about him. They had a thing, or maybe she had a thing for him, I don’t know the details. Anyway, he’s a real badass. Tyler gives him free rein, says it’s good for business.” I couldn’t picture Cerin having a “thing” with anyone, let alone someone that hot, and a bad boy, no less.
“I … don’t understand how Lex could be good for business,” I kind of asked at the risk of sounding stupid.
“Money and stature. Any time a Fallen brings in money and has stature, it’s good for business. Don’t you understand anything, Grace?”
Obviously not.
“So are we going now?” Arcturus called. “Caius needs a break from getting badly beaten in fencing.”
“Not yet. I’ll let you know. Maybe start getting the horses ready, okay?” I was sure his exuberance was directly related to a desire to race the pegasi back. I wanted to clear the air about Gavin before we went back to Kheiron, and hear more about this Lex.
“I started to tell you before about Gavin,” she said. “I know you think you’re all in love with him and whatever.” LJ paused. “But don’t be fooled into thinking that he’s going to change for you.” She searched my face for a response, then stood up and started to pace back and forth like a nervous cat. Shock.
I was unsure of what to do next or what response she wanted. I tried to get into her mind. Blocked.
“So what do you want me to say, LJ?” I prodded, hoping she would elaborate without letting her think she was getting to me. Two could play this game. My mind? Blocked. The minute I did it, she stopped pacing. She probably had no idea I could. Her personality kept flip-flopping from hot to cold then back. Annoying. Her problem? She’d pegged me for weak.
“You’re promised to Gavin. Your feelings for him, real or imagined, were prearranged ages ago as is foretold in Praefatio. I cannot believe you don’t know this, that you think you woke up one day madly in love with a guy you’ve never met before. How could you be so dumb? Why do you think everyone is treating you so well? Did you ever stop to think about that, about any of this, Grace? And a rock star? Why? Because you love music and always have from age three, heck, even before then. Gavin chose the persona he knew you’d be attracted to most. He created the image he thought you’d accept most. He’s playing you, Grace, and you’re enjoying being played.” She paused, crouched, then looked up as if expecting to be slapped. “I mean, no offense.” I should have let her stab me; it would have hurt less.
“I have been asking my mom and Remi questions, but no one will answer me!” I shouted back at her like it was her fault that I was so clueless about my own pathetic life.
“Listen, maybe you are special. But I’m just telling you that Gavin is not going to change for you. It’s all love and flowers now, but deep down, Gavin loves his life, his power. Don’t fall for his ‘woe is me, I have to bear all this responsibility’ crap. He lives for it. Don’t think because you’re here now that Gavin will suddenly change. He’s his father’s son. Emeria had to learn the hard way.” She let it sink in—the old one-two punch. Fallens 1, Archangels 0.
Praefatio
Book 3, Chapter 29
As they left the earthly realm, they were afraid. The woman, though she did not know, was with child. Neither did she know what he was, or what their love had cost them.
Emotional Rollercoaster
I would not have blamed anyone for mistaking me for a zombie. Not the crazed eat-everything-in-sight kind. The dead eyes, arms out in front, aimless kind. Somehow, I made it to my suite. To my surprise, Gavin was at the door, dismissing the cherubs, then Cerin. They all scurried to their appropriate corners upon my arrival, panic plastered across their faces.
Tired, I leaned against the door facing Gavin, placing myself between him and the entrance to my suite. Stuck between elation and fury, I opened my mouth, unsure which of the two would prevail.
“I’ve been up all night, and as much as I’ve enjoyed riding my new horse, thanks by the way, we humans need our sleep.” I tried to sound as annoyed as possible, despite how relieved I was to see him. The thought of Gavin and Emeria together refused to leave me, and I was having trouble holding his gaze. LJ really let me have it, and now I stood before the only person who has ever told me the truth about myself, doubting, questioning and regretting. I was also having trouble keeping my mind closed to him. He was way stronger than I was.
“Ok, goodnight then.” Gavin kissed my forehead, then began to walk away. Relief—no, disbelief—and panic set in. He’s walking away from me? With slumped shoulders, I turned to open the door to my suite, but before I could, he was in front of me, grinning. He put a hand over mine, and, with his other hand, wiped away the tear that I’d unsuccessfully forbidden to fall in front of him.
“You didn’t think you’d get away that easily did you?” He pulled me into an embrace. How could he joke at a time like this? LJ’d said that Gavin was using me and that I liked it. She’d made me feel stupid, small and fearful. She’d brought up all the insecurities inside of me. The ones that sit at the back of my existence, creeping into my thoughts daily, seemingly with little notice. That is, until someone like LJ, intent on breaking me, reminds me of how insignificant I am.
The sadness was overwhelming. I nearly jumped into his arms—but the desire to hit him stopped me. I wanted to kick and scream and punch him, and I hated myself for it.
He must have found that funny since he laughed. I raised my hand to strike him. I knew I shouldn’t have, but he was laughing at me. The arrogant prick was laughing at me.
“Uh-uh-uh.” Gavin scooped me up into an all-encompassing hug. The negativity melted from me like candle wax. I hugged him back, tight, maybe too tightly. Gavin pulled away.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. I wanted to be close with him. I wanted to drown in him. I wanted to forget about Emeria, to make him forget. I was tired of fighting the truth, fighting for my sanity. I wanted to give in, to indulge my irrational and insane feelings for him.
“Grace, I’m sorry you’re upset. Please tell me you haven’t allowed LJ to come between us.” He waited for confirmation either way that came when the tears fell. “Grace.” Gavin wiped the tears but they kept coming. His touch made me even sadder. “Grace, please. I have something for you.” He sounded as tired as I felt. “You should get some rest.” He said it as if I could sleep off the tremendous sadness that had taken over my body. “I just wanted to give you one more birthday gift and say goodnight. Okay? One more surprise, then I’m going and we can talk tomorrow if you like.” His voice was softer, like that first night I’d spent there, so comforting. But there was something else too. It felt like fear.
“Yes.” What more could I say? I’d wanted to hit him, and he’d come to give me a birthday present. Gavin opened the door to my suite, and the minute I saw the inside, I screamed like a complete nutjob. I’d almost forgotten what had me so upset in the first place. The cherubs, Cerin, and the remaining Lesser Angels on the floor came running. I guess they’d never heard a human screaming from happiness before.
The suite had been completely redecorated in my favorite colors and fabrics. I barely knew how to respond—aside from the screaming and squeeing—to Gavin’s thoughtfulness and generosity. It reminded me of that scene in The Princess Diaries when Mia sees her closet for the first time.
Gavin stood with a self-conscious smile. The seriousness in his eyes did not match the smile still on his beautiful face. His eyes were piercing as he searched my face for what my mind refused him. I couldn’t let him see the ugliness within me—the jealousy and rage caused by the relationship he’d had with my sister. He’d already seen too much.
Remi’s words came to mind: “I sometimes forget how human you are.” It hurt to hear it again. I’d never measure up.
“There is one more gift,” Gavin announced, as if more gifts would change things, would change me. Then he placed his hand around my waist and
his body against mine. I hated how being close to him affected me.
“I didn’t come here to have gifts heaped upon me. I appreciate it, but Gavin, this isn’t at all what I wanted or … expected.”
Gavin stopped me from speaking with his mouth, kissing me slowly and softly, like he was asking for permission first. A harder kiss, then a pause, and then deeper, more. He looked like a wild boy who had tasted table food for the first time since—ever, and knew he’d never go back to squirrels and berries again. His lips met mine again, and the warmth of him turned my mind to mush and my legs to jelly.
I cleared my throat, embarrassed by my inability to kiss a boy without going all flipping gooey.
Gavin pulled an unwrapped bracelet from his pocket. I smiled without meaning to, then shot him a stern look. “Last gift, I promise.” He held two fingers up as a Scout would. I offered my arm and watched a black wing, a book, and heart charms dangle.
“Thank you. But I think an apology would do just as well.”
“I’m sorry about the feather incident. You know I would never have done something like that unless you were in danger. I saved your life. That one little gesture saved you and your idiot brother.” There wasn’t an ounce of remorse on Gavin’s face. He would have done anything to save me.
I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him deeply. I’d never been so blissfully out of control. And yet, I didn’t care. It was in that moment that I knew for certain that Gavin loved me. The feel of my body against his, touching at all the right places, threatened to undo me. An assuredness sieged me. Just then, I knew how I wanted to kiss him, understood that I needed to touch him. He seemed, in that moment, as familiar to me as the family I’d known my entire life. I explored his mouth further and was only momentarily distracted by the sudden sharpness of his canines.
“Grace.” He stepped out of my embrace. He seemed almost annoyed, though breathing pretty heavily. I had a feeling he was reading my mind, or already had. He knew I was trying to mask my true feelings. Well, my other true feelings. “I guess we should talk, then.”
Praefatio: A Novel Page 16