by Debby Holt
‘I was happy to do it. I like to be busy.’ This was true. Pam had rung this morning. She’d been quite wonderful really. She’d been short and to the point. ‘Freya, Anna came to see me yesterday. She told me about you and Felix. If at any time you need to talk or want my help, you have only to call. I’m going now but don’t forget.’ And that had been that. She’d been kind and tactful and Freya had almost fallen apart. And then she’d looked at the sitting room with its crumbs and its glasses and its mess and she’d got to work.
‘I have to tell you,’ Rory said, ‘this flat has never looked this good. You are a miracle worker. Can I have a hug?’
Freya smiled. ‘You can!’
Rory put his arms round her and embraced her tightly. ‘You even smell perfect,’ he said.
A voice came from the doorway behind them. ‘Get your hands off my woman, you libidinous toad. I can’t leave you alone for a minute.’
Rory grinned and released Freya. ‘I’m showing my appreciation. Do you even know what libidinous means?’
‘It means over-sexed and as far as you’re concerned that’s an understatement.’
‘It takes one to know one. If… when Freya sees that you’re way past your sell-by date, I’ll be waiting in the wings.’ He sniffed suddenly. ‘Is that chicken in the oven?’
‘Yes. I didn’t know if you’d be in but…’
‘Of course I will be! I adore chicken. I shall never go out while you’re here! Shall we open the wine?’
Neil cast a despairing look at Freya. ‘Do you see what you’ve done? We’ll have him round our necks forever!’
Freya laughed. She felt she was in some Noël Coward play with two gorgeous men on hand to amuse her. Who needed Felix when there were Neil and Rory?
Lunch with Flora was always very civilised. There were crisp white napkins on the polished table, cut-glass tumblers of water – with a thimbleful of sherry beforehand. Flora’s housekeeper was an excellent cook. For first course there was tomato soup, followed by fish pie and then trifle.
The conversation focused on the referendum. Katherine and Maggie – for once in agreement – both supported the Union while Flora backed independence. ‘It’s a leap of faith,’ she conceded, ‘but sometimes one needs to be brave. A vote for Union is a vote for England and the Tories.’
‘You’ve been talking to Susan,’ Katherine said.
Flora acknowledged the truth with a sheepish smile. ‘She is indefatigable. She’s out every night, pounding the streets. If the vote goes against us, I don’t know what she’ll do.’
‘I wouldn’t worry about Susan,’ Katherine said. ‘She’s a very strong woman. Are all of your family with the two of you on this?’
‘Of course. Jamie’s hoisted the Scottish flag on his castle. And down in London, poor Archie is beside himself because he can’t vote. It doesn’t help that Susan rings him up to berate him for leaving his homeland in its hour of need, even though he left eight years ago and would have lost his job if he hadn’t. Poor Archie feels quite marooned. At least he has his cousin down there, though he has not been behaving well.’
Katherine’s shoulders rippled with anticipation. ‘Are we talking about Neil Lockhart?’
Flora nodded. ‘He and Eva threw a party to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary. Eva’s only been up here once which doesn’t surprise me. She was so cold all the time. Eventually she bought a thick cardigan. She was a nice young woman. I told her to get her circulation checked.’
‘But Flora,’ Katherine urged, ‘what happened at the party?’
‘Archie said it was all very odd. There was a woman at the party, very glamorous, Archie said, but quite obvious if you take my meaning. He said Neil couldn’t keep his eyes off her and then the two of them disappeared for a considerable period of time.’
‘On his wedding anniversary?’ Katherine’s eyes sparkled. ‘Can you believe it?’
‘Knowing my nephew,’ Flora said, ‘I can believe it too well.’
‘So did they come back?’ Katherine asked. ‘Did Eva notice?’
‘Neil came back. Eva and the woman were conspicuous by their absence. Neil made a short speech in which he thanked everyone for coming. Then Jamie stepped forward and announced that his stepmother had been taken ill and that in the circumstances it might be better if everyone left.’
‘Perhaps she was ill,’ Maggie said.
‘Archie rang her a few days later. He told me she sounded very strange.’
‘Well!’ Katherine said. ‘Well!’
On the drive back to the Commune, Katherine talked knowingly about the Lockhart bad blood. Aware that her strictures were received without comment, she said a little tetchily, ‘You’re very quiet.’
‘I’ve been trying to remember something,’ Maggie confessed, ‘and now I have. When Tess was with us she told me she and Freya had been invited to the party. Jamie’s father wanted to pick Freya’s brains about family research. I don’t know if they went but…’
‘You must find out,’ Katherine said. ‘They would have seen it all. Maggie, you must ring them.’
‘I don’t believe any of it,’ Maggie said. ‘It sounds very far-fetched.’
‘Where the Lockharts are concerned, nothing is beyond belief.’ Katherine nodded wisely. ‘I did warn you about them.’
That settled it, Maggie thought. She would ring Freya who would tell her what had really happened, which Maggie would, with great satisfaction, relay to her sister-in-law.
The washing-machine had stopped mid-cycle. The only clue was the red light that kept blinking the letter D at him.
Freya kept her household file in her desk. Felix took it out and rifled through the various documents until he found the instructions he wanted.
It proved to be quite simple but Felix felt childishly pleased that he’d sorted it out. The D stood for drain and the relevant compartment was blocked by a hard knot of tissue. Well, he thought, he was not completely useless.
He took the file back to the study and opened the drawer. It was then that he saw the folder. Written across its cover was ‘Anniversary Stuff’. He was tempted to leave it alone. He knew he could not.
The first page had a title, ‘Speech’, and then below it a few paragraphs and notes, all of which had been covered with Freya’s thick black felt-tip. The second page contained a list of guests – fifty all told – and a sample invitation: Felix and Freya want you to join them in a celebration of their thirtieth wedding anniversary. Dress informal. Food provided!
Finally, Felix found a few cuttings kept together with a paper clip. There were adverts for weekends in Rome and Venice, membership to an exclusive wine society, a trip ‘of a lifetime’ to the Arctic, a place Felix had always hoped to visit one day.
He’d had no idea she’d planned any of this. When he dismissed the idea of a party, she’d seemed unconcerned. Why hadn’t she said anything? He knew the answer to that one. Felix didn’t want a party. Therefore, there would be no party. He felt unbearably selfish. He didn’t deserve her. He had never deserved her.
The phone on Freya’s desk rang and, without thinking, Felix picked it up and said, ‘Hello?’
‘Felix? I thought you’d be Freya. Why aren’t you at your office?’
It was his mother. Felix stood up and walked to the window. ‘Hi, Ma. I’m working from home today. I’m afraid Freya’s not here. Can I help?’
‘Well, you might. I’m ringing out of rampant curiosity. Katherine and I had lunch with a friend today. Flora Macdonald. She told us a strange story about a party in London. Her nephew, Neil Lockhart, and his wife were hosting it and I remembered that Tess said she and Freya might go to it. Do you know if they did?’
‘Yes,’ Felix said. ‘Yes, they both went.’
‘What did Freya say about it afterwards? On second thoughts, get Freya to ring me. You were always hopeless at relaying good gossip. I’ve tried to ring Tess but I suppose she’s working. In fact, I rang her last week – Robert’s grandson is thi
nking of applying to her university – and she never got back to me. She hasn’t changed her number, has she?’
‘I don’t think so.’ Felix swallowed. ‘Tell me about the party. It might jog my memory.’
‘Well, all this is courtesy of Flora’s son, Archie, who I suspect is blessed with a vivid imagination. According to him, a sensational lady appeared at the party and entranced the host. The host and the lady disappeared for a while. Then the host returned – without the woman – and announced that the party must finish since his wife had been taken ill. According to Archie, it’s all very sinister…’
Felix cleared his throat. ‘I wish I could enlighten you but…’
‘I knew you’d be useless. Your father was just the same. I remember when…’
‘Ma, I’m sorry, I have a client calling me on my mobile. I’d better take it. I’ll talk to you soon…’
Felix turned off the phone and put it down on the desk. Tess had told him Freya was staying with Neil Lockhart. Her vagueness as to the reason was now explained. Freya wasn’t staying with the man. She was living with him.
He sat at Freya’s desk, staring at all the clutter she kept there: the calendar notepad, frozen on the day she’d left, the jar of pens and pencils, her dictionary and thesaurus, the photo of Tess and Anna on their tenth birthday… And then he saw it: a pink envelope propped up against the picture frame, labelled ‘FELIX’. Inside, he found a voucher for a balloon ride over Bath. There was a small sheet of paper inside the envelope and Felix took it out. ‘Felix, I bought this for you for your anniversary present. It seemed mean not to give it to you. I’m sorry you’ve stopped loving me.’
This was a different Freya from the woman who had left the short, bitter farewell note. ‘I’m sorry you’ve stopped loving me.’ Felix could imagine her sitting at her desk as she wrote it.
He sat and stared through the window at the drive and front garden. But what he saw was a different garden, the one they’d had in Wimbledon, and Xander Bullen in his red hat, pulling up weeds and then smiling as Felix approached him.
‘Xander,’ Felix said, ‘I have something I need to say. It isn’t easy. I know how fond Tess is of you and…’
‘It’s all right.’ Xander sprang to his feet. His face was white as a sheet. ‘I know what you’re going to say. I admit it. I’m in love with your wife. I’ve made a fool of myself. Freya’s been very kind and generous but… You want me to go.’
‘Yes,’ Felix said. ‘But not because of that. I had no idea…’ Felix was out of his depth and knew it. He could think of no suitable response. Xander looked utterly miserable. Felix actually felt sorry for him. ‘We’re moving in a couple of months and there’s no need to keep a gardener. I’ll give your details to our successors here. I have to say though – given what you’ve told me – I do feel it’s best if you leave us today.’
‘Right. Of course. I’ll get my things together.’
Felix handed him an envelope. ‘There’s a bonus in there along with your wages. Goodbye, Xander. I hope things go well for you.’
And then, as Felix left, Xander called after him, ‘It only happened the once.’
Felix nodded and walked back into the house. He assumed Xander meant that he’d only once revealed his feelings to Freya.
But then as the days went by, the words took on a new and scarcely credible significance. At odd times, Xander’s words would break into his thoughts: It only happened the once.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Tess wondered if she might be getting Emily out of proportion. Certainly, the labels were an irritant. The fridge was now full of them. Emily had even labelled her soya milk though Tess assured her she had no desire to use it. Yesterday, Emily brought home four apples, put them into Tess’s papier-mâché bowl and labelled each of them. Tess had been very inclined to label the bowl, ‘Tess’s property’.
On both Monday and Tuesday evening Emily had colonised the kitchen. She sat at the table, pouring over Facebook like it was the Holy Grail, and chatting on her phone to her mother or her sister or her boyfriend. Worse, she would look quite affronted whenever Tess came in to make a sandwich or a coffee.
When her father rang on Wednesday to ask if she’d come down after all, Tess’s first reaction was one of heartfelt gratitude at escaping from Emily. Her second was to question why he’d changed his mind. ‘Are you sure you want me to come?’ she asked. ‘I’m not offended if you don’t. Anna said you needed time on your own.’
‘Well…’ There was a long pause. ‘I’m afraid I was very unfair to poor Anna. I was out of sorts but that’s no excuse. I’ll try to do better this time. Let me know when your train gets in…’
And then, just a few minutes later, her mother rang, which Tess found a little bit spooky. Freya, like Felix, was anxious to tell her she was very well and would love to see her. ‘Are you free tomorrow evening? Come over after work and we’ll have a drink on our own before the boys get back.’
Presumably the ‘boys’ were Neil and Rory. Tess accepted at once and prepared to cancel Rachel who’d invited her over to see her new love-nest. Tess felt no compunction about doing this. If it weren’t for Rachel, there’d be no Emily.
She arrived the next evening at a smart red-brick building in Chelsea, opposite the Thames. The intercom had five names with corresponding buzzers. Tess was trying to identify Rory’s name when a woman with stiff hair and a shiny handbag came up behind her. ‘Are you looking for Rory?’ she asked. ‘He’s on the first floor in Flat Two.’
She unlocked the door and Tess, following her in, asked, ‘How did you know I wanted Rory’s flat?’
The woman smiled. ‘It’s always pretty young women who want to see Rory,’ she said.
‘I see.’ Tess laughed, though she rather resented being seen as one of his groupies. She climbed the first flight of stairs and stood on the landing, admiring the tasteful wallpaper and the grey carpet. Rory, she thought, was a very lucky young man. She knocked on the door and within moments it was flung open.
‘Wow,’ she said.
Her mother wore an apron – now, Tess could see it was an apron – with the imprint of a woman’s naked torso. Freya laughed and took it off at once. ‘Isn’t it dreadful? It’s Rory’s, of course!’
Tess stepped into the narrow hallway. She caught a glimpse of the room on her left. Her mother’s silk nightdress lay on the double bed. She turned away quickly and followed her mother into the sitting room. There were signs of a bachelor owner: a poster of Marilyn Monroe pouting at the camera, a vast television, a framed collage of photos of glamorous blondes and inebriated males draped over each other, a big, squashy, leather foot-cushion. But there were also signs of her mother’s influence: a jug of roses stood on the mantelpiece, the three cushions were positioned neatly on the sofa and the coffee-coloured carpet bore signs of a recent vacuum.
‘It’s very nice,’ Tess said. She walked across to the window and stared out at the river. ‘It’s a great location.’
‘It is nice, isn’t it? Let’s have a glass of bubbly. It’s only cheap but still…’
The kitchen was in need of re-decorating. The vinyl, patterned floor was worn and the laminated covering on the beige units was curling in corners, exposing the cheap plywood beneath. A colander full of washed spinach stood on the draining board, a jug of rice was ready for action and there were rich smells from the oven. ‘I can see you’ve been busy,’ Tess said. Last time she’d asked about Neil, her mother had bitten her head off. Tess watched Freya open the bottle and said cautiously, ‘So, how’s it all going?’
‘Well, of course, it’s rather odd.’ Freya gave a smile that went on a little too long. ‘I’m staying with two men I hardly know for a start! But I think it’s good for me. I was in a very cosy rut down in Darrowbridge. And the boys are such fun. They insult each other all the time but they do make me laugh. You’d think it might be difficult but Rory seems quite happy to have us here.’
‘You’re in no hurry to leave t
hen?’
Freya poured out the drinks and led the way back to the sitting room. ‘To be honest,’ she said, ‘I don’t know what I want. I mean obviously, soon, I must talk to Felix, and Neil must talk to Eva and we’ll have to sort things out. For now, I’m quite happy to take one day at a time. But how are you, Tess? Tell me about you.’
‘I have a new flatmate. I don’t like her much. Mum … Anna went down to see Dad on Saturday. She’s worried about him. He looks really ill. Anna thinks he’s seriously depressed.’
Her mother flicked her hair back with her hand. ‘That’s nothing to do with me. He said he wanted out and so I moved out. It’s a little late for him to have second thoughts. Do you know he hasn’t rung me once since he came back from Spain?’
‘Have you rung him?’
‘It’s not my place to do so. I wasn’t the one who wanted to change everything. If I think about Felix, it makes me miserable, and I am trying…’ Freya moved towards the window and brushed her eyes with her hand. ‘I’m trying very hard not to be.’
‘I’m going down to see him on Friday. Can I give him a message?’
‘I can’t think of anything. You could be an angel and bring back my black mac. It’s hanging in the hall.’
‘Of course.’ Tess took a sip from her glass. ‘I thought I’d go and see Ivy.’
‘Oh darling, would you? I’ve been in touch with the home and I plan to go down in a week or two…’ They heard the sound of men’s voices and then the key turning in the door. Freya brightened at once. ‘That will be them,’ she said. ‘This is such fun!’
Neil was charming and showed no sign of awkwardness while Rory greeted Tess like an old friend. She did her best to be responsive but it was difficult to be comfortable with them. She felt disloyal to her father just by being there. It was painful to watch her mother lapping up compliments, laughing at every not terribly funny joke, gazing up at Neil as if he were the answer to every woman’s prayer. And Rory’s florid praise of her mother’s culinary and cleaning achievements soon began to grate. Tess wondered how long she’d be content to be the perfect housewife.