‘Want some coffee?’ Josh sounded brusque. ‘The kettle’s still pretty hot.’
‘No... My slow cooker is calling. I threw the makings of a beef stew in there this morning and it should be extremely well cooked by now.’
‘It’s been a long day,’ Josh agreed. ‘Did you get the chance to check on Mum again?’
‘Of course.’ Anna’s smile was relaxed. ‘She’s fine, Josh. No pain and her rhythm’s back to normal. I told her she’s going to end up being in far better health from now on. Give her a week or two and she won’t know herself. Oh, and I saw Ben in the car park. He said to tell you that ED’s covered for the next couple of days. He’s not expecting to see you anywhere near St Piran’s unless you’re coming in to visit your mum.’
‘Thanks. I’ll certainly need to be at home tomorrow. I’ll have to sort out some extra child-care arrangements to take the pressure off Mum for a while.’
Megan had already rinsed out her mug but she did it again to avoid turning around and becoming a part of this conversation. Just because she’d stepped into the breach today it didn’t mean she wanted to continue spending time with Josh’s children.
In fact, she really didn’t want to spend any more time with them. Or with him.
‘I’d better be going,’ she said brightly. ‘And let you both get on with having your dinners.’
‘I can drop you home,’ Anna offered.
‘No... I’ll call a taxi.’
‘Don’t be daft. It’s only a few minutes down the road to your cottage. You’ll be waiting ages for a taxi in this weather.’
‘I’m not staying at my cottage.’
‘Why not?’ Josh was frowning. ‘Oh...you said it was uninhabitable, didn’t you? How bad is it?’
‘Pretty bad. Some pipes burst and the place got flooded months ago. The tenants moved out and left all their rubbish behind. There’s no power. Probably no water either, except for what’s still leaking out of the pipes.’
‘Good grief...’ Anna looked horrified. ‘No wonder you can’t stay there. Have you found somewhere in the village? I can drop you there.’
‘I...um...haven’t found anywhere yet. I was on my way to do that when I met Claire at the beach.’
‘So it’s my fault you haven’t found somewhere to stay.’ Josh was pushing his fingers through his hair in a gesture that Megan remembered all too well. ‘You can stay here. We’ve got plenty of room.’
Megan could feel her jaw dropping. Stay under the same roof as Josh for a whole night for the first time in her life? Wake up and have breakfast with him? And his children? Why was fate throwing this stuff at her? Just how far did she have to go to prove she had moved on from Josh?
‘Don’t be silly.’ It was Anna who spoke. Not that she could have read any of Megan’s thoughts from her expression because she had moved to the door to summon Crash. She turned back to Megan with a smile. ‘It’s perfect timing. I’ll be lonely while Luke’s away and our spare room is all set up.’ Her smile widened. ‘Do you like beef stew?’
‘I...ah...’ Megan was shaking her head. Anna’s cottage was just down the road. Next door to Josh. It was still too close for comfort.
‘Just for tonight,’ Anna said persuasively. ‘You can sort out something else if you want to tomorrow, when it’s not dark and raining. You look exhausted, Megan.’
She was. Emotionally as well as physically.
Just for one night? That’s all it would need to be, wasn’t it? She might even decide to sell up and be leaving all of this behind her by tomorrow.
‘And it’ll give us a chance to catch up.’ Anna was looking wistful now. ‘I’ve missed having you around, Megan.’
The persuasion was working. Megan felt far too weary to make any further protest. And she would enjoy Anna’s company. The company of female friends was something she had missed badly after leaving here.
‘OK,’ she agreed. ‘Just for tonight. Thanks, Anna.’
‘Hooray...’ Anna threw her arms around Megan and hugged her. ‘It’s so good to see you again.’ She stepped back, still beaming. ‘Isn’t it, Josh?’
Megan didn’t turn her head to see what reaction Anna’s assumption that Josh was happy to see her had provoked but she got an inkling by the curiously raw note in his voice.
‘Yes... It is.’
* * *
What else could he have said?
No, it was excruciatingly painful to see Megan again.
He’d thought he had it all finally sorted and now he was feeling like his perfectly ordered world had big cracks in it.
He would have preferred to never have laid eyes on her again.
But he couldn’t have said any of those things in front of Megan. And they weren’t even true. Not the one about preferring to never see her again, anyway. It might have been easier, certainly, but he would have always wondered where she was. How she was. Who she was with.
In the wake of both women and Crash leaving the house, Josh ransacked the fridge for enough leftovers to make himself a meal. He thought enviously of the hot beef stew Anna and Megan would be eating by now. Or was he more envious of Anna having the opportunity to find out more about Megan than she would ever be prepared to tell him? What would they be talking about?
That new special person in Megan’s life? The one she was prepared to risk her life for by going back to Africa?
It should be him.
The thought came from nowhere and hit Josh like a sledgehammer. It wasn’t framed as a regret. Or any kind of desire.
It was just there. A statement of fact. He was the person Megan should be with if she was going to be with anyone. Always had been. Always would be.
How could she get past that so easily?
Because it wasn’t true for her? Maybe it never had been. She’d found it easy enough to condemn him for sleeping with Rebecca, hadn’t she? She’d never shown the slightest sign of forgiving him. Not even when he’d found himself at the most harrowing point of his life as a single father with premature twins.
At least his mother had been there for him. She had provided the glue that had let him stick his shattered life back together. It might present a very different picture from what he had imagined would be his future but...dammit...it was a good life.
Good enough, that was for sure. Better than most people had. He had a brilliant job. A wonderful home. His mother reminded him regularly how lucky they all were. How different it was from the cramped flat in London where she’d tried to raise him and his siblings after his father had finally walked out on them all for good. He was so lucky to have his mum here to help, too. Family. And he had two amazing children who were more important than anything else could ever be.
Including Megan?
Yes. Josh shoved his plateful of food into the microwave and set it to heat.
He’d made that decision long ago. The moment he’d known he was going to become a father. When he’d vowed not to be like his own father. He was well on the way to honouring that vow now. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—let anything undermine that.
Maybe he needed to take a new vow now. Not to be like his own mother. To try again and again in the name of love, only to be hurt beyond anything remotely acceptable. Because it wouldn’t only be him who got hurt now, would it? It could be his children. His mother even. And that would turn him into his father again. God...life could be a complicated business sometimes.
A new vow wasn’t really needed, was it? He could stick to the original one and he’d been successful so far.
Josh turned away from watching the plate go round and round inside the microwave. He had time to ring the coronary care unit at St Piran’s and check on how his mother was doing. The sooner life got back to normal for them all, the better.
As if to underline the resolution, a faint cry came from upstairs. One of the twins had woken and needed comfort.
Josh left the kitchen.
‘I’m coming,’ he called. ‘It’s OK, darling. Daddy’s here.’
Where he needed to be. Where he wanted to be. You could only live in the present, couldn’t you?
You had to trust that the future would turn out all right.
And you had to let go of the past.
CHAPTER FOUR
PALE SUNLIGHT WAS filtering through the curtains in Megan’s room when she woke up the next morning from one of the best sleeps she’d had for a very long time.
Perhaps the red wine she had shared with Anna over the meal of beef stew and crusty bread could take the credit. Or maybe it was the cathartic effect of having a heart-to-heart conversation with another woman, including more than a few tears being shed. The lullaby of the sound of surf had probably had a calming influence as well.
Whatever the reason, Megan was astonished by how good she felt as she luxuriated in that boneless relaxation of waking slowly from a very deep sleep, stretching cautiously and revelling in the fact that her joints were not giving even the slightest twinge. And then it occurred to her that it was November in Cornwall and for the sun to be high enough to be coming in her window meant that it had to be—
Good grief...ten a.m.?
Discarding the borrowed nightwear, Megan dressed in yesterday’s clothes and hurried out of the room, although she knew Anna must have left for work long ago. Sure enough, there was a note propped up on the kitchen table with a set of keys beside it.
Wanted to let you sleep as long as possible.
Help yourself to breakfast. There’s cereal, toast and eggs around.
I got a ride to work so here are my car keys. You can drop them in to me later which will give everybody else a chance to say hi
Love, Anna.
PS—you’re more than welcome to stay again tonight. Your turn to cook?
PPS—enjoy the sun while it lasts!
Crash was nowhere to be seen. Back at day care at the O’Haras’? Thank goodness Anna hadn’t asked her to drop him off. Megan didn’t think she was ready to see Josh again yet. Maybe she never would be.
He had the perfect life. A job he loved. A fabulous home. Family around him. His mother and...and his children.
Megan had none of those things right now.
But...she did have plans, didn’t she? She needed to hang onto that and decide what the next step should be.
Mulling over her options while she had a cup of coffee and toast didn’t make things any clearer. Washing up her dishes, Megan looked out towards the little bay over the road from the Davenports’ cottage. The surf still looked pretty wild but the clouds were white and billowing today, moving fast enough for the sun to make frequent appearances.
Getting a little bit of exercise and a blast of fresh, sea air was irresistible. Megan put her warm coat and gloves on and borrowed one of Anna’s woolly hats to keep her hair from driving her crazy.
Gusts of wind strong enough to douse her with salt spray and almost knock her off her feet made it a struggle to walk in one direction on the beach but when Megan reached the end of the bay and turned around, it suddenly felt like she was flying. She held her arms out wide and laughed aloud from the childlike joy of it.
Seagulls were swirling overhead, riding the strong air currents, and they sounded as if they were shrieking from the excitement of it all. Megan didn’t shriek but she was still laughing by the time she got back to her starting point and she’d never felt more alive. As if her blood was actually fizzing in her veins. She had to stop for a minute then to catch her breath and she looked up and down the bay, hugging herself with both arms.
She loved it here. So much.
The buffeting in the cold air and the fresh, sticky feel of salt spray she could taste on her lips had done more than restore her zest for life. It seemed to have had a cleansing effect as well. Not that Megan could have said exactly what had been blown away.
Maybe the disappointment of finding the home of her heart virtually derelict.
The backwash of the emotional disturbance that seeing Josh again had caused.
Or maybe doubts about the big decisions she needed to make about her future.
Whatever it was, right now it had gone and Megan was left feeling at peace.
At home.
She couldn’t deny the sense of belonging to this little corner of the world. Could she really turn her back and walk away for ever?
It would be an easy way out, that was certain. But would she always miss it? Be haunted, as Charles warned her might happen, by thinking she had left unfinished business behind?
Worse than that, now that she’d seen the cottage, would she be left thinking she had dishonoured the memory of her grandmother—the woman who’d always been there for her? Who’d taken a frightened four-year-old and guided her towards adulthood with infinite wisdom and warmth?
‘What should I do, Gran?’
The only sound in the wake of her plea for advice was the crash of the surf. Even the seagulls were silent for a moment. Megan took a last, deep gulp of salty air before turning to leave the beach.
She couldn’t leave. Not yet, anyway. The sustaining memories held in this place were bigger than the heart-breaking ones. It was a sanctuary she couldn’t afford to throw away if there was another answer. And she owed it to Gran to fix up the cottage as much as she could before she made any final decision.
Resolutely, Megan began walking back to Anna’s cottage, wrapping her coat around her body to keep warm and sticking her hands in her pockets to keep the wind from sneaking into any gaps.
Even through the woollen gloves, she could feel something in her pocket. A small, hard object. She remembered what it was as she pulled it out. Claire’s chain, which had caught on her scarf and broken yesterday. It was only now that Megan registered what was hanging on the thin silver chain. A tiny, silver shamrock.
Very Irish, she thought with a smile. And probably treasured. Was Claire fretting about losing it? She could take it in when she returned Anna’s car keys. On the way, she could sort out a rental car for herself and find some tradesmen to come and start urgent work on her cottage.
* * *
By mid-afternoon, with the sun already taking a bow for the day, Megan pulled into the doctors’ car parking area at St Piran’s feeling weary but satisfied with her day.
She sat in Anna’s car for a minute after turning off the engine. Just because she could. Because today was so different from yesterday and she could take her time. Because that awful stress of being afraid of what she would find here was gone.
Megan knew that Claire was going to be fine. She would probably have a new lease on life now and be healthier than she’d been in a long while.
She knew that she didn’t have to imagine what it would be like to see Josh again. To wonder if her feelings would be strong enough to turn her carefully reconstructed world upside down. To be afraid that he might actually hate her for walking out of his life when he’d badly needed his friends.
And, as it was with the cottage, she could accept that this hospital was an important part of her personal history. That it held a lot of memories worth treasuring and that avoiding it was not only immature but it could lead to regrets.
Locking the car, Megan walked towards the sprawling, modern structure that housed a renowned medical facility. A helicopter was approaching, hovering just before coming down on the heli-pad. Such a familiar sound here because the A and E department had the reputation of being able to handle anything and it was the first choice in the area for any major trauma.
Thanks to Josh.
Children were also brought here rather than to other hospitals within easy flight distance because the paediatric department was equally first rate. They had the facilities, equipment and dedicated staff to cope with any traumatic or medical emergencies.
It was so familiar.
And so different from what Megan had been forced to get used to in a developing country that had far too little available in the way of facilities, even basic equipment and supplies, and far too few staff. It had been so e
asy to feel that she was making an important contribution there but was saving a little life in Africa any less satisfying than saving one here?
No. Parents were parents the world over and they all loved their children. It was just...different. The challenges were different and often unbearably frustrating because it could be purely luck that made something available there that would be taken totally for granted here, like an incubator or even antibiotics.
There were familiar faces to be seen on her way to the cardiology ward, including one of the midwives Megan had known well.
‘Brianna...hi.’
‘Megan...I heard you were back in town. How are you?’
‘I’m fine. And you? Obviously back at work?’
‘Only part time. The twins are setting new heights in being “terrible twos”.’ But Brianna was smiling, clearly loving motherhood.
Twins. There was something in the air around here. Reminders of Josh around every corner? Megan could feel herself trying to pull a protective layer around her heart. Putting up some ‘road closed’ signs.
Brianna was still smiling. ‘I’ve got to run. Home call to make to a new mother. But I’d love to catch up. Are you back for good?’
Megan shook her head with more emphasis than necessary.
‘Oh, shame. We could sure use you. Did you know there’s a consultant paediatric position being advertised as we speak?’
Again Megan shook her head. She hadn’t known. Didn’t really want to know, in fact.
‘I’m just visiting,’ she said, forcing a smile. ‘But we should definitely have a coffee or something.’
Just visiting. The words echoed in her head after she’d said goodbye to Brianna. They felt wrong, somehow.
Did she still belong here, in the same way that part of her would always belong to Penhally? Did she belong in Africa now, where part of her heart would always be? Or maybe she needed to be somewhere that she had belonged to long ago. London.
St. Piran's: The Wedding! Page 6