While It Lasts

by Paige Rion

  He snapped his mouth shut and grimaced. Trumped again. “Okay. You got me,” he admitted. Then, glancing at his watch, in part to evade the debt he owed Rachel—he hated losing a bet—he said, “Time to get popcorn and drinks, then take our seats.”

  Molly jumped up. “Woohoo!” she cheered as she headed toward the concession stand.

  “Looks like we better go or we’ll be left behind.” Colton nodded toward Molly, a smile playing on his lips.

  They ordered a large popcorn and three drinks and then entered the theater and took their seats. Because Molly insisted on sitting next to both Rachel and him, she sat wedged in a seat between them.

  It’s better this way, he told himself.

  Colton gestured over Mol’s head to Rachel. “Sorry,” he whispered.

  “It’s okay.” She waved his apology away.

  “There goes playing footsie during the credits,” Colton said, frowning and feigning pure disappointment.

  The previews started and Molly’s attention instantly shifted to the movie screen, but Rachel remained turned toward him. “Aren’t you even going to ask what I want after losing the bet?”

  “What do I owe you? Fifty bucks? Dinner? A day at this glorious lake of yours? A back rub?” he asked, winking.

  “The back rub sounds nice, but...” The corners of her lips curled and her eyes sparkled, as she leaned closer, moving behind Molly. She whispered, “My parents are leaving the party tonight and going directly to the airport.”

  Colton’s forehead buckled. Unsure of how that was relevant, he leaned closer, as if to hear her better.

  “I’d like you to go back to your place, tuck Molly in, and then get a sitter and come back with me to my place. At least for a few hours.”

  Her place. The break he had been waiting for.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  With Molly in bed and the babysitter on the way, Rachel left to go back to her place. Colton was supposed to meet her there within the hour. And he knew what would happen if he went to her place. They were bound to be intimate. He’d be flat-out lying if he said he didn’t want that. That the notion of being with Rachel in every way didn’t entice him, but how could he do that? To her? To him?

  Colton rubbed a hand across his face, and then pressed his forehead to the sliding glass door of his apartment. The cold of the glass bit his skin, but he didn’t care. The discomfort in his chest—the place where his heart beat—trumped all else.

  What was he doing?

  For years he had been so careful with his heart, with Molly’s. He had guarded them both, never letting them get too close to anyone or anything. But he had failed. And in the process he had failed the investigation. Falling in love with the subject’s daughter was the dumbest thing he could’ve done. But he never saw it coming. Never in a million years would he have imagined that he’d fall for her in little more than one short week. But every second he spent with her, she confounded him, surprising him with her warmth and her candor. Her ability to tell the truth about herself and her life, flaws and all, was one of the things he loved most about her, even if she rarely saw herself clearly.

  She viewed herself as a useless prop, a trophy piece to be displayed on the mantel or used to her father’s benefit and nothing more. She saw the selfish things she had done—to protect herself, her father—and she owned them. He loved that about her. And he loved how unguarded she was. She could suppress her vulnerabilities all she wanted. That was something they had in common, but no amount of camouflage could hide them from him.

  And who would’ve thought she’d be so good with Molly? She was lost to him the other day at their apartment while she played with her. Her patience with his daughter astounded him beyond words.

  Colton pressed a hand to his chest. He felt the absence of a woman in their lives keenly. Usually he ignored this deficit, but with both Molly and Rachel together, things had felt so natural, so complete. And the moment she left them the other day, it was as if she took a chunk of them with her, leaving a giant gaping hole in their small apartment that hadn’t been fully present before.

  And now what was he supposed to do?

  He opened his eyes and stared out at the dark water beyond. The glass fogged from his breath, obscuring his view.

  He fell for her, and though he always did what was needed at work, he couldn’t help but feel like he compromised the investigation. For the first time in his career, he wasn’t sure he could finish the job. His path to the remaining piece of information he needed was clear. Rachel had already invited him to her place. She wanted him to see where she grew up, she had said. She would ensure her parents weren’t there, which meant the information would be fairly easy to ascertain. All he’d have to do is wait until she was preoccupied, slip out of the room, find her father’s office and hack his computer files. He was sure he’d find what he needed there.

  But that would mean betraying her trust. And what would she think of him when she found out who he really was? The FBI wouldn’t reveal his identity but she was smart enough to figure it out once he disappeared afterward. Hell, she was already onto her father. She was smart enough to know he was lying about some major stuff, and smart enough to suspect that Colton—Rex—held the missing link to what was really going on.

  And in the meantime, if she discovered Rex’s cover story, his working relationship with her father, what would she think of him? Would she end her relationship with him on the spot? After all, it was clear she had an ulterior motive for spending time with him when she thought her mother owed him unpaid debts. But since she discovered that wasn’t the case, she had continued their time together. Was it only because she wanted answers her father wouldn’t give her? Or was there more to it? Could she really be interested in him, and if she was, what would she think when she found out that Rex was really one of the main players in an underground gambling ring, using the charity for cover?

  Colton shook his head and pushed away from the door. He shouldn’t even care. The answers to his questions shouldn’t matter one bit, and it scared him more than anything that they did.

  In the end, they all lost. They all got hurt. He saw no way around the heartache that awaited the three of them. Because even if he somehow managed to shift the investigation to another agent, he lost her. They couldn’t pursue a relationship. And if he stayed and saw the case through, she’d never forgive him for the betrayal.

  The realization made clear what he needed to do next.

  Moving over to the breakfast bar off the kitchen, he picked up his cell and dialed. When his boss answered, he wasted no time. “It’s McCabe. I need taken off the Beaumont case.”

  “What? Why?”

  Colton drew in a long breath, preparing himself to mutter the words he never thought he would. “I’m compromised.”

  “Dammit, McCabe. What happened?”

  “I...” How did he say it? “My relationship with the daughter is becoming complicated. I’ve gotten too close. She’s onto me and her father. I think we’d be better off if you put another man on it.”

  “After you’ve spent half a year working on this? You have Beaumont right where we want him. The case is all but closed. Get the information to his offshore accounts and close the deal.”

  “But—”

  “No, buts. You need to wrap this up. There’s no one else to put on this case, and a fling with the daughter is hardly a compromise.”

  Colton squeezed his eyes shut. “Sir, I don’t know—”

  “Colton, I don’t give a rat’s behind what you need to do, but you’re not going to let a piece of tail ruin an entire investigation, a year’s worth of resources, and an all-but-solved case. Do what you need to do. Sleep with her, get it out of your system. I don’t care. Just. Finish. This. There is no one else. You got me?”

  Colton winced at his boss’s callous reference to Rachel. “Got it, sir. I won’t let you down.”

  “That’s what I expect.”

  Then, with a click, the line went dead
.

  Colton clutched his phone in his hands. The muscles in his arms flexed as he tightened his grip on it, and then tossed it onto the counter, not caring if he broke it. He rubbed his stiff neck, as he glanced around the empty confines of the apartment, remembering the sound of Rachel and Molly’s laughter, the feel of her in his arms, and for the first time, he hated his job. He hated this life that he lived—the one that had suited him so well the past five years. And as he stared out at the sudden flakes that had begun to softly fall from the sky, adding to the swirling powder below, he wondered what bothered him more. The fact that, for the first time, he may very well botch an investigation? Or that he might solve it, losing Rachel in the process?

  * * *

  The knock on the door set Rachel’s nerves on fire. The last several times she and Rex spent time together, it hadn’t been alone. Tonight, however, it would be just the two of them.

  Taking a deep breath, she checked through the window and then opened the door. Rex leaned against the doorframe, his stance casual, looking as amazing as ever.

  “Hey.” He flashed her a crooked grin.

  “Come in.” Rachel stepped back to allow him room to enter. She inhaled as he moved past, breathing in the masculine scent of him that lingered in the gust of air from outside.

  He stepped into the house, glancing around him, as he did.

  “Have you ever been here?” she asked. “It just dawned on me, since you work with my father, that you may have been inside.”

  Rex shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Nope. Just to the door. This has been my first invite inside. And I officially have until 2 a.m., which is when the babysitter is calling it quits.”

  Rachel smiled. “Well then, I’m glad to be the one to show you around. “Come on. I’ll give you the tour.”

  She moved down the hallway, but Rex paused after only a couple feet. He touched a framed photo that hung on the wall. “Is that you?” he asked, his voice soft.

  Rachel moved closer to get a better look. Once she saw the one he pointed to, she nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yours truly. I was such a chubby baby, wasn’t I?”

  Rex laughed. “Chubby babies are the best.” Then, glancing back at her, he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  “Is something wrong?”

  He shook his head. “No. Sorry, it’s just...Sometimes it’s hard to get out of daddy mode, since I rarely have a break. When she’s not at school, I always have her. The past week and a half have been exceptions. I don’t normally use a babysitter much, unless I have to for work.” He shrugged. “But it’s also hard for me to switch out of that parental role because you know about her. Hell, you’re one of the rare people here who has spent any time with her at all.”

  Stepping forward, she leaned in and kissed him softly. “Don’t apologize for being a father. Ever. I love that about you. I love that you are so dedicated, that you care about her that much. More kids would be better off with parents like you.” There she went again, using the L-word.

  He shrugged it off, and Rachel pushed away the niggling feeling that something was amiss.

  Clearing her throat, she took a step back. “My father, for example, could’ve learned a thing or two from you. He did his best, and I believe that, but he certainly wasn’t as selfless as you. I’m not sure he ever played with me as a child, like you do with Molly. And he certainly didn’t worry over my happiness the way you do about hers.”

  “Thanks. I try.”

  Rachel gave him a tour of the house, leading him through the first floor and upstairs, pointing out more photographs, sharing anecdotes, and memories. When they got to her bedroom, she opened the door, then paused. “And this is my room.”

  Rex grinned and stepped inside. “Was this always your room?”

  “Since I was a little girl. Of course, it’s changed some over the years.”

  He moved around the room, trailing a finger along her dresser, the giant mirror on her bedroom door. Rachel’s stomach twirled as she watched him, wondering what he was thinking. She glanced around the room self-consciously, trying to see what he saw.

  The furniture was feminine, yet modern. Everything in white or black, with touches of lavender. Her giant four-poster bed was covered in lush blankets and silk throw pillows. Next to it was a small mirrored nightstand that held a lamp and a worn copy of the latest Kristin Hannah novel.

  He moved closer to the bed, eyeing it, before asking, “You read?”

  “You say that as if it surprises you.” She played with the hem of her shirt, trying to calm her racing heart.

  He picked the book up, then set it back down again, and suddenly, Rachel wondered if maybe he wasn’t every bit as nervous as she.

  “Do you want anything to drink? Can I get you anything?” she asked.

  He shook his head, saying nothing.

  Rachel swallowed, willing her pulse to slow as she made her way to her bed and took a seat. Needing to calm her nerves, she focused on her breathing and tried to think of a conversation that might break the ice.

  Rex sat next to her, the mattress shifting with his weight.

  “Will you come see me at my new place, once I get it?” she asked, trying to keep her mind on all things she wanted to share with him. Everything that happened the last couple days when she hadn’t spoken with him.

  “Your new place?” he asked, and she could hear the interest in his voice.

  Rachel nodded. “Yeah. The last couple days have been pretty big for me. Not only have I stood up to my father, but I’ve made some momentous decisions.”

  “Really?” He raised a brow. “I’m impressed. Tell me all about it.” He reached between them and took her hand, encasing it in his own and trailing a finger down her palm while she spoke.

  “I don’t have all the details ironed out. And I probably won’t until next week, but I think Carma and I are going to room together. She doesn’t have any money, but Andi and Ford are going to pay her to assist them with some PR work and assistant-type stuff. I have a tiny nest egg that was given to me when I turned eighteen. I haven’t needed it, and, to my knowledge, it remains intact. I think it’s enough to help get a place for Carma and I, furnish it, and get a good start.”

  “Carma is the friend you thought you saw at the cove?”

  Rachel nodded, feeling her nerves dissipate as her excitement rose. “We found her. She’s safe. Very much pregnant, but safe, and my father is going to pull some strings, so I think she’s going to be fine.”

  “That’s great,” he said, but his tone told her he wasn’t so sure.

  “I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m headed in the right direction.” She squeezed his hand. “I don’t feel like I’m standing still, or turning in circles. I’m no longer following someone else’s plan for my life. I’m taking control. I’m going to get a job for now, but in the fall I’m enrolling in classes. I’m not entirely sure what I want to do, but I know it’s not this. Staying here in this house, waiting for a future to find me is no way to live.”

  “Rachel, that’s amazing. Really,” he said, bringing a hand to her face and running his thumb over her lower lip.

  “My father wasn’t too thrilled about it though.”

  “I can’t imagine he would be.”

  “Especially since I blackmailed him to help Carma. I don’t know what he’s hiding but whatever it is, it’s big enough to use against him.”

  Rex stilled and his eyes searched hers, the green taking on a new intensity. “What do you mean?”

  “I found something.” She stood and made her way to her dresser. She pulled open the top drawer, rifled through her underwear and removed the file that contained the contract with the housekeeper, along with the bank slip that contained the electronic wire information.

  Rachel swallowed over the knot in her throat as she handed over the folder. She watched as he opened it, thumbing through the paperwork. Her heart skipped a
beat as he came to the last sheet and examined the bank slip. Warning bells went off in her head as she watched him, noticing the way his whole body seemed to tense. But she shoved it aside. The fear that Rex knew far more than he let on, that maybe he was a part of whatever her father was hiding, plagued her and riddled her with doubt. She was being paranoid, she told herself.

  It seemed like forever until his gaze returned to her, and when it did, his eyes blazed. “So, he paid off one of his employees?”

  Rachel shrugged, feeling her body relax at the way Rex’s forehead knotted in confusion. “Yeah. I have no idea why, but that’s one of the things I want to find out.”

  She slowly made her way back to the bed, coming to a stop in front of him. Her gaze drifted, taking in the rumpled dark hair, the emerald of his eyes, and the slight stubble peppering his jaw. He was gorgeous, undoubtedly ripped beneath the thin cotton of his shirt, but what she loved most about him wasn’t how attractive he was. It was his complexity. How he could be fierce one minute and a giant softie the next. He was a man that fought in Iraq, yet melted at a picture of a chubby baby. His hands, so strong and callused from years of work, could be used to choke a man one minute, and then tuck his daughter into bed at night.

  She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, his eyes, his jaw, then his lips, and she wondered whether this same juxtaposition of hard and soft would exist in the bedroom.

  She leaned back, and said, “I remember when I first saw you. It was the first and only time I’ve ever been shaken by a man. I wasn’t going to tell you how I felt about you tonight, but I don’t want to pretend anymore.”

  “Rachel—”

  She placed a finger on his lips and shook her head. “I know it’s crazy. Trust me. I’ve gone over and over it in my head. I’ve talked to Andi about it, willed my feelings away, but they are what they are. I love you. I don’t know how, but I do.”

  When he tried to say something else, she shushed him again. “I don’t want you to say anything. Not right now. I know you care about me. I know that because you’ve shared Molly with me. And maybe it’s foolish, but I’m too afraid that you might not feel the same, so I wouldn’t want to hear otherwise. And, even if you do, I’m also scared as hell what that means for us, for Molly.”