If Not For You

by Jennifer Rose

  I shrieked and squirmed loose, grabbed his hand and walked farther away from the tunnel to a variety of tanks, full of coral scenes and strange looking sea life. We spent close to two hours in the aquarium before venturing out into the mall again, seeking out our next adventure. It didn’t take long to find one.

  A large glass wall to our right revealed an ice rink; we looked at each other with a smile and braised brows, and without a word headed to the entrance. We rented skates and as Gage tightened my laces, making sure they were good and snug I watched the crowd. People laughing and falling, some better than others and some flying around the Olympic size rink in record time.

  “I haven’t done this in years, I’m a little nervous,” I confessed, as he sat and put his skates on.

  “Don’t worry about it I’ll hold your hand. And if you fall, you can fall on me.” He winked.

  I suddenly remembered my lack of a certain undergarment and bit into my lower lip. “Wait, I can’t do this.”

  “Sure you can, I said I’d hold your hand.” he said as he stood moving from foot to foot and held out his hand.

  “I don’t have panties on, cold ice, bare ass?”

  “Yummy.” He smirked.

  “You have to give me my underwear.”

  “I don’t think so. They’re mine, fair and square.” He patted his pocket.

  “Are you kidding?”

  “Nope, you gave them to me.”

  “Well then you’re on your own. I’m staying right here,” I said, with my ass firmly planted on the bench and my arms crossed over my chest, in a defiant stance.

  “I have no problem throwing you over my shoulder. Not past turning all Neanderthal on you. It’s your choice, baby.” He laughed holding out his hand again.

  “You wouldn’t dare.”

  “Try me. It’s not my bare ass.”

  “You’re a cruel man, Gage Carter,” I said, standing with a hidden smile, the idea of the secret I held and skating around the rink while people passed totally unaware, put me in a naughty misbehaving mood. This man would do penance for his delight, somehow, somewhere soon.

  “You will pay.”

  “Oh, I’m counting on it.” He ran his hand up under my hemline, I squealed. “Thinking now of all the interesting ways I could warm you up,”

  The cold air blew up my shirt whenever one of the speed skaters flew by and I visibly shivered each time. But all in all I was having fun. It hadn’t taken long to get used to the blades of my skates on the ice, like riding a bike, I got the hang of it but my secure grip on Gage’s hand never let up for a moment.

  After an hour I was getting tired, it had been a long day. I wasn’t used to so much activity and needed a break.

  “What time is it?” I asked as we untied our laces and I rubbed my frozen legs to get my circulation flowing.

  “Four thirty.”

  “The fountain starts soon, we should get dinner. I don’t want to miss the beginning.”

  “Sounds good to me, I’m starving.”

  Gage asked at an information kiosk about restaurants. The sexy young thing behind the counter, tried getting his attention as she leaned forward scrunching her breasts together, her cleavage nearly spilling out onto the cold marble. But when Gage ignored her advances, she handed him a brochure and went back to reading her magazine. I couldn’t help but laugh at the brazen bitch.

  I didn’t want fancy and Gage wasn’t in the mood for greasy fast food, so we settled on Mexican.

  Catena Mariachi was quite busy for the time of day. We were directed to a booth in the back and Gage excused himself while I got seated and placed our packages on the opposite seat. He seemed to be taking forever and I was ready to go find him when he sat down beside me with a toothy grin and blew out a breath.

  “Where were you?”

  “I had something to do, all will be revealed in time,” he winked, as he read over the menu.

  “What are you up to?”

  “Mmm, the Nachos sound good. Look they have fresh salsa on the menu.”

  Yep up to something side tracking me with food, my man had the-cat-that-ate-the-canary look written all over his face. I also knew that he couldn’t be budged when he was holding a secret. May as well cave and give it up now.

  Margaritas were the first thing Gage ordered, I am not usually a fan but when in Rome. We shared an order of loaded nachos and chicken quesadillas, which were amazing. It was by far the best dinner together yet, the most fun anyway.

  Mexican music played in the background, Gage fed me, I fed him and I had fun teasing Gage with jalapeno peppers, trying without success to get him to eat just one, even bribing him with money. The man was a pussy. I on the other won a cool ten, after eating five at one time. What can I say, I like it hot.

  While we finished our drinks, I got my revenge on Gage. Slipping my hand under the table I rested my hand on his thigh, slowly ran it up to his crotch and pushed against his swell feeling him grow hard with the contact. After a few minutes Gage pulled my hand away and growled in my ear.

  “Is this vengeance? Really, right here, where I can’t do anything about it?”

  “Uh, huh,” I laughed and he kissed me gently with a smile.

  “Revenge is bittersweet; remember I can play that game too,” he teased, as the waitress approached offering a dessert menu. My tremble at the promised threat in his words thankfully went unnoticed.

  The idea of deep fried ice cream sounded great, but in the end we chose to forgo the pleasure. I was too full and with two margaritas under my belt, and well on my way to happy land, needing fresh air and maybe even a nap. Gage was a pussy when it came to spicy food and I was a pussy when it came to tequila.

  With only twenty minutes or so until the fountain show, I paid for our meal, my treat again to Gage’s protest and we headed out to the street to enjoy the famous show.

  Classical music played, it was just getting dark when beams of colored light shot up from the center of each fountain as the water kept time to the music. I particularly enjoyed the Arabic music, but it was the fountains dancing to ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ that sent shivers up my spine. The words rang true in my ears, sad at the idea of our impending goodbye.

  Swaying from side to side with Gage’s arms wrapped around me made it all the more special. I’d always remember this moment in time, nestled into his strong muscular arms, listening to beautiful music and watching a spectacular light and water show and in Dubai, of all the places in the world.

  Day 23

  Healing time on a cruise ship with a heightened libido, and an easily roused lover sharing your bed nightly was proving extremely difficult. Not to mention that swimming pools and hot tubs were off limits with a new tattoo too.

  Sex with raw inflamed tissue touching against raw inflamed tissue, was easier said than done. We had been avoiding the pain of it all for days. And although I could gladly spend hours on end with Gage’s face buried between my thighs, I longed to feel him inside me. He patiently educated me in the secrets to a mind-altering blow job, but watching his face at the moment of his climax and listening to his peaceful moans and groans as he shot hot creamy fluid over his belly just wasn’t doing it for either one of us.

  I was getting sick to death of watching people splash about and relax in the sparkling clear water and sitting on the pools edge while only my feet got wet. It wasn’t exactly what I’d call a fun time. I was starting to get cranky and downright miserable actually. So glad that it was raining today, it made me happy to know that the pools would sit empty and everyone on board were as dismal as me.

  “Why don’t we go to the library, pick out a dirty book and I’ll read all the good parts while you give me a blow job?” Gage said and burst out laughing when he saw the fuck-off face I was giving him.

  “Come on baby, be a sport,” he teased, “you know you wanna.”

  He came around the back of my chair and as he chewed playfully on my ear and kneaded my breasts, I sat forward trying to break free
and holding back a laugh.

  “Piss off, Gage.” I yelled jumping to my feet in a karate defensive kinda stand.

  “Okay, okay. You read the good parts and I’ll feast on you until you can’t see the words on the pages,” he said, jokingly admitting defeat.

  I let down my guard and turned away, only to be swept up into his arms and thrown onto the bed. Gage straddled my hips careful not to apply too much pressure and held my hands over my head. There was no sense struggling, he had me where he wanted me.

  “You’re miserable, I’m horny and we’re both sore and I don’t give a fuck anymore. I need you now and if I don’t make sweet love to you soon…”

  His mouth closed over mine and his tongue parted my lips and dove inside, swirling with a hungered search. A hand grasped both of mine in one and his other slipped up under my t-shirt and kneaded my bare breasts, my back arching to push into his hands and our moans echoed into each other’s mouths.

  “Gage,” I called out.

  “Stop me now baby or don’t stop me at all,” Gage whispered, tenderly.

  He waited but only for a Nano-second and eagerly stripped both of us of our clothes. Pushing my knees open he held them and buried his tongue in my sex and lapped greedily until I cried out his name and weaved my fingers into his hair tugging and roaring through a wave of delicious climax.

  “Pass me a condom, sweetheart. I’ll be gentle,” Gage said, sitting up, smiling and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “Don’t need it,” I said and our eyes met.

  “No?” he asked.

  “No.”

  He bent over me and kissed my lips affectionately and reached for a pillow, folded it over and slid it under my butt so I was positioned higher and I watched as he stroked his cock with pleasure. He closed his eyes and sighed, I nudged his chest with my foot naughtily, knowing he was teasing me.

  His teeth bit into his lower lip as he fed the head of his cock into my wet waiting sex and he pushed forward, letting out a delightfully loud moan. Grabbing onto my knees for support, he started a slow relentless rhythm. His eyes locked onto the intersection where our most intimate parts engaged and his mouth formed an O.

  “You feel so good, so hot and wet. Oh fuck.” He struggled for breath. “Your pussy feels like pure fucking heaven.”

  The sight of Gage totally lost in pleasure, had me writhing beneath him and his bare silky cock rubbing against that fabulous sweet spot was like an added bonus of vast magnitude. So close to the edge, ready to plummet into ecstasy I whimpered, “so close.”

  “Hand me your phone.” Gage’s odd request coming right out of left field brought us to a complete stop. The glorious sensation ceased leaving me panting and gasping.

  “Gage, this isn’t exactly the time to make a call.”

  “Just hand me your phone,” he insisted, holding out a shaky hand.

  I handed him the phone from the bedside table, a little pissed that he would choose a time like this for a phone call.

  “You gotta see what I see, baby. This is fucking sexy personified, beyond anything you’ll ever see, the most erotic sight. You just gotta see.”

  He snapped a few shots and then handed me the phone.

  “Tell me that’s not fucking perfect?” he asked, his voice breathless and strained, as he held back his need for orgasm.

  I stared at the screen with my mouth hanging open, he was right. This was truly the most erotic thing I had or ever would see. Our bodies joined together, my sex lips wrapped tightly around the base of Gage’s cock. But what made it so erotic were our tattoos, like a mirrored image on our skin, the red ribbon standing out from the black and grey images and the soft pink of our flesh, beautiful!

  “Oh my God, yeah it’s hot.” I smiled and dropped the phone onto the mattress.

  “No regrets, baby?”

  “No regrets.”

  “I love it…I love you!” Gage proclaimed.

  I stared at him gasping for air as he resumed his quest toward orgasm, pumping faster and harder this time. He grit his teeth and I let out a groan as the tip of his cock rubbed that magnificent spot again and we advanced over the edge together.

  “I love you too!” I cried out as my orgasm came in waves and I shook uncontrollably.

  Gage collapsed onto the mattress beside me and pulled me into his side and we held each other tight, scared to let go.

  ***

  “I love you,” Gage said, holding my face in his hands.

  “I love you,” I said, and smiled a weak anxious smile.

  I was happy, I was scared and I was sad.

  Gage’s beautiful eyes stared into mine and he kissed me, a deep smoldering kiss with no hurried fever or stroke of his tongue trying to gain entry and no rush to pull away. This was new, this was different and this had meaning behind it, nothing sexual.

  When he finally broke away from my lips, he watched me for a moment and I could tell he was feeling my anxiety. Concern replaced joy in his eyes and he ran his thumb across my cheek.

  “Something’s wrong,” he said.

  I looked away but his fingers grasped my chin and forced me to look at him.

  “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

  I didn’t know what to say, how to explain what I was feeling without sounding like a total moron, an idiot. He had to know what my future was if he was going to be part of it, but would he be once he knew. And there was no way I wanted to hurt Gage by not telling him the truth, he loved me. He loved me!

  “No more secrets Tandy. I love you, all of you. I accept the good and the bad; I won’t judge you or hold your past against you. But I won’t wait any longer. You need to open up and talk to me.”

  “Okay. But let’s get dressed first and we’re going to need something to drink…something strong.”

  Gage dressed quickly and kissed me before running out the door, on the quest for that something strong, a man on a mission.

  I showered, dressed and tried to rehearse what to say in my head, knowing that there was no easy way to say ‘you fell in love with a brawd that has a brain tumor’. How do you say that with a delicate touch? I shrugged my shoulders at the image in the mirror and vowed that no matter what, I wasn’t going to cry, turn into a basket case or curl up and die.

  I heard the door click open and my heart nearly leapt from my chest. I brushed my hair, took a deep cleansing breath and walked out into the living area. Gage held up a fancy bottle of tawny colored liquid and two glasses. Neither of us moved, frozen in time, not really sure where to begin.

  “Scotch,” Gage said, breaking the silence. “Dalmore, single malt only the best.”

  “That’s like a two hundred dollar bottle of whiskey.”

  “Like I said only the best, besides I don’t give shit what it cost. Where do you want to sit?”

  “The balcony?”

  “Balcony it is,” Gage said, putting the bottle and glasses on the counter and walking over to the sofa.

  I stood back and watched in amazement as Gage slid the two seated sofa through the sliding door like it was just a pillow. After rearranging the balcony, he handed me the bottle of scotch, grabbed the glasses and took my hand in his, escorting me to the balcony and the new seating plan.

  Curled up at one end of the sofa, sheltered from the drizzle of the rain, Gage covered my legs with a throw from the bedroom and sat at the other end. He poured the scotch carefully into each glass and handed me one. Chinking our glasses together, we each took a sip of the warm liquid. It burned as it trickled smoothly past my throat and warmed my belly.

  “I should have asked if you wanted ice,” Gage said, taking another sip.

  “No thanks. Ice only waters it down, a crime to an excellent scotch.” I took another good sized mouthful and swirled it around before swallowing and sucking in a breath of cold air.

  “So, I know you’re a scotch drinker, you’re a paralegal from New York, no longer a virgin and you make the most intoxicating sounds when you cum. But what I
don’t know, what I want to know, is why I tell you I love you and you don’t get all thrilled and teary eyed or anything.”

  “I am thrilled, I love you too. It’s just,” I fought back tears, dammit I said I wouldn’t cry.

  I took a huge swig of my scotch and held out my glass for a refill and watched as he unscrewed the cap, threw it onto the patio table and filled my glass to the brim.

  “It’s what? I don’t understand. I want to scream from the roof tops and your hiding in the basement, you look all sad. You don’t want to love me?” he asked, looking rejected.

  Fuck what was I doing? Spit it out, get it out in the open, it’s now or never. Do it. I roared in my mind.

  “I do love you. I do want to love you. But this wasn’t supposed to happen, I wasn’t supposed to come on this cruise and fall in love. It was supposed to be self-indulgent, greedy, spending all my time on me. Make the most of my last fifty five days being a selfish bitch. Me, myself and I. You weren’t part of the plan.”

  Gage looked out at the ocean, up at the sky then poured a full glass of whiskey and shot the whole thing back in one large mouthful.

  “Let me get this right,” he ran his hand through his hair, got up and walked over to the railing, the rain dripping onto his face.

  “You love me. You want to love me. But loving me wasn’t or isn’t what was supposed to happen, so you’re telling me we have no future?”

  Being honest with myself I said the first thing I could. “I don’t know what the future holds for me.”

  “And there’s no place in it for me?”

  “I don’t know Gage, I just don’t know.”

  “Well…when you find out, let me know. Or don’t, whatever.” He slammed his glass on the patio table and stormed away.

  The room door slammed into the wall when he threw it open to leave and I burst into the tears, that I promised I wouldn’t shed. He hadn’t given me the chance to tell him everything and I had totally fucked up the one and only sure thing in my life.

  ***