I could trust him, I could give him that much. I did trust him. He didn’t lie to me or lead me on an uncertain path, knowing that the future could finish us. No, that was me. If anyone was to be mistrusted it was me.
Gage was going to end up with a broken heart, left with a void where it once held me. It would shatter him if anything happened and he discovered that I had kept it from him. It would crush him and all because I hadn’t been honest from the beginning. All I could do now was tell him the truth and hope to God he could forgive me.
***
Blending into the crowd as best I could was a challenge. My being taller than most with blond shoulder length hair and a better than average build certainly didn’t help my ability to mingle in as I observed Paula from a distance.
She was doing well at the Blackjack table. Her ability to suck a man in with her full sexy lips and that I’ll-show-you-mine-if-you-give-me-what-I-want look, had men all around her practically throwing chips her way. All vying for her attention with hopes of getting fucked or at least a blowjob, they plied her with drinks and more than a few tightly stacked money clips passed under her nose.
I had it figured out in a matter of minutes. It was quite obvious how she was able to stay on board. She was sharing her assets for a bed to sleep in. What did she care if she had to fuck a few dirty old men, she had done it before to get what she wanted. You do what you’re good at they say.
Whore, I thought to myself, or did I? When several people in the crowd turned to glare at me, I apologized and moved for a better, less obvious view.
I scrutinized Paula for a while as she worked her whore magic. She slipped her hand through her next victims waiting arm and they left the casino, unaware that I was on her tail. It wasn’t an easy feet following the pair. I couldn’t exactly get onto the elevator with them, and found myself maneuvering the stairwell to see the floor they exited to. As luck would have it, this poor sap had a room just down the hall from mine, perhaps not a good thing when I thought about it.
Watching the poor sucker, for lack of a better word, licking at the skin on her bare shoulder as she giggled and tee-heed had me nearly throwing up. The pair disappeared behind the closed door and I waited from the vantage point of my own room and opened a much needed bottle of beer.
I wanted to gouge my own eyes out, seeing in my mind what those two were doing in that room, just to earn her a place to sleep for the night.
A surprisingly short time later, Paula knocked on my door. I watched her admiring her newly manicured nails through the peep hole. Opening the door quickly, I pulled her into the room with a jerk.
“Hey! Take it easy, babes,” she cried out, half intoxicated and wobbling on her over the top glittering stilettos.
“I told you to stay away, what the fuck do you want now?”
She lowered her eyes to the buttons on my shirt and reached for one. “I was bored. Want to play?” But being on my guard, I grasped her wrist before she could get her claws dug into me.
“Get it through your thick skull. I don’t want to play with you, Paula. Not now, not ever. What happened to the old guy from the casino, run outta money?”
“Who, Monty? He’s asleep,” she said, with a smile, “someone’s been watching me.”
Neither confirming nor denying that I had indeed been following her most of the day, I stood seething. The stupid self-satisfied grin on her face was enough to royally piss me off.
“Speaking of which, did you get my money?” she demanded straight faced with her arms now crossed over her chest.
“Have I called you? No, which means I don’t have the money yet.”
Her hand reached over and lifted my tie from the table at the door. “You don’t have to be rude.” She raised it to her nose and inhaled.
“Paula, rude is all you understand.” I tugged the tie from her fingers and threw it back down on the table, took hold of her elbow and turned her toward the door. “I’ll call you when I get it.”
After walking out to the hall, Paula made a sudden move to Tandy’s door and my hand tightly fastened onto her arm. She let out a shout and I dragged her down the hall to the elevator and stood with my hand over her mouth until it arrived. I pushed her inside roughly, not caring who saw or if I left a mark or caused any pain.
Speaking in a whispered tone I warned her, “Don’t come near my fucking room again, next time I won’t be such a gentleman.”
The elevator closed and I turned just in time to see Tandy duck into her room. Holy shit, I thought. My stomach did a flip flop and I could feel the color drain from my face. Had she seen what happened? Had she heard us? I needed to find out.
Ominously knocking on Tandy’s door, I waited and when she didn’t answer, I talked through it, knowing that she had nowhere to hide and would be forced to listen.
“Tandy I know your there, open the door,” I ordered, knowing she was standing on the other side of the door because of the dark shadow underneath. “Tandy answer me.”
“Go back to your friend. Leave me alone,” she said, with a notable tremble in her voice.
“Son of a bitch,” I whispered, realizing that she was crying and feeling like an asshole for bringing her to tears again.
“Sweetheart, don’t cry, open the door.” I found myself begging.
“I’m not crying and don’t call me, sweetheart. You gave up that right when you walked out.” She bit out. I could practically see the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“She’s not my friend.” I tried to assure her.
“It didn’t look that way to me…when you kissed her at the elevator,” she cried out.
“I didn’t kiss her. What are you talking about?” I asked, deeply confused.
“Bullshit, you leaned in and…kissed her.” The hesitation in her sentence, told me that she was far more affected by what she thought she saw, than she was letting on.
I rested my forehead on the door, a knot formed in the pit of my stomach. “I didn’t kiss her. I promise I didn’t.” All I wanted was to wrap my arms around her and make her stop crying.
“What do I care, it’s not like we’re together, you’re a free agent. Now go away,” she called out.
“I’ll go, but only so you’ll stop crying.” Standing back from the door with my hands in my pockets I told her, “We need to talk, sweetheart. When I get back tomorrow we’re going to talk.”
***
It sure as hell didn’t take him long to latch onto some bimbo, I thought. The sight of him sneaking her into the elevator made my stomach churn. There was something familiar about that woman though, as if I had seen her before and if I had, chances were Gage had noticed her too.
How could Gage kiss that bitch and then turn around and call me sweetheart?
Could she have been the stalking eyes that gave me the eerie feeling all those times? When I was sure it was me being stalked, perhaps it was Gage being admired from afar. She waited in the distance for a chance to swoop in and grab her prey and low and behold I gave her the exact opportunity. He was hers for the taking.
So why did it hurt so terribly? Why did the thought of someone else warming up to him, kissing their lips to the lips I knew so well or being held tightly against his strong muscular chest, hurt so bad? It hurt so badly because I was in love with that jerk, plain and simple.
I had been warned about a man’s little brain taking over the big one. I sat and listened on many occasions while being told many a tale of woe and heartache by inconsolable friends. I’d heard it enough times to know that Gage would hurt me too. Yet here I stood with my face hanging, tear stained cheeks and depressed like a fool.
Fuck him, if she wanted him, she could have him. But I wasn’t going to sit around another minute and blubber over my tough luck. There were plenty of fish in the sea, so it was a really great thing that I just happened to be on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean at this instant.
Tomorrow morning was a new day, a new beginning I decided.
So w
hy did my heart ache like it had been torn from my chest and stomped into the ground?
Day 21
Egypt
The usual order of coffee served in my room each day arrived right on time and Philippe greeted me with a warm good morning smile.
“Morning Philippe, how is your day going?” I asked, following him out onto the balcony, admiring his European look, all dressed in white with dark short curly hair and the hint of five o’clock shadow on his chin at this early hour.
“Very well, Miss Tandy.” It was cute the way he fit that ‘Miss’ before my name, even after I asked him to stop calling me Miss Manning, I hated formality amongst others my age.
After pouring my coffee, Philippe set the ships newsletter down beside it. I could feel his gaze and looked up in time to catch him before he looked away. He was sweet, seemed interested and this was day one of that new life I had agreed on, he was the kick start I needed.
“Are you married, Philippe?” I asked, looking into his eyes. He had pretty grey eyes I hadn’t noticed before, “Is there a significant other?”
He laughed, “No. The life of a Stateroom Steward is a lonely one.” He filled my cup with fresh brew. “I’m joking. It’s hard to have a relationship at sea.”
“I can understand that. You must have your share of dates, a girl in every port?” I blew on my hot coffee and saw Philippe eyeing my lips. “Surely you don’t sit in your quarters alone all the time?”
“No. I’m rarely without company. I get together with my colleagues quite a bit. We tend to stay below out of sight. We don’t mix with the guests very often,” he confessed, standing with his hands clasped behind his back, causing his shirt to tighten across his chest.
“Oh, is it frowned upon, you know fraternizing with guests?” I said hoping I was wrong.
“Not really. We’re free to do as we like on our own time.” I smiled when he told me and plucked up the courage to dive in for the kill.
“Maybe we could have a drink together?” I asked, feeling a bit more confident than usual. I could thank Gage for giving me that confidence, but not right now.
“I’d like that, but what about Mr. Carter? I wouldn’t want to upset him,” Philippe frowned.
I leaned forward to refill my cup but Philippe stepped in like a pro with the carafe.
“Gage is no longer part of my life. You don’t have to worry about him, he’s moved on.” He had the cup half full before I finished my reach.
“Oh?” He eyed me. “I thought you’d mend your differences by now…I guess it’s not important what I thought.” He handed me back my cup and I touched his fingers before he pulled away, a brave move I believed.
“So what do you think? Would you like to meet for drinks tonight?”
“I would,” he smiled, a bright perfectly white smile. No dimples I noted. I’d have to get this comparing him to others thing out of my head, if I were to survive this cruise.
“You name the place and time. You know the ship better than I do,” I pointed out, and he thought for a moment.
“Do you like to dance, Miss Tandy?” he asked, still smiling, with a little bit of wicked hiding ever so slightly behind it.
“I do, but only if you call me Tandy.”
“Tandy, how about Crooner’s Bar on the promenade deck at eight?” he suggested. I liked his suggestion and nodded.
“I will see you then.” I gave him my best I’m-not-terrified smile and put my cup to my lips to cover the tremble.
Philippe slipped away after he collected his tray and for a flash I felt guilty for looking forward to tonight. Drinks and dancing with a handsome man would take my mind off of others. Others I needed to put out of my mind, others that were probably on their way to Egypt with their little chippie on their arm, for so called business.
***
“Let me give you a little friendly advice Paula. Follow Manning’s orders and don’t try to cross the man, you’ll regret it. And if I see you back on the ship, I’ll inform Manning immediately. Take your money and disappear, for your own good.”
“Calm your shit, babes. I have no intentions of getting back on that boat,” she laughed, slipping her cell back into her purse, quite satisfied that the money transfer had taken place.
“As long as you disappear, that’s all I care about.” I told her as a taxi pulled up alongside the curb.
Paula opened the cars door when I made no attempt to do so. She turned and looked with what I thought could very well be a sincere expression. “I never wanted to hurt you, babes. I just got a taste for the good life and once I tasted it, there was no going back.” She admitted.
“I got over it.” I snorted with no intention of giving her the satisfaction that she had messed me up royally, wouldn’t let her think it for a minute.
“So you say. Have a good life, Gage.” she said as she climbed into the back seat. The door closed and she stared straight ahead as the car drove off.
A long sigh of relief escaped my lips as I haled a taxi. There was one more very important thing to do before going back to the ship. I was determined that tonight I would set things straight with Tandy regardless of the consequences, it was time. Well past time.
***
The evening had started off a little awkward. After all, how many women asked their Stateroom Steward’s on a date? Actually as it turned out, a lot! There was something lacking though, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
We had a few too many Martinis and talked about the ship mostly. I was very interested in the behind the scenes adventures that went on in the belly of the ship, in the wee hours while passengers slept. The juvenile antics and sexcapades that went on between the crew and female passengers had me blushing and laughing.
As it turned out my man Philippe had quite a sex life happening, he was by no means a lonely boy. He was also very happy to share his love of BDSM and told me some of the kinkier shit that he got up to. I have to tell you, some of it was a little on the scary side and there were certainly a few things that I’ll admit, had me a bit turned on.
We even had a lively discussion about vibrators and the use of. Visions leapt to mind when he told me of the many times he shared in threesomes and how he enjoyed fucking a female and or male, while he got fucked with a vibrator. He told me it had something to do with the pituitary gland and added stimulation. I sat speechless, wide eyed and mouth hanging open through most of the conversation. The man was an open book; the more alcohol added the more pages turned.
I don’t know if it was the amount of alcohol or just the way he described things, but I was having a blast and either way, I was looking at Philippe in a whole new light. My quiet Steward was quite the bi-sexual pig.
“Come dance with me?” he said, as a slow song started, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet giving me no opportunity to answer.
We were both far too intoxicated to dance properly, but at this point neither one of us gave a shit. The room was dark and only a handful of people shared the dance floor with us, too involved with their dance partners to worry what we were doing.
His warm hand at the small of my back felt familiar, like the way Gage held me when we danced, but the heat was missing, the electric spark just wasn’t there. My mind was a flurry as Philippe tightened his arm around me and pulled me in closer. He was only a few inches taller than me in heels, so his sudden erection sat happily at the junction between my thighs. He was pressed hard to my pelvic bone.
My eyebrows raised and I stiffened, I knew he could tell, because he leaned his forehead against mine and smiled. I wasn’t sure whether to panic and push him away or play it out and see what developed.
“Miss Tandy, don’t worry,” he whispered, grinding his hardness against me. “I’m not going to ask you to sleep with me. I’m just enjoying the idea, borrowing the thought, so relax.”
It was a wicked sensation and I decided to take just as much enjoyment in the moment as he was and tilted my hips forward, creating a little more fricti
on. If anyone saw us they would have envisioned a scene in ‘Dirty Dancing’, a bit of harmless fun I figured.
“Enjoy yourself then, because I’m not going to sleep with you, even if you did ask,” I confessed and we laughed.
“You and Mr. Carter…You love him?” he asked, his voice becoming a little more raspy and breathless.
“I do.” I said, enjoying the way he was enjoying using my pelvis to draw pleasure from.
“And he loves you,” he said, not a question but a statement.
“How do you know?”
Philippe lazily acted all matter of fact, “He told me of course.” Reaching around, he grabbed onto the cheek of my ass as he adjusted his rhythm ever so slightly.
“He told me that too, so what, now we both know.” The fun was starting to ware away, the topic was fast deflating my enthusiasm.
“You should be together.” He stopped grinding and held my stare.
“What do you suggest I do about that?” My tongue was thick from drink and the words were beginning to slur.
“Well, as I see it, I’m going to go take care of this,” he said, pointing to the evident bulge in his pants making me laugh, “and this guy will take over for me here.”
Philippe looked over my shoulder and spun me around to face Gage, who wrapped his arms around my waist and stared into my incoherent eyes. I swallowed hard thinking about Gage watching Philippe grind against me, I was mortified.
“Hi,” he said softly, with a remorseful look on his face.
“Hi…Philippe and I,” I tried to put a sentence together but as it was jumbled up in my brain, it would have only come out in a garbled heap, I was happy when his finger touched my lips stifling me.
“I know,” he interrupted, without any sign of anger, he wasn’t mad at all. I was surprised, I would have been mad, if I saw some Chiquita rubbing up on him.
“May I have this dance?” he asked, pulling me closer into his hold. His hand rested at the small of my back and all I could think of was how perfect it felt.
If Not For You Page 28