Admonition

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Admonition Page 9

by Chris Throsby

I didn’t expect her to change her mind, but I did expect her to cry, plead with me or perhaps ask me to try to understand, but she didn’t do any of these things. She was only eight years old, but the girl who looked at me wasn’t my frightened little sister anymore. She was somehow older and darker. Calmly looking straight at me, she said,

  “But they weren’t like a mum and dad to me, were they? Not really.”

  I was about to object, but she wouldn’t let me.

  “Oh come on Will, you know it’s true. Dad was so wrapped up in why Mum had given me my name, she made sure everybody around here knew as well. He hardly ever spoke to me. Mum did though, oh yes, she spoke to me all the time; but she was never kind, was she? She was always blaming me for something or other. But, do you know what I really think?”

  I said nothing. This was an Adie I’d never met before and she hadn’t finished. Dry-eyed she said,

  “I think she really blamed me for being born and that’s why she gave me my name. And even though I’ve never really understood what it means, I’ve been ashamed of being called Admonition for as long as I can remember.”

  Although she didn’t say it, I was sure she blamed me, John and even her sisters for going along with Mum, and to confirm my thoughts, she finished by saying,

  “And if you don’t want to be my brother, that’s alright, I don’t mind. I’m used to being alone.”

  All she said might have been true, but I was still angry; they had, after all, been my mum and dad, my brother and sisters. I didn’t argue with her. In fact I didn’t say anything, just turned and left as I’d meant to do a few minutes earlier. But now I didn’t go looking for Elizabeth. Instead, I turned the other way and headed towards the pans. I hoped to meet Tom and walk back with him. He was doing a few extra hours helping to load a barge and I knew he should be finishing soon.

  I met Tom about halfway to the pans. He looked a little surprised to see me but said nothing and we walked home together. He told me they’d managed to fill the barge before the tide turned forcing it to leave. He added that another was due the next day, so everyone was going to be busy again, making salt in time to be sure this one left full as well. It was important to make sure any barge didn’t leave under-loaded, because then we’d lose money and we couldn’t afford to do that.

  By the time we got home, I hadn’t forgotten my argument with Adie, but listening to Tom talking about work, I had been distracted. When we walked in the house, Adie and Elizabeth were in each other’s arms. Clearly, there was no longer any misunderstanding between them. Then, as Elizabeth explained to a disinterested Tom what had happened, Adie stared at me unblinking; daring me it seemed, to voice my objection. But I said nothing; I’d decided that as long as neither of them wanted me to call Elizabeth ‘mum’ and as I was sure Tom would never want me to call him ‘dad’, I supposed I’d have to put up with their new arrangement. But, as I’ve said, it placed a rift between me and Adie that’s never quite gone away.

  Today, for the second time, my life is in turmoil.

  Three days ago it came as a surprise when, as I pushed another full barrow into the warehouse, out of the darkness and from behind a line of empty barrows, I heard a sharp whisper.

  “Will!”

  Turning instinctively in the direction of the voice, I could see no one. All around me people were pushing full barrows in or taking empty ones out of the storehouse. It seemed no one else had heard the call. They were ignoring it if they had.

  “Will, leave the barrow, Josh’ll take it up the line for you. Come over here, I need to speak to you.”

  With that, Joshua, Sarah’s eldest, came out of the darkness and without a word started pushing my barrow. Still no one else reacted, though they must have heard Sarah the second time she called me. Bewildered, I entered the darkness; Sarah was between two wagons. She looked anxious when she spoke.

  “Josh will take as long as he can to empty your barrow, but when he returns, you’ll have to take it straight back inside. It means we haven’t got long, so I want you to say nothing, just listen to what I’ve got to tell you.”

  She looked to see if she had my full attention; she needn’t have worried. I was intrigued, particularly as no one else had reacted to her call and memories of what she’d said to me two years before were already returning. But she still wasn’t ready to tell me what she knew.

  “I’m going to tell you something about Tom and I think it’ll shock you. I know it did me. But I want you to promise me that when I’m done, you’ll go back to work and carry on as if nothing has happened, no matter how you feel.”

  I didn’t know what she was going to say, but as I’ve already said, Sarah was a strong and imposing woman used to being listened to, as I’m sure all her children would agree, so I nodded my agreement.

  “No matter how you feel?”

  “No matter how I feel.”

  Satisfied, she started to tell her tale.

  “Now, you know that for some time before the accident, your mum and dad hadn’t been getting on too well?”

  I said that of course I knew and that it was something to do with Adie, but I couldn’t see how it could have had anything to do with Tom. Sarah smiled, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t find what she was about to tell me funny.

  "Well that’s not exactly true; your poor sister was only the result of things that had already gone wrong. I know you think he’s a good man, but when I’ve finished, you’ll see how Tom is right in the middle of what happened.

  I’m sure you know that before having Adie, your mum had lost two babies shortly after they were born. It was before the second of those babies was born that Tom told your dad your mum was seeing another man. Your dad would never tell your mum who she was supposed to be seeing, or who had told him. No one even knows if Tom had given him a name, but it doesn’t matter because it was all just a pack of lies.

  I discovered the truth when I visited my sister over in Macclesfield. While I was there, her husband, Jack, told me a tale about a man who walked into his local, the Black Lion. He’d been drinking alone when the stranger walked in and stood next to him at the bar and ordered a jug of ale and then offered Jack a refill.

  In no time they were chatting and the stranger said he’d had some business in Nantwich that morning and it was clear to Jack that whatever it was it must have been successful, because he seemed to be in the mood to celebrate. After they finished that jug, Jack ordered another and it was only after Tom called for a third that his tongue started to loosen and Jack began to wish he’d had nothing to do with him.

  With a sparkle in his eye, he told Jack he’d just spent the morning with his favourite moll, a girl of thirteen who granted him favours his wife could never imagine. It seemed that he wanted Jack to share the pleasure of this recent memory, but sensing he wasn’t changed tack; Jack thought he wanted to justify his morning’s experience. He said he should never have married Elizabeth, that the truth was he’d had his eye on a girl called Hannah from when she was very young, long before she married her husband, Bill. He had never told Hannah how he felt and was sure if he had, she would have married him instead.

  I had thought Jack was just telling a tale, but now that I knew who he was talking about I paid special attention. It wasn’t long before Tom reminded Jack of the accident that killed most of your family and explained how he and his wife, Elizabeth, had taken you and Adie under their wing. He told Jack that he’d wanted to put a breach between your mum and dad, hopefully one wide enough to let him in. So he told your dad that your mum was seeing another man, and he said it would have worked in time, but that no one expected the accident. I think he was wrong. I don’t think his plan would ever have worked, yet it did bring unhappiness to what had been a happy marriage. But the fact is Tom was telling a pack of lies and in the end, I think your dad knew that – the trouble was he couldn’t find a way to tell your mum.

  Jack said he’d been glad when Tom left. He’d taken a dislike to him and I’m telling you Will, when
he told me, it fair made my blood boil. So I’ve spread the word around this place, and now there are plenty here who want to punish him. People have had their doubts about Tom for a long time, but now they’re all very angry. Apart from anything else, they know that what Tom told him started your dad drinking heavily and some have been saying, though no one can really know, that if your dad had come home sober the night before the accident, he might have saved more of your family than just Adie. I don’t hold with that. I can’t see how it would have made any difference, but that’s how some are thinking. Now they know Tom lied and that he did it just to make trouble between your mum and dad and because many of ’em have young daughters, they don’t intend to let matters lie. That’s why you’ve got to get out and why it’s got to be soon – if they know you’re leaving those who want to punish Tom for what he’s done will wait ’til you’re gone. But they are going to punish him and they know he’ll tell Elizabeth it was an accident, ’cos he won’t want her learning the truth.

  Now in three days’ time, the Liverpool boat that’s just finishing loading will be back for another load, and when it leaves again, you need to be on it.

  I’ve spoken to the captain and he’ll drop you at Marshall’s mine. I hear they’re taking people on and they especially want people who’ve worked in the salt, so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding work."

  I realised Sarah was right. I could no longer live with this man. But then it struck me. How could I leave Adie with the Rider’s knowing what that man had done?

  Sarah must have read my mind because she took my arm and said gently,

  "I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry. Adie will be alright. You must know Elizabeth adores her and will look after her. She’ll be in more danger if you stay, especially if Tom thinks you knew about his punishment and didn’t warn him.

  No, you must tell them you’re leaving. How old are you now Will?"

  “Seventeen, nearly eighteen,” I told her.

  "Well that’s old enough. Now, you tell all three of them you’re leaving because you want to start making a life for yourself. They won’t like it, but they’ll understand.

  Anyway, here’s Josh back with your barrow. He knows what’s happening and he’ll offer to take your place until those who intend to punish Tom feel the time is right. Promise me you’ll act as if nothing has happened and just make sure you’re on that boat. But remember, whatever else you do, for Adie’s sake, don’t tackle Tom yourself."

  Stunned, I had no time to take in what Sarah had told me before returning to work. When I returned to the pans, Tom had just finished racking out the next load.

  “Busy was it Will? Always the same when the boat’s in. I think we’ll hold this draft and start the next one. It should be easier to move the barrow once that boat’s gone.”

  Relieved that he’d answered his own question, I forced a smiled and helped him to finish loading the barrow.

  I knew what Sarah had said was right; there was no alternative for me but to leave without confronting Tom. If I challenged him over what she’d told me, I would still need to leave and I’d have no choice but to take Adie with me. Whether I liked it or not, whilst we had grown apart, Adie and Elizabeth had grown close, really close. So I knew if I took her away with me, Adie would be losing her mum for a second time and I couldn’t do that to her.

  Once before, my life had seemed certain, yet had crumbled and collapsed before my very eyes and now it was happening all over again. But this time Tom, who had taken me and Adie under his wing helping us to rebuild our lives, now was responsible for their destruction.

  Somehow I kept my own counsel and finishing the shift as if nothing had changed, that evening when we’d eaten but were still all together at the table, I told them I was leaving in three days’ time. I told Tom and Elizabeth I should always be grateful to them for taking Adie and me into their home after the rest of our family were killed. I even said I was pleased Elizabeth and Adie had become like mother and daughter. I looked at Adie as I spoke. I wanted her to believe I accepted their relationship and although her face was ashen, she did manage a faint smile. Finally, I told them I believed that I was old enough now to begin making my own way in the world.

  It was Elizabeth who first broke their stunned silence.

  “Come on then Will, tell us, where are you going and what are you going to do?”

  I’d had no time to plan beyond Sarah’s instructions, so I just explained that I was heading for Marshall’s. Clearly taken aback, Elizabeth said,

  “Marshall’s! You’re leaving us to join the miners, joining the ones who were responsible for killing your family in the first place.”

  “Don’t know why you’re surprised, Lizzie,” Tom said, "plain selfish, that’s what I call it. Says he’s leaving in three days, eh, wonder if he’s given any thought as to how I’m going to earn a living on my own?

  Oh, and he expects us to keep his sister after he’s gone. He talks all that drivel ’bout you and her being like mother and daughter, but I reckon it’s just to make you feel guilty in case we make him take her with him; which we should, as it happens."

  “Now Tom, don’t be unfair. You know it’s not Adie’s fault, ’spect she’s as upset as we are about her brother going; ain’t you Adie?”

  I think at the thought she might lose Adie, Elizabeth became anxious. In reply, Adie stared fixedly at the table and shook her head.

  Surprised, Elizabeth said,

  “You’re not upset?” But again Adie shook her head.

  “You’re not going to miss your brother?” Now there was desperation in Elizabeth’s voice.

  Finally provoked, Adie said,

  “Of course I’m going to miss him. How could you think I wouldn’t? But I’ve known for a long time he would leave one day, because he’s often told me he needs to make his own way in the world. But he’s also told me,” at this point she lifted her eyes and looked at me, “that one day, when he’s made something of himself, he’ll return and take me away to live with him.”

  Her eyes asked the question, so I smiled, hoping she would be reassured. Shifting her gaze, she answered Tom directly.

  “I don’t know what would have become of us if you and Mum hadn’t taken Will and me in and I’ll always be grateful to you both for that. But if you’re saying that if Will leaves I’m no longer welcome here, then I’m sure Will will take me with him. Won’t you, Will?”

  She looked at me expectedly, I didn’t know what to say, but clearly taking Adie with me was never in my plans. I needn’t have worried though because, before I could answer, my thoughts were interrupted by Elizabeth.

  “Adie, I’m sure Tom didn’t mean anything like that. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. That’s right, isn’t it Tom?”

  I think Elizabeth was a little afraid of Tom, but the fear of losing Adie was stronger. Tom ignored her question. Instead, he turned to me.

  “You still haven’t explained how you think I’m going to earn enough to feed the three of us once you’re gone.”

  I knew it would be unwise to mention Joshua. Tom might be many things but he was no fool and if I told him Josh would be coming to replace me, he was bound to realise there had been some planning and any planning had to involve Sarah.

  So I said what I thought would be safe.

  “Remember Tom, I’m not leaving for three days and I’m sure once people know I’m going, you’ll get offers of help; you remember how much help we received after my dad was killed.”

  Tom’s face showed he was unconvinced, so I added,

  “But if in that time I can’t find you help to replace me, I won’t go until I can. I’m the one who’s leaving and it’s only right that I find you a replacement.”

  I wish I hadn’t made the last remark. It may have sounded a little more confident than I wanted; certainly I could see that Tom was about to say something more. Fortunately, before he knew what he wanted to say, Elizabeth spoke.

  “There y
ou are dear. Will says he won’t leave until he’s found you his replacement. You can’t say fairer than that, can you?” I could see Tom wasn’t convinced, but though he muttered under his breath, he said nothing out loud.

  Whether I was at work or at home, the next three days were anxious ones for me. It’s true that after a morning of asking for help from people I knew would refuse, when I told Tom that Joshua had agreed to help him after I’d left, he accepted it without suspicion and life at work became a little easier. But at home, Adie seemed to become more and more distant from me so that eventually, on the last evening before I was due to leave, I asked her if she would come for a walk with me. Though it was raining quite hard, Elizabeth obviously thought this a good idea because she immediately offered Adie her cape, and though much too large for her, the cape was oiled and would keep her dry. She said nothing, but rose from where she’d been sitting on her bed and took the cape.

  Stepping outside, we turned our backs on the rain and started walking up the gennel in the direction of the pans. At first we walked in silence, a silence I thought I was going to have to be the first to break, but with her face hidden by Elizabeth’s cape, it was Adie who spoke first; it was the first time she’d spoken to me since I’d announced I was leaving.

  “You will come back for me like you promised, won’t you Will?”

  Before I could try to reassure her, she added,

  “Because even though I don’t mind living with Mum and Mr Rider, I’ve always hoped that one day you and me would live together somewhere on our own.”

  I stopped walking and took hold of her arm; she turned and faced me. Despite the rain, which was falling even harder, I pulled back the hood of her cape so that I could see her face. Though she often seemed much older than her years, Adie was still very young and hadn’t begun to conceive that one day, either one or both of us might marry and others then become our priority. But now was not the time to explain this to her. Instead, I held her face gently in my hands and looking straight into her eyes, said,

  “Adie, you’re my sister and I love you. I know I’ve said some hard things when I’ve been angry, but I want you to know I’m pleased you and Elizabeth have grown close and I’m glad she lets you call her mum. But I promise that as soon as I have a roof of my own and I’m earning enough to keep two, then I shall come and fetch you.”

 

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