I don’t know how long Sam would have waited, but it didn’t matter because after only a few minutes, Mum bustled through the door. Sat in Tom’s chair, Sam was in the shadows and I stood behind the door, so all Mum saw when she first came in was Tom. She was just beginning a rant when Sam shifting in the chair caught her eye. In alarm she said,
‘Who’s there?’
Standing, Sam said,
‘Hello Mrs Rider. My name’s Sam Baker and I’ve brought your husband home from the Boar.’
She tried to look surprised, but I don’t think she was.
‘He should have been at the pans, so what was he doing drinking at the Boar at this time of the morning? Comes to that, why did Jabez Payne serve him?’
Sam looked at Tom and said,
‘He’s been drinking alright, but I think there’s someone else who should tell you what he was doing there.’
He beckoned to me to come out from behind the door. It was only two steps, but I tell you Jabez, my feet felt like I was wearing shoes made of lead; they didn’t want to move and after what happened next, I believe they definitely had the right opinion."
Finally, I thought, now I’m going to hear what happened. But as I looked at her, I saw her eyes were brimming with tears, so I took her hand and spoke quietly to her.
“You know that whatever happened, I’m here to look after you and Sam’s already said he’ll protect you so, come on, just tell me what happened.”
She looked at me and what I said must have struck home because the tears retreated. Straightening her back, she swallowed hard and began again.
“Well, when Mum first saw me, I thought everything was going to be alright because she called my name and then smothered me in one of her huge hugs. She told me how much she missed me and then, looking at Tom, said she was sorry she hadn’t been to see me but I must understand how difficult things were for her.”
All this time, she kept holding me close, but she must have felt I was tense because, pulling herself away from me and now holding me instead by the shoulders, she looked straight at me; she knew something was wrong. It seemed we’d been standing like that forever, although it was probably only a few seconds and I don’t think either of us dared speak ’cos we were afraid of what might be said. If it had been just the two of us, I think one of us would have broken the silence by talking about something safe, but before that could happen Sam said, “Come on now Adie, remember what we said.”
Oh Jabez, it was horrible and Mum made it worse because she looked as though she was pleading for me not to say anything. But Sam was right, so I pulled myself right away from her; I knew this was the moment and so I just started talking.
First I told her how I loved her and I’d always be grateful to her and Tom for taking me and Will in when we had nowhere else to go. Then I said how I really wished things could have stayed the same as they’d always been when I was small but that Tom had made that impossible. I’ll never forget how she looked at me and said quietly, ‘Why Adie? What has he done?’ That was all she said.
Jabez, she sounded scared, but now that I’d started I knew I had to carry on.
I told her how he’d changed over the last year and then I began to tell her the things he’d said or done, or at least tried to. As I was speaking, I could see she was getting more and more upset.
Although I had imagined much, apart from the damage Tom had caused, I really knew nothing of what had actually happened before I returned from Foulk Stapleford. But I could see repeating everything that happened was getting harder and harder to tell, and tears were returning to her eyes. So I suggested we had a break, perhaps had a cup of tea, which smiling weakly she agreed was a good idea. Obviously thinking I expected her to make it, she started to get up but I told her to leave it to me, and by the time I returned, she seemed to have composed herself. I handed her the tea and she clasped the mug close which seemed to bring her comfort, and taking a deep breath she continued to tell her tale.
“Anyway, as I was saying, Mum had been looking more and more upset, but now she started to look angry. I thought after all I’d told her about Tom she was angry with him, so I felt more confident about telling her what happened this morning.”
She paused for a moment then said,
“I haven’t told you about what happened this morning, have I?”
I tried to hide my impatience by saying it had been more important for her to tell Elizabeth than me.
"I suppose so, but it’s a lot easier to tell you than her ’cos I kept on having to remember Sam’s warning. So although I explained I was awake when I heard a noise downstairs, I didn’t tell her I was listening out for you and I didn’t tell her that at first I thought the noise must have been you returning early. I still don’t know why she didn’t ask me where you were, but I suppose she was still so angry she forgot all about you.
"Anyway, when I heard nothing else, I lay there persuading myself it had probably been my imagination. But then I heard the sound of breaking glass and I knew there was someone there, although I still had no idea who. Getting up, I quickly put on some clothes, opened my bedroom door and peered out. Now I could hear unsteady footsteps coming up the stairs and I knew the only way out was down the same stairs. I thought I was trapped, but then I noticed you’d left your room open, so not knowing what else to do I closed my door, slipped into your room and hid behind the door.
"As he came up the corridor, the man was muttering to himself, but I still didn’t recognise who it was. It was only as he looked in your room that, through a crack, I recognised Tom. He was swinging your billyclub and I held my breath, petrified that he’d catch me. But I needn’t have worried because he took one look round and without stepping in, slurred, ‘Jabez’ room.’
"Then he turned and started down the corridor towards my room. As he went, there was no doubt I was his target because I heard him say,
"‘Alright then Admonition I know you’re in there and we’ve got a score to settle, you and me.’
"With that, he burst into my room. I’d already come out from behind the door in yours, so as soon as he stumbled out of sight, I shot out and made for the stairs. But just as I started down the stairs, I heard his angry cry. Seeing my room was empty, he must have stepped out again, unfortunately just in time to see me turn the corner. He started after me, but I didn’t stop and I was at the bottom of the stairs before he reached the top.
"It was while I was telling Mum and got to this part that things with Mum got really bad. All the time I’d been talking about this morning she’d just stood there; she’d looked angrier and angrier though she still said nothing. But then it was as if she sort of burst because she looked at me and screamed,
"‘Liar! You’re a liar Admonition; why are you making up these horrible tales? Tom’s a good man who, like you said, took you in when you were homeless, so why are you saying these awful things about him?’
"Then she said the worst thing. She was much quieter now. I think it would have been better if she’d kept screaming, but she put her face right up to mine and in a whisper, spat,
"‘I see it now; I should have believed Tom when he told me about Hannah seeing another man. Like mother like daughter, I reckon you’ve been chasing Tom and when he rejected you, that’s when you started making up all those lies about him.’
“I didn’t have words to answer her. I’d thought she believed me but now she was turning everything around and saying it was all my fault.”
Tears were returning to Adie’s eyes and before I could speak, she dissolved. Through the tears I made out,
“Then she said I was no daughter of hers and I wasn’t welcome in her house anymore.”
I didn’t really know what to say or do, so I just said what I felt.
“Elizabeth must be a troubled woman Adie.”
With her head buried in her arms and lying on the table when I spoke, she didn’t answer, but something told me she was listening, so I carried on.
“I beli
eve she knows you’re not lying, but she hasn’t really got a choice, has she?”
Lifting her head, she looked at me angrily and said,
“Why not? She knows I’ve never lied to her before, so why should I start now?”
“You haven’t Adie – and she knows it, but if she admits that what you said about Tom was true, what does that tell her about the man she married? If she accepts what you’ve told her, I bet there are things that have happened in the past she’s dismissed or buried, that otherwise she’d have to face. I know it’s hard on you, but I think I’m right, don’t you?”
Her eyes were red from crying and when I looked in them, all I saw was too much age for one so young. When she spoke, though she sounded tired, her voice was steady. All she said was,
“I suppose so.”
It struck me then that she hadn’t told me anything more about what Sam had said, so I asked her,
“Didn’t Sam say anything?”
I was glad I’d asked because she brightened and said,
"Well yes, he did. At first, when he saw we were getting on alright, remember Mum hugged me when we first met, he went outside. He said he was going to check the donkey, but I think he felt a little awkward, especially as he still had to tell Mum that Tom wasn’t welcome here anymore.
Anyway, when Mum started shouting, he came back in, but he didn’t say or do anything until Mum told me to leave."
As she spoke, I heard in her voice Adie’s throat tighten and I thought the tears were back, but she coughed, cleared her throat and carried on.
“He told Mum he hadn’t heard everything, but he had heard her call me a liar. He told her, now let’s get this right.”
Concentrating, she tried to remember exactly what Sam had said.
"That, ‘given a choice between Admonition and Tom I know who I’d believe every time and it wouldn’t be Tom.’ Then he said, ‘But we all make our choices, don’t we Elizabeth?’ I didn’t know what he meant at the time but now I think he was saying the same as you.
“Then he told me to go and wait with the donkey while he talked a little more with Elizabeth. I don’t know exactly what he said but as he came out the door I heard him say, ‘Don’t forget to tell him what I told you and make sure he believes you. I think you know what will happen if he doesn’t.’ It was nice to hear him say he believed me over Tom’s lies and it’s good to know that you do as well.”
She smiled weakly at me then added,
“I just hope that one day Mum knows I was telling the truth.”
I told her I had a feeling that one day, though I didn’t know when, the truth was going to come out. For now, I reminded her, I still hadn’t really learnt what had happened in the Boar that morning.
"There isn’t really that much more to tell, although I think things might have been different if you and Sam hadn’t got here when you did.
"Once I knew he’d seen me I stopped trying to be quiet and ran down the stairs, but I still didn’t know what I would do when I got to the bottom. Because I knew when you left for Foulk Stapleford you had gone out the back, I knew the front door must still be locked, so I went through to the bar. I could hear Tom coming down the stairs; it sounded like he was falling down them. When he stumbled into the bar, it was obvious he was very drunk.
“He started chasing me round the bar shouting crude things and trying to hit me with your billyclub. But he was so drunk, I had no trouble keeping out of range; he did break a lot of things though.”
She actually looked apologetic, as if it was her fault, so I reminded her it definitely wasn’t and told her that there wasn’t really much damage anyway. She looked like she didn’t believe me, so I added that at least there was nothing that couldn’t be replaced. But now I was getting impatient again and I wanted her to finish her tale; after all, I still had something I wanted to say, so to encourage her I asked her how, after Tom chased her around, she’d managed to escape.
Smiling, she said,
“Well, in the end that turned out to be quite easy. After a while, I think because he was getting frustrated that he wasn’t able to catch me, he made a desperate lunge for me, missed and ended up on the floor in a tangle of chair and table legs. At that moment, I was close to the way out of the bar, so when I saw he was struggling to get up, I took my chance and dashed for the front door. Even though the bolts were difficult for me, I’d drawn them and opened the door before Tom escaped his self-made prison.”
I asked her what she was saying to him when I arrived.
“Oh nothing really, just something about how I didn’t know how he was going to explain the state he was in when he got home.”
Realising what she’d said, she added gloomily,
“That didn’t work out the way I hoped, did it?”
Not wanting her to dwell too much on her morning with Elizabeth, I finally said what I’d been wanting to say.
“I’ve been thinking, Adie, and there’s something I want to ask you.”
She looked at me strangely. I knew it was because my face felt hot and I must have reddened; I hadn’t blushed since I was a boy back in the workhouse. The certainty I’d felt all morning that I was doing the right thing drained away and I heard my voice tremble as I said,
“I think it might be best if we married?”
There was a pause and then, too loudly, she said,
“Married? You want me to marry you?”
It was obvious that I’d shocked her, but the effort of asking the question in the first place seemed to have temporarily robbed me of all further thought on the subject and I could add nothing that might persuade her. It didn’t matter because she wasn’t finished.
“I can’t marry you, Jabez. I don’t think of you that way and besides you’re old enough to be my father.”
She stopped for a moment and then, as that weary look I’d seen before returned to her eyes, she said,
“You know I thought you were different, but you’re not, are you? You’re just like Tom and you only want one thing from me.”
It was my turn to be shocked. She was getting up and I thought she meant to leave, so I said desperately,
“Adie, please sit down again. I don’t think I’ve explained myself properly.”
Cautiously she sat down and in a voice that sounded tired rather than angry, said,
“I don’t know what there is to understand. You want to marry me and if I become your wife, that gives you certain rights.”
I couldn’t be angry with her, given her albeit limited experience of men, her reaction was understandable. So I said quietly,
“That would be true if it was the reason I think we should be married, but it isn’t. You see, I wouldn’t ask you to share my bedroom, let alone my bed. All I want to do is to protect you from Tom and anyone else who thinks they can try for you. You’re right about one thing though, I am old enough to be your father and to be honest, that’s closer to who I’d like to be.”
She seemed to think about what I said and then made up her mind. Leaning towards me, she appeared far older than her years and when she spoke, it was with an authority I’d not heard from her before.
“Jabez, I want to believe you and I’m sure you mean what you say. That’s how you feel today, but tomorrow, the day after, who knows?”
It dawned on me then why she was still saying she wouldn’t marry me.
“You think that whatever I say or do now, in the end I’ll turn out to be just like Tom.”
Eyes downcast, she wouldn’t look at me, but said quietly,
“When I was little, Tom was kind to me and I thought he’d always be like that, but look how things turned out.”
Frustrated, I told her,
“But that’s exactly why I want you to marry me. If you do, then Tom will have to leave you alone. You’ll no longer be the orphan he provided with shelter and who, in his twisted mind, he thinks he owns. Instead, you’ll be my wife who he would have to consider as my possession.”
As soon
as I spoke, I knew what I said was wrong because Adie glowered and said,
“I’ll never be any man’s possession Jabez. You’re right about one thing though, Tom does think he owns me and he already believes you’ve stolen me. So as far as he’s concerned, you marrying me will only confirm the theft.”
I must have looked dejected because she added,
“Besides, I believe you mean well but you don’t really think he’d do anything now he knows Sam Baker is taking an interest, do you?”
An hour later, I had to open the pub and all evening there was awkwardness between Adie and me, so I was glad when the last mug was drained, the final customer left and finally I could lock up.
Adie was clearing the tables when I returned to the bar. Like me, she’d obviously been thinking about my proposal because we both spoke at the same time. Both stopping almost before we started, it was clear we needed to sort things out between us, so I suggested that I made us some tea.
When I returned, Adie had drawn the blinds and was already sitting at a table she’d cleared. Putting the tea down, I pulled out a chair, but even before I could sit down, she began to talk.
“You’re a good man Jabez, and I know you mean me no harm, so I’m sorry I said those things about you. I want you to know I’ll work for you and I’ll live here with you, but I won’t marry you; I don’t know if I’ll ever want to marry anyone.”
I had thought she might leave, though Heaven knows where I thought she would go. All the same, I was relieved that she appeared to be staying, so I asked her to forget my proposal of marriage and if she would, just concentrate on helping me run the Boar.
She responded by telling me some of her ideas. She’d obviously thought a lot about how she might help me, not only to run the pub but also carry out my work for Sam. She seemed to have completely forgotten, or chose to ignore, that I didn’t want her entangled in that business. Yet despite her renewed enthusiasm, when eventually we went to bed and I heard for the first time the sound of her locking her bedroom door, I realised she wasn’t yet certain she could trust me. But as I lay on my bed, tired but unable to sleep, it struck me, she’d locked her door, but all evening since we’d closed, she’d talked about little else than the ways she might help me; she even said she had an idea of how the smuggling might be made a little safer, though she hadn’t explained. So I smiled and told myself things might not be quite as bad as they had first appeared to be – I just needed to give her a little time. With that, I turned on my side and allowed sleep to overcome me.
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