Tears well up in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry because crying in front of my parents is a sign of weakness. “But you can’t see that. All you can see is the neighborhood he grew up in and the amount of money in his bank account. That’s not how I want to live my life. You’re right Mama, I could go into critical care. But I don’t want to. That’s what you want for me. Not what I want. As of this moment the path you chose for me is over; I’m taking my own path. You might not like the one I choose. And I don’t give a fuck!”
“Elizabeth!” Daddy scolds. “Your attitude and tone are absolutely unacceptable.”
“It’s totally acceptable. I’m a grown-ass adult. I can say what I want. I can do what I want. I can date who I want.” I stride toward the door. “And I can leave when I want.”
As much as it tears me apart to hear, I honestly don’t blame Austin’s mom for taking money to break us up. My family throws money at people to solve problems. It might seem like taking it is a shitty thing to do, but who in their right mind would want their son to be part of this family? I probably would have done the same thing if I were in her place.
Austin is the best thing that’s come into my life in a long time. He helped me see that I didn’t have to follow my parent’s plan if that wasn’t what I truly wanted. His encouragement gave me the confidence to take control over my career and my future.
Then there’s me. I’ve been the dark cloud over his life since we met. His friends don’t like me. I brought him into a family that will never accept him. And I ruined the biggest day of his career with my irresponsible and selfish behavior.
19
Austin
Getting ready to embark on a major three-month tour is no joke. Thankfully, we’ve done it on a smaller scale so our team knows what to do. Still, it’s stressful making sure everything is in order. From having all of our gear packed into the trailer with care, to driving schedules and sleeping arrangements.
It’s even more stressful knowing I’m leaving in a few hours and I still haven’t heard from Liz. The one thing that could take my mind off the stress is spending my last night in town with her. I need to hold her in my arms. Feel her heartbeat against my chest. Her peacefulness calms me. Before I leave I need to know that we’re okay.
But it’s been three days since I saw her and she hasn’t answered my texts or calls.
I’m trying to keep my shit together. I know I need to set it aside and focus on the tour. As much as I love her, my career is my main priority right now.
But fuck! I can’t stop thinking about her. She knows we’re leaving. Why the fuck would she wait until the last minute? Is she even going to make time to see me? Was our fight really that bad?
I can’t think that way. She’s going through her own shit. It’s not about me. There’s no reason for me to be so selfish. She told me how devastated she is right now.
When Liz finally texts me and says she needs to talk, I’m overcome with relief. As much as I knew I had to give her the space she needed, I’ve been dying to hear from her. I need to hold her and apologize, and let her know that nothing we go through is too much. We can work through anything.
My heart practically bursts out of my chest when I open the door and see Liz standing on my porch.
“Hey babe,” I greet her. I can’t keep the stupid-ass grin off my face. I immediately lunge toward her, with my arms extended, ready to sweep her off her feet. She leans back and holds up a hand, stopping my advance.
“I need to apologize for how I acted and how I treated you,” she begins. Her eyes are vacant. Her face is pale. Her voice is robotic. She seems really out of it. “I had no right to get angry at you. What I did was irresponsible and selfish. I’m so sorry for the way I acted.”
“It’s okay,” I say softly, reaching out to touch her arm. She steps back. “What’s wrong, Liz?” I ask.
“I’ve been thinking a lot since Atlanta and—” She stops to lick her lips. “I think we should break this off.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, completely puzzled. Maybe I hadn’t heard her correctly.
“I told you from the start that I have expectations from my family that I have to uphold.” Liz’s gaze drops to the floor. At least she’s nice enough to avert her eyes instead of lie to my face.
“Fuck your family’s expectations, Liz! I thought that—” I rest a hand against the door frame, which serves two purposes; keeping my body open to her while holding myself up. “I thought what we had would make you forget about all that shit.”
She hasn’t forgotten, despite countless conversations. And by the vacant look on her face, it seems as if she knew our relationship would never turn into more. How had I never noticed that before? Had she always been indifferent? Had I been making everything up in my head this entire time? Romanticizing the depth of our relationship?
“I can’t just forget, Austin. It’s my family. They aren’t going away. They aren’t going to make this easy.”
I drop my arms and take a step toward her. “I know that. Nothing worth fighting for is easy. Once they see how much we love each other and that we aren’t giving up, they’ll just have to learn to accept me, right?”
“It doesn’t work like that, Austin. We come from two different worlds. I don’t have the time or energy to try to mesh them.”
Her words leave me speechless, confused, and hurt.
“So that’s the real story, eh? You don’t want to make the time for me—for us.”
“I’m trying to make this as easy as possible.”
“Easy? You think this is easy? I love you, Liz. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. And you’re dropping this on me the day I leave for three months.”
Today started with so many wonderful possibilities. It should have been the best day of my life. Instead, it’s morphed into the worst.
Mom warned me about this. Focus on my career, not the girl. Don’t let my heart get in the way of my dreams. I thought I could handle both, but I was wrong. She was right. She’s always right.
“I’m sorry about the timing, but I didn’t want to do this over the phone or text.”
“Come on, babe. I thought we were in this for the long haul. I thought we were going to make a life together. Jesus, Liz, I see myself having a family with you.”
She closes her eyes for longer than a blink. “You’ll never be able to give me the life I’m used to, Austin,” she says. “But you can have a nice life for yourself with the money my father gave you to stop seeing me. You won’t have to worry about making ends meet.”
“What? What are you fucking talking about? Your father didn’t give me any money.”
Is she delusional? I’ve heard people talk about “suicide Tuesdays,” which is the nickname for the effects someone, who used ecstasy over the weekend, feels when they fully come down from the high. The depletion of endorphins causes an extreme sense of hopelessness, depression, fatigue—maybe delusions? I don’t know. I’ve never done X, so I can’t even speak from experience. Are the drugs fucking her head up this much?
“Just let it go, Austin. Let everything go. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Just forget it. You won’t have any trouble finding someone else.” She turns around and starts down the steps. “You’ll be better off with someone else anyway.”
“Liz, you gotta help me out here. I have no clue what you’re talking about. You’re not making any sense.”
She won’t even look back at me, let alone answer me.
My phone, which has been ringing constantly since I woke up this morning, goes off again. I check the screen quickly. Nelson again.
“Look, I’ve gotta talk to Nelson. We’ve got so much to do today before we leave. Can we please talk about this tonight?”
“There’s nothing left to say.” Liz looks up at me, finally meeting my eyes for the first time since she got here. “Kick ass on tour,” she says before continuing down the walkway.
It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her swear—so minor, yet the wo
rds are a sword slicing my heart.
“I don’t give a fuck about what your family thinks of me. I have no clue what’s going on right now, but I still love you, Elizabeth.”
She doesn’t turn around. Doesn’t acknowledge me at all. Just jerks the door open on her shiny new SUV and climbs inside.
Rain starts to fall, pelting my head as I stand in the driveway, watching her vehicle get farther and farther away.
I shouldn’t be surprised. Shouldn’t be hurt.
Elizabeth Commons was never mine. She’ll always be tied to the expectations and obligations of parents who have control over their daughter’s minds. She’ll always be tied to the way of life she grew up with—unable to find happiness with someone who doesn’t fit that mold.
I should be relieved to be rid of all the complications that came with dating her.
Instead, darkness flows into my blood, my heart pumping it through my body fast.
I don’t even have time to deal with the shock or grief right now. My world—the world I spent years working my ass off to create, to get to this very moment—is still turning. My stomach lurches as I shut my emotions off and switch into the lead singer of Drowned World.
Tonight, when I’m in the back of the van, staring out the window, as we drive to the first city to meet up with Walk on Mars, that’s when I’ll be able to overthink and analyze and grieve.
20
Liz
Hey! I told Mama and Daddy my surgical career is officially over. Then I cursed them out. Oh, and they offered him and his mom money if he agreed to stop seeing me, so I broke up with him. My life is fucking amazing right now. How are you guys?
Both of my sisters dropped whatever they were doing and met me at my house in response to the text I sent them. I didn’t want to get them involved, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed someone to talk to. I couldn’t turn to Austin. My sisters, no matter how different we are or what we’re going through, have always been there for me when I needed them.
Maddie entered dramatically, pushing the front door open with her backside so she wouldn’t drop the massive amount of clothes and shoes gathered in her arms. Because that’s Maddie. When she’s upset, she shops. So she thinks the shiny new things that make her feel better will make other people feel better too. I can’t be mad at her for loving me the way she knows how.
Emily came with lip gloss and ice cream. Again, things that make her feel better. Huge props to Em for knowing her audience. Unlike many of her friends, I can’t be consoled with weed and her tattoo machine.
“I can’t believe you said fuck in front of Mama,” Maddie says after I’ve rehashed the entire story of dinner at my parents’ house. She digs her spoon into her pint of Coffee Caramel Fudge. Yes, I said her pint. Emily brought one for each of us.
“I can’t believe you said fuck at all. I didn’t think you swore,” Emily says.
“I do in my head,” I defend myself. “I learned to control my swearing. Can’t go dropping the f-bomb in front of patients or their families, ya know?”
As my sisters enjoy the ice cream, I twist the cap off the gorgeous, deep-red lip gloss that Emily brought. It sparkles like diamonds in the tube; any other day I’d be dying to see how it looks on my lips.
Suddenly my phone rings, breaking me out of my thoughts. It’s Ariana, the event planner I hired to take care of the details, for the event coming up in two days at the auction. I lift a finger and tell my sisters, “Hang on, I need to take this.”
The call lasts less than a minute. I set my phone down, then dig into my ice cream. Stabbing the spoon into the carton as if there’s something to kill in there.
“What’s up?” Maddie asks.
“The band we had booked for the auction just cancelled. The singer has mono. We’re two days away. Everyone good will be booked at this point.”
Another issue I don’t have the energy to deal with right now. Why can’t anything go right? Where’s my good karma?
“Do you want me to call around? Maybe find a DJ?” Maddie asks.
“No, but thank you. Ariana is on it. She just wanted to keep me informed.”
“Well, that’s piss poor. She should’ve called with a solution, not the problem,” Maddie says. I roll my eyes because it’s one of Daddy’s favorite things to say.
“Okay, back to the story. You cussed out Mama and Daddy. That was a long time coming,” Emily says. “Let’s talk about the money thing. What do you mean they offered him money to stop seeing you?”
“I heard Mama and Daddy talking in the kitchen. And—”
“Whoa! Wait!” She holds up her hands and waves them in front of her. “You’re basing this on something you overheard? You know they don’t say anything important in public. Maybe they were hoping you were listening. Trying to piss you off or get you mad enough to break up with him yourself.”
They wouldn’t. Would they? I hate thinking about our parents being so deceptive, but I know they are. Though I don’t normally see that side, I’ve heard about it. I’ve tried to ignore the stories because they’re my parents. I appreciate what they’ve given me, even if I struggle with living my life as they want me to, versus the way I want to live.
“Well—”
“Maybe you need to talk to Daddy about the money thing,” Maddie pipes up.
“Why would I do that? That’s absolutely—” As I speak I search my sister’s face. She’s biting her thumbnail and averting her eyes. She almost looks guilty. “Maddie, do you know something about it?”
“No! I swear, Liz! I just—I know something about Austin’s family and the money you might be talking about.”
Emily and I both stare at Maddie. Imploring her to tell us what she knows. I’m a bit offended that she’s been keeping something about Austin a secret from me.
“Is Austin’s last name Williams?”
I nod.
“Well, Daddy—” she stops. “I shouldn’t even be telling you guys this.”
“Madeline, spill your guts or I will dye your hair purple while your sleep,” Emily threatens her.
Maddie’s eyes darken. Messing up her gorgeous blond locks is probably the worst torture she can imagine. “Daddy didn’t come up with the idea for the Commons store. And he didn’t even design the first clothing line. Charles Williams did.”
“Who is that?”
“Austin’s dad.”
“What?” I ask, wide-eyed. “How do you know this?”
“A few weeks ago he had a lawyer draw up some paperwork. I happened to be there when the courier dropped it off. I thought it was a contract we’d been waiting for, so I opened it. And read it.” She looks so disgusted with herself, I feel bad for her. It’s not a situation any of us ever expected to be talking about.
“What does that have to do with Austin’s dad?” I ask.
“It was a contract offering his mom money for the ideas his dad came up with for the business. Like, giving her compensation that they never received. It seemed really weird that they would have a contract drawn, up out of the blue, after not compensating the Williams family for all these years. I can only assume Mama told him to try to buy Austin off, and that’s how he did it. I doubt he walked up to Austin or his mom and offered them money to stop seeing you. Mama might do something that callous, but Daddy never would.”
Emily snorts. She thinks both of our parents are completely capable of that kind of behavior.
“The funniest part is that I was only offended that Austin may have taken the money for a split second. He needs the money. He doesn’t need me. He can find another girlfriend—one who doesn’t have parents who think they can do shitty things to get their way.”
“You’re right, Liz, he can find another girlfriend. But he won’t find another soul mate.” Emily says.
“Soul mate? What kind of soul mate accuses their boyfriend of taking money from her parents to stop dating her? Why the hell would he want to be with me after that? It’s the most offensive thing
I could have ever done. Especially given how big a deal the wealth difference was at first for both of us.”
Why didn’t I talk to Austin before I ran my mouth? Why didn’t I call my sisters before I did anything?
“It was shitty, but if you tell Austin the truth, I think it’s salvageable. He really loves you, Liz,” Emily says. “You’ve been a completely different person since you met him. You’ve come out of your shell and done things that you normally wouldn’t do. It’s like you found your true self.”
“I agree with Em,” Maddie says. It’s a surprise not only to me, but to Emily, as well, judging by the startled look on my youngest sister’s face. “It’s obvious Austin loves you. He brought you out of your shell and into yourself. I know you’ve felt hopeless since the accident, like everything you’ve ever known was flipped upside down. But now, it seems like you’ve finally realized that you don’t have to be what other people want you to be. And I think he helped you realize that.”
Wow. I didn’t expect that observation to come from Maddie. I really thought she would be angry with me for not falling in line to what our family expects of me. “So what do I do? He’s gone for the next three months.”
“Go to him, Liz! Check their tour schedule and show up at a show,” Emily says.
Maddie takes out her phone and begins tapping away at the screen.
I contemplate Emily’s suggestion for a minute, then shake my head. “I don’t want to show up unannounced at a show. That might throw him off and I don’t want to mess with their set.”
“They’re off tomorrow night,” Maddie announces, holding up her phone. The screen is filled with a list of Drowned World tour dates.
“The auction is tomorrow. I can’t miss it. I’ve failed at a lot recently; I’m not going to mess up the fundraiser. It helps a lot of people.”
“First”—Maddie says, lowering her phone—“you aren’t a failure and you’ve gotta stop with those kinds of thoughts.”
OPEN YOUR HEART: Material Girls 1 Page 22