by Linda Warren
His body trembled with a need only she could create, but he had to be strong for both of them. “C.J.,” he whispered into her hair, “this has been a horrendous day. You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“Yes, it’s been horrible,” she agreed, resting her head against his chest and listening to the beat of his heart. “But I know what I’m asking. I want you to love me until the nightmare goes away.” As she finished speaking, her hand gently stroked his chest through his shirt.
He drew back and looked into her eyes. “This isn’t right. It’s for all the wrong reasons.”
She stared back at him, her eyes misty. “I want you. Isn’t that enough?”
At the honesty and yearning in her eyes, he sucked air into his lungs, feeling his resistance ebbing. “Everything we talked about in my office is still true,” he reminded her. You’re still searching for your parents. I’m still returning to New York. “Nothing’s changed.”
“Things have changed since then. I don’t know if I’ll have a tomorrow, so please let me have tonight.”
“C.J.,” he groaned, and closed his eyes. A feeling of utter despair washed over him.
“You can’t deny we’re attracted to each other,” she said, reaching up and gently pressing her lips to his.
Her soft kiss ignited the flame he was trying to keep under control. His hands tightened around her waist. He was tired of resisting an emotion that was more real than anything he’d ever felt. “You have to be my wildest fantasy come true.”
She laughed and started to unfasten the buttons on his shirt, her lips caressing his naked chest.
Desire darted through him, intense and unabated. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she whispered, her hands and lips still working their magic.
“I don’t want to take advantage of you and this situation,” he breathed with a catch in his voice. “In the morning you might feel differently.”
“I won’t, but…” Her hands stopped and she rested her forehead against his chest. One finger played nervously with a button. She had to tell him. They couldn’t go any further until she did.
“But?” he prompted.
“I, ah…I’m not very experienced.”
“Oh,” he said into her hair, knowing exactly what she was trying to tell him.
“I did the usual things in college, but I couldn’t bring myself to take that final step. I never felt the passion and fire that sweeps a girl away and makes her forget everything.” She paused, then added deliberately, “Until now.”
Matthew’s first instinct was to run, to get far away from her and the power she had over his emotions. Then he realized he’d been doing that all his life—running from women when they wanted something from him he wasn’t willing to give. Commitment. Permanence. But C.J.—he was willing to give her anything she asked. The thought scared him to death, but he couldn’t turn away from her.
“An unwanted pregnancy was always on my mind,” she said.
Her voice wavered as she spoke, and Matthew knew she was thinking about her mother.
He sifted his hands through her hair and turned her face toward him. At her heartbreaking expression he couldn’t speak.
“I’m not on any…you know…” Her voice faltered, but she told him everything.
Her admission sent a warming shiver through him. “It’s all right, I’ll take care of it. Trust me,” he said, knowing that what they did tonight, here in this room, would change them both forever. He felt it in his soul. But he didn’t have the strength to deny her anything.
C.J. knew he was experienced, and she didn’t want to think about the women before her or those who would come after. She wanted to think only about now, this moment.
She slid her arms around his neck, softly kissing his lips again. “All I’m asking for is tonight. No commitments, nothing, just tonight.”
All her life she’d lived with one desire—to find her parents. Now that desire was matched by something equally strong—Matthew. Loving him. She couldn’t face the uncertainty of tomorrow without knowing that special intimacy her body craved and her heart needed above all else.
She whimpered as his mouth moved over hers, and her pulse pounded in her ears from the delicious assault on her senses. Their lips took and gave until it was no longer enough. His hands stroked her body through her clothes. She shuddered, feeling a need so great that the nightmare began to drift away. This was what she wanted—Matthew, only Matthew.
Clothes became a hindrance and quickly their hands pulled at the restricting barriers. Her white outfit mingled with his dark suit on the floor. He released a ragged breath as he paused and gazed at her smooth golden body silhouetted by the single lamp burning in the room.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured, staring at her long black hair cascading over her breasts.
He swung her up in his arms and carried her to the narrow bed. As he gently laid her down, she felt the rough spread underneath her and heard the squeak of the bedsprings, but her emotions were absorbed by the power and magnificence of his naked body.
With one knee on the bed Matthew looked down at her loveliness, almost afraid to touch her. She seemed so fragile, so feminine, and his every instinct cried out to possess her. His hand trembling, he lightly brushed the bruise on her forehead and gazed deeply into her eyes.
C.J. saw that beneath the passion in his eyes was a question. Are you sure? She reached up and pulled him down to her, knowing only one way to reassure him. Her lips met his, driving away all his doubts until the passion took over completely. All her inhibitions and fears floated free, and she ached for him, ached for that intimate closeness of lovers. The world started to spin away, leaving just the two of them in this room, alone, together….
Afterward they lay without moving or speaking, her black hair all around them. Matthew drank in the sweet scent of her, knowing he’d never experienced this wild abandonment with any other woman. Was it the danger, the mystery—or the woman? He had a feeling it was the woman. There was something magical about her. She drew him, captivated him until all he could think about was her.
He wanted to look into her eyes, but he couldn’t. If he saw regrets, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. But…he knew he had to face her. Slowly he raised his head.
She smiled, a gorgeous smile that lit up his soul. No regrets. He buried his face in the warmth of her neck.
She held him tightly, three little words hovering on her lips. She had never said them to anyone, not even Pete or Maggie, but she wanted to say them to him. She loved him, but she wouldn’t tell him. Couldn’t tell him. She had only asked for tonight.
CHAPTER TWELVE
AS DAWN CREPT SILENTLY through the window, Matthew lay watching C.J. sleep. She lay nestled against him with her head on his chest, her hair covering them like a black sheet. His arm rested on her waist, and his hand fingered the silken tresses as he savored these last moments with her.
They were still naked, lying on top of the bedspread; sated and relaxed, they hadn’t even bothered with the covers. They felt completely at ease with each other, as if they’d been lovers forever.
Forever. He wondered how long that was. What dangers waited outside the door? As he stared at the ceiling fan turning, slowly and methodically, he wanted to stop time, to keep her here with him.
She stirred, then raised her head. For a moment fear clouded her eyes, then it quickly vanished. “Morning.” Her smile was radiant. “How early is it?”
He glanced at the gold watch on his wrist. “Almost six.”
“How long can we stay here?” she asked, her eyes taking in his growth of beard and the dark hair falling over his forehead.
At her wandering gaze every muscle in his body came alive, and a lazy grin spread across his face. He wouldn’t mind waking up like this for the rest of his life. He cupped her face in his hands and pulled her down to kiss her.
“C.J.,” he breathed against her lips.
“Don’t say anything that will let the outside i
n,” she warned him. “This is our time, and let’s not waste a second of it. Love me as if there were no tomorrow.”
He was eager to do her bidding. Their hands and lips became frantic, searching, tasting, finding all those intimate places they had discovered the night before. Wrapped in a cocoon of neverending pleasure, the only sounds they made were sighs of fulfillment.
Matthew lay beside her, exhausted, yet replete in a way he had never felt before. They had made love as if it was their last time, and the thought broke his heart.
C.J. lazily traced the contours of his back, knowing he had chased away the nightmare for a while and given her a night she’d never forget. She was safe while she lay in the haven of Matthew’s arms.
REALITY INTERVENED QUICKLY and the pleasures of the night faded into the dangers of morning. They barely had time to dress before Beal was banging on the door.
The detective believed the safest place for C.J. was back in Coberville on the ranch. He’d had C.J.’s Camaro driven back to Coberville during the night, to see if anyone would follow it. No one had.
Matthew’s truck was waiting outside, and they had a police escort to the city limits, then the highway patrol took over. When they reached Coberville, Sheriff Watts was waiting. Beal was thorough; he’d taken care of everything.
Matthew stopped at the Watson ranch entrance and talked to the sheriff, a short stocky man Matthew remembered from his schooldays. He assured them everything was under control and the sheriff’s department would keep a close eye on C.J.
Halfway to the house, Matthew stopped again. He turned in his seat. “You’re far away.”
C.J. forced a smile. “I was just thinking how good it feels to be home.”
Matthew knew he had briefly eased her fears, but now they were back, and she was trying very hard to be brave. He patted the seat between them. “I meant the distance between us.”
The smile this time was real as she undid her safety belt and scooted along the seat until she was next to him.
He slid one arm around her, holding her, and all he could think about was making love to her. But morning had brought reality and once again he had to curb his feelings.
“You’ll be safe here,” he whispered against her hair.
“No one’s crazy enough to come in here after you.”
“I know.” She sighed and ran a hand through his hair, needing to feel him. She wanted to cling and beg for…what? All she knew was that he’d come to mean so much to her, and letting him go wouldn’t be easy.
They kissed tenderly, then kissed again. Matthew rested his forehead against hers. They sat in silence for a few seconds, and then he drove them to the house.
Pete and Harry were at the passenger door before the truck even came to a halt. Pete jerked open the door. He paused for a moment and stared at the bruise on C.J.’s forehead, taking in her pallor and disheveled appearance.
“My sweet girl, what have they done to you?” he cried, his voice shaky.
“I’m fine,” C.J. assured him, and got out.
Matthew followed.
C.J. threw her arms around Pete’s waist and leaned her head on his chest. Harry moved closer, stroking her dark hair, and she turned, hugging him, too.
Matthew watched this scene with a lump in his throat. These menacing giants had tears in their eyes, and suddenly they didn’t seem so menacing, just two old men who loved C.J. more than anything on this earth.
The trio walked around the truck. At the sight of Matthew, Harry’s shaggy brows knotted together in a sinister look. “You should have taken care of her,” he thundered at Matthew, his hand going to the knife around his waist. “Maybe I’ll take this knife and teach you a lesson.”
“Harry, stop it!” C.J. shouted, and wedged herself between Matthew and Harry. “You should be ashamed of yourself! If it wasn’t for Matthew, I’d be dead. He called a warning to me, and I was able to get out of the way before the truck could hit me full force. Then he kept me safe during the night. Now apologize.”
Harry glanced off into space, his bearded jaw tight.
“It’s okay,” Matthew said.
“No, it isn’t.” C.J. turned to Harry. “If you don’t apologize, I’ll never forgive you.”
There was a tense silence, then Harry muttered, “Sorry,” and stomped off to the house.
Pete stepped in front of C.J., and Matthew’s tired muscles tightened. “Harry’s just upset,” he said. “We both are, but C.J. says you helped her.” There was a long pause. “Thank you.” He shook Matthew’s hand before following Harry to the porch.
Matthew let out a deep breath.
“They don’t mean anything. They’re just worried about me,” C.J. told him.
“I wish they’d try to understand I’m not the enemy.”
Her eyes held his. “Oh, I think they do, but they see you as another danger.”
Matthew knew exactly what she meant, and after last night he knew they weren’t wrong.
Her hand touched his face, lightly stroking his stiff growth of beard. Her fingers ignited so many delightful sensations, but he knew he had to control them, to walk away.
“I guess I’ll be going,” he said awkwardly.
At the hesitant look in his eyes she replied, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine here.”
He knew she would be, yet it wasn’t easy to take that step away from her, to leave her behind.
“But I’m not so sure about you,” she added, pointing at his wrinkled shirt and rumpled suit. “You’re a mess. The starched city man is looking a little wilted.”
He grinned, and unable to resist, gave her a quick kiss, then forced himself to get into the truck.
“WHO WOULD WANT to kill that lovely child?” Belle asked as Matthew explained what had happened yesterday.
“Well, you’ve changed your attitude.”
“Don’t remind me,” she sighed. “She’s quite lovely, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.” She darted him a knowing look.
His mouth twisted into a tender smile. “I’ve noticed, Mom.”
“I think I’ll go see her tomorrow, take a pie or something. Would that be okay?”
“Sure,” he said, trying not to let his surprise show. This was what she’d wanted, he realized—to be a part of the relationship his father had had with C.J., which for some reason his father hadn’t allowed. Another missing piece in the puzzle.
“You know, I had a terrible crush on Pete Watson once.”
“You had a crush on Pete?” Matthew echoed in disbelief. Then vague stories started to filter through his mind. “That’s right, you all grew up together.”
“Yes. Pete, Harry, your dad, Emma, Victoria, Martha and me. Pete was a ladies’ man back then. A handsome cowboy and rodeo rider, but as soon as your dad looked my way, that all ended.”
Matthew was reminded of the scene in his office a few days ago. “Did Miss Emma have a crush on Pete, too?”
“Emma and Pete?” Belle looked shocked. “Heavens, no. It was always Harry for Emma.”
“Harry?”
“My, yes, they were a couple back in high school. They used to fog up the windows on Harry’s old pickup many a night.”
“What happened?”
“Emma’s mother found out and put a stop to it. She made Emma choose between her and Harry. Emma chose her mother. That decision changed their lives forever. Emma became an old maid and Harry was never the same.”
Matthew sat lost in thought, hardly able to believe his ears. Miss Emma and Harry. No wonder she hadn’t wanted him in the office. They probably hadn’t spoken to each other in fifty years. He remembered her words about not letting life pass him by. Evidently Miss Emma regretted her decision. And Harry? Well, Harry had gone off the deep end a long time ago.
“Harry withdrew from the world.” His mother’s words cut through his thoughts. “He became a strange man who frightened everyone.” Belle paused for a moment, then added, “No one will get near C.J. with him around.”
“Th
at’s why I left her there. It’s the safest place for her.”
After a short silence his mother said, “It was hard for you to leave her, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he murmured, amazed at her insight. But then, she was his mother and probably knew him better than anyone else.
“YOU IDIOT, WEEKS.”
“It wasn’t my fault. That Sloan guy helped her, and the detective lost me on the backstreets of Austin.”
“I want her dead.”
“It’s not gonna be so easy now. They’ll be guarding her. I’m gonna need more money.”
“You’re not getting another dime until the job is finished.”
There was a pause. “I think you’ll change your mind. I still have the will.”
“You bastard! I knew I couldn’t trust you.”
“Hey, I have to look out for myself.”
“What do you want?”
“An extra twenty-five grand for the will.”
A long pause. “Fine. Come to Coberville, but I want that will and I want C. J. Doe dead.”
“Sure thing.”
BEAL CALLED the next day. They’d turned up nothing on the truck. Every lead was a dead end. With Beal’s caseload Matthew knew this one would probably be put on a back burner, and he hated that. Someone stalking C.J. was a danger he couldn’t ignore.
Matthew picked up the phone and called his office in New York. He informed them he wouldn’t be back as soon as he’d expected. His urgency to return to New York was superseded by his concern for C.J. Gail wanted to ask questions, he could tell, but his private life was his own, and he didn’t have to answer to anyone. He told her what he wanted done on the Peterman case and requested daily updates.
THE NEXT FEW DAYS weren’t easy for C.J. Sleep was filled with nightmarish dreams. But she was starting to feel better, and she clung to that.
Everyone was treating her so kindly, especially Matthew and his mother. Belle Sloan’s manner was so different from before, warm and friendly, and C.J. found they had a lot in common. They both loved flowers, old movies and Matthew. C.J. enjoyed talking to her, and especially enjoyed hearing stories about Matthew when he was a boy. Mrs. Sloan helped pass the days.