Sworn to Protect

by Susanne Matthews

  “Why would you say that?” the doctor asked.

  “Neil … Nurse.” The reproachful tone in her halting speech sounded clearly.

  Neil gasped. “You were awake?” he stammered.

  “Yes ... Left me,” she accused.

  “I’m so sorry. Just because she was dressed like a nurse … I didn’t know who she was. I shouldn’t have left you.” Neil squeezed her hand once more and moved even closer to her. “I promise. I won’t ever leave you again.”

  He was close enough that she could see the dismay in his deep gray-blue eyes, eyes the color of the ocean on a sunny day, and she tried to squeeze his hand in return to show him she understood. Neil would never have left if he’d thought she’d been in danger. She might not know a lot about him, but she was convinced of that.

  Examining him, she saw his chestnut hair had recently been cut, shorter than he generally wore it, and she could swear his hairline was receding. He looked haggard as if he hadn’t slept properly in days. There was something else about his appearance that was at odds with her recollection of him. The wrinkles on his forehead were deeper, as were those at the corner of his eyes, and he’d shaved his beard. That was a shame since she’d liked his facial hair. He’d reminded her of Jake Gyllenhaal the first time they’d met. Neil’s shirt was wrinkled, another odd thing since he was always impeccably dressed, and he wore his gun, something he’d never done around her.

  “Beard … gone,” she uttered softly.

  Neil frowned. “Yeah. I haven’t had one in ages.”

  “No,” she stammered, confused by his words. He’d had the beard just a few days ago, hadn’t he?

  The doctor touched her shoulder, and she turned back to him once more. He was a large dark man—bald either thanks to Mother Nature or by choice. For a second, she thought she knew him, but the memory fluttered away.

  “How do you feel?” His words were filled with concern, his brow furrowed so deeply that he reminded her of the Himalayan mastiff the neighbors had before the manager of the apartment complex had forced them to move.

  She swallowed the lump of anxiety in her throat. The rapid staccato on the heart monitor evidence of her distress.

  “Scared … sore.”

  The beeps indicating her heart’s rhythm grew louder and closer together. Why was it so hard to say what she wanted to?

  “Water,” she croaked, hoping that might help.

  “Just a little,” the doctor said.

  Neil placed the straw between her dry lips.

  She sipped and swallowed gratefully. Water had never tasted so good, and she forced herself to sip again before letting go of the straw. Her eyes closed.

  The doctor’s firm voice forced her to open them again.

  “I know you’re tired and sore, but I have a couple of questions for you, then we’ll let you sleep. What’s your name?”

  She blinked her eyes. Words spun around inside her head, and she reached for the ones she needed.

  “Nancy ... Frost.”

  “Excellent. How old are you?”

  Again, she forced her wayward mind to provide the answer.

  “Twenty ... eight—no, nine.”

  Neil inhaled sharply.

  She wasn’t that much younger than he was, so why the surprise? Four years was nothing these days.

  “What’s the last thing you remember?” Doctor Howard asked, the creases on his face even deeper than before.

  “That … woman.” She shuddered.

  “Don’t worry about her,” he said dismissively as if she was of no consequence. “What do you remember before that?”

  Nancy tried to make sense of the kaleidoscope of images in her head and focused on those she recognized.

  “Birthday ... Snow .... Mountains.”

  She stuck out her tongue to lick her chapped lips. The effort of speaking and questions had her head hurting more than ever and exhausted her.

  “Hurts,” she added unable to stop the tear that trickled out of the corner of her eye.

  “I think that’s enough for now,” the doctor said. “There’s nothing for you to worry about. The nurse is going to give you something for the pain, and I want you to get some sleep. The more rest you get, the sooner you’ll be back on your feet.”

  “Neil,” she whispered, turning her head slightly to look at him and increasing the pain. She sucked in a sharp breath and exhaled slowly.

  “Where’s … .Mom?”

  He jerked back, as if surprised by what she asked, but instead of answering her, he bent his head and brushed her lips with his, a touch so light she might’ve imagined it, before the nurse replaced the oxygen mask.

  “You need to rest,” he said.

  Before she could speak again, the soothing grayness pulled her back in.

  * * *

  Neil stood at the foot of the bed, watching Nancy surrender to the sedative, his forehead creased in concern. Twenty-nine, snow, mountains? His beard? It had been at least five years since he’d shaved that off. And why was she asking for Moira? What was going on? She’d been awake when he’d left her with the woman who’d tried to kill her? How the hell would she ever trust him now? He clenched his fists at his side, wishing he could get his hands on whoever was behind this.

  Doctor Howard touched his shoulder. “Let’s go out in the hall and talk while Lynn gets her settled.”

  Neil followed him to the solarium and dropped into a chair across from the doctor.

  “I want to apologize for my outburst earlier,” the man said, rubbing his eyes. “It’s been a long day, but I should never have implied that you’d contributed to your wife’s situation. It was uncalled for.”

  “It’s alright, doc. None of us were thinking clearly,” Neil said, clinging to the fact that ultimately it was his fault and wouldn’t have happened at all if he’d been on his game.

  “Does your wife spend a lot of time in the mountains?” he asked, leaning back in the chair that didn’t seem large enough for him, his legs out in front of him.

  “As far as I know, she hasn’t been up north during the winter in at least six years. I took her on a ski weekend shortly after we started dating. She’d never seen snow, and since I grew up with it...”

  “Does that weekend line up with the mistake in her age and your beard?”

  “Come to think of it, it does.” His frown deepened, and he shifted in the chair. “It was a couple of days after her birthday, just a few months after we’d met. I shaved the beard about a year later. What’s wrong with her?”

  Doctor Howard pursed his lips. “Nothing’s ‘wrong’ with her exactly. She’s doing much better than I expected. How soon before her mother can get to wherever you’re going to take her? The more familiar people she has around her, the better.”

  Neil rubbed the back of his neck, hoping to stop the headache brewing there.

  “That’s going to be a little hard. For one thing, we have to keep her isolated for her own safety. For another, Moira was killed in a car accident four years ago.” He swallowed the pain the memories caused him. “Nancy was badly injured. She delivered our child prematurely, but he was too small to survive.”

  “Damn. That isn’t going to make this any easier. I’m sorry for your loss,” he said, his eyes filled with compassion. “I noticed the scars and the remodeled fractures on her x-rays. I meant to ask ... It must have been a difficult time for you both.”

  “It was.” No sense in explaining exactly how difficult it had been. “What’s wrong with her memory?”

  Doctor Howard looked up at the ceiling, almost as if he were looking for a teleprompter there. After a few moments, he sat up straight, his gaze finding Neil’s once more.

  “We discussed a number of scenarios when we knew she was going to survive,” the doctor began, rubbing his upper lip and his chin with the fingers of his left hand. “Injuries to the temporal lobe can manifest in a number of different ways one of which is memory loss. There’s no easy way to say this, but it looks a
s if Nancy has retrograde amnesia. The fact she can understand language and speak shows there’s been no significant brain damage.”

  “No brain damage?” Neil exploded out of the chair. “You just said she has amnesia. That means she doesn’t remember...”He ran both hands through his hair, despair filling him. “My God. Are you telling me she’s stuck in the past? That she’s six years out of sync?” How the hell would he protect her if she couldn’t tell him what had happened?

  “More or less. As I told you, brain injuries are tricky. Retrograde amnesia isn’t necessarily permanent, but Neil, it could be. As painful as some things may be, you’ll have to tell her about everything, including your marriage, the massacre, and the deaths of her mother and your child. She has a right to know about her life.”

  Neil nodded. Did he really have to put her through that agony again? Hadn’t she suffered enough?

  “Might telling her what we know about the case trigger her memory?” he asked. At least that might make her pain worthwhile.

  “It could, but then again, who knows? Some amnesia patients recover everything in a matter of days. Others never do.”

  Neil shook his head, knowing this wasn’t what Anderson and Mahoney wanted to hear either.

  “I know this is a blow to your investigation,” the doctor continued, almost as if he’d read Neil’s mind, “but look at this positively. She knows you, and she knows who she is. I saw her squeezing your hand, and though the pressure was slight, she does have movement in her limbs, and she turned her head, smiled, and even frowned. I’m not saying she’ll be up dancing in a week, but the signs are good.”

  “What can I do to help her?” Neil asked, shoving the marshal in him out of the way and letting his heart take over.

  “You need to be patient and supportive. Believe me, in some ways, this is going to be a hell of a lot harder on you than on her. To you, she’s your wife, and I’ve no doubt you love her, but you must understand this. To Nancy, you’re not her husband, not even her fiancé, maybe not even her boyfriend. From what you just told me, you’re just a guy she met a couple of months ago. Think back to that weekend. Were you intimate or just good friends vacationing at the same place at the same time? There’s a hell of a difference, and where she was then is where she is now.”

  Neil nodded, disappointment filling him. Not that he wanted to jump her bones, but at that point, they’d shared a chalet, not a bed.

  “Based on the way she clung to your hand, you’re important to her, and you can build on that, but don’t push her. I wish I could be more encouraging. Nancy’s alive, but she isn’t the woman she was before the shooting, the woman you knew a month ago.” The doctor stood and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “The last six years haven’t happened for her and may never. She didn’t fall in love with you, marry you, and lose your child. Even if she remembers, it may only be bits and pieces. There’s something else you need to consider. Sometimes, after near death experiences—with or without memory loss—people change.”

  Neil’s knees threatened to buckle and he dropped into the chair. If that happened, this Nancy might not want to give him the time of day. “Is that a given?”

  The doctor shook his head and sat down again, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, his fingers laced. The man looked as exhausted as he had the first time Neil had seen him.

  “No, but it’s possible. At the moment, your biggest hurdle will be telling her about her mother. She’s already asking for her, and you won’t be able to put it off long.”

  “She took it really badly four years ago,” Neil said, recalling those days and weeks when Nancy had been inconsolable.

  “It’s going to take its toll on her, and her current physical health won’t make it easier. You heard her speak ... Her difficulty enunciating words, even choosing them, may continue for some time, or it could clear up in a matter of days. She’s weak, and it’ll take time to strengthen the muscles enough just to walk again.”

  “I’ll do whatever it takes to help her heal and keep her safe.”

  “I’m sure you will. I can’t offer much comfort here, but we all want what’s best for those we love. Answer all of her questions honestly. From what I can see, the last six years haven’t been her best. Is forgetting all about them really such a bad thing?”

  Neil hung his head. “No, it isn’t.” How many times had he heard Nancy wish for that very thing? A thought occurred to him, and he groaned, grabbing the hair on the top of his head and then releasing it as he let the hand fall. “This might be my fault,” he whispered, his voice full of sorrow. “I may have planted that memory in her head. Doris said to talk to her. The morning after the shooting, her hand was cold. I remembered how cold she’d been in Vermont. I talked about it. Could I have done this to her? Influenced her mind somehow? Stuck her in the past?”

  “I don’t know. It’s possible your words triggered that particular memory ... If it’s the reason she’s there in time rather than regressing say ten or twenty years, or even forgetting everything about herself, then I would say it’s a good thing.”

  “You mean there’s a chance she could slip farther into the past?” Neil choked on the last word. If she did, she wouldn’t remember him at all, wouldn’t trust him. How could he protect her then?

  The doctor shook his head. “While it’s possible she could remember more, it’s unlikely she’ll regress. I’m not convinced moving her is wise right now, but I understand why it’s necessary. I’m sorry, Neil, really I am.” He stood and put his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “You should get some sleep. The next few weeks may be harder on you than on her. There are four marshals guarding her tonight.”

  Neil shrugged. “There could be forty, and I wouldn’t leave her side. I’ve gotten used to that chair. When I became a marshal, I swore to protect the innocent. In my marriage vows, I promised to love her in sickness and in health. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll be okay as long as she is. Thanks, doc. Will I see you in the morning?”

  “Yes. Your team is coming for her around 4:00 AM. Lynn and I will be leaving at the same time. Anderson and the FBI are making sure no one can get to us on the off chance they don’t believe she’s dead.”

  “How’s Doris? Will she recover?”

  He’d learned earlier the bullet had just missed her heart.

  “She’s stable. Marsha’s like you. She won’t leave her sister’s side. Maybe when this is over, you can all get together.”

  Neil smiled, knowing it wasn’t likely to happen. For everyone’s safety, Doris and everyone else had to believe Nancy was dead.

  Doctor Howard stood. “I have to update the charts for the rest of my patients. By the way, my wife is thrilled with the South Pacific cruise she’s won. She and her sister left two hours ago, and will board a ship in LA at ten. Good night.” The doctor walked away into the office area behind the nurse’s desk.

  Neil stood once more, the weight of the world on his shoulders, and stared out at Baltimore for what he hoped would be the last time. It was always the little things that tripped you up.

  Mrs. Harris would spend six weeks on a cruise under the watchful eye of a marshal. Doctor Harris had been called up for his annual military training session with the Reserves. Lynn had been transferred to another hospital a continent away. The rest of the staff who knew about the assassin had been told Nancy had died, and reminded of the confidentiality clauses in their contracts. As far as he was concerned, Anderson had announced he was on an extended leave from the marshals’ service. Those who knew the truth would be miles away from anyone who might question these alternative facts. It was the best they could do for her. He just hoped it would be enough.

  Chapter Nine

  Ten minutes later, Neil ended the call to Mahoney, a bitter taste in his mouth, his jaw clenched so tightly it hurt.

  “Asshole,” he mumbled before turning off his phone, wishing he could pitch the damn thing at the wall, but the destruction of company property was a no-no. He wo
uld have to leave it here when he went with Nancy for his safety as well as hers. GPS signals were easy to trace if you knew where to look for them. Shoving the cellphone into his pants’ pocket, he turned back to the skyline bathed in red. The crimson sky promised a good day tomorrow. Maybe it was an omen that better times were around the corner. He hoped so. He and Nancy could use a little positive energy right about now.

  Turning, he walked down the deserted hallway and acknowledged the marshals before pushing open the door to Nancy’s room. Lynn, the nurse who’d agreed to stay and care for her, stood by the window looking out at Baltimore. She turned away from the view when he entered.

  “She’s asleep and should stay that way. Doctor Howard wants her sedated for a couple of days until her bruised chest heals, so she’s back on the Propanol, a lower dose to be sure, but ... From what I heard, I gather she has a hell of a shock coming. She’s thirty-five, right?”

  Neil nodded, and huffed out a deep breath. “Yeah. Doctor Howard calls it retrograde amnesia. She hasn’t forgotten everything, but enough to make my job a whole lot harder.”

  Lynn shook her head in commiseration. “I can just imagine. Six years is a long time to lose, and then she won’t remember how she got here either.”

  Neil nodded. When the nurse had come to work earlier today, she hadn’t asked to have her life torn apart and turned upside down like this. None of them had. She looked as tired as he felt, not surprising considering how the day had gone. Her shift should’ve ended an hour ago.

  “I’m sorry things turned out this way, but you were the only one without family. We don’t want anyone else getting hurt.”

  “Hey, as far as I’m concerned this is just what I need,” she said coming to stand beside him. “Since Mom died last year, I’ve been stagnating. While I’ve never worked in a military hospital, I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it in no time, and my job comes with a nice raise and a commission.” She grinned. “Director Anderson assures me they’ll look after everything, including the house. He’s even promised my cat, Buttons, will be waiting for me in my new digs when I get to Honolulu. It’s one pretty big thank you for just doing my job. I’ll see you later. I know it’s still early, but try to sleep.” She closed the door behind her.