by Betty Neels
She went through the door Radmer was holding open for her, her cheeks fiery, her head high, and allowed him to settle her in the car without looking at him. Only when he got in beside her did she whisper: `Oh, I'm so ashamed-she had no right...'
His hand covered hers for a brief moment. `Thank you, dear girl,' then he took it away and turned to look at Peta, bouncing with impatience on the back seat. `We're going to spend the night in London. I thought we might go to a theatre this evening, and if we don't stop on the way for tea I think there might Just be time for you girls to do some shopping.'
It was Peta who answered him. `I say, you are super. What sort of shopping?'
`Well, a dress for this evening, perhaps. How about Harrods?'
Peta made a small ecstatic sound and Lavinia murmured: `But we shan't have time. I thought we were going to spend the night at Dover-I haven't anything with me, only night things.'
`Then you must have a new dress too.'
`Oh, Lavinia, yes!' Peta had leaned forward to poke her pretty face between them. `Oh, isn't this marvellous? I simply can't believe it! And now tell me about the wedding and where you live and your daughter's name, and am I to go to school ... ?'
He laughed. 'Lavinia, I leave it to you. See how much you can get into the next half hour.'
Almost everything; enough to satisfy Peta and make her sigh happily. By the time they reached Knightsbridge and Harrods, she was starry-eyed.
It was surprising how much shopping could be done in a short space of time when one didn't need to look too closely at the price tags, and there was someone waiting with a cheque book to pay. They had begun by looking at the less expensive dresses; it was Radmer who had got up from the chair he had taken in the middle of the salon, caught Lavinia by the hand, and pointed out several models which had taken his fancy. She had tried them on, not daring to ask their price, and when she had been unable to decide which of them she preferred-the apricot silk jersey or the grass green patterned crepe, he had told her to have them both. She went and stood close to him, so that no one should hear,
and murmured: 'Radmer, they're frightfully expensive...'
His blue eyes twinkled kindly. `But you look nice in them,' he pointed out, `so please do as I ask,' and when she thanked him shyly he only smiled again and then said briskly: `Now where is Peta-for heaven's sake don't let her buy black with frills.'
But Peta, though young, had as good a taste as Lavinia. She had picked out a cotton voile dress in a soft blue, a Laura Ashley model, and came hurrying to display it. `Only I don't know how much it is,' she said in a loud whisper, `and I don't like to ask.'
Radmer settled himself in his chair. `Try it on,' he suggested. `I'm sure it's well within my pocket.'
She looked sweet in it, and whenn he suggested that they might as well buy shoes while they were there, Lavinia gave in, but only because Peta would have been disappointed if she had refused. They were going through the shop when he whispered in her ear: `It's quite proper, you know, a man may give his future wife anything he chooses. You mustn't forget that we are to be married in two days' time.'
As though she could forget! She smiled and thanked him and turned to admire the sandal Peta had set her heart on.
She had no id where they were to stay the night. It was Peta who recognized the hotel
" Claridges." she breathed. `I say, how absolutely super. Are you a millionaire, Radmer?'
He chuckled. "Not quite. Out you get.' They had a belated tea before they went to their rooms. Lavinia gasped when she saw the luxuary , of her room, with its bathroom, and Peta's room on the other side. She changed, constantly interrupted
by visits from her excited sister, who was full of questions, when Radmer came across from his room on the other side of the corridor to take them down to dinner-a merry meal, but how could it be otherwise, with Peta chattering so happily? They were enjoying their sorbets when she leaned across the table to say: 'Radmer, what a lucky man you are-you've got everything you want, and now you've got Lavinia too, you must be wildly happy.'
Lavinia found herself listening anxiously for his reply. `Isn't it apparent?' he asked lightly. Which was a most unsatisfactory answer.
They went to a musical show, an unsophisticated entertainment which Lavinia suspected must have bored Radmer for most of the time, but it was entirely suitable for Peta' s youthful ears and eyes, and she thanked him warmly when they got back to the hotel, and when she had gone to bed, Lavinia thanked him once more for taking Peta under his wing. `It's like a dream,' she told him, `and everything has happened so quickly, it doesn't seem quite real.'
He touched her cheek with a gentle finger. `It's real, my dear.' He spoke so softly that she exclaimed: `Oh, Radmer, are you sorry that... ? Do you want to change your mind... ? It would be all right, truly it would. I can't think why you chose me in the first place.'
He took her hands in his, there in the empty corridor outside her room. `Don't be a goose ! I'm not sorry and I don't want to change my mind, although, like you, I'm not quite sure why I chose you.'
He bent to kiss her and wished her good night and she slipped into her room, glad that Peta was already asleep. It was silly to cry about nothing, and that was what she was doing. She told herself that over and over again before she at last fell asleep.
CHAPTER SIX
LAVINIA WAS curled up in a corner of one of the great sofas in the drawing-room of the Amsterdam house, leafing through a pile of i»agazines, and opposite her, sitting in his great wing chair, was Radmer, reading his post. They had been married that morning, arid as she stole a quick glance at him, the wry thought that anyone coming into the room might have mistaken them for an old married couple crossed her mind. She dismissed it at once as being unworthy. No one could have been kinder than Radmer during the last two days, and at least he liked her, she thought bleakly. He had considered her every wish and Isis generosity had been never-ending. She turned a page and bent her head, pretending to read while she reflected on the past fortyeight hours or so. She was bound to admit that everything had gone splendidly. They had arrived back with Peta to find Sibby waiting for them, and the liking between the two girls had been instantaneous and genuine; she had felt almost sick with relief, and Radmer, who had been watching her, had flung an arm around her shoulders and observed easily: `Exactly as I anticipated; they're just right for each other-give them six months and they'll be as close as sisters.'
Lavinia had been grateful for his quick understanding, but when she had tried to thank him he had stopped her with a careless word and gone on to talk about something quite trivial. And that night, after the hilarious dinner they had shared with the girls, he had taken her to spend the night with an aunt oi' his-a nice old lady living on the other side of Amsterdam in a massive house furnished in the heavy style of Biedermeier. She had been surprised at being whisked off in that fashion; quite under the impression that she would stay in Radmer's house. It was only after he had left her with Mevrouw Fokkema that that lady had remarked in her slow, careful English: `It is correct that you stay here until your marriage, my dear-we are an old fashioned family, but we all know, and dear Radmer too, what is due to a ter Bavinck bride.'
Lavinia, somewhat taken aback, had smiled and agreed, and wished that her betrothed had taken leave of her with a little more warmth; his casual: `See you tomorrow, Lavinia,' had sounded positively brotherly.
But the next day had been all right. He had fetched her after breakfast and although he had been at the hospital most of the day, she =d the two girls had gone shopping together rind come home laden with parcels and talking excitedly about the wedding; at least Peta and Sibby had; Lavinia had been wholly occupied in overcoming a severe attack of cold feet... She thought that she had concealed her apprehension rather well, but that evening, when the girls had gone to Sibby's room to try on their new dresses and she had found herself alone with Radmer, he had asked quietly: `Wanting to cry off, Lavinia?'
She had put down the lett
ers she had been reading, and because she was an honest girl, had given him a straight look and said at once: `No, not that-I think I'm a little scared of al I this...' She waved an arm at the splendid room they were in. `I'm afraid I shall let yoti down, Radmer.'
`Never!' He was emphatic about it. `And i t isn't as though I have quantities of friends, you know-I've friends enough, but most of them are sober doctors and their wives, and I don't entertain much.' For a moment he looked bleak. 'Helga entertained a great deal-she liked that kind of life; the house always full of people-and such people!' Hr blinked and smiled. `Mind you, we shall have to do our best for Sibby and Peta in a year or two, but I think you like a quiet life, too, don't you?'
She imagined herself as he must think of her-a home body, content to slip into middle-age, running his house with perfection and never getting between him and his work. The hot resentment had been bitter in her mouth even while she knew that she had no right to feel resentful.
Her rather unhappy musings were interrupted by his quiet: `You haven't turned a page in five minutes, Lavinia,' so that she made haste to throw him a warm smile and a cheerful: `I was thinking about today; trying to remember your family-it was all so exciting.' She thought she had convinced him, for he smiled a little and commented: `The kind of wedding I like,' before he picked up the next letter and became absorbed in it.
Lavinia put down her magazine, picked up her letters again, and re-read them before casting them down once more and choosing another magazine. She must remember to turn the pages this time, while she let her thoughts wander. If I were a raving beauty, she pondered sadly, we wouldn't be here; he wouldn't he reading his letters-we'd be out dancing, or going for a trip round the world, or buying me lashings of diamonds and clothes, just because he loved me. She jumped when he spoke with sudden urgency: `Good lord, I quite forgot!' and went out of the room, to return almost at once with a jeweller's velvet case in his hand.
`A wedding present,' he explained, and opened it to take out a pearl necklace and stoop to clasp it round her neck. She put a surprised hand up to feel its silky smoothness and then looked up at him. His face was very close; she kissed him on a hard cheek and said in a wondering voice: `Oh, Radmer, for me? Thank you-they're beautiful!' She managed a smile. `Now I feel like the Queen... and you've given me so much!'
She was thinking of the new cheque book in her handbag and the abundance of flowers in her beautiful bedroom, the accounts he had opened for her at several of the fashionable shops, and last but not least, the gold wedding ring he had put on her finger that morning.
He stood up, said to surprise her: `You're a very nice girl, Lavinia,' and went to sit down again and pick up the Haagsche Posy, which left her with nothing to do but sit and think once more.
Their wedding had been a happier and gayer affair than she had anticipated; she hadn't expected quite as many people, but hen she hadn't known that Radmer had such a large family or so many old friends. She had dressed at his aunt's house and he had come to fetch her with his offering of flowersroses and orchids and orange blossom in creamy shades to match her gown-and they had driven together, first to the civil wedding and then to the little church in the peaceful 13eguinehof, where they had been married again, this time by the English chaplain. It wasn't until they had stood together in the old church that she had felt really married.
They had driven to Noordwijk after that, to the reception Radmer's mother had arranged t'or them, and where she had met aunts and uncles and cousins and watched Peta and Sibby flitting amongst the guests, having the time of their lives. At least the two girls were blissfully happy. Sibby had hugged and kissed her and declared that she looked super and would make a marvellous mother, and Peta had kissed her and whispered: `Oh, Lavinia, I' m so happy ! Who could have dreamt that this would happen?...aren't would happ-aren't you crazy with joy?"
Lavinia assured her that she was, and it was true-she was; life wasn't going to be quite the wonder-world it might have been, but at least she could do her best to be a good wife. She turned a page, mindful of his watchful eye. If this was what he wanted then she would do her best to give it to him; peace and quiet at home and a self-effacing companionship. It sounded dull, but it wouldn't be; they got on well together, she knew that for certain ; the drive back from Noordwijk had been relaxed and pleasant, even amusing. Dinner had been fun too, with champagne and Lobster
Thermidor and a elaborate dessert in her honour.
She turned another unread page and glanced at the clock-a magnificent enamel and ormolu example of French art. It was barely ten o'clock, but probably Radmer was longing to go to his study and work on the pile of papers which never seemed to diminish on his desk. Lavinia said good night without fuss, thanked him again for the pearls, and walked to the door.
He reached it before she did, to open it for her, and then, just as she was passing through, caught her by the shoulder.
`I enjoyed my wedding,' he told her soberly, `and I hope you did too. Anyone else but you would have felt hard done by, coming back on your wedding day to sit like a mouse, pretending to read...' His eyes searched her face. `I've not been fair to you, Lavinia.'
`Of course you have.' She was glad to hear her voice so matter-of-fact. `You explained exactly how it would be when you asked me to marry you.' She drew a sharp breath. `It's what I want too,' she told him steadily.
He bent and kissed her. `You understand, don't you? You're the only girl I felt I wanted for a wife without getting involved-I've known that since the moment we met. I've built a good life, Lavinia, and a busy one, my work is important to me, you know that, and now we will share that life, but only up to a point, you know that too, don't you?"
'Oh, yes. I don't know much about it, buy I can guess that losing your-your first wife made you so unhappy that you've shut the door on that side of your life-there-the loving part. I'll not open that door, Radmer.' She smiled and asked lightly: `May I have breakfast with you? I'm used to getting up early besides, I've an English lesson tomorrow morning with Juffrouw de Waal-she was annoyed because I've missed several just lately." She nodded brightly at him, crossed the hall and started up the stairs. At the top she turned to lift a hand. The smile she had pinned on her face was still there, and he was too far away to see the tears in her eyes.
She didn't sleep much, but she was up early to bathe her puffy eyelids and rub the colour back into her cheeks, and when she went downstairs she looked just as usual; a little pale perhaps, but that was all. She was wearing the blue and white dress and sandals on her bare feet, and when Radmer saw her as he came in from the garden with the dogs, he wished her a cheerful good morning and said how nice she looked. `It's going to be a hot day,' he remarked, `and you look delightfully cool.'
They walked together to the small room at the back of the house where they were to have breakfast, his arm flung round her shoulders. `I've a busy day,' he told her as they sat clown. `Don't expect me back for lunch, but with luck I'll be home about four o'clock, and if you feel like it, we might go out for dinner.'
She poured their coffee carefully. `That would be delightful-but can you spare the time?'
He looked up from the letters he was examining, his eyes narrowed, but she had been innocent of the sarcasm he had suspected. He said blandly: `My dear, you had the shabbiest treatment yesterday evening, and we aren't going away for a holiday; the least I can do is to take you out and about-besides, I should like very much to do that. We'll go to the Amstel and dine on the terrace overlooking the canal-you'll enjoy that, and tomorrow evening I've booked a table at the Hooge Vuursche Hotel. It's near Baarn-we might dance as well as dine there.'
Her eyes sparkled. `It sounds fun. Are they very smart places?'
He took his cup from her. `Yes, I suppose so. Why not go out after your session with Juffrouw de Waal and buy a couple of pretty dresses? I like you in pink.' He picked up the first of his letters. `You looked pretty in that cream silk dress, too.'
She said thank you in a con
tained little voice; a triumph, albeit a small one-he had noticed what she was wearing and liked it. `I'll go along to the Leidsestraat, there's a boutique-oh, and Kraus en Vogelzang in Kalverstraat...' She saw that he wasn't listening any more, but frowning over a sheaf of typewritten pages. Someone had placed the Daily Telegraph by her place. She poured herself some fresh coffee and began on its headlines.
Juffrouw de Waal received her sternly, only relaxing sufficiently to congratulate her on her marriage, observe that the professor was a fine man and deserved a good wife, and point out that now Lavinia was that wife, it behoved her to learn Dutch in the quickest possible time.
`And not only conversation, Mevrouw ter Bavinck,' she pointed out soberly. `It is necessary that you read, and understand what you read, so that you may take part in talk of a serious nature-politics, for instance, as well as the day-to-day events in our country-the world too. You must also learn about our prices and the keeping of accounts as well as how to order household requirements. I suggest that you read a small portion of a daily newspaper to me, which you will translate and discuss in Dutch, and I hope that you will use every opportunity to speak our language.'