by Tessa Teevan
Sucking in a breath, I answer as honestly as I can. “I have no idea. I’m going to try my hardest, but in all seriousness, being around him today alone already has me reminiscing on the past. I know we need to talk about what happened, to find some sort of resolution, or else it’s always going to be hanging over us. I’m just not sure how to handle it though. Any excuse I give him will never be enough, and I don’t want to piss him off any more than I already have.”
“Who knows? Maybe once you talk it out, you’ll find that you still have unresolved feelings. There’s nothing wrong with exploring them if they’re still there, Cheyenne.”
“You’re forgetting that he’s my boss. I’m pretty sure they’ll frown upon my sleeping with him. Seriously, forget about anything romantic or sexual happening between us. That was a long time ago, and it’s going to stay in the past.”
She lifts her eyebrows up at me, shaking her head. “He’s your stepbrother. He’s your boss. Blah blah blah. All I’m hearing are weak excuses. I give it less than six months. And if he gets a load of your tattoo, I have a feeling he’ll be forgiving you much sooner than that.”
“Don’t get your romantic little hopes up. It’s not going to happen.” I look towards Bryan, hoping for a little support, but I don’t get it.
“Hey, I saw his face. He went from shock to pure elation to pissed off in five seconds flat. Whatever feelings they are, he still has them. And she’s the expert, so I’m with her on this one. Just be careful. Like you said, he is your boss.”
Shaking my head, I change the subject. There’s no way in hell I’m going back there again. Not that Sawyer would probably even let me. His words are still haunting me, and it’s a little unnerving that he likened me to a swallow. While I tried to tell myself that it was a summer fling and that he’d get over it, part of me knew that it was so much more than that. Instead of just breaking my own heart back then, I broke his as well. And after our encounter today, I have a feeling that neither of them has ever fully healed.
July 2008
AFTER MY BIRTHDAY, SAWYER and I became inseparable. We were two lonely souls stuck in a small town, desperate to get away, and instead of fleeing, we found our escape in each other. What started as an easy friendship turned into something more when the Fourth of July rolled around, and it came when I least expected it.
We meet almost every night at the dock, where he tells me about whatever new project Wyatt has him working on, and then we talk about our hopes and dreams for the future. I’ve never felt so open and comfortable with someone else the way I do with Sawyer. Sure, I dated some in high school, and I had friends, but for the most part, I was too invested in my studies to form any truly meaningful relationships. The moment Mama decided we were settling in Shiloh Grove, I started planning my future for Berkeley, counting down the years, the months, the days until I could get out of this town. I knew I had to have kick-ass grades to do it, so I ended up spending most of my time studying. It paid off in the end when I ended up valedictorian with a partial scholarship to Berkeley. Most of my high school friends are spending the summer either getting drunk or working their asses to the bone for a little extra spending money when college starts in the fall. If it weren’t for Sawyer, I’d have ended up completely alone this summer. Now, I spend my days catching up on recommended reading and my nights either at the house or at the dock with him.
Lying on the dock, we’re looking up at the stars, talking about nothing and everything. He’s finally stopped complaining about how sore he is from baling hay and chasing cattle. I tease him about his gait, laughing because it’s finally returning to normal now that he’s getting used to riding a horse.
“You never realize how many stars are in the sky until you’re out in the middle of nowhere,” he says, and I have to agree. Looking up, I can spy four different constellations, and they light up the sky, looking like bright diamonds shining down from the heavens.
“I know what ya mean. It’s probably the only thing I’m gonna miss about this place when I go to California.”
I watch as he turns to look at me. “Oh yeah, you’ll be surrounded by totally different kinds of stars.” Sobering, he grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers. “Is that really all you’re going to miss?”
I know what he’s getting at. While I don’t mind admitting it, I decide to tease him first. “Well, let’s see. I’m sure I’ll miss Wyatt’s spiked lemonade. You think he’ll give me the recipe even though I’m underage?”
“You’re such a smartass. Anything else?” he asks, and I can see his eyebrows rise in the moonlight.
“Hmmm, I’ll miss being able to ride my bike everywhere. The whole no traffic thing will definitely be missed.” It’s true. I ride my bike everywhere. My Honda Civic barely gets any use, and I love it that way.
“You know, you could always ride your bike around campus at Auburn. And then you’d only be a stone’s throw away from the countryside whenever you get a desire to see the stars.”
Laughing, I squeeze his hand. “I’ve been dreaming of getting into Berkeley since I was a kid. I’m sure Auburn’s a fantastic school, but there’s no way I’m changing my mind. But, there is one thing I’ll miss most of all,” I tell him, sitting up and turning to him so I can look down at him as he lies on the dock. His eyes are shining in the moonlight, and I realize how much I’ve come to cherish our time together. This summer’s turning out so differently than I expected, and I couldn’t be happier.
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” he asks, his voice soft and husky at the same time.
“You, Sawyer Callahan. More than the stars in the sky, more than the whiskey in the lemonade, more than the peaceful sounds of nothing but nature, I’m going to miss you, city boy.” I’m surprised when my breath catches on the last words. I don’t think I’ve ever been this close to anyone, and after such a short time, it unnerves me. But it’s true. I’ve come to expect him to be a part of my daily life, and I have no idea how I’m going to say goodbye to him. I’ll miss him more than I ever thought possible.
Before I can finish my thought, I’m flat on my back on the dock, Sawyer hovering over me. His eyes darken with desire, and I pray to God he finally kisses me as more than a friend.
“I’m going to miss the hell out of you, too, pretty girl,” he admits.
I’m staring up into his eyes, willing him to close the distance between us. A warm breezes flows through the air, and something between us shifts. He begins to lean in, and I close my eyes in preparation for his kiss. I’m not disappointed as his lips brush mine softly, almost too softly, before he pulls away.
“I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time I laid eyes on you sleeping on the shore,” he admits quietly, even though we’re the only ones out here. “And I don’t count the tattoo shop. That was just a birthday present.”
“Took ya long enough,” I tease him. “Fortunately for you, we still have about six weeks left before we both leave for school. Seems like plenty of time for you to make up for it.”
“It’ll never be enough time, pretty girl, but I’ll work with what I have. Starting now?” he asks, staring at my lips like he can’t wait another second to devour them.
I nod in confirmation. “Startin’ now.”
The words barely escape my lips before his are on them. His kisses are slow and sweet, and a fluttering feeling enters my belly the moment his hand slips under the hem of my shirt and rests on my skin. I can feel his tongue pressing against my lips, and they part almost immediately. With soft strokes, he caresses my tongue as his hand begins to explore.
My heart’s racing as he runs his fingers over my skin, stopping just below the cup of my bra. I’m not a total prude; I guess I’ve only been to first base with over-the-clothes petting. The thought of Sawyer touching me intimately has me both nervous and excited as I wonder how far he’s willing to go. I’m slightly disappointed when his hand traces back down to my stomach, but his kisses are more than worth it. That is, until he decides to s
low them down just as I get up the courage to wrap my arms around his neck.
I shiver when he pulls away from me, even though the air is warm in the July Georgia heat. I immediately miss his body pressed up against mine, his lips tasting me, his hands running across my skin.
Brushing my hair out of my face, he leans in to place one last kiss on my lips. “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, Cheyenne,” he whispers as his hand comes up to cup my face.
I can feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks and hope he can’t see it in the moonlight. It’s the first time a guy’s ever said those words to me. The way that he’s looking at me that lets me know he really believes it’s true, and a fleeting thought that I never want to leave this place passes through my mind.
He stands, pulling me up with him, and even though he tries to hide it, I don’t miss the discreet way he adjusts his shorts. I’m feeling brazen, and part of me wishes I had the confidence to slide my hand down beneath his shorts to feel how much I’m affecting him.
“If I stay here, I’m not going to be able to stop myself at just kissing you,” he tells me, groaning when I press my body up against his, wrapping my arms around my waist. I can feel his erection against my belly, and suddenly, I don’t want to leave the dock.
“I wasn’t complaining, Sawyer,” I tell him, sounding more confident than I actually feel. Looking up into his eyes, I can see them looking down at me with a mixture of lust and amusement, and I’m anxious to see where this is going to go.
Swearing, he grabs my hands and pulls them away from his waist. He leads me off the dock and to the truck he’s been borrowing from his uncle, and we ride in silence as he heads back towards my house. I’m wondering if he’s going to stay tonight, hoping he will. Since my birthday, he’s only stayed with me a handful of times. On most days, Wyatt has him getting up at the ass crack of dawn, and it’s easier for him to stay at the farm.
“Have you heard from your mom?” he asks, breaking the silence as we head down the gravel driveway to my house.
A small pain rushes through my heart at the reminder that I’m barely a blip on her radar, but I push it away. Truth be told, I’d probably be miserable and counting down the days until California if she were here. I’d much rather spend the summer with Sawyer instead of vying for a little bit of Mama’s attention. And if I’m honest, I can admit that I’m watching the calendar as the days pass by all too quickly, and I find myself less anxious to be in California than I was before.
“I got a postcard last week from some European country. I believe it said something like ‘Hope you’re enjoying your summer. Be home next month. I’m in love!’” I tell him, rolling my eyes. “I guess that was her way of telling me that she’s no longer coming home when she originally planned.”
During one of our late-night dock conversations, I spilled all about my relationship—or lack thereof—with her. For once it finally felt good to get it all off my chest. I haven’t really opened up to him about Daddy, other than that first night that we met. I’ve spent years bottling up all my emotions where he’s concerned with no one to talk to. I’m still afraid of putting my feelings into words without breaking down.
He reaches over and grabs my hand, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, Cheyenne,” he says. It’s simple, but those three words are still so comforting coming from him.
Giving him a small smile, I simply shrug. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve had years to get used to it. And now you’ll have my full, undivided attention for the rest of the summer. You’re much better company anyway. How about you? Have you talked to your dad lately?”
He lets out a sigh as he shakes his head. “Every time he calls Wyatt to check up on me, I’m out in the fields or in the stables. Classes don’t start until September, so I figure that’s when I’ll hear from him and not a minute sooner.”
“We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?” I ask, and he nods, a small smile forming on his face. “You know, you’ve never actually told me what your dad does.”
The smile vanishes and something flashes over his face, but it’s hard to read him in the dark. “Oh, he works for a bank. He’s always had to travel a lot. I’ve gotten used to it,” he says, staring out at the road, not looking at me.
Other than the night that he had a little too much spiked lemonade and told me about how his mom passed away when he was only four years old, he’s barely talked about his family. In fact, he’s hardly talked about his childhood. Most of his stories come from his first two years at Auburn, or we end up talking about the future, our goals, hopes, dreams. To be honest, I don’t really mind, so I don’t push him.
When we get to the house, he does his nightly ritual of going in first and checking out the entire house for intruders. Crime rarely happens in Shiloh Grove, and while I thought it was really silly at first, now I figure it to be a sweet gesture.
“I hate you staying here alone,” he tells me once he’s satisfied it’s safe.
Wrapping my arms around him, I lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek. “Sawyer, you’re talking to a girl who can shoot any rifle, shotgun, or pistol you put in my hands. I’ll be fine, but if you’re really worried about it, you can always stay. You know there’s an open invitation for you.”
“As much as I want to stay here, babe, I’m not sure it’s safe tonight, especially after that kiss,” he says, leaning down for another one. He deepens it, his tongue sweeping over mine as if to emphasize his point.
“I guess it does kind of change things. We’re both leaving at the end of the summer, so what do we do? Where does this go?” I ask, for once wishing that the summer would start moving at a snail’s pace.
“Let’s just take it as it comes, okay? I don’t really want to think about it,” he says, and I know he’s right. California, Berkeley, and saying goodbye to Sawyer are the last things on my mind.
“Okay, city boy. I can handle that. Get out of here so we can both get some sleep. I’ll see ya tomorrow,” I say, as I walk him to the porch.
He gives me one last, lingering kiss. “Can’t wait. Lock up behind me, okay?” he reminds me. It’s the same thing he says every night, and I smile, knowing that in eight minutes, when he gets home, he’ll be texting me like he always does.
Nodding, I close the door on him and lean back against it. I’m reeling over the kiss, even though I know we’ve been dancing around it over the past couple of weeks. I don’t know what it is about Sawyer that puts me at ease, but he does. It’s like for the first time in my life I’m not trying to run away from something. I’m at peace. I’m not looking towards the future, I’m finally happy living in the now. And it’s not until I walk into the kitchen and see the wall calendar with a big BERKELEY circled in red that my walls come crashing down. I’m finally happy, content, but the realization that there’s a ticking time bomb on this relationship sends a wave of pain through me. We’ve already gotten so close, and as much as I want to leave Shiloh Grove behind, I have no idea how I’m going to do the same with Sawyer.
July 2008
THE SUN’S BEEN BEATING down on me all morning as I’ve been working in the fields. Wyatt’s been kicking my ass this entire summer, but surprisingly, I no longer mind. I’m in the best shape of my life, and I’ve caught Cheyenne checking out my newly developed muscles quite a few times. Ever since I got the courage to really kiss her, we’ve gotten closer than before. As much as I want her, I don’t push her either. Sure, I usually have to take care of myself when I get home from her place, but I don’t want to do anything that’s going to make her uncomfortable. Most of our nights end up with us having a heated make-out session either at the dock or on her couch, and I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be able to keep my hands to myself.
When Wyatt breaks for lunch, I scarf down my food so I have time to go to the lake to look for Cheyenne. She spends most of her days there, reading, studying, just hanging out, and I stop by whenever I can. Grabbing a couple of waters, I head out into the Georgia heat. I’m not s
hocked to find her sleeping at the edge of the shore, and when I spot the sunscreen next to her, I make a mental note to make sure she’s covered in the stuff before I have to head back to the farm. I don’t mind taking one for the team to spread the lotion on her skin if it prevents her from burning. See, I’m a really noble guy. I’m sure it’ll be a hardship, but that’s my cross to bear.
She looks peaceful lying on her towel, curled up on her side, and while I don’t want to wake her, I only have a short amount of time and I want to make the most of it. Sitting down next to her, I lean in and press a kiss to her forehead. I get no response. She doesn’t even stir at my touch. I then lie down next to her on my side, propping myself up on my elbow so that I’m facing her. I move in again, pressing a kiss to her lips, a little more firmly than before. Still, she doesn’t move.
Scooting a little closer, I wrap my arm around her waist, drawing her in to my body as I kiss her again. This time her eyes fly open, the same time her mouth does, her tongue pressing against my lips, waiting to be given entrance. She rolls onto her back, wrapping her arms around me and semi pulling me on top of her as she kisses me with a hunger that’s usually saved for our late nights in the dark. I return the kiss with equal fervor, wanting to soak up every single second of her embrace until I have to leave again. I don’t know how or when it happened, but I’ve become addicted to Cheyenne Hamilton, and I have no idea what kind of torturous rehab is going to be waiting for me after this summer.
One hand slides up my back and grabs my hair. It’s grown out a little bit since I’ve been here, a result of Cheyenne mentioning how she likes messy, unruly hair. I’m glad I listened to her, because it’s become a good gripping point for her when we’re close like this. Her other hand is resting just above my ass, and my dick gets hard the moment she slides it into my jeans and under my boxers so that her fingers are resting on my bare skin. Pulling away from her kiss, I begin to kiss down her neck, and I have to stop myself from going any lower. She’s in a tiny bikini, and if I travel any farther south, I don’t think I’ll be able to resist tasting every single inch of her.