by Kaylee Ryan
“Evan,” my dad says as I clear the final porch step. He slowly rises from the rocker he’s sitting in and walks toward me. Reaching me, he pulls me into a hug. I notice his hold is not as tight as it used to be. He’s losing his strength. I feel guilty for not coming with them to help Mom take care of things—-take care of him.
“Jeff, you need to share,” I hear my grandma say beside us. Dad releases me with a chuckle that quickly turns to a cough.
Grandma pulls me into a hug, with Grandpa reaching out to shake my hand. “We missed you,” Grandma says.
“Congratulations, Evan,” my grandpa says. He’s always been a straight shooter. He’s the first one to mention I’m going to be a father. I was shocked Mom didn’t bring it up on the way here.
“Thank you.”
“Well, I have lunch ready. Let’s head inside,” Grandma instructs.
Everyone heads into the kitchen. I drop my bag by the door and dig out the ultrasound pictures. Taking the empty seat across from my parents, I reach over and hand them to my mom. I watch as a slow smile forms and tears well up in her eyes.
“I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandma,” she says, never taking her eyes off the pictures.
I think the staff at Misty’s OB office feels sorry for me. They printed out almost twenty pictures. I have one on my fridge at home. Kinley is actually the one who put it there. She, Aaron, and I were working on assembling all the furniture for the baby’s room. Kinley stopped to make us a late lunch. When she called us to the kitchen, I noticed it was hanging there. I remember I pointed to it and she shrugged her shoulders, and said, “I just thought she should be here with us.” I’m glad Aaron was there. If he hadn’t been, I would have grabbed her and kissed the hell out of her.
“Do you have a name?” Grandma asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“No, not yet. I just . . . It’s a big deal.”
Dad laughs. “Yeah, I remember it took us seeing you before we actually decided on a name.”
Mom reaches over and lays her hand on top of his. “You just looked like an Evan to us,” she laughs.
I wish I had that. I wish I had a partner to stand by my side. I only have myself to blame.
“Yeah, I haven’t thought about it too much. I’ve been busy getting everything I’ll need. McKinley has been a huge help. I gave her my credit card and told her to have at it. It’s overwhelming, everything a baby needs,” I confess. I dig my cell phone out of my pocket and pull up my photo gallery. I bring up the recent pictures I took of the nursery after we got all the furniture assembled.
“Here’s the room. Kinley’s done most of it. She painted it all while I was branding cattle. She also picked out the furniture and helped Aaron and me put it all together last weekend.”
Mom and Grandma talk about how pretty it is and how the white furniture really stands out with the color of the walls. All the same things Kinley had said.
“She’s done a great job. I love the room,” Mom says, handing my phone back to me.
“She really has. I don’t know what I would do without her.”
“How are they, McKinley and Aaron?” she asks.
“Good. Aaron and Jerry are still partners, although Jerry keeps saying he’s ready to retire and work for Aaron,” I laugh.
“I’m sure he is,” Dad says. “It’s hard work.”
“And McKinley?” Mom prompts.
“She’s great. She graduated a few months ago, so she’s living at home, which I think I told you. Jerry and Sarah gave her the space above the garage and she’s turned it into a studio for her photography. You should see some of her pictures. She’s really good. She’s been great about helping me shop and set the baby’s room up. She made me a list of everything I still need to do and has even convinced me I need a new truck.” I stop talking when I realize I’ve been gushing about her.
Looking around at my family, I see my praise didn’t go unnoticed. Dad and Grandpa are smirking at me; Mom and Grandma are wearing grins that could light up the state of Alabama.
“I’m glad she’s been such a help,” Mom says.
I nod. “She really has.” I dig into my food, hoping to end this part of the conversation.
The last five days have flown by. I’ve enjoyed spending time with my parents and grandparents. I don’t get to see them nearly enough. Dad, Grandpa, and I went fishing. It was great to spend that time with them. I could tell it wore Dad out, but he insisted we go.
Grandma and Mom purchased the largest suitcase I’ve ever seen and filled it to the point of bursting at the seams with baby items. Grandma made her a quilt, while Mom went crazy with dresses and what she called onesies, socks, and a whole bunch of other stuff I have no idea about, like burp cloths.
Mom drove me to the airport and it was a tearful goodbye. I’ll miss them, but once I’m boarded on the way back to Kentucky, it’s Kinley who filters through my mind.
Evan comes home today.
That’s my first thought as I slowly open my eyes to the early morning sun. We’ve texted a couple of times since he’s been gone, but it’s not the same. I think this is the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other since I’ve been home.
I’ve missed him.
I know it’s wrong and we’re just friends, but a girl can miss her friend, right? Groaning at my thought process, I reach for my phone. I see I have a missed text from Aaron.
Aaron: Morning! Text me when you roll your sleepy ass out of bed. I have a favor.
Checking the time of the message, I see it was sent at 5:55 this morning. It’s now 8:02.
Me: What’s up?
Aaron: I was supposed to pick Evan up from the airport, but one of the horses is sick. I’ve been in the stables since about two. Anyway, can you pick him up for me?
Today is Sunday, and I don’t have anything on the books for the studio. Being a photographer, I don’t have a traditional nine-to-five schedule and I love it.
Me: Sure, what time is his flight?
Aaron: Lands at two.
Me: Got it.
Aaron: You’re the best sister ever!
Me: LOL. Remember that when I come cashing in my IOU.
Aaron: You got it, little sister.
I smile at our banter. I love my brother. We’re friends just as much as we are siblings. I wonder what he would think about the thoughts I’ve been having about his best friend. When I was younger, I had the biggest crush on Evan. Now, this is . . . different. I can only assume it’s because we’re older, but my thoughts and these feelings go deeper than my teenage crush. When I was younger, I just wanted his attention and wondered what it would be like to walk down the halls of the high school holding his hand, being his girlfriend. Now, I want to trace every inch of him with my tongue. I want to strip him naked and have my way with him. Definitely not a schoolgirl crush.
I’m excited for him to come home. Yesterday afternoon, Mom and the ladies from church had Ethel’s ‘great-grandmother-to-be’ shower. The ladies really went overboard with the gifts. Ethel was in tears, so overwhelmed by the support. If I heard it once yesterday, I heard it a thousand times, that Evan is such a great guy and they commend him for doing this on his own. If they only knew how scared he is. I think I’m the only one who gets to see that side of him, well, besides Aaron.
Mom and I drove Ethel home with Mom’s Jeep Cherokee loaded down with gifts. Ethel asked us if we would just go ahead and take them to Evan’s to prevent having to transfer them today when he gets home. I agreed and used the key he told me to just keep for now. I’ve been in and out of his place so often helping him with the room, he said it was easier than hiding it under the rock every day.
Rolling out of bed, I grab a quick shower and throw on my signature jean shorts, tank, and cowboy boots. I’m in the kitchen toasting a bagel when Mom walks in.
“Good morning,” she chirps.
“Morning.”
“I still can’t believe all the gifts. The ladies really outdid themselve
s,” Mom says.
“They really did. I’m relieved because he needs everything.”
“He comes home today, right?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’m actually picking him up from the airport. Aaron was supposed to, but I guess he’s been up with a sick horse all night.”
“Yeah, your dad’s been out there too. He came in about six this morning and I packed them both a big breakfast. They were still waiting for the vet to get here.”
“Which horse?”
“Morning star.”
I cringe. Morning Star is a broodmare, one that is currently in foal. She was bred to a stud whose fees are fifteen thousand dollars. Not to mention, she’s been with us since she was a baby—-over ten or so years now. I’m sure Dad and Aaron are both worried sick about her. They both try to play tough guy, but are just as attached to the horses as Mom and I.
“Anything I can do?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Well, I think I’m going to get some editing done before I leave for the airport.”
“Sounds good. I’m going to pack a cooler with a few snacks and drinks to take up to the stables.”
Traffic getting to the airport is terrible. When I finally make it, I have to park in the south forty. Luckily, I left to allow plenty of time. I still have thirty minutes before his flight is supposed to land. I find a seat outside of his gate and pull out my Kindle. A girl never leaves home without the necessities. It’s hard to concentrate because I keep checking my watch every five seconds. I’m more excited about seeing him than I should allow myself to be. It’s only been a week. I’ve read the same sentence fifteen times; giving up I slide my Kindle back into my purse. Instead, I pull out my phone and scroll through my Instagram feed. Olivia posted a picture of a cute new pair of boots. I comment I need to know where she got them. I’m a sucker for cowboy boots.
“Kinley?” My head pops up at the sound of his voice.
Evan is walking toward me. Without thinking, I jump from my seat and run to him. I throw my arms around his neck and give him a tight hug. Taking a deep breath, I breathe him in. His arms are around me, resting on my waist, and he buries his face in my neck. I’m not sure how long we stand there, but reality crashes around me as to how intimate our embrace is. I pull away and put some space between us.
His chocolate eyes follow me. “Aaron?” he asks, his voice gruff.
“Morning Star’s sick. He and Dad have been up most of the night with her. He asked me to pick you up,” I explain.
His eyes roam over me as he begins moving toward me. My body freezes at his approach.
Leaning down, he whispers, “Thank you,” against my ear as his lips brush my cheek.
My breath hitches in my throat.
Evan stands to his full height, throws his carry-on over his shoulder, and grabs a rather large suitcase. It’s more than I would think he would have traveled with. “Mom and Grandma went a little overboard shopping for the baby.”
I smile, because my words are still lodged in my throat.
Evan places his large hand on the small of my back. “If you don’t mind, can we stop by the stables on the way back? I want to see if Aaron and your dad need any help.”
“Sure,” I manage to say. Evan is one of the good guys through and through. Why does he have to be my brother’s best friend? I can say with 100 percent certainty that if he weren’t, I would have already thrown myself at him.
I lead Evan outside and to my new SUV. “Wow, is this yours?” he asks.
“Yeah, my old Honda has seen better days. Business is good at the studio, so I thought it was time. It’s kind of embarrassing pulling up to a shoot driving a beat-up old Honda Accord. This is more professional. I also have a ton of room to travel with props and equipment.”
“It’s nice. What made you go with a Durango?” he asks.
“I loved the way it drives, which is important, but it has a great sound system. I was thinking, for the outdoor shoots, I could use that to help whoever it is I’m photographing relax a little. It’s also four-wheel drive, so I can pretty much drive it to the majority of the on-site locations. However, I do have one up on the ridge out by Miller’s place in a few weeks, so that one will be impossible to drive to.”
“Miller’s old place. Todd Miller?” he asks.
“Yep, he’s proposing to his longtime girlfriend. He wants me hiding in the background to photograph the entire thing. The ridge is where he took her on their first date.”
“Huh. You don’t think she’s going to be mad to find out you’ve been hiding in the shadows during a personal moment like that?” he asks.
“Nope. It’s romantic that he wants to capture the moment. I’m going to take a few posed shots of them up on the ridge as well.”
“I can see how much you love it.”
“I really do. It doesn’t feel like a job, and I hope it never does. I love the flexible schedule. When I’m settled down with kids, it will be even more convenient,” I blurt out. I have no idea why I’m saying these things to him. I guess I feel more comfortable because he’s going to be a father soon. “How are your parents? Grandparents?” I ask him, quickly changing the subject.
“Good. Dad’s weak. The chemo takes a lot out of him. He, Grandpa, and I went fishing. It was nice to spend time with them. Mom and Grandma bought that big-ass suitcase and filled it with lots of pink.” He laughs. “Burp cloths, was that on my list? And onesies?” he asks.
I can’t help but chuckle at him. “Yeah, some use receiving blankets for burp cloths, and onesies are a very important part of a baby’s wardrobe,” I reply.
Evan’s quiet in the seat next to me. “Hey,” I say, taking a quick glance over at him. “You okay?”
I hear him release a heavy sigh. Glancing over again, I see his eyes are shut and his head is resting back against the seat. Reaching over, I lay my hand on top of his. I know this is hard for him, and I wish I had the words to make it all better.
He doesn’t say a word. He just laces his fingers through mine, and that’s how we drive the rest of the way to the stables.
After checking to see if Aaron and Jerry need anything, McKinley drives me home. I’m surprised when she turns the engine off. Don’t get me wrong, I want her here, but I’m fighting what feels like a losing battle to stay away from her. Today, just the simple things like asking about my family and reaching over to hold my hand. She’s just . . . there, and I feel myself slipping more each day.
“I kind of have a surprise for you. I want to see your face when you see it,” she admits with a soft blush crossing her cheeks. I want to lean over this fucking console and taste her lips. Instead, I nod and climb out of her SUV. She opens the back, so I can retrieve my luggage, and follows me up the stairs. I’m digging in my pocket for my key when she says, “I got it.”
I watch her take my key, which is on her keyring, and open my front door. The act is all kinds of domestic and everything I realize I’m starting to crave with her.
McKinley steps inside and turns on the lights. I place my bags in the foyer and follow her into the living room. The room is covered in gift bags—mostly pink and all representing a baby. “What is all this?” I ask as I walk further into the room.
McKinley is sitting on the floor in the middle of all the bags, wearing a smile—-my smile. The one she saves for me. At least that’s what I tell myself. I don’t ever see her share it with anyone else.
“This is for you and your daughter. Mom and the ladies at the church had a great-granddaughter shower for your Grandma Ethel.”
“They didn’t have to do that,” I say in a low voice. I feel like a chick for how emotional this gesture is making me.
“No, they didn’t. They wanted to, Evan. Having a baby is a big deal. You’re going to have this little person who not only needs lots of love and attention, but a lot of other stuff too. It’s a rite of passage to have a baby shower. We knew we could never convince you to let us have one for you, so we enlisted your gra
ndma.”
Kicking off my boots, I take a seat across from her on the floor. “Kinley, I don’t . . .”
“I know, Evan,” she says softly.
I want to kiss her. I want to lean in and capture her lips, bruise them with my kiss. This girl . . .
“So,” she clears her throat, tearing me away from my inappropriate thoughts, “I was going to put it all away, but then I changed my mind. I know Misty’s not in the picture and this is all so unconventional, so I was kind of thinking you and I could go through it all. That way you will know what you have, and it will be like you were at the shower, only it’s just the two of us.”
Just the two of us, if she only knew the images those words cause in my mind.
“I’d like that,” I finally say.
“Yay!” She claps her hands and hands me a bag. We spend the next hour going through each gift. She’s glowing with excitement—-excitement for me and my daughter. This girl is wrecking me.
“Now we get to pack it all upstairs.” She grins at me. “Oh, maybe we should take all the tags off the clothes and blankets. I’ll pick up some detergent tomorrow, and then we can wash it before we put it all away. We’ll know everything in her room is good to go.”
We.
She’s including herself into my world; into my daughter’s world. I quickly stand to keep myself under control.
“I have detergent,” I say, heading to the kitchen for a pair of scissors.
“You need special detergent for babies. They have sensitive skin. You don’t have to use it forever, but the first several months at least,” she explains.
“And you know all of this how?” I ask her. I need to keep her talking to keep my mind off what I really want to do to her.