by T. S. Joyce
Nathan could ruin everything.
No. He wouldn’t because she wouldn’t let him. She wasn’t the same weak mewling woman anymore. Anya would see him at the end of the week with nothing to report, and that would be that. She’d say her goodbye. In fact, she’d already prepared her speech. It started with fuck and ended with you.
Even horny inner bear approved with a slow clap.
After twenty minutes of smooth highway driving, Chase pulled the jeep into the old diner parking lot and cut the engine. As the dust settled around them, he leaned over and unbuckled her seat belt.
“I’m having fun with you,” he said. His hand cradled her cheek and she leaned into his touch. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this.”
“Dated?”
“Yeah. That and more.”
Lightly, she demanded, “Explain the more.”
“I like you.”
“Me, too,” she admitted.
“Oh yeah?” he asked through a smile. “You like you too?”
“Shut it. You know what I mean.”
“Say what you mean.”
“I like you, too. A lot,” she whispered. “So much it scares me.”
A deep rumble sounded from his chest, more contented sound than growl, and she melted against him as he trailed kisses behind her ear. Someday, she’d look back on this moment and remember it as the best day. It was pretty extraordinary knowing that she was living her best day right now.
“Stay there and I’ll help you down,” he rumbled against her ear.
He unbuckled and jogged around the front of the jeep, then offered his hand like he’d done at the fence yesterday.
“You’re confusing,” she said, stepping down.
“How?”
“You order Jo to beat the tar out of me in the training arena, but then you go out of your way to pamper me outside of it.”
His eyes hardened and he looked away. “I’m sorry you see it like that. It has to be that way though. I like to take care of you and make you happy, but someday, you might need to be able to protect yourself when I’m not around. You won’t learn that with pampering, Anya. I have to be hard on you, and you have to get hurt to know your limits.”
“Why were you telling Jo to hit me yesterday before the fight even started though?”
He held open the diner door and gestured her inside. The diner was sixties themed—checkered floors, red booth cushions, barstools and tattered print posters of old cars and milkshakes. The pies in a glass display case on the counter smelled divine, like blackberries, flour and sugar granules.
Chase waited for Anya to take a seat, then sat across from her, and she wondered at his formal manners and where he’d learned them. Sometimes he was rough around the edges, a spitting, cussing, bare-knuckle boxing sort of man. Then sometimes, when they were alone, he was quite dignified.
“You’re a submissive bear,” he observed.
She cocked her head, confused. Any shifter could tell she was submissive.
“You asked why I let Jo hit you before the fight. It’s because you wouldn’t have engaged seriously with her if you weren’t riled into doing it. Next time it will be easier. I think you should come back out tomorrow. I have drills I want you to practice to learn balance, and you should start conditioning with my evening class. They are more at your level.”
“My level? You mean pathetic and amateur?”
He snorted and fingered a plastic menu. “You did well enough, but you don’t need those sorts of compliments from me. With work, you’ll do just fine.”
She didn’t need those compliments, no, but they sure as hell made her glow from the inside out like a brush fire. “I like that you don’t treat me like I’m unimportant or weak.”
“You aren’t either of those so I have no reason to. And if you’re referring to how Nathan treats the woman in his clan, he’s wrong. Always has been. What happened to you should’ve never been allowed.”
“The entire clan thinks Bear Valley is full of evil people. Nathan could have them provoked and ready to fight at a moment’s notice.”
Chase cast a troubled glare out the window, and the muscles in his jaw clenched.
Dropping her chin to her chest, she whispered, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you mad. I just wanted you to know how it is over there.”
“Doesn’t make me mad. Just worried about our future.” He eased her chin up with his fingertip until her eyes met his. “I think maybe we should call a meeting with Riker so you can tell him what is happening over there, in detail. That way, he can make more educated decisions about our future, and about the future of the Long Claws. I like a good fight, but we don’t want this war, Anya. We’ll suffer huge losses on both sides and there’s already so few bear shifters left. We can’t afford to wipe out half our damned species over Nathan’s bad leadership.”
“I’ll do it.” It didn’t feel like betraying the Long Claws if it would save the people Nathan was throwing into harm’s way. “Whatever you and Riker need, I’ll do it.”
“Hi, Chase,” the waitress said through a friendly smile.
“Oh, hey,” Chase said. “Corin, Anya. Anya, Corin. She’s one of ours.”
Anya tried to keep a stoic face, but for heaven’s sake—Corin was a bear and working with humans. She held out her hand for a shake and gaped.
Corin giggled. “The uniform is kind of lame, but I make good tips most days.”
“Sorry, I’m not staring at your uniform. Human jobs just aren’t allowed where I come from. Everything is just so different around here.”
Corin looked around and leaned forward. “You have to be careful with talk like that around here, in case someone hears you.”
Panicked at her mistake, Anya said, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Chase rubbed his boot against her sneaker under the table and she inhaled slow, calmer already. “I forget about having to be careful.”
Corin shrugged and said, “It’s okay. No harm done this time. I saw you fighting Jo yesterday. You did pretty well if it was your first time. Jo’s intimidating.”
“You were one of the people training?” Anya asked.
“Yeah, I go to Chase’s class after I finish in the wheat fields. Though, we’re about to harvest so I won’t be able to come for a while after Wednesday. Are you going back at the same time tomorrow?”
Corin was pretty and looked younger than her by a couple of years. Or maybe she just looked younger because of her innocent, wide eyes. Her hair was nut brown and her hazel eyes looked like the type that changed colors with the clothes she wore. In the pink, checkered apron, they looked mostly blue. She had one of those easy smiles Anya wanted to answer with one of her own, just to encourage another.
“Yeah, I think I’ll go at the same time. I’m working cattle with Riker’s mate, Hannah, during the day, but I’ll come by afterward. She looked quickly at Chase and arched an eyebrow. “I mean, if that’s okay with you.”
“I’m not your keeper,” Chase said.
“Yes you are. Riker said so. I’m not supposed to be alone, remember?”
“Oh, that.” His gaze settled on her but was a million miles away, as if he’d forgotten what a risk she was. “Yeah, that’s fine. You should be training anyway, so have Hannah or Jo bring you by after you finish up at the barn. I’ll match you two up tomorrow if you want.”
“Sounds good,” Corin said. Her smile faded and she nodded once, as if she were shifting into business mode. “What can I get you to drink?”
“Pepsi.” Anya had been craving one since the long hike to Bear Valley.
“I’ll have water,” Chase said.
Of course he would. A man didn’t get to look like him by pumping sugar into his blood stream. She felt a little guilty for her choice, but not enough to change it. Surely Chase would condition the soda from her in training tomorrow.
After Corin left to put in the cheeseburger baskets they’d ordered, Anya leveled him a look and said, “Now spill it.”
Narro
wing his eyes, he lifted his chin and asked, “Spill what?”
“You know a lot about my relationship, or lack thereof, with Nathan. You talked about a woman who hurt you and then left me hanging yesterday. Who was she?”
He rubbed his hands through his hair roughly and leaned forward. “You don’t want to know about her. It’s a boring story.”
She canted her head and waited.
With a put-upon sigh, he said, “Her name was Bethany and she kept walking out on me, driving me crazy and coming back into my life as soon as she thought I was getting over her. She had this sixth sense for when I was happy or in a good place, and she’d come back and turn everything upside down again. We did that dance for a couple of years before she up and left. Joined up with the Raiders and was claimed before I even knew we weren’t together anymore. Makes all this—all that’s happening between us—really scary.”
The vulnerability in his eyes would’ve brought her to her knees if she were standing.
“I thought about claiming her. God, it was all I thought about sometimes, but every time I felt serious about it, she just didn’t feel right. Like we didn’t fit and were forcing it.”
Oh, Anya knew all about not fitting. She’d been trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole for years with Nathan. It had taken her leaving his presence altogether to realize she was better off without him. He would leave scars on her like this woman left on Chase, and all she could hope was that he would look past them. To accept them like she would accept all of him.
“You don’t have to be scared of me,” she breathed. “I won’t hurt you.”
Her chest clenched just thinking about bringing the sad look to Chase that he wore now, as he thought about Bethany.
No matter what, she’d find a way to protect them both from Nathan’s clawed and treacherous reach.
Chapter Eight
It had been four days since she’d gone to town with Chase. Since her heart had decided it was his to care for. Since her life had swung in the complete opposite direction from its previous, and depressing, trajectory. Four days since she’d started living again. But something sat heavily on her mind and she couldn’t trust her own jaded instincts to sort through it on her own.
Riker had been waiting when she’d arrived at the cattle barns to meet Hannah this morning. He’d been so stoic, but informed her she was finished with her probation and could walk Bear Valley without escorts from now on. Then a small smile cracked his face as his mate, Hannah, jumped in the air and whooped loud enough to echo through the clearing. If Anya were still trying to spy for Nathan, it would’ve been good news for treacherous reasons. As it stood, Riker’s announcement felt like warm acceptance. Bear Valley had been wiggling its way into her heart all week, and now, an alpha she respected so much let her know she was one of his clan members.
She felt like celebrating her newfound freedom, so after a long day of work, she’d walked all the way to Daria’s house by herself. She’d talked to the healer for half an hour and begged more herbs for a second batch of balm for Chase’s injury, then came straight to the office to see Joanna to beg advice.
“Joanna? I mean Jo,” Anya corrected as her friend left the office building clan meetings were held in. “Could I talk to you for a couple of minutes?”
“Of course.” Jo waved to Brody and the other council members as they filed out the door, then gestured to a wooden picnic table under the shade of a giant pine tree.
Setting her packet of herbs on the warped wooden surface, she slid into the bench seat and wiped nut shells some squirrel had left onto the pine needle covered ground.
Jo sat opposite her and surprised her by grabbing her hands and squeezing. “I’m really glad you came here, Anya. I thought about you a lot after I left. Wondered how you were doing. You didn’t seem like Nathan’s other mates...er…whatever they are. You weren’t that hardened.”
April and Greta were calloused, yes. They had to be. But Merit-the-evil-shrew was a different story altogether. Anya hadn’t ever seen a soul in that horrid woman. How Nathan could be smitten with a woman like Merit spoke volumes about how far he’d fallen. He really was losing his mind along with his humanity. Just as every time she thought about Nathan, her stomach went cold as winter. Clenching her hands under the table, she steadied herself.
After tonight, she’d never see him again.
“Honestly,” Anya admitted, “I didn’t know there was anything wrong with the way I was living, or how unhappy I was until I came here.”
“It’s kind of a culture shock, isn’t it?” Jo asked with a sympathetic smile.
“The first couple of days, everything was so confusing, but now it all seems normal. Life here feels right. The more I think about the difference in Bear Valley and the Long Claws though, the angrier I get and how much everyone is manipulated by Nathan.” She cleared her throat and adjusted her weight on the wooden bench. “Nathan is actually why I came here to talk to you.”
Jo’s eyebrows winged up.
“Well,” she amended quickly, “not really Nathan so much as Chase.”
A slow, knowing smile stretched Jo’s lips and her green eyes danced. “You and Chase are together, aren’t you?”
A trill of contentment washed through Anya and she chuckled. “I want to be. That’s why I wanted your advice. You know where I’m from, so you have a different perspective than everyone else here. And you know how…demanding…Nathan was. Well, I enjoy intimacy, but Chase…” Geez, this was a terrible idea. Talking about this stuff was hard and embarrassing and Jo was staring at her with such wide, expectant eyes. How was Anya supposed to explain something that stumped her so completely?
“He doesn’t touch you like you want him to?” Joanna guessed.
Relieved that she understood, she said, “Yes. I thought maybe you could tell me if it is just a Bear Valley thing, or if something is wrong with me that I need to work on.”
“First off, has he kissed you yet?”
“Yes, plenty of kissing. I love kissing him. It feels so personal and intimate, and I’ve never felt that before. He takes his time and caresses my skin.” She frowned with the realization that she was stroking her leg under the table just talking about him. “And he does more. Kisses me other places.” Her cheeks blazed like they’d caught fire.
“Good man,” Joanna said with a wide grin. “So what don’t you like?”
“He won’t let me touch him. Or finish him. It’s as if he doesn’t want me to. And he won’t let me sleep in his bed, but I’ve told him twice I really want to. He seems to be afraid it will lead to more.”
“Have you talked to him about this stuff, Anya?”
“I’ve tried, but he seemed so uncomfortable. And he’s so good to me, so affectionate and patient, I feel bad pushing him when he’s obviously not ready.” With a huge puff of breath, she said, “I want more with him.” She wanted everything the man had to offer, but Jo didn’t need to hear that.
“He’s talked to Brody about you,” Jo said low.
Anya bit her bottom lip and imagined all the terrible things that would’ve prompted him to go to a trusted friend. Perhaps she was bad at the intimacy he was obviously trying to teach her, or maybe he didn’t like her as much as he seemed to, and was looking for advice on how to get rid of her. Maybe this was much worse than she thought.
With a brave face, she asked, “What about?”
“Can’t tell you.”
“Jo,” she admonished, exasperated. “Then why did you bring it up?”
“I can’t tell you because I’m sworn to secrecy, but I’ll hint at what you should talk to him about.”
More puzzles. Great.
“He knows you’ve been through a lot. Does he keep asking about your time with the Long Claws?”
“Yes. He wants to talk about it a lot.” Too much. It brought up a lot of memories she wanted to forget.
“That’s not for his benefit, Anya. It hurts him to hear about how you were treated, and fo
r dominant males, that kind of stuff is really hard not to react to. It makes them want to punish the people who hurt the ones they care about. You have to consider the possibility that he is giving you time to heal. He’s a good man, Anya, much different from Nathan. Sex means more here than it does with the Long Claws. And you just came from a really messed up, long-term situation. If he’d have jumped right into bed with you, then you should be worried. It sounds like he’s taking it slow, and you have to stop seeing that as a bad thing.” She shook her head and sighed. “I’ve said too much already. He was asking Brody about my experience with the Long Claws and any problems I had adjusting to life in Bear Valley. If you want more, you’ll have to prove to him that you’re ready.”
“How do I do that?”
Joanna shrugged and stood, dusting the seat of her pants. “That I can’t advise you on. Chase and Brody are very different men. What works for me and Brody won’t necessarily work for you guys. That’s the hard part about falling in love, Anya. You have to learn each other. It takes time and isn’t always easy, but trust me when I say, it’ll be worth it to become bonded like that.”
“Jo,” she said, rising, “you seem really happy here.”
Joanna lowered her gaze and stared at the corner of the table for a long time. When she finally looked back up, her eyes were rimmed with moisture. She swallowed hard. “I am, Anya. This is a life I never thought I would have. I’ve found my place with a mate I don’t have to share. And despite all my faults, he loves me. I’m really glad you came here. Your life was really hard and you probably don’t even realize the scars Nathan has left on you. But here, you’ll have a chance to lead a good life. A meaningful one filled with happiness. And if you ever need anything, please come to me. You were kind to me when we lived under Nathan, and I always wished we were in a different situation so we could be friends. I can’t even describe how happy I was when you showed up in Bear Valley. Chase will be good for you but you’ll have to be patient with him. He has his reasons for behaving the way he does, Anya. Just give him time.”