by Joy Elbel
We parted with a kiss and agreed to get together Monday night after school to talk about what happened at The Hideout Friday night. Open communication was way overdue between us so we made a pact to be completely honest with each other about our relationship. Well, almost honest—I still felt that telling him my ghostly secret wasn’t necessary and therefore irrelevant. Everything else, though, was fair game. The minute I got home I was going to make a list of what I wanted to say and what I wanted to ask him.
And that’s just what I did, too. With Coco curled up by my side, I propped myself against my pillow and made that list. Why didn’t he want to sleep with me? Why was he so prone to anger lately? Was there a secret between him and Chloe that he wasn’t sharing with me? Those were the three big ones but I knew there were more so I relaxed and thought about it. I relaxed so much that I fell asleep. And dreamed again that Chloe was ripping me to shreds to get to Zach.
I told Zach that I would meet him at the shelter at ten, but I must have shut my alarm off because when I finally opened my eyes and looked at the clock it was almost eleven. I jumped out of bed and texted him on the way to the shower.
“Sorry—just woke up! Be there soon.”
I don’t know how I wanted him to respond, but it definitely would have been nothing like what I actually got.
“That’s okay—Chloe’s here. Take your time.” Take my time? Why, so she could put the moves on my man while I wasn’t there? No freakin’ way! I showered, dressed and made myself beautiful in record time. There was no time for breakfast so I grabbed a banana from the kitchen and ate it as I drove. When I got to the shelter, I could hear their laughter echoing from the back. Time to put a stop to that.
Zach was too busy laughing at whatever Chloe just said to even see me come in so I snuck up behind him and gave him a flirty hug. He turned around and gave me a kiss and afterward I floated her a smug look to let her know I was on to her game. When she acted like she didn’t even notice, it only infuriated me more.
It wasn’t until Andy came in to let Zach know that he was ready for him that I realized I was going to be spending the entire day with Chloe. It wasn’t going to be fun, but now more than ever I needed to keep my enemies close. So I pretended that nothing was wrong all day and so did she. She didn’t show the slightest hint that anything was amiss. I had to give her credit—she was good. Misty was obvious about what she wanted and it was easier to spot enemies like that. Chloe, however, was crafty and sly. I had to keep a close eye on her from now on.
Shortly before we were done and ready to leave, she dropped the bomb on me. “It’s too bad that you and Zach fought Friday night. I know how much you were both looking forward to your date.”
What? How could she possibly know that we fought? Rachel must have let it slip at some point, but when? Keeping my emotions as in check as I could manage, I asked her how she knew.
“Oh, Zach told me last night.” Last night. So he was with her yesterday. This was her first day at the shelter—he told me so last night. Which meant that he was with her during the time that he was avoiding me, when he was gone and even his sister didn’t know where he was. Why didn’t he tell me about it? Add one more thing to the list of questions I had for him tomorrow night. It was a big one so I decided to put it right at the top.
I was seriously pissed but I had to play it cool. It would do me more harm than good if I let her know I was upset. “We worked everything out though—it’ll take more than that to break us up.”
“I’m sure it will. See you tomorrow.” She waved as she drove off, leaving me standing there wondering what she meant by that. She was plotting to steal him—I knew it. I knew going into this relationship that he was the kind of guy girls would be willing to do anything to get their hands on. Apparently, that included befriending me. At least I had Rachel on my side. It was sad that the only girl I could trust not to try to steal him away from me was his sister.
Zach thanked me for helping out and kissed me goodnight. He assured me that we would talk about everything Monday night and that once we did, I would never doubt his love for me again. Trusting that he was right, all I had to do was make it through one more day of doubt. It turned out to be the longest day of my life.
It all started at breakfast Monday morning. Shelly reminded me that my dad made my doctor’s appointment for that afternoon. I knew that I agreed to it when he first suggested it, but I would have done practically anything to get out of it now. There wasn’t even anything wrong with me. I was just under a crushing weight of stress—that was all. I tried to argue with her but got nowhere. Shelly informed me that she would pick me up from school at noon and drop me back off after the appointment so I could see the results of my math test. And then she got quiet. There was something more.
“So I spoke with your father this morning and we both agreed on something.”
Okay, they agreed on a lot of things so what made this one thing special enough to announce? “We think it’s time for you to go on birth control. I’m going to talk to the doctor about it today.” She said it so casually between sips of coffee that if I hadn’t been paying attention, I would have thought she was just commenting on the weather.
What could I say to that? “Thanks, but my boyfriend doesn’t want to touch me so it’s really not necessary.” That was something I would never admit to another living soul. Ever.
Suddenly the cereal in my bowl looked positively inedible. “I don’t need it, Shelly. Really, I don’t.”
“Maybe not, but you will soon. I want you to be prepared for when you do need it so no arguments.” She was serious so I didn’t protest. Instead, I took two bites of cereal and threw the rest away. “I’ll see you at noon,” I said leaving quickly so she couldn’t grill me about not eating. Again.
When I got to the school, something felt weird. In place of the normal chaos there was an oddly quiet air of organization. No one was running or shouting. They were all standing on the sidewalk in clusters, closely huddled around their phones and laughing. As I got out of my car to meet Zach, I watched as each cluster turned toward me and the laughter was replaced with whispers. At first, I had no idea what could be going on but eventually it hit me. Somehow everyone knew about what happened on our date Friday night.
But how? I didn’t spill a word of it—not even to Rachel. There was only one possibility. Chloe. Zach had to have told her about it and she leaked the information to the entire school. Betrayal paralyzed me like a toxin. How could he share something so private with her? Anger trumped humiliation and I stormed up to him to demand an answer.
“Hey, beautiful, are you ready to….” I stopped him mid-sentence. Smack! A well placed slap across the face left him and everyone watching us stunned.
Zach rubbed his cheek with his hand and shouted, “Hey! What was that for?” “You know exactly what that was for! I trusted you and this is what I get.” I extended my arm in the direction of one of the clusters of girls giggling over their phones.
“Ruby, I don’t know what you’re talking about! Get in my car—you have some explaining to do!” He opened the door for me but I shoved past him roughly.
“You told Chloe everything that happened Friday night and she told the whole school. I’ll never get in that car with you again as long as I live!”
Zach denied it all. “I didn’t tell her any details! She knew we fought and that’s all. I didn’t even tell my sister—I swear!”
“Really? So why is everyone staring at me and laughing?” Storming into the school with Zach hot on my heels, I walked in to a deafening chant coming from a line of boys by the lockers.
“Turn around! Turn around! Turn around!” Almost a dozen boys were alternating between glancing at their phones and staring straight at me, all the while repeating that one phrase. At the center of them stood Alpha male himself, Ryan Fedderhoff.
Ryan broke formation and stepped up to me. “Do us all a favor and turn around next time, Ruby.”
Zach positione
d himself between Ryan and me. “Get away from her, Fedderhoff! Do not piss me off right now!”
Zach turned to face me. “I don’t know what’s going on, sweetie. But it wasn’t my fault. Please believe me!” I was still fuming but he seemed sincere and I started to believe him. I was just about to apologize when Ryan interjected.
“It’s actually pretty funny that you’re the last one to see it, Mason. She’s a bit of a freak, but I’d still do her.” Ryan hit a few buttons on his phone and a ringing sound came from Zach’s pocket.
Hovering at his side, I watched as Zach opened the message. When the video started to play, it took me a second to realize what it was. And then I recognized myself and the locker room shower. Someone recorded every second of my freak out last week. I watched in horror as I saw myself on the screen naked and screaming. Only the blood I saw that day wasn’t visible—I was seeing the scene the way everyone else saw it.
You couldn’t see anything but my exposed back, but I still felt infinitely violated. The idea that someone could be cruel enough to film someone in the shower was unthinkable to me. The only person I knew who would do something so evil was Misty. This was what she was talking about in the bathroom that day—it had to be. My lip started to quiver and tears spilled out of my eyes.
Zach had a different reaction. As he watched the video, I could feel his entire body tremble. When the tremble turned to full blown vibrating, I knew things were about to get ugly. I reached out to his phone and turned it off. But the damage was already done and when Ryan opened his mouth, I knew that it wouldn’t even matter to Zach what he said. They were going to fight and I had to stop it.
“Sucks to be the last guy in school to see your girlfriend naked, doesn’t it?” he said with a cocky smile. “Next time, Ruby, do us all a favor and turn around.”
It was like a bolt of lightning flashed through Zach’s eyes and he flung his entire body into Ryan like it was a guided missile. Ryan slammed into the lockers head first and winced in pain. But that was just the beginning. His fists pounded repeatedly into Ryan’s face with crushing blows. After a strange popping noise, his nose began to spout blood but the assault continued.
I started shouting, “STOP, ZACH! PLEASE STOP!” He acted like he didn’t even hear me, so I grabbed his shoulder from behind. “Zach, no! You’re going to get into so much trouble!”
He shoved me back, driving his elbow into my nose in the process. Blood gushed out and ran down my face and I fell flat on my ass in the middle of the hallway. Everything was such a mess. How did our perfect relationship crumble into dust so quickly? I didn’t care who was watching anymore, I buried my head in my hands and cried.
I didn’t look up until I heard Boone’s voice. He and two of his friends wrenched Zach off of Ryan who was now slumped on the floor in a bloody heap.
Zach struggled to get away as Boone yelled at him. “He’s not worth it, Zach! You’ve hurt him enough!” “He deserved everything I gave him and more!” There was fury in his voice and he barely sounded like the boy I loved.
“What about Ruby? Did she deserve what you gave her?” Boone swung him around so he could see my face. His darkened eyes softened the minute he saw me. “Ruby, what happened?” He sunk to his knees by my side. “Who hurt you?”
“You did! You smashed my nose when I tried to stop you!” I screamed into his face. “YOU DID THIS!” I knew that he didn’t mean to do it, that he would never hurt me on purpose. He loved me and I loved him. But that didn’t stop me from hating what he did. As he reached out to touch my face, I flinched.
Zach started to shake. “I’m so sorry, Ruby! I love you! I don’t know how this happened! I never meant to hurt you!”
“But you did!” I couldn’t look at him anymore so I scrambled to my feet and took off running down the hall.
“Ruby,” he called, “Wait, let me make it up to you!” The sound of his footsteps pounding behind me made me run faster and I found myself at the top of the steps leading down into the deserted locker rooms. But I wasn’t alone. Garnet was standing there, head cocked to one side and staring blankly at me through a curtain of dirty blond hair.
“Not now!” I hissed at her through clenched teeth, hoping no one was close enough to hear me. I stepped past her and sprinted to the landing below.
She shook her head slowly from side to side, turning to face Zach who’d finally caught up with me. Garnet lifted her bony arm and pointed directly at him threateningly.
“No—don’t come near me!” I shouted at Zach. Why did I run away from him? I should have stayed by his side regardless of what happened. He didn’t hurt me knowingly— it was all a tragic accident. But I led us straight into Garnet’s path and I was afraid of what she might do. Zach couldn’t come any closer—he might get hurt.
“Ruby, I love you! Please say you still love me, too!” Zach placed one foot down on the next step and Garnet moved swiftly behind him.
She raised both hands to his back. I screamed, “No!” just as she placed them on his shoulders and gave a vicious shove. Garnet stood at the top with a smile on her face as Zach crashed down the steps.
He landed with a thud at my feet and a groan exploded from his chest. Clutching his left wrist, he moaned in pain. “Ruby, I need help! I think my arm’s broken and my neck hurts really bad!”
I hesitated. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him until the pain was gone. One look at the top of the steps told me I shouldn’t. Garnet drew a skeletal finger across her throat and pointed at Zach. I had to get away from him before she hurt him worse than she already did. Taking the stairs two at a time, I left him there in a heap and ran away. Halfway down the hall, I could still hear him calling my name.
“Ruby, please don’t leave me!” But I had to. I loved him too much to let him get hurt again because of me. I was the reason he got angry enough to beat the living hell out of Ryan. Zach was going to be in so much trouble because of me. He was the love of my life and I had to leave him behind without an explanation, without a goodbye. Together, we were a beautiful yet toxic recipe for disaster. I knew that his body wasn’t the only thing hurting. The very second I broke his heart, I felt it. I felt it because mine shattered into a thousand pieces right along with it.
19. Hey, Can I Borrow That Magic Wand?
I ran and I didn’t stop running until I was in my car and driving away. Really, though, I was still running, in a sense. Running away from embarrassment and humiliation, for sure, but more importantly, running away from Zach. Not because I didn’t love him, but because I did. I couldn’t stand by and watch as he threw away his hopes and dreams to defend me, watch as he lay broken by the secret I could never tell him. Running wasn’t simply the best option—it was my only option.
I didn’t think about what I was going to tell Shelly when I got home, I just burst through the front door like a hurricane. If I’d thought about it first, I never would have told her the truth. When she met me at the door, though, I collapsed into her arms blubbering the whole story to her in ugly and vivid detail. Except for one detail—Garnet’s role in the incident. I was even distraught enough to tell her what started the whole thing—our failed date from Friday night.
“Oh, Ruby! Slow down—I can barely catch a single word of what you’re saying!” she said as I cried uncontrollably into her shoulder. She wiped at the blood on my face with a tissue. “Come sit down and start over from the beginning.”
She took a seat on the grand staircase and I sat down beside her. “Misty Landrum took a video of me in the locker room shower and sent it to the whole school! When Ryan taunted Zach with it, Zach snapped and beat him up. I tried to stop it, but Zach didn’t know it was me behind him and he cracked my nose with his elbow accidentally. I got mad at him and ran away but he followed me. Then, someone pushed him down the stairs and I left him there and I came straight home!” My nose started to drip again so I sniffed back the blood and went on. “I left him there with a broken arm and didn’t even tell anyone else
he needed help! I’m a horrible person!”
Shelly smoothed my hair back and offered me another tissue. “You’re not a horrible person, Ruby. But why did you leave him there?”
My tongue almost outran my brain in a mad rush to tell the story. Thankfully, my brain caught up and I stopped myself just before the truth about Garnet slipped out. “Because I’m no good for him! He gets into fights because of me and pushed down the stairs because of me. He’s going to be in so much trouble—he’ll be lucky if he doesn’t get kicked out of school over this! I ran because I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.”
Shelly held me as I cried. “I know you think this is all your fault, but it isn’t. Zach chose to get into those fights— you never asked him to do it. If he gets kicked out of school, he has only himself to blame.”
I protested. “But maybe if I hadn’t argued with him first, maybe he wouldn’t have been so ready to fight.”
“What did you argue with him about?” I took a deep breath and told her everything that happened Friday night and why I was in such a hurry to sleep with him. It was hard to believe that there was ever a time when I hated her so much that I barely even spoke to her. Right now, she was the only person in the world I trusted enough with that story.
“Ruby, you have it all backwards! Zach not wanting to move too fast with you is the sweetest thing he could possibly do! He put his own desires aside to do what he thought was right for you. The fact that he loves you enough to do that, well, it says a lot for who he is and how he feels about you.”
Now I felt even worse. I never looked at it that way. I wanted nothing more than to find him now and say I was sorry about everything. But it was too late now—our relationship was over. We still couldn’t be together because of Garnet. She hurt him once. What would stop her from doing it again? He’d been hurt enough already. What if the next time ended in his death? My love for him was being put to the test. I had to protect him even though it meant letting him go. As much as it hurt me, I knew it was the right thing to do. Someday I would find someone else who would love me, wouldn’t I? I would miss the kind of intensity I had with Zach, but our chemistry created deeper problems that we could both do without.