by ROBERT LABOO
“Tell me about the liquor store murder.”
“Me, Wayne-Wayne, and Turn-up got the call from up top to send a message to the Poppis in the liquor store. They were passing out samples to people. The big bruh’s wasn’t feeling that. So they sent us to express their feelings.”
“Samples of what?” Lewis asks.
“Dope.”
“Okay, so heroin? By ‘big bros’ you mean your superiors, correct?”
“Yeah.”
“Laywan and Benjamin, correct?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, continue.”
“Poppi got that bulletproof glass up, so we waited to catch one of them in the open so we could rob them. When Wayne-Wayne grabbed the brother we set the robbery off. The plan was to shake the store and shoot one of the poppis in the leg. Then shoot the freezers and shit to add to the damage. Wayne-Wayne shot poppi and I shot the glass. We aint know Turn-up was frying off the sticks which is another way of saying high off Xanax, while we was sticking to the plan he stood over poppi and did him.” Munch says shaking his head.
“So Benji Ru sent you three in to leave a message?”
“Yeah.” This couldn’t have went more perfect. Breaking Munch was the best thing that could have happened to Lewis’ case. Dwayne Tillman aka Wayne-Wayne, has been an informant since fourteen. His story started spilling as soon as the cuffs left the officers waist. But without a stronger witnesses’ corroborating story it would make his claim probable at best. But with two of the three participants to the crime pointing at Benji as the button pusher, he’s sure to get a warrant signed for his arrest. I know you are trying to figure out what this crime has to do with the strangling? Once convicted of a violent crime, the convict is mandated to submit a DNA sample. Once his DNA sample enters the database he can compare it to Sakinah Rogers and Aaliyah Perez’s assailants DNA. “You just might get home before you lose all your teeth, Mr. Munch.”
Suffiyah has never felt this safe in her life. She snuggles her body closer into Benji’s sleeping frame and his arm automatically pulls her in tighter. Secure. Sick and tired of feeling like she was fighting this battle alone caused her to run to Benji. His response was everything she needed it to be. He practically forced her to come stay with him. Lee Lee fought him when he tried to make her stay, also. Ever the gentleman, he even still called and checked on her every hour on the hour. First thing this morning he’s going to use the connections he’s obtained through his private investigation service to try to get her foster care files. She almost told Dr. Jackson when he called her again last night. But it felt like a wrong move. Why would she need to confide in him when she’s creating a trust bond with Benji? He twitches again. She didn’t notice the first time they were together but he jumps in his sleep. It helps her to know that he is afflicted, too. Now they can fix each other. She rests her eyes for a second. When she opens them back sunlight spills into the bedroom. Cinnamon and grease aromas waft through the cracked door. Seconds later Benji walks through the door carrying a plate of french toast, scrambled eggs and turkey bacon with a glass of orange juice on the side.
“Good Morning. It was either orange juice or apple juice. I didn’t have any Ciroc to put in the apple, so I went with the orange.” He smiles. He’s apparently a morning person.
“I thought all clowns have red noses?” she shoots back.
“Nice, but you got a little dry spit—” He uses his finger to point out the area. She covers her face and turns her head in embarrassment. “Sike! But if I wasn’t joking I already saw it.”
“If you didn’t have that food in your hand I would’ve threw this pillow at you.”
Benji passes her the plate and sits on the edge of the bed. “Out of all the days of the week, I value this one the most. Today I want to introduce you to the most important part of my life. You can bring Lee Lee with you. This way I won’t have to be distracted by worrying over the two of you. I’m ‘bout to grab a shower.”
Lewis sits in the chair in McFarland’s office relaxing with his hands folded above his gut. He observes McFarland’s reviewing of his report with glee. Not only has he successfully resolved the liquor store robbery/murder, but also found an organized crime tie to reel in the main suspect of the next biggest serial murder scandal. All he has to do is prove they were all committed by the same perpetrator. A little more evidence to collect and he would have a judge sign off on an airtight warrant for Mr. Benjamin ‘Benji Ru’ Cooper.
As soon as Suffiyah and Alicia walk in the sitting space, all eyes lock in on the outsiders. The predominantly teenage boy filled room bursts into hurried whispers as lust fills their young eyes. The few females roll their eyes at the uninvited competition. Suffiyah wasn’t expecting this when he said “the most important part of my life”. The room is full of young thugs and ghetto girls. All of them in her previous occupation would have been prime suspects for questioning. A dark skinned fellow with a burgundy bandanna tying his dreadlocks into a ponytail, has a blatant bulge protruding from his pocket. She knows if she sees the gun Benji has to have noticed it. Anger creeps in as she naively perceives this to be a gang meeting. Benji stands center stage in an all-black jogger exuding joy at being the uncontested general of this dysfunctional army. One look at Lee Lee and she can tell she concurrs with her assessment. “Attention young perverts.” This causes snickers throughout the room. “These two beautiful sisters are our guest and will be observing our little pow wow. The little one’s spoken for but y’all can fight for the other one after class. Winner gets a date.” Then he smiles and any negative thoughts she was having were voided. “What is success?” Benji asks.
“Living good,” says burgundy bandanna.
“Getting rich,” comes another.
“A house like on Real Atlanta Housewives and mad stuff,” a cute Hispanic girl says.
“Okay.” Benji nods.
“Lenae, look in the dictionary and read me the definition of the word success.” A very familiar looking young lady flips through the dictionary until she finds her target.
“Success. One, favorable or desired outcome. Two, the gaining of wealth and fame. Three, one that succeeds.”
“So basically everything our peers just said?” Suffiyah notices how he incorporates himself inside their group.
“I guess,” Lenae replies.
“Why is it you guess? So basically you don’t agree?”
“To some extent.”
“Well what would you consider success?” Suffiyah watches the girl scrunch her pretty face up in consideration. Recognition sinks in for Suffiyah, this is Drama’s girlfriend.
“Happiness.” She finally comes up with. “I believe success is equivalent to happiness. You can have all the money, cars, homes and jewels, but that doesn’t mean you’re happy. I know if I had all those things I would be content, not happy. I want to quote a wise man, Benajmin ‘Coop’ Cooper.” The class laughs. “Coop said. ‘I fear love the most.’ That first day in my class when you said that, I didn’t understand. Now I think I do. You fear love because love is happiness. To not know love is to not experience true happiness. So you never know what you’re missing. So any semblance to happiness is sufficient. But once you’ve known love, true happiness, and then you lose it. Nothing outside of love can ever replace that emptiness.”
“I had love and lost it, so why am I happy?’’ Benji asks.
“I never considered it ‘til today and I figured it’s because you found love again when you found us. That’s why you were happy.”
“Were? So I’m not happy no more?”
“Nope, you’re happier because now you also love her.” She points her pen at Suffiyah. “You have your favorable or desired outcome., which makes you successful.”
“Aiight, group is over everybody. Lenae ruined it.” Benji teases, sticking out his tongue. “Lenae you killed it shorty, I’m proud of you.”Benji beams. “Next subject…”
“Allahu Akbar, Allahu
Akbar Ash hadu Anla hilha illallah ash hadu anna muhammadar rashulullah hiya alas salah hiya alal falaah qaad qaamatis-salaat qaad qamatis-salaat Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar la hilha illallah.” The Muslims line up in ranks to offer the obligatory prayer. They wave the new convert to the front row, where the most blessings are said to reside. Munch makes his way to the front of the congregation mentally preparing himself to do this tough regiment five times a day. He will soon be targeted by his old cohorts, so survival skills have led him to a new security blanket.
“You surprised me. When Sufee said the most important part of your life, I assumed your mother. I never pictured you in that field. Watching you with those kids was so special. You were smiling and clowning. Can’t nobody tell you, you ain’t one of them,” Lee says.
“That’s true. ‘Cause I am them, just a little wiser.”
“I get that. Look at Mr. Benjamin. I mean, Coop.” they laugh.
“I forgot how funny you were the last time you tried to castrate me.”
“It’s hereditary.”
Lee Lee shrugs. “My father always said my mother was a ball buster.” Suffiyah can only shake her head. “Anyway I have to be leaving you two. I’ll check in every hour on the hour parole officer Cooper. No need to put any apb’s out,” Lee Lee states as she leaves.
“She was right, that was special.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“When Lee Lee said she assumed your mother, I kinda thought the same. How come you never speak about your mom?”
“What you tryna be depressed?” Benji jokes half-heartedly. “It don’t be much to say. Me and my mother have a love/hate relationship. I loved her she hated me. Now she probably still hates me and I just don’t acknowledge she exists.”
“You don’t think that’s harsh? I mean given that she birthed you.”
He shrugs.
“That ain’t the prize you make it sound like. My mother’s a bona fide junkie. If that were to be her only flaw, we could get through it. My addiction to the streets was just as compromising. Difference is, she created my addiction. My father was her ticket out of Newark. She trapped him by getting pregnant with me, her words not mines. Seven months into her pregnancy he got murdered. So she lost her meal ticket and gained another mouth to feed. She felt like dude cheated her. When I was around two she started getting high. By then according to her, I looked so much like him that seeing my face was a constant reminder of why she was stuck in this city. I was cognizant of the abuse by nine. The more I hugged her, the more she whooped me. I mean for absolutely nothing. Bats, cords, sticks, I don’t even know what a belt feels like. She’d lock me out the house barefoot in the cold, rain or snow. I mean for hours. When she came down off her high and let me in, there’d be no remorse. It wasn’t the drugs, she had a dead heart in her chest. When I was ten she practically sold me to this dude named Do Rite. Told him I was going to hustle for him but the pay goes to her. I was just happy to not have to be around her all day, so I dove into my new position. Do Rite showed me the game and taught me to survive. So I thank my mother for him. But forget that. What do you think of my kids?” Suffiyah tries to unimagine the scene he described. But she understands now isn’t the time for more questions.
“The way you treat them, the way they look up to you. They’re amazing. Did you know that one of the boys had a gun on him?” he nods. “You don’t feel that puts the other kids in jeopardy? Or you?”
“Nah. We’re like a family. This is a place of trust. I allow them to be who they need to be now, to survive. So they can come to know what they want to be later, to live. Cause surviving and living aint the same.” That statement makes so much sense to her. He has a way of simplifying the most complex of matters.
“The girl was Draymon’s girlfriend right?”
“Yeah. Lenae.”
“I thought so. She’s more than a pupil to you. When she was giving her breakdown on success, you looked like a proud father.”
“That’s my baby.” He smiles.
Later That Night
“Have you ever loved somebody so much that it makes you cry, have you ever needed something so bad you can’t sleep at night, have you ever tried to find the words but they don’t come out right, have you everrr have you everrr…” Ms. Emma knows this song backwards and forward. You would think Brandy lived here also as much as her voice is heard in there. It makes Ms. Emma sulk every time it plays because she knows her granddaughter is upstairs doing the exact same thing. It’s on repeat for at least an hour every night. Ever since that boy was killed on the porch it’s like so was her grand baby’s joy. It’s the soundtrack to her heartbreak. Upstairs Lenae stands in front of the mirror completely nude, fingering her locket. Inside is a picture of herself, Drama and Coop. It was a gift from Drama and she loves it more than her life. Her throat is constricted from weeping but she can’t help it. As her bath water runs she wraps her hair and admires the confident young woman the men on her neck helped her become.
“Coop?” The text pops on his screen.
“What’s up, Nae?”
The little thinking bubble pops up on his iPhone meaning she’s typing. After about three minutes a long message appears.
“‘If I had a father like you I wonder what life would have been? The day you walked in our class I was already counting the seconds until you left. Not knowing that I was dismissing probably one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me. I can’t thank you enough for taking us in when even our families and teachers counted us out. You’re a miracle. The tortured demon that God turned into his angel. That’s why I never take this locket off, both of my angels are in it. Before you I felt like nothing, honestly now I feel worth more than the rarest jewel, beautiful. I love the skin I’m in. Thanks to you, I forgot what it was to be sad, til they took Draymon. Did you know I suffered from severe depression since I was around twelve? I was able to stop taking my pills thanks to you two but my heart hurts so bad right now though Coop. I mean HURTS! Smh. This is a sadness I can’t shake, I haven’t felt this weak in a long time. I hate myself for what I’m about to do to you (tears) but I’m tired. Try to understand, I love you Coop. Always Us Never them (Drama voice)”
A picture of the three of them pops on his screen. He attempts to text her back but Suffiyah has been reading over his shoulder the entire time. She understood the words like Benji never would, because she once thought them.
“Get dressed, call her now!” she screams while pulling on her sneakers and sweat pants. Benji presses call without hesitation.
She hates to interrupt Lenae’s alone time but she’s been holding her bladder for over an hour. Ms. Emma slowly climbs the stairs to the bathroom and knocks on the door. “Nae-Nae, I’m coming in. I have to pee something awful.” She turns the knob and walks in. “No, No, No! Nae-Nae!” Lenae lays in the tub and looks like she’s sleeping peacefully. Only thing suggesting otherwise is the red water and the razor next to her phone.
This entire scene feels like déjà vu. Same block, same house, same people. Only difference is Suffiyah is on the personal side of the event. The crowd parts as the paramedics descend the stairs slowly with the stretcher. Their lack of haste tells her they’re too late. When Benji sees the sheet covered blanket, he breaks down. It’s like all his strength is sapped. As if brittleness settled into his bones and crumbled from the joints. He drops to his knees and belts out a guttural sound. A pain deep from the pit of his stomach. All heads turn in their direction. Suffiyah drops down, unfazed by the attention and cradles him. Her mouth opened but words refused to form. What can she say anyway? Sometimes presence is more effective then spoken words.
CHAPTER 26
Four days have passed since Lenae committed suicide. Outside of washing and going to brush his teeth, Benji hardly leaves his bed. Suffiyah does as much as possible to try to remove his mind from the gloom it resides in, if only
momentarily, to no avail. He exhibits every sign of depression, but that’s normal given the consecutive losses he’s experiencing. What worries her is the lack of light in his eyes. Never has she seen a sign of weakness in him, even when he cried. He was still ever defiant. A true revolutionary to the core. Until now, at this moment he resembles a casualty of the harshest, coldest war man has ever witnessed. He sits with his back against the headboard in a tank top and pajama bottoms. The iPod plays through the earphones as he drowns out the world as if it isn’t still spinning. She doesn’t need to hear the song to know what he’s playing. He’s only been listening to one song for the past four days, as he holds Lenae’s locket in his palm. Ed Sheeran made it as a song for lovers but Benji has made it into a haunting tribute to Lenae. She doesn’t know the name of the song but the words will never be forgotten. They’ve left Benji’s mouth thousands of time over the last ninety-six hours.
“Oh you can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen, next to your heartbeat where I should be, keep it deep within your soul and if you hurt me, well that’s okay baby only words bleed, inside these pages you just hold me and I won’t ever let you go”
Benji? He can’t hear her voice over the music, but he can read his name on Suffiyah’s lips. Benj? She hasn’t left his side or judged him throughout this ordeal. It would be so much easier to waddle into this dark place and curl up if she’d just leave. Benji? He pulls one of the bubs out his ear. “You couldn’t hear me?” She sits indian style in just his football jersey facing him.