The DJ started mixing a little hip-hop into the music selections towards the end of the night so Nell came over to see if I wanted to dance. I did because I was getting bored. We danced through about two songs then they played R-Kelly’s “Feeling on Yo Booty.” That had to be a requested song. Nell took advantage of feeling all over my booty. I let him and I did some shit to him on the dance floor that made his “Johnson” rise yet again. Then they slowed it up some more with some Maxwell’s “A Woman’s Worth.” They were trying to make people have babies playing shit like that. I buried my head in his shoulder and we danced slow and sensually. I couldn’t help but think of the same moment I had with Yung last year. I needed to get off him so I kissed Nell. It was sweet. It got me back focused. It was definitely not a “Love & Basketball” moment.
Prom was over. I was sweaty and ready for a shower. Dash also had gotten us a hotel room set up for the night as well. I was starting to think Nell was spoiled. We were both hungry as hell so we stopped and got carryout from Red Lobster. We had some more passengers when we left. Chick with the jiggy One’s and her date Nell’s guy, who cares what his name was. Lavish and I as I caught her name through conversation, complimented each other’s dresses. She was one of the two girls whose dresses that I liked. She had a nice black dress with a train. Very tasteful and sexy. I would wear it. She said she loved my shoes and noticed them immediately. The way she beat her dude’s ass when I first got there I thought she was a ghetto chick, but she was actually pretty cool.
I also gave her snaps for her wardrobe sometimes when I saw her on Fridays. She only hung with one chick. I think I had heard they were cousins and not from there either. Well, there we were on prom night. We sparked a blunt on the way to the hotel. It was pretty far out. We bobbed our heads to some Wayne until we got to our destination. We got our keys and went our separate ways. The room had a bidet so you know it was fancy. Everybody knows what goes down on prom night.
We woke up the next morning and got dressed for breakfast. We went to I-Hop and met up with many of the prom goers from the night before. I guess Nell was feeling generous so he picked up the check for the table of ten.
“Breakfast on me,” he announced and handled the bill. He was doing too much.
“He could have gave me that money to shop,” I thought. I looked around the table and saw hairstyles not looking like they did at prom. Mine didn’t either, but good dick did it in my case.
I had washed my hair out and slicked it into a ponytail. They were still were trying to hold on to their “up don’ts!” My hairstyle couldn’t withstand the many positions we did. Essence’s ass even ended up at the table getting a free meal. She looked pissed the whole time. Her date was cute. She should have enjoyed her prom and not worried about Nell and me. I almost felt bad for her. “Oh well, maybe her time to shine will be in college,” I thought smiling in her direction.
We took the Range back and Dash met us at the rental place. We hopped in the truck with him. It was a nice day. Better weather than the day before. Dash had some chick in the front seat with him.
“Let’s go shopping,” Dash said.
I knew that meant I didn’t have to buy shit and whoever ol’ girl in the front was, it was her lucky day. Dash splurged from time to time and if you were in his presence you were going to be blessed as well. He only went to one store and on the same day each month because they got new shipments. They would even put pieces up for Dash and his guys just so they could have it or have it first. They spent a lot of money in there so they were generous and especially helpful when he came in.
“I need some summer shit,” he said.
The sales associates flocked to him but he only fucked with his guy, Corey and if he wasn’t there, he liked Tracy. Tracy ended up helping me and the other girl. I didn’t care to ask her name. Dash had probably just met her and she wouldn’t be around too long anyway. I just grabbed two dresses and two pairs of sandals. He told me I could get a few more items but I wasn’t in the mood. I was somewhat nauseated. Two summer dresses, one long and one short was cool with me. I sat on the bench outside of the store until everybody else finished.
Dash came out with bags on bags. Nell just had a small bag that contained a few hats. Ol’ girl had the biggest smile on her face with her four or five bags. She was average so I’m sure Dash just did her a huge favor. Nell walked beside me and put his arm around me.
“You sick huh?” he asked me.
“Yeah,” I said. “My stomach hurts,” I said in a soft voice. I laid in his lap on the ride back. He rubbed my hair and kissed my forehead. He was great. I kind of dozed off but I did hear Dash say he needed to get some gas.
I assumed we had pulled up at the gas station once the truck stopped. Nell slid his body from under me. He asked me if I wanted anything. I told him I wanted a ginger ale and I put my head back down. I assumed Dash saw Nell walking back towards the car so he got out to pump the gas. Nell opened my door and threw the ginger ale on the seat. Dash was always trying to teach Nell something whether it was good or bad.
“Y’all use condoms nigga?” he asked Nell. I didn’t know how I even felt about the question.
Nell said, “Yeah,” in nigga language. It took more than one word though.
They pumped the gas and continued their conversation. I drunk half my ginger ale and was ready to go to sleep. I put my head down and just looked at the side of ol’ girl’s face as she looked through her bags. I tried to guess her age and her lifestyle. She looked about twenty with a baby or two. I could tell from the stretch marks on her sides. The seat belt caught her shirt and gave me an inside view. From the way she was looking at her clothes in those bags, I could tell she hadn’t had that luxury in a while. I knew if she stuck around long enough to deal with Dash’s other bitch and BM then she could shop on a regular. Messing with Dash came with a price though, but I learned early on that he was the man. If there was something like the mafia out here then he was the leader. He was goofy and wild, but he was about money and he would pop a nigga quick. I had heard a few stories from hanging around the house.
The chick in the front had to deal with a lot if she wanted to be on his team. She might get beat up a few times by Tina, Ann, or both. They were his main bitches and would fight for their spots. I actually liked them both. Nell informed me that Tina was his son’s mom and Ann was her girlfriend, but he took care of and had sex with them both. The nigga actually had two girlfriends and they were both some chocolate, thick, bad bitches. They stayed fresh and walking around half-naked.
Nell and Dash opened their doors to get back in. We pulled off in silence until Dash had to answer his phone. He stopped the car to take the call.
POW! POW! POW! POW! were the next sounds I heard followed by tires skidding off the road. It was all a dream after that like Biggie said, but not in a good way. I thought I heard a ringing in my ear, or maybe I went deaf for a split second. I felt glass falling on my back and it felt like hundreds of paper cuts. I arched my back in pain. Nell’s body fell on top of mine, which made it worse. I thought for sure Nell was dead. I squirmed under his weight, but could hardly move. Then Nell started moaning. I had to roll on the floor to get him off of me. I let out a sigh of relief but still screamed Nell’s name trying to sit him up. I thought I screamed it anyway, but realized it was only a whisper. Nell was screaming out for his brother. I didn’t hear a response from Dash but I did hear the horn nonstop. I closed my eyes real tight trying to grasp what was really going on.
“Maybe this really is a dream,” I thought.
I got Nell up and saw blood all over the seats and me.
“You hit? You hit?” Nell asked as he looked over my body frantically.
I wasn’t but he was. I didn’t even have it in me to respond verbally. Nell saw that I was cool and shifted his eyes to the front seat. He shook his head in disbelief. I had forgotten about the girl and I knew not to look in her direction. Dash’s head was on the steering wheel. My heart was racing, my
breathing was heavy, and my skin burned. I looked out the hole in the shattered window to see if I could see anything. It was all going in slow motion, yet happening so fast. Nell was shot but I couldn’t tell where. I just saw blood. He was moving trying to check on his brother. I finally got enough courage to look in the front seat. I saw the chick slumped over looking right at me. I fell back into the door but never took my eyes off her eyes. That was the most eye contact we had all day and it wasn’t the kind I wanted to remember. I became even more hysterical. I just froze up and was literally in shock.
The glass breaking out of the windshield made me snap out of it. I had to do something. I got out to check on Dash. I looked around the parking lot to see eyes all on us. Somebody had obviously called the ambulance because I heard the sirens getting close. The horn finally stopped. Nell had gotten out of the truck and pushed Dash’s body off the wheel. I expected to see his body lifeless. I peeked around the door thinking it wouldn’t be as bad if I prepared myself for the worst. I didn’t feel any better once I saw his shirt drenched in blood and the blood dripping onto the pavement.
Nell was freaking out and losing a lot of blood from his side. I still saw Dash’s chest moving. That made me calm down some. I took my shirt off and put it over the holes in his chest.
“Dash,” I screamed. “Don’t die. Please don’t die,” I yelled with tears pouring down my face.
People were just standing around not helping and annoying the fuck outta me. His eyes started rolling in the back of his head. I just kept saying his name to give him some focus to keep him alert. Once the blood started coming out of his mouth I knew it was about to be a bad ending.
“Dash, Dash,” I yelled and damn near wanted to punch him but I knew that wouldn’t help. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even recognize my own voice as I screamed his name
I was screaming at Nell to calm down or else he would black out, but he never did. He held his side and looked at his brother. “Who shot my bro,” he yelled out. Then he announced that he was killing whoever it was that shot him.
Once the ambulance pulled up, they took Dash immediately. Nell passed out from blood loss like I knew he would. The girl had suffered one gunshot wound to the head. She never needed any medical attention. I didn’t get hit, grazed, or anything. Just had cuts on my neck, face, hands, and back from the glass shattering. I wasn’t allowed in the ambulance with Nell, so they made me stay at the gas station turned crime scene.
The police finally came and asked me question after question while the medics treated my cuts. “No, I didn’t see anything for the hundredth time,” I told the officer with an attitude and snotty nose. I needed to use my phone to call my mom. I was terrified at what she was going to say. I knew she would blame it on Nell. I knew she wouldn’t want me to see him anymore. I also knew she would want me to support him in his time of need. Most importantly, she would be happy that I was ok. She came where I was promptly and we went to the hospital. She asked me more questions than the officers did. I was really just in shock and prayed that Nell and Dash were both ok.
The word had obviously spread. The lobby was full of family, friends, and unfamiliar faces. The incident had happened less than an hour earlier. I walked in looking a bloody, dirty, and bandaged mess. I talked to their cousin and he said they both were in surgery. Nell’s best friend Slim was there freaking out. Slim was definitely his brother from another mother and his right hand man.
“Where my nigga at?” Slim asked as he ran in crying and making a huge scene.
I just sat there with my leg shaking. I heard people asking what happened but nobody seemed to be too concerned about who did it or even why. I knew his guys wanted to ask me what happened but I was looking like a deranged lunatic. I couldn’t believe I had witnessed a murder. Nell could die and Dash. I just started crying. It had to be a dream. My mom supported me. We sat around for a few hours waiting on some information.
Meanwhile, Tina and Ann came in and turned the whole fucking waiting room into the “Jerry Springer” show. They were kicking bitches out. Asking who was who and if you were there for their nigga. They were not having that shit. I don’t even think Ann cried but Tina did. She sat next to their mom holding her son after she cleared the room. Ann sat next to me and I told her what happened leaving out the info about shopping and the chick. She was no fool though. Ann was cool and I think she tried to fuck with me when I was over at the house a few times but I could have been mistaken. We both used to be in the living room on the couch when Dash and Nell would have to make runs late. I would not stay in his basement alone. Tina would always be asleep with the baby in the room. Ann used to be in her bra and panties after she left the strip club. She would share her liquor and weed with me. She called it her turn down time.
Ann’s body was flawless and she was tatted up and had a short cut like the one Eve used to rock. I did look at her a few times in a sexual way. She was pretty and if I did like women, she would be a candidate. She would sit extremely close to me. She talked with her hands and was very touchy. I asked her about stripping all the time. She would answer all my questions without a problem. I could tell she was being honest too. She said I had a nice body and was a young baddie in training. I told her my stripper name would be Pinky and why.
We would be cracking up laughing. She had fake breasts the size of honeydew melons. “Dash got these for us for my twenty-first birthday,” she explained. I asked her if I could touch them and she let me. Her booty was big too but all hers. She showed me how to booty clap. I asked if I could touch that too. I was a fine Celie, she was Shug Avery, and our favorite color was purple.
Some pregnant chick came in crying hysterically with her group of friends. I cut my eyes her way. We were in the ER so she could have been crying about anybody. Then Essence walked her dumb ass in. She walked straight over to Nell’s mom I’m assuming asking his status. She walked by and looked at the pregnant chick as if she had the plague. I peeped the whole scene. I pointed Essence out to my mom. She also saw the exchange between the two girls.
His guys were acting all funny and shit. The pregnant chick seemed to know his mom and friends as well. She was up asking questions. She sat back down and all of a sudden, females were looking in my direction. Suddenly I didn’t feel comfortable, like I was missing something.
“Let’s go Mom.” I got up and headed to the exit. Right before I left I heard the doctor say they both were stable. Dash was in ICU and Nell was in Recovery but would be going to a regular floor soon. I was glad he was alive because I was going to kill him if what I knew was true, was true. I needed to calm down and get my thoughts together. I decided to go home and shower. I could have been dead along with Nell and Dash. An innocent chick did get killed. Finally, I heard her name was Diamond and she had just had a baby a few months earlier. She was only 19. I guessed her and Dash had just started messing around. It was definitely a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Now, Nell could have a baby on the way. I was tired of niggas and their maybe babies.
Journal Entry End of May 2002
My Mom knew all the things I was thinking and feeling. I just cried in the car. I took off all my clothes and threw them in the garbage as soon as got in the crib. I took a long hot shower. I washed the blood off my skin, out of my hair, and from under my nails. The image of the girl just kept popping into my head. That could have been me. I just sat in the tub and let the water run over me. My Mom had to knock on the door and check on me. She came in with a towel and robe. I took a few Tylenols and just laid in my bed in the dark. My phone rang a few times with unfamiliar numbers but I didn’t care to answer. I’m sure its Nell’s people. Maybe even Nell. It was still kind of early, 9ish. My ass was thinking about all the shit that went down and why was a pregnant bitch asking about my dude. And why is Essence somehow still making it her business to be involved. The shit isn’t sitting right with me. I didn’t even want to visit Nell. They said he was stable and that was good enough for me. H
e obviously has enough support. He’s got me feeling like I’m the other bitch. This nigga crazy if he thought I was coming second. We could have skipped the whole relationship thing and he could have still wined and dined me. Now I just got heated all over again. I hate to get my emotions involved and look like a fool at the end of the day.
I needed answers so I threw on something real quick and I asked my mom to use her car. As I was opening the door, Slim was standing there about to knock. He startled me.
“Ay, Nell asking about you,” he said looking crazy because he didn’t expect me to bust out the door how I did. “He wants to know why you’re not at the hospital. I hit yo phone like ten times.”
“Well, I did witness a murder and my boyfriend and his brother almost died so I’m really not in the talking spirit,” I thought but declined to say aloud.
I just rode to the hospital with him instead of driving. The lobby had thinned out somewhat. Prego was still there but there was no sign of Essence. I stormed in with fury in my eyes. I walked up to Prego without thinking twice. I took a chapter out of Tina and Ann’s book.
“Ay, who are you to Nell,” I demanded an answer. She looked puzzled and then caught an attitude quickly.
“I’m his baby momma,” she said with authority. Not I’m his girl but I’m his baby momma.
“Who are you,” she snapped back. Of course, she would make herself and association with him known. Her girls caught on to what was going on and they were on the defense. I had no intentions on fighting a pregnant chick but I would if I had too. Slim tried to intervene but I just walked off and towards Nell’s room. I was on the visiting list along with his mom and Slim. No Essence or the mysterious “baby momma.”
Slim wasn’t too far behind me. I heard his footsteps. I needed to know what the fuck was going on so I had to ask. I knocked softly then stuck my head in. I saw Nell lying up in the bed with a tube in his nose and I.V.’s in his arm. I felt bad for him when I needed to be mad. His side was all wrapped up. I was heated but seeing him look so pitiful weakened me. I sat on the side of his bed.
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