Eventually my eyes grow heavy, forcing me to lay my head down on my knee. My body comes to a point of relaxation and it’s then that I see her. She looks no different than the last time I laid eyes on her. Her smile is breathtaking, as is her beauty. Her eyes are sparkling against the sunlight, telling me that she’s just as happy to see me as I am her.
I run to her, lifting her up off the ground to spin her around. I’m unable to control my excitement as her laughter beams into my ear. It’s what I’ve missed the most. It’s music to my ears. When I stop spinning us and place her back on the ground, she’s still smiling at me; the blissfulness on her face is contagious.
“I’ve missed you so much, Emily,” I tell her as I hug her once again, unable to resist holding her.
“I’ve missed you, too,” she whispers back to me.
When I pull away, the joyfulness inside of me is now replaced with apprehension and fear. Her palm comes up to my cheek and I cannot resist leaning into it as I stare down at her. “Why are you crying?” she asks with a worried frown, making my eyes go glassy and full of tears.
I’m scared to tell her the truth. “Matt, I know what has happened,” she murmurs, taking me by surprise. “I know because I’ve been watching over both of you. As I always will. No matter where you’re at.”
My eyes go wide in dismay, wondering just how much she’s been watching, earning me a chuckle from her lips. “Trust me, there are times I don’t watch,” she tells me with a twinkle in her eyes.
“Matt, I don’t understand why you’re so hard on yourself. You’re both young, and bound to make mistakes,” she explains.
“I chose Abigail because I felt you deserved her in your life. I know everything will work out in the end because you both truly love each other and will learn from these mistakes.”
I want to believe her, I desperately want to, but deep down inside I feel as if I no longer can. “I swear I never meant for any of this to happen and I have no excuse, but I swear I will fix it somehow,” I promise as I drop my head in shame.
“I know you will, mijo, and until then you can count on me to be watching over both or you.”
When I look back at her she is smiling again. The wind starts to pick up and the scattered leaves on the ground begin to blow around us in a vortex. She slowly begins to fade as I stand there reaching out for her to stay, but my begging is nothing but muted words.
My head snaps up as I awaken with a shock, gasping for air as I desperately search for her, but she’s nowhere in sight. The cemetery is just as empty as it was when I arrived. The gloominess of the grey skies is still high above my head and the bitter cold is beginning to seep into my body. I welcome it, hoping it will take over the pain still deep down inside of me. The agony of knowing she is once again gone is allowing my sorrow to continue to take over my thoughts.
The hours slowly creep by until eventually my eyes grow heavy and I know I have to leave. I stare down at Emily’s name. “I’ll be back, Em, but next time it will be with Abigail so you can meet her,” I promise, staring down at her name before I turn to walk away.
I’m going to get Abigail back, even if it kills me doing so.
I get into the car and drive to my next destination before I make the long journey back to Portland. I need to see Emily’s house again. I could not find it in my heart to sell it. She was already renting to a family when she died, so it made it easier to keep it that way. I had inherited it when she died, along with all the insurance money from both her and her husband, but no amount of money was going to make me as happy as she did.
I pull up near the house and park across the street where I have a clear view of the house. It’s already dark out, but the street lamp gives the house a softened glow. From the street I can see the family inside and it makes me think back to the reason why I never could bring myself to sell the house. I had hoped one day I would move back with my future wife and raise my family in this house. Back then I had thought in my stubborn head it was going to be Laura, but now I know it could never be her. She wasn’t the one I wanted a future with.
Closing my eyes I allow the exhaustion of the last couple of days to take over, and I fall asleep. My mind wanders into dreams of Abigail. A dream of a future I want with her.
I SPENT THE entire car ride to Kelly’s with the world existing in a blur. My thoughts were too consumed with the memory of Matt having sex with Lisa. I should have known from that night there would be consequences to falling in love with Matt, but somehow I had ignored them.
Kelly parks the car and I climb out, my body still numb as I follow her to the door. I’m still in shock, feeling as if I’m a puppet being commanded to walk. David is waiting for us as we reach the door. His smile is a mix of pity and reassurance, but I accept it as he moves aside to allow us entrance, my legs automatically leading me to the couch. Within minutes Kelly is standing in front of me, shoving a bottle of tequila in my hands. It’s déjà vu of the last time I had come over to her apartment. The only difference is now I’m here because of the result of that night.
Her face grows confused. “Are you sure?” The tequila may continue to numb my feelings, but it’s not going to make them disappear, which is why I’m still shaking my head.
David comes over to take the bottle from Kelly. “Alcohol is not her answer,” he says, as if reading my mind.
Kelly sighs before sticking her tongue out at him. He chuckles at her response as he places the bottle on the coffee table. I’ve always envied what Kelly has with David. By the way they act with each other, it’s obvious how much they’re truly in love. It’s the kind of love I’d craved with Matt.
“Are you hungry?” I hear Kelly ask from the kitchen.
I shake my head to answer. I don’t have an appetite for food right now. I’m so depressed it would only made me sick if I tried to eat.
David stands and walks over to the kitchen, offering to help cook. “Get out of here. The last time you helped me cook you almost burned down the kitchen.”
With a shrug of his shoulder, he walks away with a mischievous smile on his lips. “I purposely burned the food last time I cooked so she wouldn’t ask me to help anymore,” he says with a wink.
Kelly must have heard his response. “In that case I’ll make sure my renter’s insurance is up to date as soon as I’m done and you’re cooking tonight,” she yells from the kitchen.
His face turns pale and his eyes go wide. I cannot resist laughing at his expression. It’s just what I need to push my sorrow aside, but my thoughts soon return to Matt.
My life in the last three months had always included Matt, one way or another, since I’d woken up in the hospital and received my first memory of him. But now I was going to have to learn to live without him. I already knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
I DRIVE UP to my block and it’s full of cars, already making my stomach turn from dread. My driveway is full, forcing me to keep driving and park my car up the street. Taking my anger out on the car, I slam the door shut wondering what the fuck is going on in my house as I walk towards it. It’s obvious there is a party going on, which make me grow furious. The fact that Abigail is in the house adds to the anger. The need to protect her and the thought of knowing she may be in fear from having this many people surrounding her boils my blood. I better not find out she’s been touched either, I may just murder someone.
The music gets louder as I get closer to the door. It’s wide open, allowing people to come and go.
“Hey, Matt,” a drunken classmate cheers from my doorway, blocking my entrance. I shove my way past him. “Go home, party’s over!” I shout over the music.
The lyrics of I Know You Want Me are blaring from the speakers, a throng of people dance around as I continue to maneuver my way through the partygoers, my eyes automatically searching for Abigail. I don’t see her amongst the crowd in the room full of people.
“Take her back to your room to fuck her, Trevor,” I shout to the couple in the corner practical
ly fucking, making my blue balls grow tight. They remind me of having Abigail in that same position not too long ago.
They both turn to look at me, but I tilt my head towards the door, demanding they leave. Glaring at me as they stand and leave, I continue to scan the room, still unable to think clearly. I soon find the other person I’m looking for… Trey. The sight of him doesn’t do anything but peak the rage inside of me when I take him in.
He’s standing on the table. The table I bought for Abigail. He’s dancing on top of it in his boxers as he swings his white t-shirt above his head in circles. His hips are thrusting back and forth to the music as if he’s a male stripper.
If I wasn’t pissed before, I am now. I cannot believe he’s on her table like that.
I say hers because she’s the reason why I bought it. It was to make up for the fucked up mistake that I made on the other table. A mistake I’m now paying for.
When I see him reach down for the girl looking up at him to invite her up, I lose it. There is no fucking way some tramp is going to get up on my girls table. The girl that should be on that table is Abigail. Regardless of why she’s on it.
“Get the fuck off,” I furiously growl at Trey as I stalk my way over to the table, already yanking at the girls arm to pull her back.
Trey sees me, his face lighting up with a drunken smile. “Hey fucker!” he shouts above the music, making me scowl at him. “What the fuck is that face for? It’s about time you showed up,” he adds in a drunken slur.
The girl’s whose arm I’m holding is now giggling, her hands starting to glide down my body, aiming south for my dick. I push her hand out of the way, watching her face grow annoyed. Ignoring her, I turn to glare back at Trey.
“Get. The. Fuck. Off. The. Table!” I shout up at him again. He jumps off the table, landing in front of me.
“What the fuck got up your ass?” he asks, looking perplexed from my reaction.
“Do I really need to answer that?”
He shrugs his shoulders without a care. “You’re the one who got yourself in this position,” he says, thrusting his hips forward to mimic fucking someone.
I ignore him, not needing a reminder of my mistakes. “I told you, no more parties while Abigail lives here,” I bellow as I walk away from him, but I only make it a couple of steps before I hear him shout behind me. “She doesn’t live here anymore.”
My feet are rooted to the spot as I turn to face him. “She left with Kelly,” he states with a humorless expression.
My hearts drops into the pit of my stomach hoping it’s a lie. I feel as the world has stop moving. I don’t want her to be gone. This is her home, it will always be hers, whether she realizes it or not… It’s her future. I silently say the words in my mind, I’m already rushing towards her room. Pushing the door open with force, it slams against the wall and instead of finding her, I see a couple on the bed about ready to fuck.
“You have two seconds to get the fuck out of this room before I drag your sorry asses out!” I shout at them.
Angry, they both start scrambling off the bed as they dress before they leave the room. I slam the door behind them and take in the empty room. Every single one of her possessions is gone. It’s as if she was never here. Seeing the empty room confirms Trey’s words. She’s gone.
I walk over to the bed, sitting on it as I place my head in my hands. My eyes close as the pain of knowing she is no longer here rips at my heart. I just keep repeating in my head: I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do, but I know I’m going to get her back.
IT’S BEEN ALMOST a week since I left Matt’s house. I’ve chosen to do nothing but sulk in my misery in bed. I haven’t had much of an appetite. Although I tried eating, the food is tasteless, so I gave up.
It doesn’t help knowing this is the week of Thanksgiving. It would have been our first Thanksgiving together. Instead, we are spending it apart. Kelly had insisted I go with her to spend it with David and her family, but I refused, not wanting to bring my misery to her family. Instead, she left me to wallow alone for the two days she was gone. I needed this time to myself. I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do now. I had become so dependent on having Matt with me all the time that I now felt empty without him.
Being the friend that Kelly is, when she returned, it was back to our normal routine. She would come in the morning before she left for work, returning after to bring me something simple to eat, but the attempts were turning into failed endeavors. I keep reassuring her I am fine, although she knows I am lying through my teeth.
Having to pee again, I get up and make my way over to the bathroom. As soon as I wipe myself the aspect of my concern from this previous week is evident on the toilet paper. The worry of possibly being pregnant with Matt’s child has consumed my thoughts. The longing of getting my period is now granted, but the pang of disappointment just as quickly takes over. It hadn’t occurred to me until Lisa’s announcement of her pregnancy that I too can be pregnant, but the agony of waiting to find out was now over.
Digging under Kelly’s sink, I find what I need and quickly clean up. After washing my hands I head back to the bed and take up my previous position. The warmth of where my body was once laying is still there between the covers. Staring up at the white ceiling, I keep telling myself that I’m lucky. It would have been worse if I had been pregnant as well. Now I can move on with my life.
After an hour of lying there and thinking to myself, I come to one conclusion: I cannot risk taking the chance again. Knowing that I will need Kelly’s help, I search for my phone and turn it on. I’ve been dreading having to do it, knowing that the minute it comes alive there will be countless messages from Matt, but it’s the only way I can get a hold of her right now without having to wait until she shows up tonight.
Within seconds of being on, the phone starts pinging, confirming my thoughts. It takes close to a minute before they stop and when I take them in, I notice most of them are voicemails from Matt. My heart is telling me to ignore them because I just cannot bring myself to listen to them right now. I know if I risk listening to his voice I will break down again and I’m not strong enough yet to face that demon.
I do open up the text messages from Trey, noticing his consistency of asking if I’m doing okay. What am I supposed to tell him? He already knows I feel like shit, but I know it’s not fair to ignore him.
Me: I’m alive, but that’s as much as I can give you.
It doesn’t surprise me when I don’t receive an answer since he’s in class, so I get up to go take a shower knowing I need to wash off the funk that I’m in. When I’m done and dressed, I receive my answer back from Trey.
Trey: Hey supermodel, I know you’re alive.
As well as a message from Matt.
Matt: Beautiful, please, I need to talk to you.
I choose to ignore Matt’s request. He should have already gotten the point I don’t want to speak to him. I send off a quick “fine” to Trey with no further explanation and call Kelly.
She answers. “Hey girl, how you feeling?” she asks, sounding concerned.
“Better. What time do you get off work today?”
“In about an hour. Why, what’s up?” she asks sounding excited I’m actually asking the question.
Sighing to myself, I say, “I need a ride to a doctor’s office. Or clinic.”
I get an unbearable silence on her end, worrying me. “Why?” she curiously asks. “You’re not pregnant, too, are you?” she says, now sounding shocked.
“No, I’m not pregnant!” I screech back at her. “I just got my period, but that’s why I need to go to the doctor. I need to make sure it won’t happen.”
“It’s pretty slow right now so I don’t think they’d mind me leaving. I’ll be home in twenty minutes,” she tells me.
Feeling relieved, I reply, “Okay, see you in a bit.”
Less than twenty minutes later she’s walking in the front door. “First of all congratulations on not being pregn
ant,” she states as if I’ve just won a huge prize. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure both of you would have made a beautiful baby, but I’m happier you’re not knocked up.”
“Gee, thanks for the support if I would’ve been,” I sarcastically respond with a chuckle.
She rolls her eyes. “What you need is Planned Parenthood and I know exactly where it’s at since it’s where I go.”
“I don’t care where we go as long as they take credit cards as payment since all I have is Matt’s debit card connected to my account,” I say, already grabbing for my purse that is on the counter.
She nods her head in agreement and we’re soon walking out the door.
Three hours later we’re back and I’m good to go. Matt tried calling me again, but I simply ignored his call. I was tempted to turn my phone off again, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As soon as I make myself comfortable on the couch the doorbell rings. The simple sound of the bell is enough to make me tense up, the dreadful memory of what comes with that sound still haunts me to this day. But I have every reason to add to the dread when I see Matt walk through the door, followed by Trey close behind him. This is what I was attempting to avoid when I was ignoring their phone calls. If I had wanted to see or speak to them I would have let them know.
He spots me the minute he walks in the door as he ignores Kelly’s angry protest to get out.
“I don’t need your shit right now,” I bark at him, already marching my way towards the bedroom. I’m halted to a stop when Matt blocks my way. Trey is already at his side grabbing for Matt’s arm, trying to drag him away from me.
I look over at Kelly who has already made her way to my side. She looks livid and ready to attack Matt as she glares at him.
Matt continues to ignore both of them as he takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom. I try yanking it back, but he keeps a gentle grip on it as he tugs me along. The warmth of his hand is too familiar, leaving me to cave to his request.
Unspoken Promises Page 3