Unspoken Promises

by Gabbie S. Duran

  Both shocked and confused by her declaration, I whisper, “You’re right. I wouldn’t like it, but that shouldn’t change us, beautiful,” compassion clear in my voice, hoping she will change her mind.

  She shakes her head. “All we can ever be now, Matt, is friends. Nothing more,” she whispers back. I cannot resist wrapping her back up into my arms and I’m relieved when she doesn’t pull away. “I’m so sorry, beautiful. I promise I’m going to fix us,” I say around the large lump in my throat.

  “Just promise we’ll always be friends,” she says, her voice sounding broken and raspy. I place a kiss upon her temple as I say, “If that’s what it takes to keep you in my life, then friends we’ll be,” I state, hating having to say the words, but meaning them just the same.

  I continue to hold her for a couple more minutes before she speaks again. “I really want to thank you for scheduling the interview. You’re right, I really needed this interview and I enjoyed the photo shoot.”

  Her words make me smile. “You’re welcome.”

  “I should go inside and take a shower,” she voices.

  “You want me to help you scrub your back?” I tease.

  Her eyes playfully narrow back at me. “Friends,” she reminds me of her earlier words, making me sigh in disappointment. She pulls away from me and this time I let her go. I watch her walk away and when I see she’s safely inside the apartment, I make my way over to my car, leaving the broken pieces of my heart behind.

  From the corner of my eye, I see Julio standing near his car that is parked on the other side of mine, solemnly looking at me, letting me know he had been watching the entire time. It doesn’t surprise me he would still be here since we were out in public. He gives me a quick nod before he climbs into his car. I don’t care what Abigail says. I already promised to never give up on her and I don’t intend to start breaking any more promises.

  I’M LYING IN bed, staring up at the ceiling, dreading what the day will bring. I have mixed feeling over what to expect today. Aren’t fathers supposed to be excited about going to their kid’s appointment? Unfortunately, I’m not.

  Forcing myself to get up and dressed, I exit my room, taking a quick glance at the end of the hallway where Abigail’s room is. The room is still unoccupied because I could not bring myself to move back in. I’d contemplated it the night I got back, but soon changed my mind when I realized how lonely it feel without her. I’d rather keep the pleasant memories from the room in my heart until she returns. Until that day, I’ll keep my residence in the spare bedroom.

  I make my way over to the living room, surprised to see Trey already awake and watching television. Taking a take a seat across from him in the recliner, he looks to me with a raised eyebrow. “What’s up with you?”

  Sitting back, I rake my hand down my face before I answer. “Today’s Lisa doctor’s appointment.”

  “Fuck.” The single word comes out sounding like an apology.

  I love you – Matt. I text Abigail, hoping it will help soothe my mood.

  I’m not expecting an answer since she’s most likely still asleep, but knowing that she will see it when she wakes up is enough to make me smile.

  “Something’s been bothering me for a while,” Trey says, bringing my attention back to him. His face looks both confused and worried at the same time.

  “What’s been bothering you?” I amusedly ask.

  It looks as if he’s contemplating his words, which is astonishing for Trey. “I remember you telling me Abigail walked in while you were fucking Lisa.” The smile on my face now replaced with a furious frown. He ignores my expression and continues. “How is it that you were able to finish? I know that shit would have made my dick go limp in a heartbeat,” he declares.

  My blood is now boiling from remembering the night. I told myself I wasn’t going to bring it up again, yet I’m forced to when Trey asked the question. He silently sits staring at me, giving me a moment to reflect back to that night. I had thought my world was beginning to look towards a brighter light, but it came crashing into darkness because of my weakness to keep my dick in my pants. Reluctantly, my thoughts escape back to that night when I’d come home sexually frustrated. I’d starting drinking the minute I walked in the door and since I hadn’t eaten anything all day, the buzz hit me fast and hard. Lisa had knocked on the door by the time I’d been on my fourth beer. Her face was blurred into a vision of what looked like Abigail. Without thinking, I grabbed her and starting kissing her. By the time my mind had comprehended it wasn’t Abigail, Lisa had her hands down my pants enticing me. I’d lost all will power to push her away. Within seconds, I had her on the table and rolling on a condom. I remember in detail, making sure I got that thing on. My drunken fazed mind was picturing Abigail as I fucked Lisa, but the minute Kelly shouted my name and I saw Abigail, I knew then I had fucked up.

  Bringing my mind back to the present, I answer Trey. “Abigail walked in as I was finishing,” I answer through clenched teeth, the image of her shocked face still appearing in my mind.

  “Did you check the condom to make sure it actually broke?”

  I’m stunned he would consider something like that, being it’s Trey. “That night I wasn’t too concerned about checking the condom at that point. The only thing I was worried about was getting Lisa out of the damn house fast enough so I could start kissing Abigail’s ass to get her back here.”

  “I guess you’re screwed,” he says before his eyes go back to watching TV. I don’t know whether to feel pissed or confused by his reaction, but since it’s Trey, I’m not surprised.

  Grateful he’s at least dropped the subject, I stand up to grab my keys off the counter when my phone rings. The name on the screen doesn’t lighten my mood. “What’s up?” I casually say into the phone, not wanting Trey to know who’s calling.

  “I was calling to tell you my doctor’s appointment got rescheduled to Monday,” Lisa states, sounding disappointed. In a way, I feel both relieved and frustrated at the same time. As much as I wasn’t looking forward to this appointment, I wanted to get it done and over with. “What time?” I gravely ask.

  “They gave me three P.M.,” she replies. “Fine, I’ll pick you up at two-thirty then,” I tell her, hanging up the phone without saying goodbye.

  Looking at the clock on the wall, it tells me I can still make it to my class. Rushing back to my room to grab my backpack, I’m soon heading out the door. With as many days as I’ve missed during the week when I disappeared to go visit Emily, I’m risking failing the class if I continue missing much more. The professors have already threatened to fail me, which is something I cannot afford being on the team, so this rescheduled appointment is a blessing in disguise. Another thing I’m grateful for: I don’t have to see or put up with Lisa for now.

  YOU SHOULD NEVER browse the Internet when you’re bored. It will lead you to bravely do things you never thought possible. It began with an email from a running company announcing an upcoming race. Of course I could not resist looking at it, but the more I read about the cause, the more determined I was to run it. Even without Matt.

  Without hesitating, I was soon entering my information on the registration page. As I’m pushing confirm on the webpage, I see Kelly walk into the living room, sleepy eyed as she begins to yawn. I know we’re both late sleepers and she doesn’t usually wake until it’s nearly time for her to leave. Most of the time she’s rushing to get ready and out of the door.

  “God, why the hell are you awake so early?” she asks, her eyes squinting against the sun shining into the living room.

  Her yawn is contagious and now I’m yawning. “I went for a run this morning. Why are you up? You don’t have to start work for another couple of hours?”

  She considers the question. “I figured I’d get up and spend some time with you.”

  As much as I appreciate her thoughtfulness, it also makes me feel guilty. I know she’s only doing it so I won’t go back into the usual slump I’ve been in lately.
I’d managed to revert back to it after my photo shoot. Matt’s daily text messages weren’t helping either. They only made me miss him more. She yawns again, making me lecture her. “Quit yawning, you’re making me yawn,” I tease her as I yawn behind my hand.

  “Watcha doing?” she inquires, craning her neck to look into the screen of my phone when she’s finished yawning.

  “Signing me and Julio up for a race this Saturday morning.”

  I watch as her perfectly arched eyebrow goes up, an amused smile spreading across her lips. “You’re actually signing up for a race on your own?” she skeptically asks now, looking enthralled by the notion.

  “Yes, I’m signing up for a race on my own,” I sarcastically tell her. “The proceeds go to a shelter that houses abused women and their children.”

  Her eyes light up. “That’s good,” but just as quickly she apprehensively looks at me. “But wouldn’t you rather run it with Matt?” she asks.

  “I don’t need him to run a race. I didn’t run San Francisco with him,” I state.

  Still sleepy eyed, her lips go flat as she takes in my reply. “I just thought it was your thing with him. Running.”

  “It used to be my thing with him, but by the way things are going between us, it isn’t anymore,” I admit.

  She nods her head in understanding. “Abigail, what’s going on with the whole situation involving Bill?”

  My heart stops. The dread mixed with a hint of fear is laced together when I hear her question. “I don’t know. I got a phone call from the arresting officer giving me an update. He was let out on bail, but they’re still trying to serve him his restraining order,” I rasp out as I remember that I’m still not safe from him.

  “So what does that mean?”

  “I have no clue.”

  Kelly looks sympathetic at this point. “What does Matt say about all this?”

  Now I feel guilty. “I haven’t talked to him about it,” I admit. Her eyebrows go up telling me her next words may just come out as a lecture. “As much as I don’t like the douchebag right now, he deserves to know,” she shares her opinion, just as I expected.

  “I have to be talking to him in order to tell him,” I remind her.

  A curt nod verifies she agrees with me. She stands up, already heading to the kitchen to start making her coffee. I stare at the confirmation page on my screen, already feeling proud of myself. This is the first race I’ll be running without someone convincing me to run it. I no longer need Matt to make decisions for me.

  I PICKED JULIO up bright and early on the day of the race. I’d informed him of my signing him up for the race on one of our daily runs, but was more surprised when he learned it was only the two of us running it. He had expected I would have included Matt, earning him a lecture from his assumption. He took it kindly, but had also managed to throw in his own opinion; I should quit denying myself the pleasure of running with Matt instead. The rest of our run was spent in silence from my bitterness over the subject.

  Sadly, Matt’s absence on my runs was starting to affect me. With each run, my mind would ponder whether I had made the right decision by demanding we just be friends. Every time the thought came to my mind, it felt like a stab in the chest from not having him at my side. On several occasions, I almost caved to my longing to run with him again, I’d nearly given in and called him, but I stopped myself and phoned Julio instead.

  Now at the race, with our bib numbers in hand, Julio and I walk over to the start line. I’m standing in place fumbling with my bib trying to pin it to my shirt, cursing to myself, wishing Matt was with me to do it for me, like all the times he’s done before.

  As if some magical genie heard my request, I hear Matt’s deep voice in front of me, making my heart skip a beat. “Here, let me help you with that.” His hands engulf mine to take the safety pins from me, and my longing to touch him this past week returns tenfold as he stands directly in front of me. His absence has been excruciating. As he fumbles with my bib, my body shivers from the giddiness of seeing him again.

  “What are you doing here, Matt?” I breathlessly rasp out.

  Tilting his head to look at me, he gives an alluring smile and I nearly melt to the ground in a puddle. “I’m going to run this race. What are you doing here?” he jokingly asks, looking around. “I’m surprised you even signed up,” he says with a smile, teasing me.

  I narrow my eyes at his sarcasm. “I no longer need you to sign me up for my races,” I proudly say to him. The smile he once had is replaced with a frown, and a hint of sadness.

  He surprises me when he says, “I’m proud of you,” with a sorrowful tone before he drops is head to finish his task.

  “How did you know I was here?”

  As he applies the last safety pin to my shirt, his hands find my hips. With a slight tilt of his head in the direction behind me where Julio is standing, I have my answer. Looking over at Julio, I glare daggers at him before I bring my attention back to Matt. He pulls me closer to place a kiss below my ear. “You ready to get your butt left in the dusk this morning?” he playfully teases.

  “It isn’t going to happen, because I’m not running anymore,” I stubbornly reply, attempting to pull myself away from his grip.

  Of course it’s not possible with Matt as he tightens the grip of his hands. “Why?” he asks, looking dejected. The sadness in his eyes staring back at me makes my heart drop down to the pit of my stomach. The sorrow they’re conveying is matching what I’ve been feeling this past week without him. He brings his hand up to my face as his thumb grazes my chin, reminding me of what I miss.

  “I want to hold onto the happier memories of you. Running with you was one of them. All the others are of you with some other girl,” I grimly say.

  His frown deepens, his face now pale and filled with despair as I yank my face from his hand. My words have shocked him to weakness, allowing me to escape, but I don’t make it further than a couple of steps before I feel his hand on my arm, yanking me to a stop. “Then let me give you one more to add. Please, beautiful, just one more time?” he pleads.

  The desperation in his voice keeps me rooted, unable to walk away. My mind is repeatedly telling me to keep walking, my heart is telling me to go back to him. It’s what it desperately wants.

  Slowly I turn to face him. “Fine,” I muster out around the lump lodged in my throat. He releases my arm as I watch his shoulders slump forward in relief. “What are the stakes this time?” I tease him, trying to break the tension between us.

  His lips go up into a smile as he considers the question. “Fastest winner has to cook dinner,” he jests, making me scowl, earning me a chuckle from him. “Okay, fine, no cooking. How about… If I win you move back into the house.”

  I don’t bother to answer, but turn my body and start to walk off again. My body is once more halted when he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me against his hard body, molding myself against him. My body is igniting with the recognition of Matt’s body. “Please, beautiful, don’t run from me anymore. I promise I’ll do anything you want,” he whispers into my ear, his plea piercing my heart.

  I don’t move. I wouldn’t be able to even if I wanted. My heart would refuse to let me walk away at this point. “I can’t move back in, Matt.”

  “Okay, you don’t have to move back, yet. But please think about it,” he says, making me think of his request. Taking a deep breath, I nod my head to answer his request. “I’ll tell you what, if I win I’ll cook you dinner. It’s all I want,” he adds.

  The announcer is already announcing the race is about to begin as the crowd gradually starts huddling its way to the start line. Turning to face him, I ask, “And if I win?”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want to drive your car again,” I reply with a smile.

  I watch as his eyes go wide, his body going rigid. “No,” he clips out.

  Without another word, I turn my body away. “Fine, you can run by yourself,” I inform him, knowing h
e will cave at my request.

  “Fine,” I hear him answer, leaving me satisfied. “But, moving back in is back on the table,” he adds, making me freeze in my spot.

  My smile has disappeared as I consider his demand. I want to drive his car again, but I cannot risk the chance of him beating me and making me move back in. Feeling confident, I turn to answer him. “Deal.”

  Instead of him looking satisfied with my response, he looks agitated. Pushing it aside, I focus on the prize ahead. I stand at Matt’s side as we follow the huddling crowd nearing the starting line. My heart is already racing with anticipation of crossing the finish line; the adrenaline is building within me. The anticipation to run increases when I take one final glance in Matt’s direction to completely take him in. He’s looking at me, his lips are up to one side with a smile that melts every nerve deep down to my toes. I’m too distracted by his smile when the gun goes off, giving Matt a head start as he shoots off ahead of me.

  My mind snaps back to reality and I sprint off after him, pissed he’s already pulled ahead of me by a couple of seconds. Fumbling with my earphones since I forgot to insert them, adds to my fury. My playlist begins and I hear the first song come on. All bets are off as my body takes over and I run.

  Matt is still ahead of me by a couple of feet as he begins to weave around people. Normally I would want to run next to Matt, but my determination to finish first takes over. He will reach the finish line eventually. What I need to focus on is getting there first.

  I’m one mile in and I’m already growing frustrated from the crowd of people choosing to stay in a large huddle as I attempt to weave my away around them. I’m now appreciative of the promotional crew for advancing me in the line for the San Francisco race. I would have never been able to make my qualifying time if it wasn’t for them.

  Distracting myself by focusing on the music blasting in my ears, I glance around me to look for Matt. When I see him, merely four people away from me to my left, I smile wide. The fork to separate the 5K runners from the 10k runners is within viewing distance and I’m confident I’m going to leave his ass behind. Picking up my pace, I don’t bother to see where Matt is at this time, all I care about is reaching my destination. It’s not long before I know that it’s about to end when I see the five mile marker on the side of the road.