Dr Big

by Sienna Swan

  I love how surprised he looks, even though he doesn’t even flinch. He pulls out his cell and starts up a party tune I recognize - one of the ones we danced to in the club on the night we met. I wonder if it’s intentional.

  “Belt it out,” he says, grinning hard. “I can’t wait to hear your rendition.”

  I can feel the eyes on me from the other customers in this place. Even the servers behind the counter stop what they’re doing to gawk at me. I hold back my nerves, fighting the desire to sit back down in my chair and tell him he may be right.

  I clear my throat to begin but he points to my empty seat. “Up on the chair,” he says. “I dare you.”

  He dares me? The guy has some nerve, but I’ll be damned it I’m going to be defeated.

  I step up onto my chair as demurely as possible, taking steadying breaths to maintain the illusion that this is easy-peasy to me.

  When I start singing I wish the ground would open up and swallow me. My voice sounds wobbly and pathetic, like a dying cat, but Kane nods his head and encourages me on. I scowl at him as I sing the stupid words, hating this, hating the fact that I even agreed to come here with him in the first place, but no sooner have I explored the option of sitting back down and telling him I’m done with this public spectacle than a strange feeling of euphoria begins to sweep through me.

  I’m not used to the exhilaration, the heady prospect of letting go.

  I’m singing pretty loud when the second verse starts up, and I don’t even care how stupid I sound, this feels pretty damn good.

  I’m smiling by the end of the chorus, and even doing a bit of a jig on the spot as I wrap up.

  My cheeks are burning, my chest rising and falling with the adrenaline of a dare well completed. My legs feel jittery and weird as I prepare to step down, but he doesn’t give me a chance.

  In a heartbeat he’s up on his feet, and his arms crush around my waist and lift me into his arms. I squeal as he hitches me over his shoulder and leaves some coins as a tip on the table, squealing further still as he heads us to the exit.

  “Where the hell are you taking me?” I say, my voice nothing but bounces and giggles as he races me up the sidewalk.

  “To live,” he tells me, and grips me tighter.

  Ten

  Kane

  “No way,” she tells me stubbornly, while at the same time sidling up to me on the back of my motorcycle.

  “What’s that? Can’t hear you,” I say, flipping the visor of her helmet shut in front of her cute little nose and twisting back. “Hold on tight!”

  I kick the bike into gear. It’s a matte black Kawasaki Ninja, one of those big, scary street bikes that well-behaved Melissa Malone would never even dream of getting on, unless she was riding an adrenaline high. I took it down to the coffee shop instead of the car on purpose, but the thought of actually getting her on it had been a pipe dream at that point. Now, with her arms circling my waist and her body inching up to me close, my gut is almost as fluttery as I imagine hers to be.

  “You’re fucking insane,” she gasps as the motorcycle takes off like the beast it is down the street.

  I’m not sure if she’s ever cursed before, but I save it away as another step toward victory. I don’t hold back as I ride through the city, making a beeline out of town and head for the hills that take up the left flank of it. As soon as we’re out of city traffic, I can really push the bike to go and Melissa’s clutching me so tight that were she a stronger woman, I might be out of breath.

  An occasional garbled squeak reaches my ears, but I don’t stop to ask what she’s saying. I’m pretty sure if I stop now, she’ll try to hike her way back to the city and all my strides toward fixing her would be made obsolete. Instead, I take the winding path up to Crooked Hill peak, my heart thudding in my chest louder and louder the closer we get. I’m nervous for her, or at least that’s what I tell myself.

  Of all the bonehead plans I’ve come up with, this is the first one that has me worrying. It’s the knowledge that if I get it wrong, I might lose her for good.

  It’s a good half an hour before we reach the peak, or the two peaks really, and I’m relieved to find the parking lot empty. As a popular tourist spot overlooking the city, it’s rarely abandoned, but I guess at least someone’s smiling on me.

  “We’re here,” I say, turning off the engine and kicking the leg out as I take my helmet off.

  Melissa is off the bike in an instant, tearing at the helmet, her back to the view.

  “Get this thing off of me,” she hisses, clawing at the snap beneath her chin.

  “Relax.”

  I undo the clasp and pull the helmet off, coming face to face with a wild-eyed, panicky Melissa Malone in the process. She glances over her shoulder at the fantastic view of the city down below us and I can practically hear her heart starting to beat out of her chest and her breath getting ragged.

  “Get me down from here. Right. Now.”

  The sweet realization that I was right is made bitter by her panic. I hate to see her in pain, and I hate even more that I’m the one causing her distress.

  “Shh, it’s okay,” I say, putting the helmets on the bike and stepping up to her again.

  She’s paralyzed, standing in place, stuck between my ‘deathtrap’ – her words, whispered to herself in muttered sentences – and the height we’re at. There’s a skinny, flimsy-looking metal bridge connecting the two peaks, a good one hundred feet in length from one peak to the next.

  “It’s not fucking okay.”

  Like a cornered animal, her green and gray eyes glance around wildly, looking for an escape option and finding none. I reach out a hand for her and she recoils from me, but I grab her and bring her to my chest anyway. She’s shaking like a leaf.

  “Why did you bring me here?!” she demands, no authority in her voice, between dry, heaving sobs.

  This is not the Melissa I know. The in-control, strictly in charge woman who never strays from her chosen path. This is a panicked girl in my arms, one that I might be breaking in my misguided attempts to put her back together again.

  For once, my confidence falters. It’s not something I can afford, not when it could cause harm to her.

  “Listen to me,” I say, pinching her chin upward. Her eyes are brimming with tears and I feel like the biggest asshole. “I know about what happened. The trip, the accident, the whole thing. The grand scheme of it, anyway. I want you to tell me about it.”

  She opens and closes her mouth like a fish out of water. I muscle through it, taking the shortest path to a possible positive result the way I always do.

  “I know you think you can’t and I know you can. I think this is where it all started. Not the sexual side of it, but your need to control yourself, your environment and everything else you can get your hands on. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. Sometimes life’s a little messy, sometimes it gets out of hand and we need to go with it. If we don’t…”

  I trail off and she tries to look away. I let her, squeezing her tighter in my arms. Propping her forehead against my chest, she stands there, motionless, but at least she isn’t fighting me anymore.

  We stay here for a long time, I stop counting the minutes after the first ten. I don’t want to push her, because I think I’ve already pushed her too much, so I’m willing to stand here however long it takes until she’s ready. Jolting out of my thoughts as she looks up at me, I draw a ghost of a smile out of her.

  “Did I scare you?” she asks, rubbing at her eyes with her palm.

  “A big, strong man like me? Never,” I scoff, finding a pack of tissues in my pocket and offering her one. I feel sheepish as she dabs at her eyes but when she looks at me again, I loop my arm around her shoulder and squeeze her tightly to me.

  “Am I wrong?” I ask, referring to my earlier words.

  She shakes her head. It’s a tentative motion, unsure, but it feels like winning to me so I’ll take it. I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

&nb
sp; She looks at the bridge connecting the two peaks, a tall lookout platform built on the other hilltop, and I can feel the shiver going through her. Nudging her forward, we take a few steps there and I keep expecting her to bolt, but she doesn’t. We walk silently, her hand going around my waist and her nails digging into my side at the first step onto the bridge.

  It’s a rickety contraption, but not half as bad as what it used to be, or so I’ve been told. I’ve never been up here before. We get to the middle of the bridge before Melissa urges me to stop, one hand tight around the railing. She looks down and I tighten my grip on her, as if expecting the wind to blow and take her away. She’s looking down. It’s a hell of a long way down.

  “I think I was ten,” she starts, getting that faraway look in her eyes. “We had a class field trip. The bridge didn’t used to be metal, back then it was just a rope bridge. There had to be more than twenty of us and one teacher, and we were running wild, obviously.

  “I don’t remember what I was doing but I was one of the last people over the bridge when the teacher called for us. We liked jumping on it, making it weave up and down. I was riding the wave right in the middle when the wooden slip that I was standing on broke and I fell.”

  She pauses and we both take a breath. It’s more than I heard from the school nurse, but the story is much the same. I’m not sure whether to feel victorious for figuring this shit out or like a bastard for bringing her up here like this, tricking her into dealing with stuff.

  I’m no psychologist. This is beyond my paygrade. And yet… well, she’s not just a patient anymore, is she?

  “If I’d been smaller, I would have fallen right through,” she continues, looking down again. It’s a couple hundred feet straight down into a tree-filled crevasse. “I got stuck and I felt like I was slipping. I held onto the ropes and I remember my hands hurt from my grip slipping. And then I was suddenly out and my teacher was holding me and everyone asked me if I was okay. I thought I was, but I guess I wasn’t.

  “I never thought about it, you know? I was never afraid of something and as much as I don’t want to admit it… I think you’re right. I think I am afraid now.”

  There’s a humorless smile on her lips as I press a kiss to her forehead. The bridge wobbles a little when the breeze hits us and she clings to me, roping both arms around me and letting go of the railing. I like feeling as if I’m her anchor, making her safe.

  It’s weird.

  “Trauma isn’t something we can control, Melissa,” I tell her, inhaling her scent and relaxing right along with her. “We don’t always know what dictates our lives and there’s rarely any rhyme or reason to it. The best we can do is try and deal with it and that’s what you’ve been doing.

  “You have more tools at your disposal now, though. You can look at this in a different way, you can try and move past it. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds, but I said I would help you and…”

  “And you did,” she says with a sigh, nuzzling her face back into my chest before looking at the view in earnest. “I didn’t remember that it was so beautiful up here.”

  The sun’s setting, casting a faint pinkish glow around her. She’s beautiful.

  I run my hand through her windswept hair and I can almost see a future. One where it isn’t just about me. It looks as scary as the drop down from here.

  “Take me back,” she says softly, letting go of me with one hand to grip the handrail tight again.

  “I’ll take you home.”

  “No. I mean… take me to your place. Please.”

  It’s not something she needs to tell me twice.

  Eleven

  Melissa

  I can’t believe this is really happening. For the first time in memory I feel free. It’s a strange sensation, as though walls I never knew existed have come tumbling down. I’m laughing as we soar down the road on Kane’s bike, gripping onto him with a sense of exhilaration, not fear. My heart is pounding, a thrill zipping right through me, but I’m not battling for control as I usually am, far from it. I’m embracing this. I’m embracing everything.

  He parks up at his apartment complex and I unclip my helmet. My hair feels wild as it comes spilling down, free of the tight bun I always twist up out of habit.

  Kane’s smiling too as he takes my hand and leads me inside. I could skip my way through the foyer, heady with the thought that this might really be it. That I may finally be able to ditch the virgin status that’s been plaguing me for years.

  I can’t think of anyone I’d like to give it to more.

  He stops by his front door and his smile is replaced by a serious stare.

  “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  I can’t hold back a giggle. “Hell yes! It’s been a long time coming.”

  I push open the door as he turns the key in the lock, and kick off my shoes as soon as we are inside.

  His arms are waiting and so is his mouth, passionate kisses that make my heart thrum. Fuck, how I want this man. I didn’t know how fully I wanted him until right this moment, and I feel feral as my fingers work their way down his buttons, pushing his shirt free from his shoulders as he’s tugging my dress up and over my head.

  Skin on skin feels divine.

  His mouth claims mine with an intensity I’ve never felt before. Maybe I’ve never allowed myself to feel this before, maybe I’ve never wanted to. But I do now.

  I want all of this now.

  He hitches me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, my hands tangling in his soft blond hair as he walks me through to the bedroom. He fumbles with his belt and kicks off his pants and boxers, stumbling with me in his arms and only regaining his balance at the last moment before we go tumbling. Normally I’d curse, but not today. Today it’s hilarious, his low laugh intoxicating as it mixes with mine.

  He drops me from a height onto the bed, and I squeal as I bounce. His body presses to mine in a heartbeat, his fingers making light work of my bra and panties. I’m not nervous. I feel not a single shred of self-consciousness as the delectable Dr. Kane peppers kisses all the way down my body. I tingle as he reaches my belly button, arching my back as he makes his way lower.

  He’s tantalizing. Impossibly slow as he teases my inner thigh with his tongue.

  Fuck, I don’t think I could be any more ready.

  I’m aching for his tongue as it swirls around my clit, and I feel no resistance as he pushes a finger inside. Two. Fuck, they feel so good.

  I’m a squirming, moaning wreck as he sucks at me. I cry out as he pushes in a third, but it doesn’t hurt. I take them, and I want more. I want everything.

  “Not too bad, hmm?” he growls, and I’m grinning at the ceiling.

  “Not too bad, no.”

  He replaces his mouth with his thumb and climbs back up the bed for another kiss. My nervous fingers snake down his abs until they find him. He’s huge in my grip, but I’m not about to bolt and run anywhere. Not tonight.

  “I’ve been thinking about this,” he whispers. “I’ve been thinking about how good it will be to finally fuck you. I’m glad I’m the man who gets to be the first in that sweet little pussy.”

  Dr. Big is a dirty doctor. But I like it.

  I like him.

  For all his cocky arrogance he was right to be so confident. He solved a puzzle I didn’t know was inside me. He unraveled all my pieces and found a way to put them back together again.

  I know now why they call him the best. And I know he’s going to be the best.

  “Fuck me,” I breathe and he smiles.

  “As the patient demands.”

  I am demanding, my fingers gripping him so tight as he fucks me with his. He shifts position so naturally, and my legs spread wide, my ankles hooking his calves as he grinds against me. The length of him presses hard against my fluttery clit and I groan for him, gripping his firm ass and urging him faster.

  A moment of panic sweeps me as I feel him position himself, the swollen head of him pressing tight. A grunt
and a thrust, and then pressure. Oh fuck, he’s partway in, and I’m not sure if it hurts.

  Yes, it definitely fucking hurts, but it’s a good hurt. A hurt that has me bucking my hips for more.

  “Do it,” I hiss, and he pushes deeper.

  Fuck, it’s a strain.

  “You’re so tight,” he grunts and it makes me smile.

  “And you’re so fucking big, Dr. Big.”

  He presses his forehead to mine, his weight braced on his forearms as his hips thrust. It’s intense, him gaining inches slowly but surely. I grimace just once as he pushes hard, and I feel so full of him, as though he’s pushed his way inside all of me, not just my virgin pussy.

  “Fuck,” he groans. “Fuck, Melissa, that’s fucking heaven.”

  He’s not wrong. Despite all the discomfort, it feels like he was made to be inside me. I can’t hold back the euphoria, dizzy with the realization that he’s taken the virginity I’ve wanted to be rid of for so long.

  I want to stay here forever, impaled by the doctor, but the urge to feel him move is too strong.

  “Fuck me,” I urge. “Fuck, Kane, just fuck me. I won’t break.”

  “I know you won’t,” he tells me. “I’ve always known you could take me.”

  And I do take him.

  I take him when he thrusts hard. I take him when he slams inside and eases up for more. I take every shunt of his enormous cock and I love it. I’m delirious as he hits a spot I didn’t know existed. It sends me crazy. He sends me crazy, and I can’t hold back, bucking to take more of him, until his flesh is slapping into mine, our breaths ragged in each other’s faces, beyond words.

  I have no words for how good it feels to be fucked by Dr. Big.

  I squeak as he flips onto his back and takes me with him. He’s still inside me as I position myself on top. He’s a big bronco to straddle, but my seat is firm, my hips circling instinctively as he brushes his fingers up my ribs.

  “You’re in control,” he says, “show me what feels good.”