by Claudia King
"What if I was wrong?" Netya replied softly. "What if my vision was not meant for her?"
Adel shook her head. "If she was helped by it, then it was hers. It does not matter from where our visions are born, only what they can do to help those who need them most. Wren needed your vision, and she will sleep more soundly tonight because of it."
The approval of the den mother meant more to Netya than any instruction she had been given or any lesson she had learned. She knew that Adel cared for her, in her own way, but it was not through compliments and encouragement that she shared her affection. After months of curt, often harsh guidance, making her mentor proud left Netya with a greater sense of accomplishment than she had ever known. At last, she began to believe the path of the seer was one she truly belonged on.
"Thank you, Den Mother," she said.
Adel offered one of her rare smiles. "It is good to see my instruction finally taking root. But remember, your visions are not to be imparted lightly. You are still just an apprentice."
Netya nodded, but in truth she felt a new realisation creeping up on her. Just earlier that morning she had felt powerless to affect anything in the tumultuous pack. Perhaps she still was, but she had given Wren the reassurance she needed. If some people, even if they were only children, were willing to turn to her, perhaps others might be ready to listen to what she had to say as well.
Perhaps she was no longer as helpless as the timid young concubine who had been brought to the pack a year ago.
That evening she sat out on the plains with Caspian, the pair of them watching the sun go down as a light drizzle of warm rain pattered upon their shoulders. It was a pleasant sensation, but Netya could sense that her male's thoughts were elsewhere. He stared into the distance, saying little as the last light of day turned the clouds a coppery orange.
An unspoken question hung in the air, but Netya did not need to voice it before Caspian answered her.
"Khelt worries me," he said. "This could not have come at a worse time. He tries to hide it, but he still feels his loneliness as keenly as any man. He misses you dearly."
"He does not speak to me as he used to," Netya said. "I wish I could be with him in the way he desires, but not when my heart belongs to another."
"I have tried to talk to him as well. He dismisses it, says he does not care to let such things come between friends. He respects that you are with me, just as I did when our positions were reversed. And yet, he no longer listens to the advice I give him. His heart is still struggling with something that burdens it every day, and I do not know what I can do to help him."
"I know," Netya said, wishing she had the power to give both men what they longed for. "In time he will heal, will he not? There will be another female for him one day. One who can love him better than I am able."
"I would agree, but for the fires out on the plains," Caspian sighed. "Khelt must decide on one of the most important decisions he may ever make for his pack, and it will not wait for the pains of his heart to mend. I heard what happened with Adel this morning."
"Do you think it will be the same as before? The night your mother was lost?"
"I fear so, and I know Adel well enough to realise when she will not be swayed. I think I would caution Khelt to heed her advice, but agreeing with the den mother is too bitter a taste for him to swallow, especially now. If he was willing to listen to me, perhaps I could persuade him to see the wisdom of it."
"I do not want to see any more death either," Netya said, "but if Adel leaves, we cannot let Khelt stay to face my people alone. There must be something we can do to make them agree."
Caspian ran a hand across his face. "If there is, I cannot see it. Khelt is angry at many things he feels unable to change, so he will direct that anger at the one thing he can."
Netya stared at the sun as it dipped below the horizon. There was one thing she could do. One thing that would wrench her heart away from the place it belonged, perhaps never to return. She tried to forget it, but it burned in the back of her mind, filling her with guilt that only grew stronger the harder she pushed it away. If she had the chance to save lives, was it worth the price of her own happiness?
She thought of the selflessness Caspian had shown in putting his own feelings aside to let her be with Khelt, or how Adel had taken the burden of such dark magic upon herself when she helped Essie lose her child. Khelt, too, bore the weight of so many lives on his shoulders day after day. They were brave, noble people. Was she not one, too?
She tucked herself in close against Caspian's chest, coaxing him down atop her with gentle kisses. She wanted to savour the evening while it was still bright. They had not been together for long, yet already she could barely stand the thought of going a day without him. Knowing that he was here for her was like knowing she had a warm place to lay her head at the end of the day. He made the worries that troubled her at night seem small and pointless. Perhaps it was only in knowing his love that she felt able to do the thing that would wrest it away from her.
But not that night. That night she wanted to feel him with her again, remember what it was like to have her spirit mingle with his, become more than she had ever been without such a caring partner to satisfy her soul. His strong body enveloped her, drawing her close to the rhythm of his heart, taking away the need for fear. They made love with the warm rain glossing their skin, its gentle patter adding to the sensation of every moment.
She remembered that night, and the memory kept her strong.
"Will you not be persuaded?" she asked Adel the following day.
The den mother shook her head. "You know as well as I do that abandoning the outcrop is our best chance now. It is only through the good grace of the spirits that our tracks have remained hidden from the Sun People as long as they have."
"Many more may die if you leave and Khelt stays."
"Then he must leave as well. I will not resign myself to only half a tragedy when I have the chance to avert it fully."
Netya's heart sank, but Adel's answer was not an unexpected one. She was as stubborn as Khelt, and she truly believed that her solution was the only way. The den mother was not a woman of timid compromise.
"Then," Netya said, "if Khelt were to leave as well, would you be able to lead the pack to safety?"
"In a few weeks we could be beyond the mountains. Other packs stake their territory in those lands, but they would not trouble us during the winter."
"And if the Sun People have not left by the time spring arrives?"
"Then we travel north and make a new den. The land there may not be as kind to us as the plains, but it will suffice," Adel said. It seemed she had thought everything through. Her plan had not been decided on lightly.
"I will trust your wisdom, Den Mother," Netya said, "and if I can, I will leave with you when the time comes."
Adel's brow furrowed. "Do not be coy with me. What idea have you taken into your head?"
Netya explained the realisation that had come to her the night before. As she had expected, the den mother tried to persuade her away from it. It was a sacrifice she must have known all too well, and it only provoked her animosity toward Khelt further. But despite her objections, she could not dissuade Netya from her path. When she realised that her apprentice's mind was made up, it was with both sorrow and admiration that she embraced her.
"It should not be upon you to make this choice," Adel whispered into her ear.
"Perhaps it will all be for nothing," Netya replied. "Still, I must try."
She would have liked to stay with Adel longer, but she knew the strength of her will would not remain intact forever. She needed to act while she could, before thoughts of Caspian and her own happiness could get in the way.
Leaving the seers' cave, she made for the alpha's den, pausing for a moment outside the entrance. It had been weeks since she crept down the narrow passageway that opened up before her. It had always seemed so inviting then, holding such a sense of tempered excitement. Perhaps, all those
weeks ago, the journey she was about to make would have seemed exciting still. It was not so bad a fate. More than she had any right to ask for, in fact. And yet, it was not the fate her heart desired.
Stepping into the darkness, she found her way to the heavy drape and pushed it aside. The subtle scent of Khelt reached her nostrils, and she tried to smile, remembering all the fond memories she associated with it. He had been good to her.
The alpha looked up with a glare as she walked in unannounced. He had been looking over the pieces of wood covered in Caspian's burned markings, lost in thought as he compared them.
"I did not send for you," he growled, but Netya glimpsed a trace of the welcoming look he saved only for his consort. Her arrival reminded him of the pleasant times they had shared together, too.
"Forgive me, Alpha," she said. "I must speak with you, if you will give me just a few moments."
Khelt worked his jaw back and forth. Had she been anyone else, her impropriety might have incurred a swift punishment. Finally, he nodded. "Say your piece, Netya."
"Many people will die if the pack stays to fight. There must be a better way."
"You mean Adel's way." He glared at her. "Did she send you here, to use your affection against me?"
"I came of my own accord. My words are my own, no one else's."
"Then they are well-meaning, but you are no leader, Netya. You can tell me nothing I have not considered already."
"I do not mean to," she said, taking a step closer. "I know how deeply you care for your pack. You are a warrior, but what of those who are not warriors? They are the ones who will suffer most."
"I will put my life before theirs. No more children will lose their mothers or fathers while I still draw breath."
Netya reached out a trembling hand, resting it on the alpha's shoulder. He blinked slowly, looking down at her wrist.
"And what of those who fear to lose you? What if you had a mate to care for?"
Khelt let out a long breath, his face creasing with strain. "You made your choice. If you had desired me as your mate, you would have let it be known long ago." His words were hard, but she could hear the hidden longing in them.
"Hearts are not simple," she whispered. "I care for you both. I will not be false—I would be sacrificing one happiness for another, no matter who I chose. But this choice, perhaps, will mean happiness for more than just myself."
"I cannot ask such a thing of you against your will."
Netya smiled, and she did not attempt to hide its bittersweetness. "I told you, I am here of my own accord. I may know little of leadership, but I can see where I am needed most. If you still desire me, I will be your mate."
Without looking at her, Khelt took Netya's hand and kissed it. He pressed his forehead against her fingers, squeezing them tight. She could almost feel the strain on his heart beginning to ebb.
"You know I desire nothing more," he said, "but the pack—"
"The alpha is part of the pack too, is he not? Does he not deserve his own happiness, rather than throwing down his life as if it were worth less than theirs?" She knelt down, seeing the turmoil in his expression, and put her arms around his neck.
"There is no honour in fleeing," he murmured.
"But there is safety. Safety with those who care for you. Is that not worth more than cold honour?"
"Women do not understand such things..."
"So you always say, and perhaps we do not." She caressed his chin, trying to make him look at her. "We feel what comes of it, though. Honour may have left the spirits of many men content while their women remain behind with nothing but their grief."
She sensed the alpha's resolve faltering. He had weathered a storm alone and isolated for weeks on end. Perhaps her words managed to reach him, or perhaps his need for someone to ease his burden was simply too great. He took her in his arms, and buried his face in her neck.
"I have missed you so dearly," he gasped, squeezing the breath from her lungs with his embrace. "Spirits curse me for my own selfish desires."
Netya closed her eyes, trying to let the relief of her decision warm her. Khelt's embrace hurt, but it was not the tightness around her body that brought her the most pain. Caspian would understand. She did what she did for the good of them all. Perhaps they could try again to push their feelings for one another aside. To let time wither them away until the ache of longing had been forgotten.
She did not believe her own reassurances this time. There would be no healing this loss to her heart. Even the fond memory of Khelt's closeness could not bring her to the same place of blissful abandon it once had. Only Caspian could do that now. Now, and never again.
—44—
The Longest Journey
Netya walked out with the alpha that evening, his arm resting about her shoulders. He had sent word for the entire pack to assemble, and assemble they had. The central area was packed with many dozens of faces, young and old alike, and not a single pair of eyes failed to fall on her as she made her approach alongside Khelt. They could whisper their gossip about her if they wished. She doubted she would ever gain the acceptance she had once hoped for. There would always be those who blamed her for the events that had led to this, those who disapproved of her choices, or those who disliked her simply because she was different. She had been too strong a force of change in their pack to be accepted by everyone.
Looking over the crowd, there was only one face she sought out. Caspian was there, slightly apart from the rest of the group, perched near the front of the gathering on his favourite rock. He was one of the first to see her. In the moment their eyes locked, he seemed to realise. His gaze fell slightly. That it was such a tiny gesture made it hurt all the more. Only those paying close attention, only those who knew him well, would have noticed the way his lips tightened, his relaxed posture grew hard, and the calm sparkle in his eyes grew cold.
Of all the men in the pack, he was perhaps the best at keeping his emotions from clouding his vision. It was one of the things Netya had grown to love about him. The volatility of his spirit only ever came loose in moments of passion, or joy, or great determination. He knew better than to waste his energy on things that would only bring frustration and pain. But that was only the Caspian the world saw. Behind his veneer of confidence, she knew he felt things just as keenly as anyone else. Perhaps even more so.
Everything about him seemed to dull the moment he saw her with Khelt. Perhaps he had known, or at least suspected. Perhaps he had hoped for it not to come true. He swallowed, running the back of a clenched palm across his lips, then looked at her again. The corners of his eyes creased. She could feel him holding in check the same emotions that would have driven a lesser man to rage, or to tears. His silent acceptance left her only with sadness in her heart, so heavy it made her want to fall to her knees. He was not angry. He did not approve. He only understood. This was the way fate had fallen, and there was nothing they could do to change it now. For the sake of the others, they would suffer in silence. Together, and yet never so far apart.
"I have made a decision," Khelt said, the power of the alpha instilling his voice with authority. "It is not one I make lightly, but for the good of us all. I know if I took to the plains to face our enemy, I would do so with a score of brave warriors at my back. We would fight and die for our brothers and sisters, and with the grace of the spirits we might drive the Sun People from these lands once and for all."
A smattering of approval rumbled through the ranks of the hunters. Some of the younger men bared their teeth in aggression, fists clenched as they bobbed their heads in agreement with the alpha's words.
"The hunters of our pack have ever been fine warriors," Khelt continued, his tone becoming more subdued. "I count myself proudly among them. But, as alpha, I must not turn a blind eye to the rest of my clan." He took a deep breath, eyes flicking in Adel's direction for a moment. The den mother did not interrupt. "I have faith in our victory, but perhaps victory is not enough. What would we leave behind
after buying such a triumph at the cost of our own lives? What victory could soothe the grief of a pack bereft of its fathers and sons?"
"I will not lose my life to the Sun People!" the young hunter Rolan called out. "What hope do they have against our warriors?"
"They may at this very moment be saying the same of us." Khelt silenced him with a hard look. "There is glory in battle, yes, but every wolf who has tasted it knows it never comes without a cost. The Sun People are great in number. If we fight them, many of us will die. No amount of courage will change that." He paused again, but no further interruptions came. "And the price of our deaths may be more than our pack can bear. Our enemy may be defeated, but what will we leave behind? How many years will it take for such wounds to heal?" He shook his head, drawing Netya a little closer. She reached up to clutch his hand. "We do not go to battle. The burden of our blood would be borne by our loved ones for years to come. Two days from now, we make for the mountains."
"Finally, he sees sense." Adel sighed with relief, pre-empting any objection that could be voiced by the outraged hunters. "My seers are already making preparations. We will leave this madness behind us."
"Do not think I make this decision for your sake, Den Mother," Khelt growled. "I do this only out of duty to my pack."
"Out of duty to your whore," Vaya's angry voice muttered from the sidelines. Had it not been for the silence of the others, her words might have gone unnoticed.
Khelt did not hesitate, nor did he waste a single reprimanding word on the huntress. Releasing his grip on Netya's shoulder, he was on Vaya in a flash, blood spattering from the woman's mouth as he struck her with a blow that sent her reeling to the ground.
Netya cried out, and Caspian rose to his feet in alarm. The group backed away from Vaya, leaving her grovelling before the alpha.
"Our pack's future is at stake," Khelt snarled, "and you snipe at your alpha like a bitter child?"
Vaya began to pick herself up, blood running from her lips as she glowered past him at Netya. "We are being driven from our home."