by Harte, C. J.
“What about waiting for the right person? Do you ever plan on being with that person?”
“One day. Right now, I just want to finish medical school.”
She hesitated, but finally Jordan asked the question that Drew expected. “Are you sexually active?”
“If you mean, have I had sex with other females, then the answer is yes.”
Jordan sat in the nearest chair, folded her hands on her lap, and stared at the floor. “What about a boy? Have you ever wanted…I mean, did you…?”
No matter how hard she tried, Drew couldn’t stop the laugh. “Jordan, I’m gay. I have lots of close male friends, but I’m not remotely romantically interested.” She paused and thought about it. “Eww. Sorry, not for me. I don’t think you’re a bad person for wanting to wait. If you want to wait, then don’t let anyone convince you to do anything else.”
“Even if I found someone I was interested in, I would be afraid my parents would want to have that person vetted. How humiliating.” She finally looked up at Drew. “I really do believe in what my parents taught us about waiting for the right person.”
Drew was touched. She knew about waiting. “Was I vetted before you hired me? I never thought about that.”
Jordan looked into Drew’s questioning eyes. She answered without hesitation. “No. I made the decision.”
“Oh.” Well, Jordan has old-fashioned values about life and love, yet her parents don’t know that a lesbian is her best friend. Fuck. Now what do I say or do? For one, quit being a shit. “I do believe you. Please believe neither Mark nor I are promiscuous. I just ask that you don’t judge either one of us, and I promise we’ll continue to accept you as you are.”
“Can we start over?” Jordan asked. “I’m not prying.”
“I’m sorry for being a shit.”
Jordan grimaced but nodded.
“Sorry about the swearing.” Drew grinned.
Jordan had a huge smile growing on her face.
Drew felt a tingling beginning in her stomach. She’s beautiful. Yeah, and she knows I’m gay and hasn’t run out of the room. That’s good, I guess. This is definitely a different day. No, this is a bizarre day. Another one.
Jordan quietly gathered her courage. “Can I ask you some questions?”
Drew nodded, knowing the day was getting stranger by the minute.
“How did you know you were gay?”
Drew moved over to the couch and lifted her injured leg onto the coffee table. “I’ve known since I was ten that I was different. By ninth grade, I knew what that difference was. My senior year I came out to my family. They’ve been great.”
“They didn’t have any problems with you being gay?” Jordan sounded surprised.
“Initially, they were upset. They didn’t understand and thought it was a phase. When I continued to insist I was gay and wasn’t planning on changing, they began to change. After all, they just want me to be happy. That’s what they’ve wanted for each of us.”
“My parents believe that homosexuality is wrong.”
“And the assumption is that you do, too.”
“I’ve always accepted what they said is right. It’s Biblical.”
Drew sighed and tried not to roll her eyes. “So does this mean you believe I’m a bad person?”
“No!” Jordan hesitated. “No, I don’t understand, but I know you’re a good person.” Jordan ran her hands through her hair. “I’m sorry, but there are lots of questions. I need time to try to figure things out.” She looked back up at Drew. “You’re still a friend, no matter what.”
“What will your father say?”
“I hope he will love me and accept my decision.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t have to tell him. I’m not as sure as you are.”
“Can we please not talk about my family?”
“Sure.” Drew started toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”
Jordan nodded. “Let me cook,” Jordan said. “I’m still feeling guilty about your leg.” She gathered enough ingredients to make pasta with clams and a salad.
Drew sat at the table and talked while Jordan cooked. She didn’t doubt there would be more questions. She needed to give Jordan time. And she needed to be ready to answer. Drew was not sure if she was glad Jordan knew she was gay or if her life had just become more complicated. She would just take one day at a time.
Chapter Fifteen
April
Their time together had become more relaxed and Jordan was enjoying every moment. They watched movies, had dinner together, even took walks. There was so much she was learning from her conversations with Drew. Her view of the world was changing. Jordan cherished every moment.
One evening, while she and Drew were watching a movie, she put her hand on top of Drew’s. For Jordan, it felt like a natural thing to do.
Drew pulled her hand back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was hogging the couch.”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just saw your hand sitting there and wanted to touch it.” Jordan stopped. Had she really said that out loud? “I’m not…that way.”
“What way, Jordan? Gay? Queer? Lesbian?” Drew looked anguished. “What do you want?”
“I just want to be your friend.” No sooner were those words out of her mouth, than Jordan was drowning in her own doubts. Why do I want to touch her? Not just her hand. Her face. Her arms. The thoughts startled her. I’m not gay. That is wrong. Then why do I feel this way? “Do you think…has it ever bothered you being gay? Did you ever want to change?”
Drew shook her head. “Why are you asking? Are you trying to rescue me? This is who I am. If you truly believe that God doesn’t make mistakes then I’m not one.”
“I’m sorry. This is all new to me and I’m just trying to understand. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, I shouldn’t have raised my voice.” Drew leaned back, running her hand across her face. “I don’t think it matters the gender of the person you love. I’ve always had more straight friends, and I never questioned them about who they were dating. I just accepted that they were interested in certain guys or girls.” Drew’s voice was gentle, as if teaching a difficult topic to an unreceptive student.
Jordan felt a little guilty. Had she been acting in a way that made Drew feel uncomfortable? “Why did you pull your hand away?”
Drew sighed. “You’re not only straight but the daughter of the president. I don’t want you thinking I’m making a pass at you.”
“But I touched you.”
“Yes, but I can’t afford to take the chance that you’re going to scream and have a bunch of agents flying in here with guns loaded. I’m fast, but I can’t outrun a speeding bullet, bend over backward and sideways to avoid gunshots. It looks great in the movies, but my body doesn’t bend that way.”
“Drew, I would never do that.”
“Okay, they won’t shoot; they’d just pin me down on the floor.”
“I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“Sorry, but I’ve heard that before.”
“Not from me.”
“No, not from you. Trust me. It’s easy to say anything in the beginning. Later, you can say anything or blame me for anything you want.”
“I can’t imagine anyone doing that.”
“Well, trust me, there are people who do.”
“Drew, I don’t understand. I want us to be friends.”
“That’s what Penny said.”
Drew had promised she wouldn’t allow the past to intrude into her present. Here it was. Except she had no intention of getting involved with Jordan.
“Who’s Penny?”
“Penny was this girl who said she loved me and was my girlfriend during my freshman year.” Drew regretted bringing up the topic. May as well get it over with. “Except she had a boyfriend at home she was sleeping with while she was sleeping with me. Then in June, she announces she’s going home to Cody and marrying him. When she comes ba
ck to school, she wants to be discrete. To be friends. Friends who fucked.” Drew gritted her teeth. “You know what she said? I’m a good Christian and I’m not like you.” Drew leaned forward. “The hell she wasn’t.”
“What happened?”
“I told her to never come near me. She kept showing up at my dorm, begging me to have sex with her. I moved out and got an apartment. Penny decided it was so we could be together. One day her husband showed up and told me to leave his wife alone. She’d told him I was chasing her.”
“Oh, Drew, I’m so sorry.” This time Jordan took Drew’s hand and held it tightly. “That was so unfair. Did you tell him she was the one chasing you?”
“Who do you think he would believe?” Drew held up her hands, palms up. “Hmm. His wife, the good Christian girl, or the dyke, the pervert?
“Why do you call yourself that?” Jordan asked.
“Dyke? That’s what I am. I’m a lesbian. Queer. It’s just words. Words that can hurt if I let them.” Drew took a deep breath and forced some semblance of calm to return. It was unfair to take her anger out on Jordan. “I’ve learned that some straight women are just curious. They want you, but they assure you they are not gay.”
“I’m sorry.” Jordan tentatively reached for Drew’s hand but then withdrew.
Drew felt like she had been tossed into a tornado. This is fucking crazy.
“Is this okay?” Jordan asked as she reached for Drew’s hand.
“Jordan, we need to talk.” Drew was determined to set some boundaries. “What do you want from me?” She let go both physically and emotionally. She needed the distance.
“I just want to be friends. I care about you…and Mark.”
Drew heard the words but her heart wasn’t sure they were true.
*
May
Jordan flew to Washington after finals. Her feelings for Drew were perplexing. She didn’t understand her need to be near Drew, to touch her, to stare at her.
At dinner on the third evening, her mother asked, “Jordan, is everything okay? I don’t think you’ve heard anything we’ve said.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking about school and missing my friends.”
“Why don’t you invite your friends to come visit?” her father added. “Brandan’s father says you two haven’t seen much of each other. He’s a nice young man. Is anything wrong?”
“No, sir. I’ve just been busy.” Jordan changed the subject before her father could ask another question. “My classes are sometimes overwhelming, but I’m doing well and understanding. I owe it to Drew. She gave me a good foundation.”
“She and her young man are good examples of what is right with America. Hard working. Clean-cut. They’ll make excellent physicians.” Jordan tried to nod in agreement, but guilt was creeping in. “Bring them to the White House. Have Brandan come, too. Maybe we can have a party for your young friends.” Her father looked like he was plotting some campaign strategy. “Maybe have a reception. Emphasize the future of America.” He was lost in his own politics.
“Yes, sir.” The tone of the conversation discomfited her. She quickly shifted topics. “I’ve enrolled for the summer session. If I go this summer, I can graduate next summer.”
The surprised look on her parents’ faces prepared her for her mother’s comments. “I thought you would be spending the summer with us. Your brother and his fiancé will be here tomorrow. They want to discuss wedding plans. I thought you could help. After all, you may need to be doing this soon.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” her father began, “young Carter seems to be quite taken with you. His father constantly talks about how much time the two of you are spending together.”
Jordan lost her appetite. So many areas of her life were being turned upside down. Even her core beliefs were in question. She was at an utter loss at what to say. “I’ll be here for the next week, but I want to get back. As for Brandan Carter, I hardly see him.” She needed to get away from the table. She wasn’t the same person who left for college in the fall. She looked at her parents. “I love you both. Thank you for your love and support.” She rose and hugged each one. She didn’t like keeping secrets from her parents.
“Of course,” her father added. “We’re proud of you, honey, and all your hard work.”
If only that were true, Jordan thought as she walked to her bedroom. I hope you will say that in the future.
The next few days passed quickly. Jack and Sandra spent as much time as possible with Jordan during the evenings, but the days were filled with various White House staff and planners discussing wedding venues. An October date next year was chosen for the probability of good weather and Jack and Sandra having finished their research. The research was more important to them than the weather.
“I keep apologizing to Sandra and her family. Mom and Dad keep adding names to the guest list.” Jack and Sandra sat on the couch holding hands. “I’ve been threatening to elope. Her parents have been great but are overwhelmed by all the attention.”
“My parents are very traditional.” Sandra spoke softly, her voice characteristic of her personality. “They’re still in awe of the president and the White House. And they only visited here once.”
“This can be a bit much,” Jordan said, “and Jack and I have grown up in this.” She waved her hands to encompass their surroundings as she spoke. “I hope it doesn’t cause problems.”
Jordan could see the love between her brother and his fiancé. The way they looked at each other. The casual touching. The interlocked fingers when they were standing or sitting. She wanted what Sandra and her brother had, a best friend, a partner. She wanted someone she could respect, trust, and love. An image of another person jumped into full focus…a woman. Jordan swallowed hard and forced her mind back on the conversation.
*
The evening before she returned to campus, Jordan and her mother planned time alone. Her mother helped her pack and then sat on Jordan’s bed. “Mom, I know how excited you and Dad are about Jack’s marriage. Have you ever missed not practicing law?”
“Heavens, no! I practiced law for ten years before I had Jack. I continued my private practice until you were born. That was another five years. I enjoyed staying home with my two babies. And by then I was forty. After I sold my practice, we had enough funds to live comfortably for several years. Your father was doing well with his insurance business and his political career had taken off. No, dear, I have no regrets.”
“I want to work, Mom. I’m excited about engineering, and I’m not anxious to give it up to marry. Will you and Dad be disappointed if I don’t follow my brother and marry right away?”
Her mother leaned over and hugged her as she spoke. “Of course not. We know that sooner or later, you’ll meet the right boy and then you’ll want to settle down. Now get some sleep. Just remember, we love you whatever you do.”
Jordan counted herself fortunate to have loving parents. She hoped they would love her no matter her friends or her choices in life. She was beginning to doubt if there would be the “right boy.”
Chapter Sixteen
June
The summer semester was shorter and more intense. Jordan continued to do well. The first week went by and she hadn’t heard from Drew. She could no longer justify Drew as a tutor nor deny her feelings for her. She called Drew but got the answering machine. After the third attempt, she left a message and hung up, frustrated. It was the next day before Drew returned the call.
“How was break?” Drew asked.
“Okay. I spent most of the time with my brother and his girlfriend. They want a simple, small wedding. My parents want a political event. It’s more a circus. What about you?”
“Doesn’t sound like fun. My brothers came to visit,” Drew said, “and I took a few days off. I always enjoy my family, but now it’s back to the grind.”
“Oh.” Jordan couldn’t decide whether to continue. “I, uh, was wondering if you had any plans for
this weekend. I know you’re probably busy and studying and…” Jordan hesitated, anticipating rejection.
“Mark and I planned to go hiking in the Ocala National Forest on Saturday. It’s the first weekend we both have off.”
“Oh. Well, I, uh, I just thought….”
“Why don’t you come over tomorrow night and have dinner with us? It’s the only night this week we both have off.”
Jordan was glad no one could see her smile. She was sure it would raise questions. “I’d love to, if you’re sure it’s okay with Mark.”
“You know Mark loves having you around. He can’t wait to share recipes.”
Jordan laughed. She would soon see Drew.
*
“I’ve never been camping, hiking, anything like that,” Jordan admitted reluctantly. She passed the salad to Drew. This was the first time she had been invited for dinner at Drew’s and Mark had cooked.
“Never?” Mark asked
“Never.”
“Well, are you willing to try? I’ve never been camping either.” Mark had a pleased look.
“Absolutely.” Jordan was willing to try if it meant spending time with Drew.
“Are you sure you want to do outdoor camping overnight?” Drew asked.
“I guess so. What does that mean?”
Mark answered. “It means you and I are going to get along wonderfully.”
Drew rolled her eyes. “What the hell have I gotten myself into? I can tell this may be more adventure than this poor little heart can stand.”
“Camping can’t be that difficult,” Jordan said.
Drew shook her head. “I can’t believe this conversation. We’ll talk about this after we get back. Why don’t you come over Friday night and spend the night? We can talk about how easy camping is and then get started around six.”
“In the morning?” Jordan and Mark asked.