"If,” the author said glumly, “you don't get concussed coming or going."
"Practically speaking, though, getting here's a snap compared to getting to Mars and back."
"Pity nobody ever figured out how John Carter wished himself to Mars."
"Who?"
"Never mind."
Later, more than a little drunk, as she composed herself for sleep, she thought, In the morning I'll be back in the real world. Eventually, I have to return to the ship, there'll be work for me to do, another few pages of the book to thrash out at the very least. And she was curious to see how Cutsinger had managed without her. Perhaps it would lead to his appreciating her more. Probably not. However her absence might discommode him, she could not conceive of his venturing ashore to reclaim his errant flunky, or for any other reason; she could scarcely imagine that he would obey the captain's order to abandon ship if it were foundering. Her relationship with the great man, she reflected, was less a relationship between two people than a sort of barycenter, the center of mass in the Cutsinger-Stevenson system. And I can't escape from the system. I not only have to orbit Cutsinger, I have to keep my face turned toward him at all times....
I can see it all. Standing on the jetty, with the boat waiting to take people back to the ship. The boatman says to me, Ma'am, it's time to shove off, please come aboard, and the ship waits like a great iron prison out on the water to receive me—
The hulks, she thought with a start, that's what I've been trying to remember. The derelict ships once used as floating prisons. Already she could feel the weight of the ship settling upon her; she could feel muscles in her face and shoulders contract with tension. No, she thought. No. No. Here is where the universe splits and I split with it. I do one thing in one universe and a different thing in the other. I don't know about that other self, I can't speak for her, but in this universe—
But in this universe it's too late. Time to go back to the ship. Cinderella's got to be in by a certain time or turn into a pumpkin.
Cutsinger, she thought, just might be waiting for her in the boat bay. She would ascend to him, and he would give her an ironic smile and say something like, “Did we have a good time?” but before she could frame a reply he would already be talking about something that really interested him. The walls of his world would first enclose her and then close in on her. She would look down, out the gate of the boat bay, to the black sea, the starshot sky, and the illuminated section of land wedged between them. Then the gates would slam shut, like the jaws of an immense monster.
I know it will happen that way, she thought. I can see exactly how it will happen, and I'll let it happen.
* * * *
Right on schedule, because the Navy adhered rigorously to schedules in defiance of any slovenly Paleozoic notions about day and night, the boat pulled softly away from the jetty, moved out of the circle of illumination cast on the water, and vanished into an oily darkness.
* * * *
"It,” she said, and paused to consider her next words very carefully, and then shook her head and told the young man, “I'm sorry, I just don't have anything interesting to tell you. It wasn't my story."
"But you,” the young man said, “he mentioned you in his autobiography just three times,"
"I wrote most of Cutsinger's autobiography. Even then I knew how it was all going to end. He would live happily ever after, as he understood the word happily. He'd die full of years and full of honors. And by the time he died, everything that should be told about him would have been told.” She shook her head. “I really, truly do not have anything to add."
"But don't you feel slighted?"
"I made my choices. Don't you worry about me. I, too, lived happily ever after."
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F&SF COMPETITION #75: “Rewrite-ku"
Poets had to retell a science fiction or fantasy story in the form of a Haiku, a Japanese poem where the first line is five syllables, the second line is seven syllables, and the third line is five syllables.
There were too many good ones to include here. Interestingly, S. Hamm noticed that Fredric Brown's “Knock” almost completely fits the Haiku form: “The last man on earth/Sits alone in a room. There's/A knock at the door.”
NOTE: Always include your address, with your city, state, postal code, and if outside the United States, your country. No address = no fabulous prizes.
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FIRST PRIZE:
"I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream” by Harlan Ellison
I learned the hard way
It's not nice to fool AM
But I won't complain.
—N. Diane Simpson
Detroit, MI
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SECOND PRIZE:
"The Nine Billion Names of God” by Arthur C. Clarke
FOR I=1
TO N; RUN GODNAMES; NEXT I;
[stars going out]; DONE
—Keyan Bowes
San Francisco, CA
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Nova by Samuel R. Delany
We're going to fly
Into a star's dying core.
But first, let's do drugs!
—Saladin Ahmed
Brooklyn NY
* * * *
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling
"The Boy Who Lived” offed
"Him Who is Not to Be Named."
And I'm gay. Adjust.
—Esther M. Friesner
Madison, CT
* * * *
War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells
Intellects vast and cool
Saw the pamphlets, packed too fast,
Forgot their vaccinations.
—Mark Shainblum
Cote St. Luc, Quebec
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DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:
Neanderthal Parallax by Robert J. Sawyer
Neanderthal, Eh?
Canadians will love you—
You're so much like them....
—Patrick J. O'Connor
Chicago, IL
* * * *
Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang by Kate Wilhelm
Crushing on your cuz
Doesn't make the cloning of
Her any more fun.
—Todd Mason
Collingswood, NJ
* * * *
"A Boy and His Dog” by Harlan Ellison
Post-apocalypse
Dog chow: hundred percent girl
And girl by-products.
—S. Hamm
San Francisco, CA
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F&SF COMPETITION #76
Childish Things: Before they became the luminaries they are today, many authors tried their hand at writing fiction when they were young. Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for us, some examples of their yet-to-bud talents have recently come to light.
Provide an example of an author's childish attempts at fiction. You have a maximum of six entries. Keep each entry under fifty words and make sure you tickle our funny bone. And, please, no crayons.
Example: Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
There was this cool theme park with these great big dinosaurs, and suddenly the dinosaurs got out and ate everybody. Next time I hope they eat my sister.
RULES: Send entries to Competition Editor, F&SF, 240 West 73rd St. #1201, New York, NY 10023-2794, or e-mail entries to [email protected]. Be sure to include your contact information. Entries must be received by May 15, 2008. Judges are the editors of F&SF, and their decision is final. All entries become the property of F&SF.
Prizes; First prize will receive a copy of Lorelei of the Red Mist: Planetary Romances by Leigh Brackett, compliments of Haffner Press. Second prize will receive advance reading copies of three forthcoming novels. Any Honorable Mentions will receive one-year subscriptions to F&SF. Results of Competition #76 will appear in the October 2008 issue.
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FANTA
SY & SCIENCE FICTION MARKET PLACE
* * * *
BOOKS-MAGAZINES
S-F FANZINES (back to 1930), pulps, books. 96 page Catalog. $5.00. Collections purchased. Robert Madle, 4406 Bestor Dr., Rockville, MD 20853.
19-time Hugo nominee. The New York Review of Science Fiction. www.nyrsf.com Reviews and essays. $4.00 or $38 for 12 issues, checks only. Dragon Press, PO Box 78, Pleasantville, NY 10570.
Spiffy, jammy, deluxy, bouncy—subscribe to Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet. $20/4 issues. Small Beer Press, 176 Prospect Ave., Northampton, MA 01060.
ENEMY MINE, All books in print. Check: www.barrylongyear.net
DREADNOUGHT: INVASION SIX—SF comic distributed by Diamond Comics. In “Previews” catalog under talcMedia Press. Ask your retailer to stock it! www.DreadnoughtSeries.com
Space Box 2—Hard Rock telling a Sci-fi story. www.dorncreations.com
The Contested Earth by Jim Harmon and The Compleat Ova Hamlet, parodies of SF authors by Richard A. Lupoff. www.ramblehouse.com 318-865-3735
BUYING Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror magazines and paperbacks. Will travel for large collections. Send list to: Hart Box 421013 Indianapolis, IN 46242 or email [email protected]
WICCANS, MORMONS, and ATHEISTS on Mars! “Mother Mars” by Corwyn Green. America's best colonize Mars! Blasphemy! Ghosts! Babies! War! Basketball! Get it on Amazon.com before it comes true!
Collected Stories by Marta Randall. 12 previously uncollected stories. Available from www.lulu.com.
Do you have Fourth Planet from the Sun yet? Signed hardcover copies are still available. Only $17.95 ppd from F&SF, PO Box 3447, Hoboken, NJ 07030.
* * * *
MISCELLANEOUS
If stress can change the brain, all experience can change the brain. www.undoingstress.com
Support the Octavia E. Butler Memorial Scholarship Fund. Visit www.carlbrandon.org for more information on how to contribute.
Space Studies Masters degree. Accredited University program. Campus and distance classes. For details visit www.space.edu.
Alaska Writers Guild call for entries for Ralph Williams Memorial Short Story Contest. Grand prize: $5,000, category prizes $1,000, presented at 2008 Speculative Fiction Writers Conference, Oct. 1-5, Anchorage. Two written critiques per entry. Contest deadline: 4-15-08. Visit: www.alaskawritersguild.com or write 9138 Arlon Street, Suite A-3, Box 910, Anch., AK 99507 for guidelines and application.
AMAZING SPACE VENTURE—clever tile and card-playing game of intergalactic space exploration. www.amazingspaceventure.com
Witches, trolls, demons, ogres ... sometimes only evil can destroy evil! Greetmyre, a deliciously wicked gothic fantasy..."compelling and exciting (BookReview.com). Trade paperback at www.buybooksontheweb.com or call troll free 1-877 BUY BOOK.
TRADE-A-BOOK: Fantasy/Sci-Fi/Horror collectibles, hard-to-find, and other used books at affordable prices. We ship worldwide. Buy at www.tradeabook.com. 408-248-7598.
STEVE K. Please provide Box No. or go-between so I may write you. Not trying to locate you. Reply not expected. Mamakit.
Giant Squid seeks humans to advise. Apply within. Poor Mojo's Almanac(k), www.squid.poormojo.org
FOR SALE: Collection of second and third editions. NO firsts. Mail offers only. Do not try to find this house. -Yon Diedo, PO Box 1, Dumon.
F&SF classifieds work because the cost is low: only $2.00 per word (minimum of 10 words). 10% discount for 6 consecutive insertions, 15% for 12. You'll reach 100,000 high-income, highly educated readers each of whom spends hundreds of dollars a year on books, magazines, games, collectibles, audio and video tapes. Send copy and remittance to: F&SF Market Place, PO Box 3447, Hoboken, NJ 07030.
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Curiosities: Ernestine Takes Over by Walter Brooks (1935)
Fred and Ethel Thompson could be a younger version of Mr. and Mrs. Walter Mitty: Fred has erotic daydreams, but Ethel repeatedly punctures his fantasies and henpecks Fred while dragging him to the dull Manhattan parties of Winton Smith and other pompous neighbors.
At one such boring party, Fred imagines a beautiful female companion: shapely blonde Ernestine Darling. Suddenly, she appears beside him ... and everyone else sees her too! Ernestine appeals so brazenly to Fred's virility, she soon has him literally swinging from the chandelier.
Ernestine swiftly grows real enough to acquire her own car, Greenwich Village apartment, and career as a painter. Yet she becomes whatever Fred and his male friends want her to be. To escape one awkward situation, Fred wishes Ernestine would acquire an impacted tooth: instantly, she does.
Ernestine's body is malleable, but her mind is definitely her own. One evening, while Fred is naked in the bath, she materializes beside him in a swimsuit ... a moment before Ethel enters the bathroom. Next stop, divorce court.
Ernestine Takes Over is deeply in Thorne Smith territory, but has a touchingly romantic ending when Fred and Ethel learn to let fantasy cohabit with reality.
Walter Rollin Brooks (1886-1958) is best known for his children's books about Freddy the detective pig. Brooks's magazine stories about a talking horse named Ed spawned a popular sitcom. Ernestine Takes Over was his only adult fantasy novel.
—F. Gwynplaine MacIntyre
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Coming Attractions
Spring should be here for good (in the Northern Hemisphere, that is) by the time next month's issue arrives—and with it will come a fantastic fantasy about death and renewal by Rachel Pollack. “Immortal Snake” depicts an unusual civilization where storytellers hold sway but the real power resides with a group of priests called Readers who track God's writing in the sky. This one's a tale that'll stay with you—you won't want to miss it.
We also expect to have another Robert Reed story next month, “Reunion,” in which we'll meet a rather accomplished assemblage of alumni ... along with the person who thinks she knows their secret.
Our inventory continues to grow, with new stories flowing in from the likes of Michael Blumlein, Charles Coleman Finlay, Marc Laidlaw, and Nancy Springer. Go to www.fsfmag.com and subscribe to make sure you get to enjoy all the good fiction running through our pages.
* * *
Visit www.fsfmag.com for information on additional titles by this and other authors.
FSF, April 2008 Page 18