Martha had taken the picture of me after I'd finished. My smile had more to do with Reece than with the fact that I'd had my first solo.
I smoothed my hand over the picture, then gently closed the album.
Would tomorrow bring that same feeling? Would Reece again stand beside me and hold my hand as I faced the future? Or would he take Mom's role and leave me standing alone?
My heart cried out to trust him. He would never hurt me. How many times had I said that? How many times had he proven I could trust him? Tomorrow, my heart said, he would stand beside me.
Chapter Ten
Walking to school the next morning, I shook with anticipation. I'd spent every moment since he'd said those words and then disappeared replaying them. Hope springs eternal. I never thought that quote would apply to me, but after feeling Reece pressed to me, tasting him, hearing his rapid breathing, it was all I was filled with.
The outside of the building bore no signs of the carefree party that had gone on only days ago. A crew of freshman student council members had been dispatched to clean things up. Inside, though, posters were still plastered to random walls where they called to me, reminding me of the risk I'd taken.
When I got to my locker, it was to find a note sticking out of the bottom. I pulled it out carefully, my stomach clenching at what it might say. Flipping it over, I stared at my name scrawled across the front in Reece's handwriting. My fingers trembled as I held it in front of me.
Fear and excitement overwhelmed me, warring within my heart. One side of me said I was being stupid, and to trust him, to believe that this was the chance I'd wanted and it had paid off, but another cynical part cried out that if he had any intention of being with me he wouldn't have shoved a note into my locker. He'd have been there in person.
I unfolded the paper, and read his short message.
Dani,
Sorry I didn't call. Meet me out back at 10.
Reece
What did that mean? It was good, right? Why would he have worried about calling me if he hadn't wanted to talk to me? I banged my head against the locker door and, rolling my forehead back and forth on the cool metal, I tried to shake away the questions.
There was no point in dwelling on them now. It would only make the suspense worse. He was obviously already in class and I had to get to mine. I grabbed my Chemistry books and headed down the hall.
Despite my efforts not to think about him, Reece invaded my mind. Everything I knew about him reassured me. He'd taken care of me too many times to count and I'd always depended on him, trusted him. There was no way he would be playing me. He wouldn't do that to any girl let alone me.
My experiences had always caused me to classify guys into two categories - protectors and hunters. Hunters searched for a weakness, exploited it, and in the end destroyed you. Daddy, Colin, they were both hunters. Like Jace, Reece was a protector. My protector.
Just as he'd been two years ago.
“Are you really going out with him?” Reece asked, dropping onto the couch.
“Yes. Why would I say it if it wasn't true?” I sank down beside him, opened my backpack, and pulled out my homework.
“I just didn't think Ryan was your type.”
“What do you mean 'my type'?”
“Well, he's a football player. I guess I always figured you'd be more into guys like...”
“Like what?” I asked, a totally confused expression on my face.
“Oh, I don't know. A vegetarian animal loving guy. You know what I mean, a guy with a social thing...”
“Social conscience?”
“Yeah.”
God, was he really that blind? I wondered what I'd done to make him think I'd be remotely attracted to someone so unlike him? The only reason I was going out with Ryan was because when I relaxed my eyes and let them blur, he looked like Reece.
“He's real sweet.”
“Sweet? Are we still talking Ryan?”
“Yes,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Now, stop talking about him and let's get started on our homework. He's picking me up at seven, so I need time to get ready.”
Reece groaned as I shoved an assignment page in front of him. Ten minutes later, he still hadn't dropped the subject of Ryan.
“So, where you guys going?”
“To a movie.”
“Which movie?”
“Reece...?” I sighed. “We're going to see the new zombie horror flick.”
“Hey, that's the one I'm taking Melissa to tonight.”
I closed my eyes in dismay. Any hope that going out with Ryan would distract me just a little from Reece and Melissa getting back together disappeared. She'd dumped him before the Valentine's Day dance, but after two weeks, she'd been all over him again. Having the two of them in the same theater wasn't going to help me at all.
When Ryan came to pick me up at seven, I felt a tingle in my stomach. He was cute and, despite Reece's surprise, Ryan was sweet. A year older than me, he drove his own car and he opened the door for me.
Once we reached the theater, he placed his arm across my shoulders. It wasn't as nice as when Reece did it, but I basked in the glow of having someone being attracted to me. That Reece and Melissa were a few rows back only made me even gladder that for once I wasn't alone.
Why I agreed on a horror movie was beyond me, because I spent nearly the entire movie with my hands over my ears and knees drawn up to my chin.
“It's fake, Dani. Nothing to be scared about,” Ryan teased. “Why don't you snuggle up against me?”
I wondered if that really worked on girls. His arm pressed me closer and his hand dangled close to my breast. I pulled away, uncomfortable with his move, but he simply tugged me back.
I tipped my head back to look at him and, before I could say anything about keeping his hands to himself, he was kissing me. I'd thought I'd be able to substitute him for Reece, but the fierce pressure of his lips proved me wrong.
I tried to push him away, but he was too close for me to get any leverage. His tongue tried to force its way between my lips and when I yanked my head back he simply followed me. Struggling against his hold, I managing to get one hand out from between us, balling it into a fist, and awkwardly punched the side of his face.
There wasn't much force behind it, but it was enough to get him to draw back. When he let go of me, I jumped from my seat and rushed down the row, ignoring the frustrated looks of the people I bumped.
Once I reached the lobby, I ran into the restroom. I cupped my hands under the automatic faucet and filled them with water that I then gulped into my mouth. I swished it around before spitting it out. Maybe there were girls that liked his forceful approach, but the aggression had been revolting to me.
My skin no longer tingled at the idea of him waiting for me. I didn't want to go out there, but I knew I couldn't hide in the restroom forever. If I wanted to call Paul to come and get me, I needed to get reception for my cell.
Ryan was leaning against the wall when I stepped out of the restroom. He didn't look happy. Well, tough shit for him. I walked past him without a word.
“Dani,” he said and reached out to grip my arm. I automatically yanked away, not thinking that he would let me go easily. When I slipped like butter from his grasp, I stumbled back and fell to the floor.
“Dani!” Reece's voice floated through the air like a godsend. He was there suddenly, helping me off the floor and glaring at Ryan. “What the hell did you do?”
“Nothing! She flipped out when I made a move on her. I was just checking that she was all right.”
“Then why was she on the ground? Did he push you, Dani?”
“I didn't push her!” Ryan's face was flushed with anger.
“Dani?” Reece ignored Ryan's protest of innocence.
“I just want to go home.”
“Come on, I'll drive you.”
I walked beside him to his dad's car, pretending Melissa wasn't on the other side of him or that Ryan wasn't stomping towards his car
in the opposite direction.
I sat in the backseat, tightly gripping the panic bar, partly in lingering tension from the movie theater incident and partly since it was the first time Reece had been allowed to drive alone with his new license.
Reece dropped Melissa off first, explaining to her that since he and I lived in the same neighborhood it would be quicker. I stayed in the back seat after she left, figuring it was better that I couldn't see what he was doing as he drove. Fearing for my life on the way home wasn't something I wanted to add to my list of issues.
He parked in front of my house and I made a quick getaway for the door, but he caught me at the gate.
“You sure you're okay?”
“Yeah, I just...I guess I overreacted a bit.”
“Don't think like that. If you don't feel comfortable then you're supposed to say something about it.”
I nodded, but still I couldn't help the shudder that ran through me. It was more than just Ryan and his sloppy kiss. There was something there inside of me that fired the reaction. I tried to shake the feeling off. “I'm fine. Really. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Night.”
I opened the gate and walked up the porch steps. Opening the door I turned back one last time and said, “Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem,” he said with a smile, and the creepy feelings disappear. “Let me know if I need to beat him up tomorrow.”
The image of Reece standing there willing to fight for me faded and my confidence in him expanded along with a tension in my heart. How could I ever have doubted him? He wouldn't have kissed me like that if he hadn't meant it, if he hadn't felt the same way. Maybe he wasn't ready to say he loved me, at least not without teasing, but that didn't mean he didn't feel this attraction.
I felt a grin stretching across my cheek, so big that my cheeks stung from the tension. I ran to my locker and shoved my books in, uncaring that they disrupted the organized precision inside.
“Hey, Dani,” Jenn said, coming up to my side.
I groaned internally. It was five minutes before I was supposed to meet Reece, and Jenn was the last person I wanted to talk to.
“Hey,” I glanced down at my watch impatiently, hoping she'd figure out I had something important to do.
“How was your weekend?” she asked.
“Fine, I just stayed home, did a bit of homework. You?”
“I had a date on Saturday.” She smiled secretively and I briefly wondered why, but her next words calmed any suspicions that were threatening to develop. “Totally amazing! And the dance of Friday was incredible. Trace looked gorgeous and he was so hot on the dance floor. Did you have fun? I noticed that Reece didn't dance a lot.”
“I had a lot of fun, and Reece staying off the dance floor is a good thing!” A shiver passed along my arms as I remembered yet again how the night had ended. I was bursting to tell someone, but the person I wanted to tell was Reece. “I'll catch you later, I've gotta meet Reece.”
Without listening to her reply, I sprinted down the hall swerving around people in the crowds that formed as others made their way to their classes. Normally, I would have minded missing my English class, but when it was a choice between English and Reece, he won hands down. Besides, this gave me another reprieve from seeing Colin.
I pushed through the back door, the sun blinding me, and I rapidly blinked my eyes to adjust to the natural light.
I saw a figure outlined by the piecing rays of the sun a few feet away. Reece. I made my way to him, but stopped before I said anything. It wasn't Reece. It was Colin.
“Dani.”
I turned away, searching for Reece.
“Dani, I need to talk to you.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Please...” Was I imagining how soft his voice was? How pleading?
“Just leave me alone.”
“Dani, I never meant-” His words cut off as Reece walked out the door.
A wave of relief washed over me, and the smile that had slipped away when I saw Colin returned in full force.
“Sorry, I'm late,” Reece said, his eyes focused on Colin.
“That's okay, Colin was just leaving.”
“Dani, I do need to talk to you,” Colin said, moving closer.
Reece stepped between us. “She's already told you she doesn't want you anywhere near her.”
Colin gave a frustrated huff and stomped away, going around the side of the building.
Reece turned slowly back to me, the tension drained from his shoulders and they sagged slightly, as if defeated. I smiled into his eyes and my heart stuttered at what I saw reflected there.
Chapter Eleven
Regret. It was there in his puppy dog eyes, begging me to forgive him, to forget what had happened.
My heart stuttered and, with a shrill scream that only I could hear, it shattered. The jagged pieces flew through me, stabbing at my chest until I was sure a gaping hole existed. I glanced down at my pink shirt expecting to see blood pumping out of what was left of my heart.
My muscles cramped, my eyes closed involuntarily, and everything went black as I went back in time to the only other instance I'd felt this searing loss.
Jace was dead. Dead. I knew what dead meant. At least for me. Dead meant I wouldn't see him again. It meant that every time I needed him to smile, or to push me on the swings, he wouldn't be there.
We were going to bury him. I'd never been to a funeral before. Well, except when my dog, Pepper, died. He was hit by a car and Jace dug a grave for him. This wasn't anything like that.
The funeral home was uncomfortably warm and I could feel sweat dripping down the side of my face as I stood next to Mama at the back. People filed through in a line, giving Mama and me hugs and kisses. Some of them I knew, but most were strangers. I didn't want them to be there. I didn't want to be there. I let them hug me. It's what Jace would have told me to do.
Grandma stepped up to Mama, leaning in closely. “How's Dani doing?” she asked in a soft whisper that did nothing to hide the conversation from me.
“She's taking it real well.”
“Has she cried?”
“No.”
“That's not a good sign, Lydia. She should be crying. Have you talked to her about Ronnie?”
“I can't talk to her about what happened. She's got some kind of lawyer and Ronnie has a different one. Both are telling me not to say anything about it.”
“She needs to talk to someone.”
“She's fine, Ma. Leave it alone,” Mama snapped.
“You're her mother, Lydia. You need to protect her now.”
“I'm doing the best I can.”
“Do better.”
I pretended that I didn't hear. I stared straight ahead, right at Jace's coffin. It looked nice and simple. It was white with silver posts at the corners. I'd looked inside when Mama chose it. It was lined with white silk and had a soft pillow for him to rest his head on. A large bouquet of white roses rested on top, with smaller matching ones resting on the tables beside the casket.
He was in there now.
The last of the people came through the line, and everyone began taking seats. Mama held my hand as we walked to the front of the chairs. The Pastor from our church got up and started talking, when he finished another person took his spot. I didn't listen. These people didn't know Jace. Not like I did.
I heard people behind me crying, sobbing. Glancing around, I spotted Kayla sitting beside her mother, her face streaked with tears. I felt bad for her. She'd come by the house the day before to talk to me. She said she was sorry. Sorry that she left Jace there to face Daddy alone. Sorry that it took her so long to get home and call the police. Sorry for my loss. I wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault, but the words stuck in my throat.
She was sorry. I was sorry. Daddy said he was sorry. I couldn't forgive any of us.
Mama was suddenly standing, pulling me behind her. We went to the base of the casket. She gripped the edge and gave
a small sob before bending over to give Jace a kiss. She let go of my hand just as Grandma grasped her and guided her back to her seat.
I stood there alone. I could see his face, so white and still. I reached out and traced my finger down the side of his hand. He was cold. We were going to bury him and he was cold.
“He's cold.” My words hovered in the air, everyone hanging on to the pain in those simple words.
“Come on, Dani.” Grandma came and took my hand, trying to pull me away.
I looked up at her. “He's cold, Grandma. And he's gonna be all alone.” It would be dark. The white silk was an illusion, making us think it would be bright and warm, but once they closed the lid - nothing.
“He's not cold, baby. He's in heaven where it's all nice and cozy.”
“But he's alone. He's supposed to be here. He told me he'd tuck me in every night until I was too big. I'm not big yet. He's supposed to be here.”
“I know, baby. But now it's your turn to tuck him in.” She gently lifted me up so I could reach his cheek. I gave him a kiss. I wished his eyes were open so I could smile for him one last time. He always wanted me to smile for him.
Grandma put me down and held fast to my hand. She turned me toward the back entry where Mama was already waiting. It was then that I cried. A sob shuddered through my body and Grandma picked me up, cradling me in her arms as she took me outside. Leaving Jace behind.
I opened my eyes. Jace was long buried and it was Reece I faced now.
“Dani...” He averted his eyes before straightening and looking back at me with resolve. “I had a great time on Friday.”
“So did I.” Maybe there was hope.
“You looked amazing. I mean, I knew you cleaned up real good, but man...” He gave me a crooked smile, trying to be his normal self. “And after...”
“After.”
I knew what he was going to say. I'd seen it the second he'd turned around. I didn't want him to say anything. I could tell he didn't want to say it. But I had to hear it. I had to know that it was never going to happen for us. That he really was breaking my heart.
“Dani, I don't want to do this.”
“You have to.”
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