June 20th, 1990
E,
You couldn’t really believe that I would allow this letter to be the final act in our story. I’m not the type of man who gives up on what he wants, and I will never give up on you. Have your family hunt us down—it will still be a superior life to the one I live without you. And know that the awareness of your unborn child cannot conquer the love I have for you. You could bear a thousand children from a thousand different men, and my feelings would not waver.
Leave him. You do not need the company you have been forced into. For once in your life, do something for yourself. I will keep you safe. If it’s the last thing I do, I will keep you safe today, tomorrow, and past the light.
Not living without you,
J
Ryan- Present Day
Ten miles. Who walks ten miles? Who has enough shit going on in their head that it takes a three-hour walk to sort it all out? And did I actually sort through anything? Fucking Grace. Why was I letting her get to me?
I know why. She said she was done with me. No woman is ever done with me. I choose when I want things to be over. Who the hell does she think she is?
Shit.
I kicked my bike over. This girl was making me lose control.
I wanted to leave it there. I was so upset that I would allow the one constant in my life to spend the night buckled on its side. I tried to walk past, but my eyes were drawn down, and I noticed I had cracked my intake manifold. Really? One more thing added to the list of shit that was pissing me off. On top of that, I left my epoxy at the clubhouse. Hell, it wasn’t like I’d be falling asleep anytime soon, and the clubhouse was only three blocks away. Maybe a little work on my bike would do me better than a ten-mile walk.
I looked up as I approached our meeting place and saw the lights were left on. That wasn’t uncommon for three in the morning in our club, but I didn’t see the usual swarm of bikes out front. My hand reached for the knob as I heard my Pops raise his voice.
“Absolutely not. I’m not going to rage a full on war with The Shadows just because you have a hunch.”
“It’s not a hunch.” It was my Uncle Sean. “The kid overheard Brennan. They’re coming here.”
“And you sent our prospect into Alexandria without even consulting me—and with no one to back him up? That’s not the way we do things around here, Sean.”
“But it worked. No one knew who he was. And the kid proved himself to us. You’re too cautious.”
“I take care of my family. I wish the same would go for you.”
“I am taking care of us. We’d be sitting ducks if the kid hadn’t heard that.”
“We don’t even know if it’s true.”
“Fuck, just trust me this one goddam time.”
“I don’t want to get involved with them.”
“You never do. But here I am, giving you the opportunity to finally stand face to face with Brennan. Isn’t that why you begged to join this club? Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? To finish him off once and for all?”
Pops was quiet. I knew there was bad blood between the two clubs, but no one could ever give me a real reason why. What could Pops have against Patrick Brennan? And what was about to go down?
I was the Vice President now; I had every right to know what was going on in my club. I swung open the door and welcomed Sean’s fist to my blocking forearm.
“Necessary?” I sneered.
“You surprised me.” Sean shot back.
“What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing, Son.” Pop chimed in.
“Ryan, just let the big boys handle it. You don’t need to be here.” Sean was all too happy not to include me in any of the club business.
“I believe my brand new patch says otherwise.”
I could see his face redden. I was right. My new patch entitled me to know more than he did, if necessary. He hated that.
“The kid overheard Brennan saying The Walking Shadows were planning a trip to our territory.”
“And the kid just happened to stumble into their territory to hear that?” I had overheard their conversation, but I wanted to make sure Sean knew I didn’t agree with his tactics.
“It was a misunderstanding.” Pops was too tolerant of his brother’s transgressions.
“So what are we doing about it? Did you call the group together?”
“Not yet. This all just came to light.”
“Do we know when they’re coming?” I was calm. I was having a calculated conversation about the business, and it was bugging the shit out of Sean. He wanted me to fail.
“They’ll be riding in next Friday.” Sean stood taller, letting me know that he still had the upper hand in the conversation.
“And we have a match next Friday.” I said.
Pops eyed me, questioning. “What are you thinking, Ryan?”
“They’re not going to stage a surprise attack on us if there are civilians around. If they show up Friday, we’ll be able to find out the reason for their visit without pulling out the guns.”
Sean shook his head. “You don’t know what these guys are capable of.”
Pops took a deep breath. What weren’t they telling me?
“So maybe I don’t. If that’s the case, they’ll think they’re catching us off guard, but we’ll be ready. And we’ll make sure to pad the audience with our allies. I want to know every single person in that room; that way, we can be sure they’re on our side.”
“It’s not a bad idea.” Pops seemed concerned, but there was hope. “Who is fighting?”
“I am.”
“No. You need to have a gun on you.” Pops said.
“If I’m not fighting, they might know something’s up. This is the game we run. No changes.”
He was angered by my reasoning, but knew I was right. “Fine. You and Sean, tomorrow, ride up to the Bronx. Talk to the allies. I’m going to bed.”
He was trying to shake something off. I wanted to talk to him, figure out what was eating at him, but if I were running up to New York, I’d need to do a quick repair on my bike. He gave me a swift pat on the shoulder before leaving.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this? Those guys can be brutal.”
“So can we.”
He chuckled. “I’m proud of you, Son.”
“Thanks Pops.”
Sean stayed behind, piercing me with his eyes, as I searched for the epoxy.
“What can I do for you, Sean?” I refused eye contact.
“You know you didn’t deserve that patch, right?”
I wasn’t in the mood.
“Deserve it or not, you still voted me in.”
“I’m just playing the cards I was dealt. You’ll screw this up. Then I’ll have what I want.”
“And I’ll throw you a parade when you do.” I couldn’t help my sarcasm.
“Don’t give me shit, Ryan.”
“Go home, Sean.”
He tossed the sarcasm right back. “Well of course, Mr. Vice President.”
He mockingly gave me a bow and slammed the door on the way out. Did I know what I was doing? I had just calmly offered a plan for a war with our enemies, and I knew nothing about them. We hadn’t come face to face with The Walking Shadows MC since I was too young to remember. What if they were coming for blood? What if next Friday would be my last fight?
What if I never saw Grace again?
Grace- Present Day
And I was pacing around my room again. I couldn’t sleep. I had just given myself to my family’s principal enemy. Good move, Gracie. Shit. Did he know who I was? Was none of that a coincidence? Was he spying on me? He knew where I lived. But would he have been that willing to let me see his tattoo if he knew I was a Brennan? Wouldn’t that have been a dead giveaway? Dead. I’m dead. My dad will surely lock me up if he ever finds out about this. Shit again. I told him I was from Alexandria. He knows The Walking Shadows are from Alexandria. No matter what, he has to know I have some knowledge of motorcycl
e clubs. No wonder my father never let me out of his sight. I was not to be trusted.
I needed to get out. I needed to go home for the weekend. I couldn’t be alone. All I could think about was Ryan. I needed to get his face, his beautiful face, out of my head. I needed to stop thinking about what it felt like to be in his arms, under his weight, warmed by his breath.
That was it. I grabbed my keys. I needed to get out of my tiny apartment. I walked downstairs and found my car in the garage. A four-hour drive seemed like the right thing to do at four in the morning.
I drove the dark, empty roads, grateful for the solitude. The sun was up, and welcoming a new day. My family, I’m sure, was just heading to bed. The strip clubs might close at two, but that just means the girls and alcohol are available for an after party. The boys in my life surely loved after parties. I slowly pulled up to the club, searching for my aunt’s car. It stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the sea of bikes. She drove a giant, boat of a car. She always said it reminded her of her first love. I never wanted to ask her to elaborate on that.
I turned into a space and killed the engine. Home. It wasn’t what most people would consider, but to me it was comforting. I opened the door to darkness. The light from the doorway highlighted the carnage of the night’s festivities.
I stepped over naked, prison-tattooed bodies, attempting to keep as quiet as possible. It was always awkward to see the guys like that. There was no question as to whether they took part, but still, it’s hard to claim privacy when you know what everyone’s ass looks like.
I made my way down the darkened hall, knowing perfectly well where my aunt’s office was, even without the help of lights. As I approached, I heard laughter. Easy to recognize with their bellowing voices, it was my aunt and father. I always called Aunt Kathryn my aunt, even though she technically wasn’t. Her own father had been part of the club back when my dad was a kid. Some deal went awry (I tried not to ask club details, just as everyone tried to leave the details hidden from me), and both of her parents wound up shot in the head. My grandfather took her in, and raised her as his own. She and my dad are as close as siblings could be, but I always wondered if there was more between them. Now that I was away, I was a little leery about walking into her office. I didn’t want to see anything I would regret later. Unlike the rest of the guys, my father had always done a pretty good job at keeping his private life from me.
As I took a step closer, weighing my options, the door flew open. Aunt Kathryn stood there, teased blonde hair and skin tight leopard shirt, with her arms opened wide.
“Oh my baby girl Gracie. I knew I felt your skinny presence.”
How do you respond to that? “I’ll… remember to eat dessert next time.”
We all laughed. It felt good to be home.
My dad stood up, attempting to hide the line of meth in front of him, and made his way toward me. He was a big guy, with hair much lighter than mine, and a full beard desperately needing to be trimmed. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, of course. I just missed home.”
“I knew it. The city life was just too much, and she missed the strippers. Those girls just know how to hook you.” She finally let me go and took my face in her hands. Her smile dropped as she peered into my eyes.
“Okay Bowie. Girl time. Get out.”
My dad never questioned her. He simply kissed the top of my head and left, closing the door behind him. Aunt Kathryn listened for a few beats, then grabbed my wrist and sat me down.
“Okay, who is he?”
“What?”
“Don’t play coy with me, Miss Gracie Brennan. When did it happen? Last night?”
I had no idea how she could read me so well. I just nodded.
“Oh, my baby girl is all grown up… finally. I feared this day would never come.”
“Thanks.” It was a weird thing to be thankful for, but I was so happy I had made this decision. I needed to talk more than I thought.
“So, who is he? Cute? Mysterious? Big?”
“Aunt Kathryn!”
“Oh no, no, no. You can’t come in here smelling like sex and expect not to give me all the juicy details.”
I smiled. “It was…oh, wow, it was amazing.” I wanted to say something more, but I just couldn’t. The truth was, Ryan really was amazing.
“And the man?”
I leaned back in the chair, recalling him: all of him. “Perfect.”
“Nice.” She paused, enjoying the moment with me. “So why are you here and not with him?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s like you forgot how well I know you. Stop lying to me.”
But how much could I tell her? “I just don’t think I’m going to see him again.”
“Why? Did he sneak out? On you? What the hell is wrong with him? Do I need to send out the boys?”
“No. No. I didn’t give him my number.”
“You’re making no sense to me.”
“For that exact reason. If Dad found out what happened, Ryan wouldn’t live to see another day.”
“Mmm, Ryan. Good name.”
“I know.” I became dreamy again. I hated being this vulnerable.
“But, Gracie, you can’t spend your whole life fearing your father. He’ll let you go eventually.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know. It sounded like something I should say, though.”
I couldn’t help but break out into laughter. I wanted to tell her everything: how he tickled my palm, how his kiss stirred my insides, that he had a terrible pick up line, and most of all, that he was a member of The Blood of Cupids MC. But I couldn’t tell her anything. I needed to forget him.
“I think I should get some rest.” I winked at her. “Maybe sleeping on it will remind me of more details for you tomorrow.”
She put her arm around me. “Want to drive me home?”
“Sure.”
“Good. My car needs a new transmission. Just like my first love.”
I shook my head and smiled. It was good to be home.
Ryan
My bike was holding up pretty well considering I’d used epoxy to fix it. Sean and I were heading home after meeting up with our ally club in the Bronx. The truth was, The Walking Shadows were the biggest MC in the area, and everyone was more than happy to aid in taking them down a notch.
It was still bothering me what my Pop’s deal was with Brennan. They dealt in the prostitution and drug game, while we were focused on the gambling and gun business. Our paths didn’t cross. In the past, my questions had been answered with musings of a turf war, but I never fully believed that. What had actually happened? What were they all hiding?
I was following behind Sean, allowing my mind to wander, as he pulled off onto a small dirt road. Just what I needed: more antics from my uncle. We made our way down a mile or so, and a small bar appeared in the distance. I could do a drink.
We stepped inside, and the bartender nodded his head at Sean. I guess he had made himself known here.
“I’m hungry.” Uncle Sean motioned to a nearby booth.
“Sure.”
We sat down at a booth, and a big-chested blonde approached the table. She was cute, agile, and yesterday I wouldn’t have thought twice about slamming her down on the table and finding out if she was wearing panties under her frayed jean skirt. Today, all I could think about were Grace’s freckles. Stupid, fucking, freckles.
“Howdy gentlemen, what can I get for you?” She drew out her vowels as if she were from the south. We were somewhere on the back roads on New Jersey; there was no need for that kind of accent in these hills, but she was obviously playing a part. She batted her eyes at both of us. Pitiful.
Sean gave me a look. The part she played had worked on him.
“Go ahead.” I motioned to the back of the bar.
He grabbed her by the ass, and the two made their way toward the bathroom. I sat there, knowing I’d have a good seven minutes to myself. I closed my eyes and slouch
ed, my lack of sleep was starting to weigh on me. In that moment, I could have caught a wink of sleep, but I was quickly startled by the blonde’s exhilarated screams. Fuck, Sean, at least cover her mouth.
I thought about Grace biting the pillow to mute her elation. That image brought me to her jawline, and then to her neck: how much I wanted to wrap my fingers around it. I wanted to briefly hold her life in my hands and watch her go crazy with ecstasy. I wanted to teach her new things. I wanted to show her what she’s been missing out on. Fuck her. I could care less that she wouldn’t give me her number. I knew where she lived; she couldn’t hide from me. I’d have more of her with or without her permission.
Sean stumbled out of the bathroom, slapped the blonde’s ass, and made his way to the table.
“I got us some burgers.” He said triumphantly.
“Great.”
“Okay, Ass Wipe, what’s your problem?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. Did I hurt your feelings yesterday? Are you a fucking baby?”
“Fuck no.”
“Then why are you moping around like a sad puppy?”
“I just want to know what Pop’s deal is with Brennan.”
“Why the hell do you care?”
“We’re about to go to war with them and the rivalry doesn’t make sense to me.”
“Because you’re a pussy?”
“Never mind, Sean.”
“Let me give you a piece of advice: do your job and don’t ask questions.”
“My job now is to ask the questions. I’m an officer, not a prospect.”
“You could’ve used some prospecting months.”
I might have been the only club member in history whose hang-around and prospecting days could be counted on one hand. When your Pops is the president, you really don’t have to worry about the shit they make prospects put up with. I didn’t have to play the part of the beer-running servant, strip down naked in front of the club and fuck two hookers at the same time, or kill a man in broad daylight. My prospecting days were just a formality; the worst thing I did was light Sean’s cigarette for two days straight.
Blood of Cupids Page 5