That was it. That was all I needed from this life. Now I could disappear. But I would have to wait for Grace’s return. Would she go back to her apartment? It seemed the only logical place for a meet, but I feared the questions we might face regarding the explosion. Neither of us had stayed long enough for the police to arrive at the crime scene. There were a certain few officers the Cupids had in our back pocket, but I couldn’t risk buying them off. If I spoke with them, there was a good chance it would get back to Sean that there were no casualties. I’d much rather the police come to their own conclusions. The likelihood of them being able to tie the bomb to my family was slim, to say the least.
I began to pace again. My body was refusing to remain calm. I needed to get out. I decided I would wait outside Grace’s. I would grab a few beers at the bar where this whole thing started. It seemed only fitting, a perfect place to end our story.
I took one last look at my apartment, with my colors neatly folded on my bed, before I turned off the lights forever. I skipped down the stairs and began my long walk. I couldn’t believe it would be the last time I would travel this path. One way or another, come morning, I would never see these streets again.
I started toward the clubhouse, allowing myself to say goodbye to the place I’d called home for so long. I walked along the water, coming first upon the building that housed my 3,103 rounds as an amateur boxer. No one said I couldn’t fight any longer; it just wouldn’t be here, among the men who taught me everything I know.
I retraced my steps the night Grace was shot. The field seemed worn, lifeless. I made my way toward the new clubhouse. It was bigger, more intimidating than the last. This is where my family would continue their fight against normalcy: a fight that I had chosen to walk away from.
I didn’t want to go inside; I didn’t want to be dragged in. I came around the front, prepared to take off to the streets again, prepared to face my new destiny. The windows were dark, and had it not been for the bike out front, I would have assumed the place was empty.
But that bike caught me off guard. It was a Softail Springer Classic, a custom 2005 fuel injected model whose vivid black paint job sparkled in the moonlight. The only person in our club with that bike was Sean. What was he doing at the clubhouse? Another glimmer caught my eye, and at the end of the parking lot I saw another bike, backed in against the curb. It looked just like mine, same model, same color, and same leather bags… no. It didn’t just look like my bike; it was my bike.
Grace was here. And so was Sean.
Grace
“Wake up, cunt.”
I opened my eyes to a stinging pain across my face. My hands were tied behind my back and to the chair I was now sitting in. My ankles were bound to the wooden legs. I tried to squeeze my hands into fists, but I was so weak. All the energy I had was now going into keeping my head up.
“What do you want?” I slowly questioned.
He began to circle me, taking his finger and tracing my shoulders with his touch. He knelt in front of me, bringing his lips so close to mine that I could taste his breath.
“I don’t know.” He smiled. He was enjoying this too much. “Are you comfortable, Gracie?”
What kind of stupid question was that? Of course I wasn’t comfortable. I was tied to a chair and had recently been strangled to unconsciousness.
“How do you know my name?”
His laughter grew as he stood. “Oh, I know so much more about you than that. Gracie.” He said my name slowly, allowing each syllable to fall off his lips.
“Please,” I began, playing the only card I could, “I need to speak to Ryan. I promise I’m not here acting on account of my family.”
“Well, see, speaking to Ryan might be interesting, because he told me you had died in an explosion. So consequently, one of you is lying to me. Either Ryan is trying to keep your survival a secret so he can use it against me later, or he truly thinks you’re dead and you’re now gathering information for the Shadows.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to do anything that would cause him to go after Ryan, but if he thought I was working for my family, there was no way he’d let me live.
“What’s wrong, little girl? You don’t have anything else you’d like to say to me?”
“Please, just let me talk to Ryan.” I pleaded. Even if we wouldn’t be able to keep our lies straight, I didn’t want to be alone with this guy any longer.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” His laughter was menacing.
He stepped closer to me, running the back of his hand against my bruised cheek. “Does that hurt?”
“Please stop.” I was trying to stay strong, but I didn’t have the energy to hide my tears.
His smile widened as he straddled me and pulled a knife from his back pocket. “Stop what?” He touched the cool blade against my skin, and I bit my lip to keep from screaming with fear. He took the blade down, off my face, and to the collar of my shirt.
“What… what are you doing?” I managed to ask.
He lifted his eyebrow and gave me a look as if I was stupid. “Don’t play innocent with me. You know full well what I’m doing.”
At the culmination of his little speech, he flicked his wrist and my shirt split open. My pulse spiked, and my chest began to rise and fall quickly. “No. Please. No.” It was pathetic, but pleading was all I could do.
“You should know this better than anyone. You fucked one of ours, and you’re not his ol’ lady. That makes you fair game.”
I had no comeback. According to the MC code, he was right. Me telling him that I was trying to live outside the life would mean nothing to him. He was playing by his rules, and I couldn’t fight him on it. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t put up a fight.
His scarred face attacked, and his lips slammed against mine. His hand was at my breast, squeezing as hard as he could. I screamed. I couldn’t help it. I pushed all my force back, and together we crashed backwards against the floor. The chair shattered under our weight, freeing my ankles and wrists from their confines. I wasn’t fast enough though. He pushed me my shoulders to the ground and weighed down my hips with his.
His hands were at my throat. “You fucking cunt. You asked for this!”
“You asked for this.” I repeated, staring straight at him.
It all came rushing back to me. I stopped fighting and stared at him. “You.” It was all I could say in that moment, but he knew exactly what I was talking about.
“So you were there?” It was disgusting how much he was enjoying himself. His hand moved to my bare stomach. “You were quite the pretty little thing. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you.”
“Why?” Little words were all I could handle.
He lowered his body, crushing mine beneath his weight, and whispered in my ear. “Because she was messing with my club, and no one messes with my club.”
“You didn’t have to kill her.”
“Yes, I did. And now it’s your turn.” He pushed hard into my throat. I held my breath, trying not to exert energy until I needed it.
He grabbed me overtop my jeans, fondling. He was forceful, trying to push his knuckles and the denim inside of me. “Are you giving up? I really thought this would be more fun. Your mother certainly was.”
I held it in. I knew I was no match for him.
“And you know, I really should’ve thanked her.” His hand plummeted beneath the rim of my pants and took in my nakedness, causing me to scream with fright. I instantly became nauseated by his touch. “I was actually after you that night, but she wouldn’t let me at you.” He wriggled his fingers, knowing I hated every second of his torment. “The club doesn’t take too kindly to child molesters, so had she given you up, I might not be alive right now.” He leaned in closer to me, whispering in my ear. “Lucky for me, you’re not a child anymore.”
He freed his hand, reclaimed his knife, and skimmed my body, slicing lightly into my skin. The torture was excruciating. The knife found the button on my jea
ns, and swiftly sawed through the stitching. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I mustered as much energy as my breathless, bleeding body would allow, and bucked him off of me with my hips. He was paralyzed by shock, allowing me to twist the knife from his hand. I held it at his throat as I regained my breath.
“Whoa, girlie, calm down. It was all in good fun.”
Fun? He thought this was fun? I couldn’t stop screaming. My restraint flew from my body and I sliced him across the cheek.
“Fuck!” He screamed as his hand moved to his face.
That’s when I started punching. I kept swinging left and right, no aim, just pure adrenaline. I was making up for years of nightmares in those blows. I had no idea from where my strength had come, but I was winning. Blood was flying, and I was covered, but it didn’t matter. Every ounce of hatred that I had been carrying with me for almost twenty years was finally being released.
“You fucker! How dare you? I hope you die!” With my last threat, I was lifted off of the bastard by a large set of arms.
“Grace!”
I kept swinging.
“Grace! Calm down!” Ryan turned me around, finally seeing the side of me that I had hidden for so long. “Oh my God,” his fingers were on my chest and down my belly, tracing the trail made by my attacker’s knife, “is this your blood?”
“Let go of me, Ryan. I’m going to kill him.”
“No, no, no.” He pulled me close to him, trying to calm me down.
I maneuvered from his embrace pointing the blood-soaked knife at the man still lying on the ground.
“Ryan,” I cried, “I watched this man kill my mother!”
September 15th, 1994
E,
I cannot claim to be shocked by your last letter. I have asked you countless times to run away with me, vowing to protect you, but you fear to do anything that might cause your husband to lash out at you. And now he has. You have put yourself and your child in danger just by being in this life. I have offered to take you out of it, and you constantly deny my invitations.
I can only assume that you need, you love the fear in your life. I thought I understood you. I thought you had been lost at a young age, finding a family with the club, but I never thought you would fully succumb to their power.
I was wrong. This is the life you want. But, know this, I am not letting you out of my sight. I will not let you do this alone.
I have an in. My brother rides with a new club. We’re not close, but he’s family, and he’s offered to help me get patched in quickly.
Much rather would I have run away with you, found a home with a silly white picket fence, and raised our children as family. But you chose otherwise, and I cannot fight my heart. I must follow your lead. When the prospecting phase is over, I will find you, and I will give you the criminal life to which you are so attached.
Today, tomorrow, and past the light, I would do anything for you.
J
Ryan- Present Day
“Grace, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Are you deaf? I watched him!” She was screaming and crying at the same time. I was overwhelmed. Could this be true?
She was covered in blood, I assumed both hers and Sean’s. I ran my fingers through her hair, trying desperately to calm her down.
My attention was solely on her, and I completely missed Sean rising to his feet. He grabbed her from behind, pulling the knife from her hands and holding it at her throat.
Dangled in front of me, I could see what Sean had done to her. There was a deepening bruise on her right cheek; her shirt was torn down the middle revealing not only her bra, but also a clear slice down the center of her body. It didn’t seem deep, but blood was pooling at the cut. Her pants had been undone and were hanging low on her hips. It was obvious my uncle was attempting to rape her before killing her. My blood boiled at the thought. I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the tucked away pistol.
“Put her down, Sean.”
“Do you see what this bitch did to me? No, she deserves what’s coming to her.”
“I said ‘put her down’!” I cocked the gun, prepared to shoot.
He shook his blood-dried face at me. “You’re a pussy. You’ve never shot anyone in your life. I’d be thrilled to honor your cut with a skull and crossbones patch.”
He was testing me. He was certain I wouldn’t pull the trigger, but this was Grace, and there was little I wouldn’t do to ensure her safety. “Let her go!”
“You can threaten me all you want. She’s mine now.” He pulled her tighter to him, and she cried out in pain as he nicked her throat with his knife.
“Stop it!”
“You’re going to have to kill me, kid.”
I aimed the gun at him, but my hand wouldn’t stop shaking. I tried to steady my fingers, but my nerves were unrelenting. Why now? When it was all on the line, how could I not save her? I looked into his eyes and wished death upon him, but I couldn’t kill him. I wasn’t cut out to be a murderer. I looked to Grace, whose now lifeless eyes bore into me. “I’m so sorry.” I mouthed.
She nodded in understood reply, never asking me to kill for her. She was much stronger than I had known before this moment. I was not.
But maybe I didn’t have to kill Sean. As I lowered my aim from his head, my hand steadied. Without a second look, I pulled the trigger, shooting my .22 into his knee. He fell to the floor with cursed pain, and I grabbed Grace from his grip, fleeing the scene.
With Grace in my arms, I ran the two of us across the field, to the boxing ring. I knew there was a first aid kit in the back. I laid her down, begging her to keep still and quiet while I found the supplies. I was back at her side within seconds, and found her curled into a ball.
“Grace, Grace, look at me.” She was shaking, refusing to turn her head. I tried to flip her over, needing to see just how deep the knife wounds were, but she held tight in the fetal position, crying at each touch of my hands.
“Grace, babe, you need to show me.” I pushed her hair from her face and lowered my mouth to her ear. I wanted her to feel my warmth, to know I was not going to hurt her, but I feared she was in shock. Her whimpering finally slowed, and she looked deep into my eyes. Something was different. Something had changed in her. I barely recognized the woman who was staring back at me.
But no lifeless look could change how I felt about her. I was determined to make her feel safe again.
I poured hydrogen peroxide on a cotton ball and began to work, starting with her face. As the liquid cleaned her up, I was able to see where Sean’s blood ended and hers began. He had surely done a number on her. The gash in her neck had yet to clot, and I pressed down, praying for the blood to stop. I unwrapped a bandage and secured it into place, but within an instant, the white dressing had become red. Although fairly certain he hadn’t hit an artery, I would need to make sure her neck was stitched up, and soon.
She allowed me to push her shoulders back, revealing her slashed chest. Tears clouded my vision as I looked at her beautiful body. I lowered my lips and lightly kissed her. It was the only way I knew to heal, but she cried out, pushing my face away.
“Grace, I’m not going to hurt you.”
She had risen to a seated position and curled her knees up to her chest. I inched closer.
“No!” She yelled.
“What do you think I’m going to do?”
Her shoulders lowered their tension, and she tilted her head to the side. “I’m sorry. I don’t know.” Her hand came to her mouth as her tears began their flow.
“Hey, hey.” I slowly inched toward her with open arms. I wanted to tell her it would be okay, but in reality, I didn’t know. In that moment I knew nothing. But she found her trust in me. She nodded in acceptance and fell into my embrace, allowing her tears to fully overcome her.
For the first time in my life, I knew love.
But then we heard the engines.
Grace- Present Day
No matter how brave I
pretended to be, nothing could have prepared me for that night. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought myself capable of taking another life, but had Ryan not pulled me off of him, my mother’s murderer would not have moved from that unfinished floor.
I had no reason to fear Ryan, but his calloused hands were reminiscent of my attacker’s. Each delicate touch of his brought me back to the man who killed me mother, who almost killed me. I felt so bad, Ryan was only trying to heal my injuries, but I couldn’t help the reactions. His touch frightened me. Any touch would have frightened me.
But I had to overcome my fears. This man had saved my life and was only trying to bid me comfort. He offered me his arms, and I took them, folding my broken body into his embrace. It was then that I knew where I belonged. The tension melted and I believed I could make it through this ordeal. It was with this man that I could find a home. Despite his violent upbringing, he knew how to treat a woman, how to love a woman. I had to admit that in his arms, I was falling for him.
“Your family or mine?” He questioned as he pulled away from our embrace.
I listened to the roar of the bikes, trying to gage the specific number of engines, but my guess wasn’t needed. I was sure the Shadows were here. They were ready for war.
“It’s mine. I’ll go.” I managed.
“No, we’ll do this together.”
“Ryan…”
“Grace, let me be a man.” His words were deliberate, and I could not argue. He had proven himself, and now I needed to let him take his place in our relationship. I needed to allow him to protect me.
We walked out into the field, hand in hand, facing a sea of headlights. My shirt was still in tatters, and we had yet to bandage the knife wound that begged to split me in half. I was fully exposed, but at that point, it didn’t matter. I couldn’t hide anymore.
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