by Dalia Wright
“You know, I feel kind of sorry for your parents,” she said to him one day when they unfortunately found themselves alone together. “You’re a grown man, and your father still has to keep an eye on you to keep you out of trouble. He told my father so. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I feel sorry for your parents,” Robert retorted, “for having such a miserable shrew as a daughter.”
“At least I’m not a good-for-nothing rake like you!” Margaret exclaimed back. “You’ve brought nothing but shame to your family!”
Robert scowled back at Margaret, but she was surprised to see a change in his eyes. If she didn’t know better, she would think he looked a little hurt.
Margaret stomped out of the room after their argument, and stayed away from him for the rest of her family’s visit. But on the carriage ride home, she felt somewhat bad about her comment. She still agreed with what she had said, but wondered if perhaps she had gone too far. She silently promised herself that from then on, she would take the high road and refrain from insulting Robert, no matter how angry he made her.
This turned out to be much easier than Margaret thought, because on her family’s next few visits, she hardly even saw Robert. He would appear in the sitting room with his parents, but once the mothers and fathers parted ways to discuss the wedding and inheritance, Robert would disappear, probably off to his room, Margaret figured. This was perfectly fine with her, and she spent the visits sneaking books out into the garden and passing the time reading.
She began to think that maybe if she and Robert could just spend their entire marriage avoiding each other, it might not be so bad after all. Still, she wished that life was different and that she was engaged to someone she was deeply in love with, the way she believed it was supposed to be.
Chapter 4
Later that month on another one of their visits, Margaret was sitting in the garden, absorbed in a book. The sun was shining and the beautiful pink roses in the garden smelled fantastic. It was a perfect day, and Margaret was in a better mood than she had been for a while.
She suddenly heard footsteps approaching, and she looked up, startled. Usually, after the gardeners left in the morning, Margaret was the only one in the garden. To her dismay, she saw Robert walking, also holding a book. He didn’t see her, though, and settled down on a bench about thirty yards away. He opened the book and read for a few moments, but looked distracted. Robert eventually set the book down and gazed out toward the pond at the other end of the yard, his chin in his hand.
Although she was somewhat hidden by a rose bush, Margaret knew that if she stayed sitting where she was, Robert would notice her eventually. She didn’t want to ruin the beautiful day with an arguing match with him, so she got up to sneak away quietly while he was still looking away. But as she was walking, Margaret stepped on a twig, which made a loud cracking sound as her foot snapped it in half.
Robert turned his head and saw her. “Oh, hello, Margaret,” he said.
“Hello, Robert,” Margaret replied. Unfortunately, she had to walk past him to get out of the garden, so she walked briskly, trying to avoid further interaction.
“What are you reading?” Robert asked, much to Margaret’s surprise. She held up her book to show him, but to her alarm, he gestured for her to come join him on the bench. Reluctantly, she sat down. “That’s a good one,” he said, nodding at the book she held.
Margaret raised her eyebrows. “You’ve read it?”
Robert nodded. “Oh, yes, I’ve read most of the books in our family library.”
Margaret didn’t want to insult Robert, but she couldn’t hide her surprise. Not only was Robert initiating a normal, friendly conversation with her, but he also liked to read, something she never would have guessed. “I didn’t know you enjoyed reading,” she said. “So that’s why you came out here too, to read?”
Robert looked down at his own book as if he had forgotten about it. “Yes,” he said, “well, yes and no. I’ve been trying to read, but I’ve been thinking a lot, too. And I think that I owe you an apology. I’ve been unnecessarily rude to you, and I’m sorry for that.”
Margaret was shocked. She looked back at Robert, meeting his eyes. His normally mischievous green eyes glinted with sincerity. “I’m sorry, too,” she said. “I crossed the line with some of my remarks.”
“No,” said Robert, “you were right. Although I’ve had my fun, a lot of my behavior has shamed my family, and I deeply regret that.” He looked down sadly for a moment, pausing. He then looked right back at Margaret. “You probably don’t know this, but I was very close with my grandfather, my father’s father who recently passed away.”
Margaret shook her head. “I did not know that. I’m very sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” said Robert. “He lived a long life and was healthy until the end. He always had such high hopes for me, though, and I’m afraid I never lived up to them. He wanted me to behave so much differently than I did, and I regret letting him down.”
Margaret didn’t know what to say. It was as if the Robert she knew had been replaced by a completely different person. For the first time, he didn’t make her angry; she actually felt sympathetic and caring towards him. “I’m sorry,” she repeated softly.
“I made my choices, and I suppose there’s no use dwelling on the past,” continued Robert. “I wanted to enjoy my youth, and have fun, and I very well did. And after my grandfather passed away, I spiraled into that behavior more and more, with the drinking and the women,” he said. “But it wasn’t fun anymore. I’ve recently realized that it was more of a coping mechanism now, using these things to shield me from real life.”
Margaret nodded. She understood coping mechanisms. She herself often resorted to retreating to her room and losing herself in a book instead of dealing with her problems and her emotions. In fact, she realized, that was exactly what she had been doing reading in the garden: hiding from her problems.
“I guess what I’m saying,” Robert continued, “is that I’m sorry I’ve been awful to you; I’ve had no reason to be that way. I suppose I’ve come to my senses over this past month, and in a way I partially have you to thank for that. Maybe we can start over? You still don’t have to like me, but maybe we can at least be friendly?”
“Yes,” said Margaret, nodding. “I would like that very much.” They sat in a surprisingly compatible silence, both staring out toward the pond, lost in their own thoughts, until it was time for Margaret to leave.
Chapter 5
Over the next few weeks, Margaret could not stop thinking about Robert and their conversation in the garden. She had no idea that he was even capable of deep thoughts, of regret, of self-improvement. She would have thought it was all some kind of trick, but she knew from his eyes that he had been sincere. It seemed like his days of being a rake were really over. Margaret couldn’t help but be fascinated by this new Robert, and although she would never admit it to their family, she actually looked forward to the next time they would go visit him.
Meanwhile, their wedding was swiftly approaching, and Elizabeth, who had taken the lead in preparing for her daughter’s wedding, was busy making arrangements. She would pop into Margaret’s room every once in a while to ask her questions about things like what flowers she wanted to have, and even to try on a wedding dress. When Margaret saw herself in the mirror wearing the wedding dress, she was surprised to find that she didn’t feel sad or upset, but instead a little bit excited. Even though she and Robert had agreed that their marriage wouldn’t last long, she didn’t have to be miserable about it, she decided.
And so on their next visit to Robert and his family’s estate, Margaret felt the excitement growing in her. She was so curious to see how Robert would act.
When they arrived, Robert first greeted her parents politely, then, to her surprise, invited Margaret to follow him to the library.
“Shall we read in the garden again?” asked Margaret, trying to adjust to this new, pleasant Rober
t.
“Whatever you wish,” he replied, “but I wanted to show you something first.” He led her to one of the shelves at the side of the room. “These are all books my grandfather handed down to me. Some of them have been in my family for generations.” He flipped open one of the books to show her writing on the inside. “This one was my great-uncle’s. Feel free to look for yourself,” he said, gesturing toward the shelf.
Margaret pulled down a book and flipped through, gently holding the book’s old spine as she looked over the old printing and the small, neat handwriting in the margins. “This is fascinating,” she said. “How wonderful to have a piece of your family’s history in their old books.”
They each chose a book to take outside to the garden and read, but as they walked out, they became so wrapped up in conversation that they ended up strolling around the garden with their books still in their hands. They talked about their favorite books, their families, friends, balls and parties they had both attended, and more. Time flew by so quickly just talking to Robert that for once, when Margaret’s parents were ready to head home, she wished she could stay longer, although she didn’t voice this aloud.
Never in her life had she been able to talk to someone so easily, to engage in a long conversation that was so easy and enjoyable, yet so meaningful, too. Margaret realized as she was getting ready for bed back at home that night that these were the qualities that she wanted in a partner. She’d always wanted a man whom she could talk to, who was intelligent and witty and interesting.
Robert had all of these qualities, and yet Margaret suddenly felt a sense of nervousness. She knew she was starting to like him, but she wasn’t sure if she could trust him. After all, could someone really change so fast? Was he really done with his old ways, or was this just an act he was putting on for the sake of their families? Also, Margaret felt something she’d never felt before. She had never really had feelings for anyone, so she had never worried about whether someone liked her or not before. But now, with her feelings for Robert undeniably growing, she wondered if he felt the same way about her, or if it was just part of his polite new act.
That night, Margaret had a hard time falling asleep. She tossed and turned, thinking about Robert. Although she was still a little skeptical, she mostly was excited to see him again.
Chapter 6
The next time she saw Robert, things went better than Margaret ever could have imagined. The two of them strolled out to the garden alone together, where they sat down on the bench.
“You look beautiful,” Robert said to Margaret.
Margaret felt herself blush. Robert had certainly never commented on her appearance before. “Thank you,” she said, “you look very nice as well.” And it was true; Robert sat up straight, his hair was properly combed, and the hungover look he used to permanently seem to have about him was nowhere to be found anymore. His green eyes were fully opened and gazed into hers. His eyes looked so honest and caring that Margaret decided to let herself trust him.
So as he put his hand on hers, she didn’t pull it away. “I know that when we first found out about our arranged marriage, we swore we wouldn’t like each other. Then we came to the agreement that we could be civil,” Robert began, and Margaret swallowed nervously. She wasn’t quite sure what to expect. “But,” he continued, “the last couple of times I’ve seen you, I’ve felt a lot differently. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. You’re so different than, well,” now he was the one to look a little nervous, “than the other women I’ve seen in the past. You’re intelligent, you’re caring, and as I’ve already told you, you’re beautiful. Margaret, I never would have guessed this a few months ago, but now I’m falling in love with you.”
Margaret couldn’t believe her ears. Without even thinking, she said, “I’m falling in love with you, too, Robert.” Once the words came out, she knew that they were true. She was falling in love with Robert, and as crazy as that may have sounded to her even a month earlier, it felt so right now.
Robert leaned towards Margaret, and she realized he was going to kiss her. She brought her lips towards his, and their lips met, at first gently but then with passion. As they kissed, Robert wrapped his arm around Margaret so that his hand rested on her upper back. Being wrapped up in Robert’s arms felt so exhilarating, yet so natural. Margaret felt butterflies and a sense of happiness and excitement well up in her chest. Electricity seemed to flow between them, and Margaret felt sparks like she never had before.
“I know we were already going to get married anyway,” said Margaret when they finally brought themselves to pull apart, “but now I really want to.”
They looked in each other’s eyes and kissed again. “I think I may just want to be with you forever,” murmured Robert.
Chapter 7
In the days that followed, Margaret felt giddy with love. She skipped around her house like a little girl, humming to herself. Her parents noticed right away.
“Looks like I was right,” Elizabeth said, smiling and looking at her daughter.
Margaret, who of course had been thinking about Robert, was jolted back to reality. “Right about what?” she asked her mother.
“I knew you and Robert would grow to love each other in time,” Elizabeth said. “It looks like you just might be there already.”
Margaret smiled and blushed. She still couldn’t believe how things were working out. She and Robert had gone from hating each other to falling in love, all before their wedding, which was now only a couple of weeks away. It seemed almost too perfect, just like a fairytale. She trusted Robert now, and was blissfully happy that he felt the same way about her that she did about him. It was looking like they really would spend the rest of their lives together, happily ever after.
Margaret couldn’t stop thinking about Robert, and her excitement to see him again made the next few days tick by excruciatingly slowly. Unfortunately for her, the families had almost worked out all the details of the inheritance, combining the estates, and the wedding, and so they had not planned to visit each other for another whole week.
Margaret knew that she could not wait that long to see Robert. Her heart physically ached for him, and she needed to go see him. She thought about taking the carriage on her own, but then her parents would know that she had gone. Even though she and Robert were nearly married, her parents would not think it was proper for Margaret to visit Robert alone, and they would never allow it.
Margaret had never done anything reckless before, but she now realized that the love she felt for Robert had changed her. She had thought it was so incredible how much Robert had changed, but now she recognized how much she had changed, too. While Robert was less reckless, perhaps now she was more.
And so, late in the night when the rest of her family had already retired to their rooms, Margaret snuck out of her room and out the front door. She pulled her jacket tightly around her and made her way to their stables, where she put a saddle on her favorite horse. She mounted the horse, and rode into the night.
Riding by horse was faster than by carriage, but Margaret was so filled with butterflies, excitement to see Robert, and adrenaline from sneaking out that the ride seemed to drag on forever.
When she finally did get there, Margaret tied up her horse so that it was obscured by trees outside of the gates so that nobody would notice her arrival. Quietly, she crept down the path and around toward the back of the mansion where Robert’s room was. Although she hadn’t been in his room lately, she remembered where it was from when they were children. They couldn’t stand each other then, and Margaret smiled to herself thinking about how things had changed.
She was nearing Robert’s back window now, walking up slowly so as to not make any noise, when she suddenly saw a figure climbing out of the window. Margaret jumped behind a tree to hide, poking her head out ever so slightly to try to get a better look.
Margaret realized with shock and horror that the figure was definitely climbing out of Robert’s bedroom window, and that
it was definitely a woman. “Goodbye, Robert,” the woman said quietly as the window closed behind her, confirming Margaret’s worst nightmare.
The woman began walking around the house, and Margaret had to duck behind the tree to remain hidden from the woman’s view. She stayed crouched down for a few minutes, letting the woman get a bigger head start. The last thing she wanted was to confront this woman right now.
However, Margaret thought about marching right over to Robert’s window and giving him a piece of her mind. She couldn’t believe what she had seen. After all Robert had told her about changing his ways, after even telling her that he was falling in love with her, here he was, sneaking around and still seeing other women in the middle of the night.
But although a part of her wanted to go yell at Robert, Margaret couldn’t bring herself to do it. She felt tears already rolling down her cheeks, and knew she would get hysterical if she tried to talk to him. Besides, she thought, he was such a liar and cheater that she didn’t want to speak to him at all, ever again. She was humiliated for trusting him, for believing that he had really changed and that he loved her. He was still the same rake that he always was.
And so Margaret fled, letting the tears fall freely as she rode her horse back home.
Chapter 8
For the rest of the week, Margaret barely left her room. Her parents asked what was wrong, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell them the whole story, so she just said she didn’t feel well.
Margaret was heartbroken and more hurt than she ever thought she could be. She felt stupid for trusting Robert, and more horrified than ever at the thought of marrying him now. She knew that there was no way out of the marriage, though, and already longed for the day when they could separate.
She now decided that she would never fall in love again. The only man she had ever loved had turned out to be a lying rake, so she was better off being alone.