“I’m God’s little child and I’m sure He would let me live here,” I assured the old priest.
Grandmere laughed and smiled at this. I remember so very clearly how her blue eyes sparkled at me like pretty jewels in a fancy necklace. “She has a point, Father.”
“Ah, yes, but who would stay with your Grandmere?”
I would never abandon Grandmere to be alone in our little house to deal with drunken Papa, so I said quickly, “Oh, I will!” I ran over to hug her very tightly.
Grandmere made sure we always went to Mass and I learned all about God, the Virgin, the Saints and the angels. I wanted to know about the Devil, too, but Grandmere was very afraid of him and would not talk about him.
“But how will I know the Devil if I don’t know about him? What if he comes to knock on the door of the house? I won’t know it’s him!” I stomped my foot and put my hands on my hips.
“God will always protect you and will guide you. I pray every day for you, ma petite cherie, and I know that someday, God will send you a wonderful mama who will love you and give you a better life.” This is what she wanted so badly. She prayed for it every day. So I prayed for the same thing every day. For a new mama to come and give me a better life.
I loved being with Grandmere and it always felt safe when I was with her. I didn’t have to be scared about my Papa being drunk and mean when we were walking in the town. I only worried when we got home.
Because Grandmere had once been a schoolmistress when she was a young lady she taught me all my letters and numbers and how to read. We would sit together in her big chair and read books for hours together. I liked fairytales and Peter Pan. In my imagination I could fly and do magic and never grow up. But Grandmere did not approve. She would say, “Ma petite cherie, you need to study the Bible and learn your prayers. Don’t fill your head with such foolishness about magic, fairies and monsters. It upsets your Father.”
I was only five but I would answer, “Grandmere, he gets mad at everything. He always spanks my butt when he drinks too much.”
This made her cry and I felt bad when she cried, so I would sing to her until she smiled again.
Then one day, she went to Heaven when she was asleep.
I cried a lot and my Papa cried, too. I sat on his knee in the cathedral during the funeral mass for Grandmere. We both cried until we couldn’t see. Papa smelled nice that day and didn’t drink until that night. He was very nice that day. He told me he really loved his mama and should have been better to her. I held his hand and told him it was okay because Grandmere was with God and the angels and he cried even more.
The house was very lonely without Grandmere there. Papa didn’t like to cook or clean, so I had to do it. Sometimes I would burn the food and he would get mad and hit me. Papa drank all the time after Grandmere died. Finally, he stopped going to work. He would just sit beside of the radio and listen to it until he fell asleep. I was supposed to go to school, but sometimes he would be so sick from drinking, he wouldn’t let me go because I had to take care of him. Father Pierre came to speak to Papa about letting me live with some nice people nearby, but Papa got mad. He even struck Father Pierre. Father Pierre was going to call the police, but Papa reminded him that he used to work for the police and that they would not do anything to Papa. Father Pierre looked very sad when he left our house. I never saw him again.
I was very sad then. I was six years old and by myself with Papa. He was never nice anymore and he cried a lot. It was hard to keep the house very clean with him being so sick and drunk all the time. Sometimes there was no food. I was scared all the time. I was scared Papa would die. I was scared I would die. I would pray every day to God and the angels and ask them to send that special lady Grandmere prayed to come and make everything good again.
I got hurt a lot back then. It’s a bad thing when a Papa hits his little girl. It hurts way down deep inside. I wanted to love Papa, but I was scared of him. I started to lock the door to my room all the time and pray that he would fall asleep and not come to hit me.
I was all alone until Monsieur Rat came. I think God sent him because I had prayed very hard for God to send someone to help me.
I was lying on my bed; my tummy hurting because it was empty and because Papa had kicked me when I had accidentally burned his soup. My little room was cold and I shivered because I had a fever. My face felt all hot and my head was all cottony. I heard this soft sound at the other end of the room. At first I thought it was the angels coming to get me, but then I saw a little pink nose peeking out from a small hole in the corner of my room. Little pink hands came out and then big blue eyes. At first I thought it was a kitty but then the long skinny body slid out of the hole with a long pink tail. It was a big rat.
I was going to scream until he stood up and waved one hand at me, making soft squeaks.
So I smiled at him.
He turned around and reached back into the hole. He pulled out a smashed up bakery bag and dragged it across the bed to me. I picked it up while he climbed up on the bed and sat next to me. Inside the bag was crumbled up cakes.
“Want to share, Monsieur Rat?”
He nodded his head and sat on his back legs. That is when I knew he was extra special. So I gave him some pieces of cake and we ate together. I still felt sick afterwards and lay down. His soft little pink hands touched my face as he sniffed me with his pink nose, then he jumped off the bed and ran across the room.
“No, Monsieur Rat, don’t go!”
He disappeared into the hole.
I was so sad, I started to cry. I closed my eyes, praying for God to send the little rat back to me. Then I heard him again. He was dragging a small bottle of medicine from the hole in the wall. When he got close enough to the bed, he jumped up holding the bottle in his front legs and landed next to me. Twisting the bottle open, he took out two little pills and pushed them into my mouth.
I swallowed them.
“You’re very nice, Monsieur Rat,” I said, closing my eyes.
His little white body curled up next to me on the bed. We both went to sleep.
After that, Monsieur Rat was my very best friend. He made sure I took medicine until I was well and always brought me food. When I felt well again, he began to help me in the house when Papa was passed out. Monsieur Rat was very smart. He even helped me clean and cook. Sometimes I would catch him reading a book, but no matter how hard I begged him to talk, he just wouldn’t. I was sure he could. He was the smartest rat in the whole world!
And Papa was the meanest man in the whole world.
It got colder and colder as the winter came. I was almost seven now and I never went to school anymore. If anyone said anything, Papa would get angry and mean then cry, saying he needed me. So I never went outside anymore. I just stayed in the house and cooked and cleaned and read. Sometimes Papa hit me. Sometimes Papa yelled at me. He always hurt my heart.
Monsieur Rat always hid from him. Papa never knew he was even there. Monsieur Rat tried to help me braid my hair and would tie little red bows on my braids. I would then brush his silky white fur for him. Sometimes I wondered why he stayed, but I was glad he was with me. He took very good care of me when things got very bad. When I said my prayers at night, I would ask God for my new mama to come soon and thank Him for Monsieur Rat.
Then the very bad night came.
It was my birthday. I turned seven. There was no party. Or presents. Monsieur Rat brought me a piece of cake crumbled up in a bakery bag and it was very good. Papa was in a very nasty, mean mood, so I hid in my room while he yelled and cried downstairs and broke things. Monsieur Rat sat near the doorway, listening, and looking very scared.
I was scared, too, and wanted to run away, but the stairs went straight down to where Papa was. So I sat on my bed and ate my piece of cake.
Papa came up the stairs.
I guess Monsieur Rat knew something was really bad because he didn’t move away from the door to hide like he always did. When Papa came in, Monsie
ur Rat jumped right on him. He was squeaking loud and he tried to bite my mortal Papa. Papa grabbed Monsieur Rat, shaking him.
I started screaming, and Papa threw Monsieur Rat against the wall.
Inside of me, I heard Grandmere’s voice whisper, “Run, Moniki” but I was too scared! I was crying because Mr. Rat was just lying on the floor, his little tummy going up and down.
“You’re the reason all of this happened, Dominique. I realize that now.” Papa’s voice was strange. His eyes were all red and glassy like a monster’s.
“Papa, you hurt Monsieur Rat! He’s my friend!”
“Your Mama died because of you. It’s all your fault my heart is broken and my life is ruined!” Papa said the words in such a bad way I knew the Devil had his tongue. I began to shake all over, but I couldn’t make myself run. He looked so big, sweaty and stinky.
He picked me up and started to shake me until my teeth bit my tongue and my neck hurt. I started screaming, but he kept on shaking me.
“Your fault! Your fault!”
I was so scared all I could do was cry. I prayed for God to send the special lady now. Papa was going to do something bad if she didn’t come and fix things right now.
“No, Papa! No, Papa!”
His face was so mean, so twisted up; he was a big monster.
Papa threw me across the room and the whole world went spinning. I hit the wall with a big loud cracking noise and my body got all cold. I couldn’t move or anything when I fell down on the floor. I saw Monsieur Rat trying to crawl to me while Papa’s feet moved toward him.
“No, Papa, don’t hurt Monsieur. Rat!”
I knew he was going to squish Monsieur Rat. He was going to squish him then squish me. I couldn’t move. I wondered why God didn’t send the new Mama now.
Papa lifted his big boot over Monsieur Rat. I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to see.
Then she came.
I heard glass breaking and felt it falling down all around me. The wind blew in, cold and sharp, making that nasty screaming noise it likes to make. My big old mean Papa yelled. I opened my eyes to see pretty shiny high heels right in front of my face. I couldn’t see Papa’s big boots anymore, but I could hear him yelling.
Suddenly the high heels moved away from me, walking fast. I still couldn’t move, but I could see that the big high heels belonged to a lady in a red dress and long black velvet cape. My ugly Mortal Papa hung from one of her very white hands and he tried hard to hit her, but kept missing. I knew she was very strong, because she carried him like he didn’t weigh anything at all. She opened up my bedroom door and threw Papa down the stairs then slammed the door shut.
“Are you my new mama?” I asked her.
She turned around and I knew for sure that God had sent her to be my new Mama. She had the most beautiful face and long dark hair that went down to her waist. When she smiled, she had the prettiest smile in the world.
“Yes, ma petite cherie, I am your new mama.”
“I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.” I tried to sit up, but my body wouldn’t move.
“Have you?” She came close to me and kneeled down.
“I knew you would come. Grandmere told me you would. To make things better. To be my new Mama.” I wish I could move to hug her, but I couldn’t. I knew inside of my heart that my body was really hurt badly.
“Well, I am here now,” she answered very softly and sweetly.
When she touched my face, her hand was very soft and cold, but it made me feel better. My braid was over my face and she moved it so she could see my face better. She smiled even more. She picked me up in her arms and held me very tightly against her. She smelled so good and sweet I wanted to hug her, but I couldn’t. My arms just wouldn’t do what I wanted them to.
“My little one, I am here now,” she whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek.
She started to walk to the window and I said, “Please, Mama, don’t forget Monsieur Rat.”
Looking back over her shoulder, she frowned a little then turned all around. “I’m afraid he is gone, ma petite cherie. He must have crawled back into the wall.”
I couldn’t see anything but the pretty necklace around her white neck and all the pretty jewels in it. And I was afraid she was just telling me that because Monsieur Rat was really dead.
“Are we going away now?” I wanted to go away. I didn’t want her to make this house better anymore. I just wanted her to take me away.
“Yes, my darling.” She held me close like a baby and stepped onto my bed then onto the ledge of the window. “We are going to go far from here.”
I smiled, because I knew that she was going to be the best mama in the world. When she jumped out of the window and we didn’t fall, but flew up into the sky, I knew that she was magic and everything was going to be okay.
January 24, 1937
I’m grounded again. I can’t believe this. Well, I can, sort of. Even though Mama laughed when she saw Papa’s new automobile in the tree and Papa smiled, I knew I was in trouble. Papa does have a very strict, “You do not play with mine or Mama’s things” rule. Oh, well. I guess I’ll write more on my memoirs.
So where was I? Oh, yeah.
New Mama was beautiful. She was like an angel. She flew over the village then out over the hills and forest. I was all wrapped up in her velvet cloak and she held me so I could see the bright moon and shiny stars. I wish I could remember more, but I was feeling very sick in my head and my body was still cold. She kept whispering to me, telling me to stay with her, to not leave. I didn’t really understand her words because I wasn’t going to go anywhere but to my new house with her.
I think I fell asleep because when I opened my eyes, she was carrying me into a huge room with shiny black walls and pillars. She was holding me so I could see her pretty face and her soft wine-colored curls were tickling my cheek. I saw an old man for a moment and then I could hear him following us.
“Where is my husband?”
“The parlor, madam,” the old man answered her. “My lady, where did you find the child?”
“That is not important now,” she answered and carried me into a big room that was full of pretty gold statues and a high ceiling painted with what looked like gold.
“My love, what is this,” a man’s voice asked. I liked his voice. It was very soft, strong and it made me feel safe.
“Darling, please, we must help her. I heard her screams from the street and when I entered the house I found her on the floor. Her father was in a rage. If I had not entered, I fear he would have killed her.”
I frowned.
Then I saw my new Papa. He was almost as pretty as Mama. His hair was just like mine. It was long, black like raven feathers. Mama’s eyes were dark, but Papa’s eyes were very blue, like Grandmere’s, and I smiled at him. He leaned over me and touched my face very carefully with a big white hand.
“Her neck is broken, isn’t it?”
“She looks so much like you, I knew I was sent to find her. We’ve wanted a child for so long, I knew when I saw her she was to be ours,” my new Mama said.
My new Papa kissed her red lips and whispered, “Yes, yes, she is ours. I see her eyes are your eyes.”
Are you wondering how I remember all this? I have a good memory. Papa says it’s a good thing, except for when I quote his words back to him when I’m in trouble and trying not to get punished.
Papa took me in his arms and sat down with me on his lap. He smiled at me very nicely and kissed my forehead.
“Am I going to die?”
“No, dear child, you’re not. What is your name?”
I decided to use Grandmere’s name for me. “Moniki. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to grow old. I just want to be seven years old.”
I don’t know why I told him so much, but when I did, he looked up at Mama and smiled.
“I told you. She is destined to be ours,” Mama said and when she sat down next to Papa, I could see she was crying.
“Moniki, I am going to make you well. I am going to use magic. Don’t be afraid.” Papa then pulled me real close to him and kissed my cheek. His lips were very soft and cold and made me giggle. He kissed my neck for a long time. I remember it felt really good and it made me close my eyes. When he stopped kissing me, he held me closer to Mama, but I didn’t open my eyes. I felt all dreamy and happy.
“Drink, Moniki,” Mama’s voice said and I felt something warm in my mouth. I kept my eyes closed and just drank in the magic as much as I could. Then Papa said, “Drink, Moniki” and gave me more of the magic. I started to feel strong again and my body felt warm. I wiggled my toes and they really wiggled! I opened my eyes and smiled.
“Now she is really our daughter,” Papa said and kissed Mama on the mouth.
Oh, yeah, Mama and Papa kiss a lot! I mean a lot, all the time, it’s kind of gross. They are always hugging and kissing. Sometimes they dance around the house smiling at each other even though there is no music! Mama always sits on Papa’s lap and Papa will come into a room just to smile at her or kiss her. Like I said, it’s pretty gross.
Mama picked me up and danced around with me. I felt so happy I gave her lots of kisses. Then my new Papa hugged me tight and I gave him lots of kisses.
Mama is really beautiful. She has very long curly hair and dark eyes. Papa buys her really beautiful long dresses and fancy jewelry. Papa is very tall and has muscles. Not super muscles, but nice muscles. He also has long hair like a girl and almost as long as Mama’s. I like to brush it for him. Sometimes he wears a beard, sometimes he doesn’t. Papa always dresses very nice and I like the way he smells. It’s very nice and not at all stinky. Sometimes he will sneak up behind me and swing me around and around. I’m pretty sure he could beat up everyone in the world. He’s that strong.
Anyway, that night, they kept hugging and kissing me. I could tell they loved me a lot and I loved them. My new Papa cuddled me up and carried me out of his fancy room into a fancier hallway and that is when I realized they had to be a king and queen. The house was as big as a castle and very fancy. I know now that the black walls and floor are marble and the gold is really gold. I didn’t then, but I do now. There is a big bathing pool in this courtyard in the middle of the house. Mama says Papa built it to remember Rome. Not the city, but the empire. Anyway, Mama and Papa took me up to their room, bathed me and washed my hair. Since they didn’t have a little girl before, they put me in one of Papa’s shirts so it could be my nightgown. Mama dried my hair and brushed it, while Papa just sat on the floor smiling at me.
Blood & Love and Other Vampire Tales Page 7