Jake was speechless, more than stunned by Gabe’s admission.
Gabe sighed, and his voice softened. “In case you lived…I needed to warn you, and I knew you would go to the gun cabinet.” He was quiet for a moment, leaving Jake’s thoughts to reel. Finally, he took a deep breath. “You’re my brother in every way that matters, Jake—always have been, and always will be. Nothing could change that, not even you hating me for the rest of your life.”
Jake leaned against the cart, crossed his arms over his chest, and sighed, expelling months’ worth of anger and betrayal and hurt. Having no idea what to say, he stood there in awe, the orchestra of crickets the only thing filling the silence. He was surprised by how quickly things seemed to shift, and how grateful he suddenly felt to be standing only a few yards away from his friend again, despite all that had happened.
Jake shook his head. “What does Becca know?”
Gabe shook his head, and he ran his hand through his loose hair, a nervous habit he’d had since childhood. “Nothing. She has no idea who I am, or that I’ve been looking out for her. To her, I’m just Dr. McLaughlin.” He lowered his hand. “And I swear I had nothing to do with what happened to Zoe. If I could do something, help somehow—”
“I know,” Jake said. He knew Clara hadn’t needed any incentive to hurt Zoe. “I know,” he repeated. Not wanting to think about all the bad decisions he’d made and how they kept returning to bite him in the ass, Jake grabbed his jacket. “Thank you,” he said and turned to head back to camp. “Come on, Coop.”
Voices and laughter carried on the breeze as Jake drew closer to camp. Cooper rushed past him, heading straight for Becca and Carlos, who were chatting by the chuck wagon. Despite Jake’s best efforts, his eyes automatically sought out Zoe. She was sitting by the fire, her hair wet and hanging around her shoulders. Sam was sitting beside her, and both had pencils in their hands and sketchbooks on their laps.
Jake’s heart ached at the sight of her smiling with the kid. And when he noticed Tavis leaning over Sam’s shoulder, misery cemented in the pit of his stomach.
As if he’d voiced the thought, Zoe’s gaze shifted up to his. Her smile vanished, making him feel like an intruder, and her eyes grew wide and questioning. Instinctively, he offered her a curt nod before he turned and strode for his tent.
“Hello,” came a soft, raspy voice.
Jake turned around to find Becca standing directly behind him. He let out a shaky breath. He was still getting used to seeing his sister’s gray eyes, no longer the violet color he’d been used to growing up.
Jake’s hands found his pockets as he stood there, feeling an uneasy excitement.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, offering him a bowl of stew. “I noticed that you have not eaten much today, and you have been overworking yourself.”
He eyed her curiously, wondering if it was concern that slightly changed the cadence of her voice. “Aren’t you hungry?” He gestured to the bowl.
Becca smiled timidly and shook her head, her wavy brown hair brushing against her shoulders. “I’ve already eaten. This”—she took a step closer—“is for you.” Her eyes shifted between Jake and the bowl. “Please, take it.”
Realizing she might take his surprise as some sort of rejection of her kindness, Jake offered her a grateful smile. “I’m starving. Thanks.” He wrapped his fingers around the warm bowl and walked back toward the fire, lowering himself into an empty chair and accepting a red-and white-checkered napkin from Becca as well.
“Sarah has been teaching me how to cook,” Becca said as she pulled over a chair to sit beside him. A faint scent of herbs wafted off of her.
Becca had never been much of a cook; neither of them had, and Jake wondered if that happened to be the only thing about her that hadn’t changed. He stared down into the bowl and then back up at her, hesitant.
When her eyes met his again, they were expectant.
Clearing his throat, Jake took a deep breath, leaned forward, and put a spoonful of stew into his mouth. The broth was warm and salty…and surprisingly delicious. He looked at his sister askance.
She was fidgeting beside him, worrying her bottom lip. “Well,” she said, “what do you think?”
After chewing and swallowing a hunk of meat, Jake took another bite. “It’s good,” he said, proud of Becca’s effort to become part of the group. He was comforted by the fact that she was going to the trouble to have a conversation with him, too. “It’s really good.”
Becca smiled. “I am glad.”
“You like cooking, then?” he asked, taking another mouthful.
Her brow furrowed, and she looked at his bowl thoughtfully. “I think I do,” she said. “At least, I do not dislike it.”
“Good.” He offered her a reassuring smile before taking another bite.
Becca sat beside him while he ate, watching him intently. Although he wondered what she was thinking, he didn’t want to push her, so he sat with her in companionable silence.
“Jake,” she finally said.
His gaze shifted to her as he swallowed another spoonful.
“I wanted you to know that I am sorry.”
Nearly choking, he set his spoon down and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “You’re sorry for what?” he asked.
Becca’s eyes focused on his. “For not remembering.”
Jake was the one who’d gotten her into this mess. He looked away from her and into the fire, frustration resurfacing as the events of the past couple months came crashing back down on him. “It’s not your fault, Becca. None of this is. I should’ve—”
“Perhaps not,” she interrupted and placed her hand on his arm. “But it still hurts you.”
Jake was surprised she cared much about that; she’d been reticent to believe all he’d told her about her past in the first place.
“Although I do not have strong emotions like you and some of the others seem to have, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have me sitting beside you with no recollection of our past together. And now…” her eyes traveled over to Zoe.
Jake’s chest tightened.
“I know it is not easy for you, and I am sorry there is nothing I can do to help.”
Her final words to him the night she’d bled out in his arms coalesced in his mind, and he wanted so badly to know something. “You told me, that night—the last night I saw you—that I would save her, but that I would also kill her.” He paused. “Do you have any idea why you said that or what it meant?” Every time Jake thought the moment Becca had warned him of had come and gone and that Zoe would finally be safe, something would happen that would make him doubt the danger had past.
Becca closed her eyes and shook her head. “No, I am sorry.”
Appetite waning, Jake set the half-eaten bowl in his lap. “You don’t have to be sorry, Becca. You—”
“The way you look at her,” Becca interrupted him again. “You keep your distance when you should not.”
Jake collected himself, a little stunned by Becca’s adamancy, then his gaze darted to Zoe once again. Like before, her eyes drifted to his. “I don’t want to scare her,” he admitted.
“Why would she be scared?”
“She’s not the same, I can see it in her eyes. She won’t understand what she sees…what she feels.”
When Becca said nothing, he met his sister’s confused stare. “You mean, your feelings for her? Why should that scare her?”
“Wouldn’t you be?”
“Scared?”
He nodded.
“I am scared right now. I know no one, just as she does not. But I am still curious. I still want to remember. I want to understand the truth…to understand who I am.”
Jake closed his gaping mouth. “You do?”
Becca nearly smiled again. “It is hard to predict another person’s feelings, is it not?” She frowned infinitesimally. “You cannot protect her from what is. You can only help her understand. If I said such a thing to you…before”—Becca glanced q
uickly to Zoe—“then there was a reason, I am certain of it, but it could very well already have come to pass.”
Jake gave Becca a quizzical look. “Won’t it be overwhelming for her to learn about us if she doesn’t even remember me? I’m a complete stranger to her.”
Becca’s eyes brightened with understanding, and she smiled sympathetically. “You are assuming she will reject you.”
“Hell yeah, I am.”
His sister tilted her head. “And what if she doesn’t? What if she accepts you instead?” she asked fluidly without her stilted, formal inflection. “Shouldn’t she get to decide how she feels?”
Jake frowned this time. When he realized his sister’s eyes were gleaming with an emotion he couldn’t quite place, he couldn’t help but think she knew something he didn’t, and the hope that swelled inside him scared him shitless. Sighing, he leaned forward, knowing that allowing Zoe to see his memories could create an irreparable fissure between them.
“I should go,” Becca said abruptly and rose, taking his bowl.
Surprised, Jake straightened and glanced up at her. He was about to ask her to stay when he noticed Zoe slowly approaching from the other side of the fire. Her hands tapped at her sides, and her gaze fixed on the ground. Her face was relaxed, unmarred by the worry lines he was so used to. She smiled at Becca as they passed one another. Jake watched her approach with bated breath.
“Hey,” Zoe said, exactly as she had the day she’d walked into the auto shop at Fort Knox, the same uncertain, beautifully curious and awkward look on her face. But when she finally made eye contact with him, Jake couldn’t help but notice that the usual, mischievous gleam was gone.
Jake smoothed his palms over his thighs and moved to stand.
Zoe held up her hand to stop him. “Please, don’t get up.” She shook her head, causing her hair to fall in front of her eyes. She let it hang around her face like it was a shield and stared down at the camping chair beside his. “This is so silly, isn’t it?” she said and finally met his gaze. There was something about the look on her face that prevented him from speaking.
Automatically, she started to lower herself into the chair beside him, then froze. Eyebrows lifted and eyes filled with what Jake thought might be embarrassment, she cleared her throat. “Sorry,” she said, and shook her head as she let out a nervous breath. “Do you mind if I sit?”
“Of course not,” Jake said. He had to resist the urge to brush her hair away from her eyes, to pull her closer, to hold her hand, to do something that was them.
Finally, gathering the loose strands of her hair behind her head, Zoe twisted them away from her face before she let them fall and unfurl down her back. She dropped her hands into her lap, took a long, deep breath, and closed her eyes.
Jake wanted to reach out to her, to offer her some sort of reassurance. But then she tilted her head to the side and peered into his eyes, which surprised him.
“You’re avoiding me—” she said as he began, “How are you feel—”
She smiled at him and licked her lips as she rested her elbows on her knees. “It’s weird,” she said, blushing.
“Which part?” Jake asked, knowing everything she’d learned about her life—about the world—was probably equally difficult to grasp.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she studied him for a moment. “You’re more difficult to read than the others,” she finally admitted.
Jake felt a sudden flood of relief.
“Well, except for Jason. But…” She waved the idea of her brother away. “Look, Jake…I know I’m not her, but I—” She gazed up at him thoughtfully. “I don’t want you to have to feel like you can’t be around me. I mean, if you still want to be. I don’t want you to avoid me like the plague unless you…ya know…”
“I’m not avoiding you, not exactly,” he finally said. “I want to give you your space…a chance to get used to things.”
Zoe shook her head. “You’re all so worried I’ll see too much, so you avoid me. It just makes everything worse…harder.” She bent her knee and pulled it up, hugging it against her chest. “I want to feel normal, but how can I when everyone acts differently around me, when everyone tries to censor themselves…their memories?” She stared into the fire, lost in thought.
Jake watched her as she bit the inside of her cheek. He’d never thought about it in that way.
When he didn’t reply, Zoe peered at him, her eyes softening. “I know this must be hard for you, too, and I’m sorry I don’t remember you or us. But maybe if you just give me some time…” Her eyebrows pinched together, and her voice sounded near pleading.
Jake studied her a moment. “I don’t want to rush you,” he said, and he forced himself to say the next words, wanting, more than anything, to comfort her. “You’ll remember…soon.”
Zoe offered him a weak smile. “Maybe.” Her ambiguity was evident.
“You don’t think so?”
Zoe shrugged. “I feel like it would’ve happened already, but…” She shook her head, her hair falling around her face again. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to avoid me…”
Abruptly, she rose, and without thought, Jake reached for her hand.
When she froze and glanced down at his fingers entwined with hers, a weak smile tugged at her lips. She cleared her throat. “Goodnight,” she whispered.
“Goodnight,” he said, and he thought he felt Zoe squeeze his fingers slightly before letting go and walking away. He tried not to let his heart swell with too much hope as she returned to her spot on the other side of the fire, Sam and Tavis laughing with one another and smiling at her as she plopped down between them.
6
DANI
MARCH 28, 1AE
San Juan National Forest, Colorado
I sat atop the bench of the chuck wagon, the highest spot in camp, keeping watch by staring out at the moonlit field of tall grasses and the wooded foothills beyond that. Not that the “keeping watch” part of keeping watch was strictly necessary now that my Ability had returned, even only partially; dozens of nocturnal creatures were linked into my telepathic network, ready to alert me of any incoming two-legs, and their senses were so much better than mine, even when I was paying super close attention. Which, I was a little ashamed to admit, I definitely wasn’t doing at the moment.
Part of me was wondering what Jason was doing, since he’d originally been scheduled to be my watch partner tonight, and part of me couldn’t get enough of basking in the gentle touch of the non-human minds all around me. It was one of those things I hadn’t truly appreciated until I’d thought it was gone, maybe forever. I couldn’t help but dwell on the possibility that my relationship with Jason might be headed in that same direction.
Apparently I was paying too much attention to those things, and not nearly enough to my surroundings. Someone touched my knee—clearly not a “dangerous” someone, since the animals hadn’t warned me, but that didn’t stop me from being startled. My left elbow nicked the armrest, and just that small impact sent a shock of pain branching out along my forearm.
“Owww…” I scrunched up my face. Which also hurt, thanks to Clara getting a little too slap-happy with me during my time in one of the Colony’s subterranean interrogation rooms.
“Careful,” Carlos murmured as he hauled himself up onto the wagon’s bench seat. He draped an arm over my shoulders and tucked me close against his side. Since my escape, he’d been hovering around me nearly as much as Jason had been, but unlike Jason, Carlos hadn’t built an impenetrable fortress—with a mote and alligators—around his emotions. Having Carlos around was comforting rather than draining. In the several months since we’d freed him from the mind-controlling clutches of a madwoman, he’d become the little brother I never had.
I smiled up at him. He was a good half-foot taller than me, despite being only sixteen. But then, pretty much everyone was taller than me. Even Sam was taller than me, and he was only ten. I sighed my most damsel-in-distress
sigh. “What would I ever do without you?”
“You don’t want me to answer that.” Carlos’s tone was dry, but one corner of his mouth quirked upward.
My eyes narrowed. “Smart-ass.” Inside, I grinned, just a little. At least Jason’s sullenness wasn’t rubbing off on his protégée like his general mess-with-me-and-I’ll-rip-your-face-off attitude and absolutely filthy mouth were.
“So where is Jason, anyway? Not that I’m disappointed to have you join me, but he was supposed to be my partner for first watch…”
Carlos gave my shoulders a squeeze. “He fell asleep after dinner, when you were off with Zoe and Chris at the creek.” He chuckled softly. “He was just sitting by the fire, his head hanging down like this.” Carlos’s arm slipped away, and he mimed nodding off with his chin lowered to his chest. “So I offered to take his place. He’s passed out in your tent.”
He scooted over, putting a few inches between us. “So, um…I haven’t really been using my Ability since the breakout thing. I mean, I don’t know if you noticed or anything…”
I had noticed, mostly because I’d been told about his Ability—that he had some sort of control over electricity—but other than knowing he’d knocked the power out during the escape from the Colony, I’d yet to see him use it up close. He’d overexerted it, resulting in Ability burnout just like me, but his had come back online days ago. He seemed reluctant to use it, and I assumed it was because he feared he would burn it out again.
“I noticed,” I told him with a slow nod, continuing to scan the circle of colorful tents that made up our camp and the darkness surrounding them. “Sure, I’m totally curious to see you work your electricity mojo, but I’ve lost access to my Ability a couple times now, and I get it—losing it, even for just a little while…” I shook my head. “It’s like going blind or deaf…or getting a hand chopped off, you know? You think about it—miss it—all the time, because it’s not there.” I sighed. And sometimes, when it comes back, it’s broken, I didn’t say.
Carlos crossed his arms over his chest and stared out at the horses, who were milling around in the overgrown grasses. “I guess, yeah, I was scared of losing it again. At first, I mean. I thought using it might burn it out again, and then I started thinking…what if something happens and, like, those people take you again—take any of us—and we have to do it all over again? What if that happened, and I couldn’t send out an EMP blast?”
Out Of The Ashes (The Ending Series, #3) Page 6