by Kip Nelson
It was almost as though he was stuck in an eternity and there was no escape, apart from death. He was another man then, like an avatar in one of his games. Indeed, in a way, it felt as though he was controlling a remote vessel and it wasn't exactly him, more that he was removed from his own mind and just viewing proceedings from far away. He started lamenting the lengths to which he had been pushed, and then he grew used to being the dealer of pain. The world had scarred him already, had changed him. He wondered, at what point did he begin being someone else? At what point did that kernel of truth disappear from his soul and the Adam Clayton that used to exist vanish into the ether?
Finally, he saw Diana. He'd recognize that figure anywhere, even through the orange haze of smoke and fire. He tried calling out to her, but his throat was raw and dry. Instead of words, he only could offer a spluttering cough. It wasn't until that point that he realized how thirsty he was and that he was desperate for water. He pushed that desire away and tried calling out again. Although this time it was only a hoarse whisper that left his mouth.
Panic started rising within him because he saw other figures sneak up behind her, and from what he saw she was unaware. Diana was a formidable warrior. Adam was sure she would make a much better soldier than him, but even she was not invincible. Being in a war zone was much different than excelling at hand-to-hand combat. The more terrible curse for Adam would have been to see his dear friend get killed. He was too far away to get a decent shot, and he was far too scared to shoot for fear of hitting her. How was he going to tell little Annabelle that Diana was not coming home? It was almost a foregone conclusion because Adam didn't see how Diana could escape, not when the three of them were upon her.
She turned around and, just for a moment, Adam thought there might have been hope for her, but it was too much to ask. She was just not quick enough this time. Adam braced himself for what was to come, wanting to watch out of respect for her, but fearing that he'd look away at the last moment. Then, through the fire and smoke, like an avenging angel, Pete strode forward and all three men went down from head shots. Blood spurted out of the expertly-aimed shots and relief swam through Adam's body. The sensation was so powerful he almost passed out.
Through all the chaos, perhaps because he was attuned to Diana and her way of speaking, he heard her thank Pete, but as far as he could tell Pete didn't respond. However, Pete was like a different man, totally transformed. From the way Pete had been acting and a few things he had said, Adam had surmised that, at one point, Pete had been in the army in some capacity. That was clearly evident. Adam watched as Pete used skills honed decades ago. The young soldier within him resurfaced. All the training that had been hammered into his young mind had not been dislodged by all the years that had passed. The experiences that had taught him battle wisdom came to the fore and he was perhaps the person in the war zone with the most expertise. Adam watched in awe as Pete shot left and right, hitting everything he aimed at.
Never would Adam have thought that Pete was capable of such a thing. If he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he never would have believed anyone who told him. Pete was a different man. His eyes were lit with a fire that had been ashes for years. Now it had been sparked again, and he was back in the inferno of war, fighting for the people he loved the most. Enemy soldiers dropped without a second thought, and even Lee would have a new-found respect for the old man.
While they all were fighting, the bottles of flaming death Lee and the others had tossed into the camp had taken hold. Despite all the enemy’s efforts to douse the flames, they had not subsided. The fires had been too strong, and the attack had been too relentless to afford people the opportunity to fight the flames. Every available person was needed to defend the camp. It proved to Adam just how nefarious and determined Lee's plan was. If they didn't finish off the camp, then the fire would. Adam wondered how much the plan really was to just steal food and weapons. The smell of charred flesh reached him, and his stomach swam. The fire spread to other buildings, catching any flammable material. He had to watch as people ran from buildings, screaming in agony. If the fire didn't get them, bullets would. Adam shot a few just to put them out of their misery. Soon enough the flesh would turn to ash, and unless they got the fires under control, this entire camp would be a scorched ruin.
It was grimly ironic that for the past few months people would have craved this heat, for the winter was long and the nights were cold. But this blazing inferno was just too much, and Adam knew it just as easily could have been his own camp that was subjected to this fire. Maybe, in the end, Lisa and Lee were right about attacking these people first. Perhaps this fate was awaiting them, and Adam had been wrong to doubt them, but then again, he couldn't quite believe that was true. There was something...wrong about this entire situation. He didn't know the names of any of the people he was killing, and he felt as though he should know. There were too many dead to treat them with a lack of respect. If anyone killed him, he'd want them to know who he was, and maybe they could tell his story, not that he had much of one to tell.
His head was light, and his throat was tickling. Adam had no idea how long the battle had been raging, but he was about ready for it to be over. He wanted to crawl into a comfortable bed and pretend it all had been a nightmare. He knew he couldn't have been the only one. He lost his bearings again, and somewhere in all the chaos he lost Diana, too. She'd disappeared in the smoke and there was no way to find her again. He tried calling her name, but again, only a weak rasp emerged from his voice. His eyes were blurred by the smoke and the heat from the fire was making everything unbearable. If they didn't leave soon, they too would be engulfed by the flames. Adam was left with the sobering thought that perhaps it was the fate they all deserved.
Pete seemed to be handling himself well, so Adam stumbled forward, fumbling his way through the battlefield. It had been sheer luck he had survived while others had perished. The only thing he could do was keep going, because it was the only thing left to do. He managed to make his way away from the heat again, following some kind of noise, and a figure he thought seemed familiar. Through his blurred vision and his hazy mind he thought that it might have been Diana. He kept calling out to her, but she didn't seem to respond. He was so tired. All he wanted to do was lie down and sleep and hope for a better tomorrow, but the night was not done yet.
The smoke cleared, and he was outside a building, a large shed that had loads of food inside. This is what they had come for. Was it all worth it? Adam didn't know the answer for sure, but he could have given it a damn good guess.
He stopped to catch his breath. There was movement inside the shed. He raised his gun. By this point his arm was aching. He had no idea how many bullets were left, but he hoped there were enough. He peered inside and saw that it was Lee, rummaging around, cackling with glee at all the food. Time froze again. When he had been in this situation before Adam had frozen and he almost had died. If he hesitated this time...but this was Lee...the man who had saved his life only a short time before. Adam was conflicted. For so long he had sought revenge upon Lee, and the image of Clark's face, beaten and bloodied, still was at the forefront of Adam's mind. As he thought about his friend his finger tightened on the trigger, but then Clark's face was replaced by the unknown dead man, the one who would have killed Adam if it hadn't been for Lee.
Besides, wasn't it bad form to shoot a man in the back?
It's the safest way, a voice inside told him.
It all would be so easy. There wasn't anyone else around either. Nobody had to know Adam was the one who had pulled the trigger. Lee would just be another casualty of war.
But that wasn't enough, and it wasn't what Clark would have wanted. Lee needed justice. Adam needed to show people they couldn't just kill without consequence, and if he took Lee's life there and then, he would be no matter than the man he despised. So, he decided not to shoot, although he did so with a heavy heart. As he lowered his weapon the metal clinked against his clothes, catching Lee's a
ttention. He swung around and, when he saw that it was Adam, he pressed his lips together. A silent moment passed between the two men, and Lee knew exactly what Adam had been thinking. He strode up to Adam and looked him straight in the eye.
“You'll never get a better chance,” he growled.
Chapter Six
Annabelle's heart was racing as she sneaked out of the school building and felt the fresh air of the night bite at her skin. She was wrapped up warmly, but the cold still had a way of crawling under her clothes and making her uncomfortable. That's what she hated most about this new world, the lack of shelter and heating. She remembered how it was when she was at home with her parents, snuggled up under a blanket with her mom's special hot chocolate (made with chocolate chips, marshmallows, whipped cream, and an extra dose of love) watching a movie, just a happy family. The thought saddened her now. Those kinds of things never would happen again, and she tried not to cry.
She'd never been averse to the conditions of the world and always had enjoyed camping out in nature, but only for a short time. She liked to know she could return home to a warm bubble bath and a comfortable bed, and the thought of it made her tingle all over. She wondered if the adults thought of those things and wanted things to go back to normal as well, or if they were happy with the way things were. Sometimes she thought they might be the case. They didn't have to go to work now, and they could do whatever they wanted. It wasn't like that for kids. They still had to go to school, which Annabelle didn't mind because she liked learning and Tara was nice...
Tara.
Annabelle was filled with instant regret at having escaped the classroom. She didn't want to get Tara in trouble or have the teacher worry about her. Annabelle knew that if she was discovered, then Lisa might want to punish Tara. Maybe she'd even lose her job. Annabelle was going to make sure everyone knew she had done this of her own accord, and it didn’t have anything to do with Tara. But she did feel bad, because she was sure that, by now, Tara had noticed she was missing, and probably was worried about her. Tara didn't know Annabelle as well as Adam and the others did. So she probably would be worried that Annabelle couldn't take care of herself. Annabelle looked back in the direction of the school. Lantern lights were glowing, and she could imagine how torn Tara was. Because, of course, she couldn't leave the other kids to go searching for Annabelle. She just would have to wait and hope and pray that Annabelle was alright.
She would be, of course. She was a Girl Scout. She could look after herself, even though she was shaking...from the cold, she told herself, not because of fear.
The camp looked different at night, and different when she was on her own. It was so big, and there were winding paths all around it. Her breath swirled as it left her mouth and curled up like a snake. She puffed out a few deep breaths to try making different shapes and giggled. Then she quickly fell silent upon realizing there wasn't anyone else to share in her joy. She looked in the general direction of where Diana and the others had gone, hoping they just would return already. Annabelle felt a disquiet in her heart and tried pushing the anxiety deep down in her stomach where it couldn't bother her. Yet, it was there all the same, telling her that she was going to be alone again, that she always was going to be alone.
The world had been trying to tear her down from day one. First, it had taken her happiness, then her parents. While she tried looking on the bright side, deep down she was unhappy, and the sadness seemed to get more intense every day. She tried putting on a brave face for the others because she knew they had their own things to worry about, but sometimes the mask slipped. Sometimes it was easier not to talk about it. Sometimes she just wished her mom was there to give her a hug.
The camp was a lot quieter than usual, what with most people having gone off to this big battle. Usually she could hear conversations, and people moving around; the groans of those who were moving heavy things, the chatter of people who had done a decent day's work, but now there was only silence. She knew she was not the only one worried. Behind closed doors everyone was waiting with bated breath to see how many of them were going to return. Of course, it was possible this entire endeavor was ill-conceived and the enemy actually would return and attack this camp. If they did, Annabelle didn't see how any of them would survive. There weren't enough people to defend the camp, and although she was good with a bow, she didn't much like the thought of being a soldier.
Maybe there was one person who wasn't unhappy with the situation, Lisa. Whenever Annabelle thought of the old woman her skin crawled, as though a hundred spiders were dancing over her skin. She shuddered at the thought of her. She felt revulsion toward Lisa, toward those gnarled arthritic hands that pinched her shoulders, and those cloudy eyes that seemed to peer into her soul. She decided she would find Lisa and try eavesdropping. Adults always had told her eavesdropping was bad, but it was the only way to find out the things adults didn't think you should know. In Annabelle's experience, they invariably were wrong about that. With soft footsteps she kept to the shadows and gingerly walked through the camp, making sure to look around her and be aware of her surroundings so she didn't bump into anyone.
She didn't have to be afraid, though, because nobody was around. It was eerily quiet. So, after a few footsteps she relaxed and began daydreaming, which was a mistake, because even though most people were shut in their own homes, others were restless and could not sleep for one reason or another. Annabelle turned a corner and bumped into Joanna, the woman Adam knew from a long time ago. The one he didn't like. Annabelle froze when Joanna saw her. She thought about running away, but when Joanna didn't raise the alarm Annabelle instantly felt she was safe, and breathed a little easier. In fact, Joanna seemed just as startled as Annabelle was.
Lanterns were hung at regular intervals throughout the camp so people could find their way during the night. They offered shadows in between and many opportunities to hide, but they also provided light, and in this light Annabelle could see that Joanna looked weary. At one time she would have been beautiful, Annabelle thought, with dark lustrous hair and supple skin, her eyes dancing with a playful light. But like so many others in this dark world, she had lost what had made her special. The hair was thinner, the eyes dull and lifeless, the shoulders hunched and rounded, and the skin gaunt and sagged. She offered Annabelle a weak smile, but Annabelle did not take it. She had her own opinions of Joanna, and also trusted Adam's judgment.
“Hello, what are you doing out here?” Joanna asked.
“I could ask you the same question,” Annabelle said defensively. Joanna's gaze fell to the ground.
“I couldn't sleep. I can't sleep much anymore. Maybe you'll be like that when you grow up. I hope not, though. We wanted a child just like you. You're so pretty. We were planning to have one this year, or at least to try. Clark was so busy at work, though. I used to hate him for that, how he always made me feel second best...” Annabelle hadn't been expecting Joanna to answer her, and to be offered so much raw truth and emotion took her by surprise. It wasn't normal for adults to talk to her like this, and she didn't really know how to react.
“I thought you'd be out here because of the war.”
“The war? Oh, yes,” Joanna said softly.
It seemed to Annabelle that Joanna wasn't really there. It was almost as though she had lost some of herself along the way...a little like Peter, really. He always seemed to be in his own world. Annabelle thought this was funny because when she was younger she'd had imaginary friends. Adults always had told her she eventually had to grow out of it and say goodbye to them. Yet, it seemed to her that adults still had their imaginary friends and worlds, and they shouldn't be so quick to judge children for it. The more she looked at Joanna, the more she felt pity for the woman.
“Do you know why it's happening?” Annabelle asked.
“Why does anything happen? There's no meaning to anything, you know. It's sad, but it's true. Things just happen, and you have no control over any of it. It's just all one long line of misery
, and there's no hope for any of us. We've all made mistakes, you know. None of us are without sin.”
“I know what you did,” Annabelle said.
Joanna looked straight at her and, for a moment, Annabelle thought she was going to strike her and punish her, or call her a child and drag her to Lisa. But Joanna had no fight left in her anymore. She was weary and frail, and seemed far older than her years. She was almost like a ghost. She drew her fingers to her lips and Annabelle noticed how pale her hands were. Her fingers were thin, almost skeletal, and they looked as though they could snap like twigs. Whatever color was left in Joanna's pallor drained away. She was as white as a ghost, her lower lip trembled, and she started choking through sobs. Tears trickled down her cheeks, and her eyes turned red. She leaned against the wall for support. Annabelle stayed distant, unsure of how to act. Usually, adults were not this open with their emotions in front of her. But then again, all the rules of the previous world had been broken, and nothing was as it used to be.
They stood there for a couple of moments, staring at each other. Joanna couldn't take her eyes off Annabelle. Eventually, when she calmed herself down, she crouched in front of Annabelle, to look her directly in the eyes.
“I can't save myself, but at least I can save you. Nothing is as it seems here. This place, it's like a prison. There's no choice about any of it. We all must do what Lisa wants. Otherwise, we'll be...we'll be...oh God. It's just so horrible. All of it. What have I done? I gave up Clark for this? All to do her bidding, like this war.”
“What do you mean?” Annabelle asked, but Joanna was lost in sobs again, whimpering, sitting on the ground against the wall, looking utterly pathetic.
When it was clear she wasn't going to get any more information from Joanna, Annabelle left her and continued sneaking through the camp. Joanna's words had left a bitter taste in her mouth. It had been confirmed that there was something amiss with Lisa, and Annabelle wanted to find out for sure what it was so she could tell the others when they returned. They would return.